


The Soul in the Stars

by CrzA



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Eventual Fluff, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Mystery, Past Torture, Scars, Secrets, Selectively Mute Frisk, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-08-18
Packaged: 2018-05-20 10:16:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 39
Words: 113,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6002158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrzA/pseuds/CrzA
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a few weeks ago the barrier was broken and monsters are now living amongst humans. Meanwhile you’re trying to run away from your dark past and your life hasn’t been easy since. You try to find comfort in the small things that you can until someone sits next to you, igniting a tiny fire back into your broken soul. (On hiatus indefinitely)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Under The Stars

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, this is my first attempt at a reader POV, it's an idea that's been swimming around my brain for a while now, and I have some commitment issues when it comes to writing longer stories cause I get writers block often, so I'd really like to know if this story is worth continuing. With all that said, I hope you enjoy :)

You’re sitting in a swing looking up at the stars. They’d always fascinated you, shining brightly thousands of light years away, but still strong enough to reach your sad eyes. You lifted a hand up to the sky in a ridiculous effort to catch one twinkling light between your fingers.

“You’re looking a tad _bonely_ there, all by yourself.” A deep voice snaps you out of your foolish thoughts and you look in the direction it had come from.

Next to the swing set stands what looks like a skeleton with a big grin plastered on his face, making you realise he had just made a skeleton pun. A blue jacket with a fur lined hood and black shorts adorn his short stature. You notice he’s wearing pink slippers and raise an inquisitive eyebrow but decide not to ask. He sits down on the swing next to you and extends his right hand.

“Name’s Sans. Sans the skeleton.” After a moment’s consideration you take his hand in yours. A loud fart sounds and your eyes widen, your cheeks blushing brightly. “The old whoopee cushion in the hand trick, never gets old.” He laughs looking at you with the white pinpricks that you assume are his pupils in the pitch black pits that are his eye sockets. A small smile tugs at the corners of your mouth, and you chuckle lightly. Something you haven’t done in a very long time.

“Can’t remember the last time I laughed…” You say quietly looking down at your hands.

“Guess I’ll have to try harder next time then.” His eyes never leave you. “So, what’s a pretty lady like you doing by yourself in a children’s park at 3 a.m. at night?”

You look at Sans and flash him a sad smile. “I could ask you the same thing. Although I guess it would be weird to call you a pretty lady…” He laughs at that and you feel somewhat proud of yourself.

“I have trouble sleeping lately.” Sans says.

“Why’s that?” You feel you might be intruding but curiosity gets the best of you.

“Afraid I’ll wake up somewhere else.” With this he finally looks away from you.

“Huh… That’s funny… Me too.” You look back at the night sky.

“Isn’t it kind of dangerous for you to be here on your own so late?” Genuine concern seeps through his words and you can’t help but wonder why a stranger, a monster no less, would care about a lonely human they’d just met a few minutes ago.

“I can take care of myself.” You say, not wanting to let too much out.

“What’s your name?”

“I don’t like it very much.” Your voice is nothing but a whisper.

“Why not? It can’t be that terrible.” He reasons looking up as well.

“It’s not, but I don’t like the person who gave it to me.” You feel your hands closing into fists on your lap and anger course through your veins. Taking a deep breath to calm yourself you look back at Sans. “I guess you can call me Star if you want.”

“Star… it suits you.” You lean your head to the side, curious as to why he would think so. Sensing the question in your mind he answers it. “Your soul is very bright.” He offers as an explanation.

Instinctively your hand goes to your chest where you feel your heart beating steadily. “You can see my soul?”

“Kind of hard to miss.” For some reason that makes you flush red.

“I… I should go… home…” You stutter slightly getting up from the swing and turning to leave. Before you’re out of the park though, you decide to turn back and see Sans staring at you intently. “I hope I see you again…” You’re unsure why you said it but you felt like you should.

“Me too.” His grin grows just little enough for you to notice and it seems to reach his eyes, something you realise hadn’t happened before and you feel yourself smiling once again.

In the space of 10 minutes this monster had made you feel happier than you had ever felt in your entire life, especially in the past few weeks. But as you walk away from the park you feel the darkness inside you tugging at your heart strings once again, in a much too familiar way. At the first alley you come across you turn into it and walk slowly to the far end, resting your back against the wall. You pull the hood from the jacket you’re wearing over your eyes and slide yourself down into a sitting position, hugging your legs against your chest and resting your forehead on your knees. Tears start flowing and you sob softly through the night…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it for a bit of an introduction, please let me know if you'd like me to continue, I'm very new to this site and to this type of POV. Thank you for reading!


	2. Out in the Open

Your eyes flutter open and you feel like you’ve been dragged across the pavement. Your eyes and your head hurt from crying and your limbs and back are sore from the awkward positions you’ve fallen asleep in during the past weeks. Sleeping on the cold hard floors you can find isn’t exactly pleasant. Struggling to get up to your feet you grunt some incoherent complaints at the dull pain in your empty stomach. You haven’t eaten in a while.

Outside the alley you spent the night in you bend over to look at yourself in a parked car’s side mirror. You brush your fingers through your hair in a desperate attempt to look less dishevelled but you fail miserably. You straighten your wrinkled clothes and sniff at your jacket. It doesn’t smell terrible to your surprise. Or maybe you’ve just gotten used to your own scent. You can’t be sure. But you try to keep as clean as you can. Sneaking into gas station bathrooms and using the sink to wash away most of the grime. You need some new clothes but you haven’t got any money.

Walking past a tiny coffee shop you see a “HELP WANTED” sign at the front. A hint of hope flashes inside you and you instantly regret it. You’ve tried this before. It’s not like you just resigned to living in the streets and beg for money from the random strangers that walk past. You’ve been trying to get back into society. Walking in you ask the waitress who you can talk to about the job offer and she points you to a nice looking lady behind the counter.

“Um… Hi… I saw your sign out front.” You gesture in the general direction with one hand while the other rests at the back of your neck.

“Oh yeah, one of my girls just quit, I’m in desperate need of a replacement.” She’s handing out a cup of coffee to a man as she says this. “Do you have any experience waitressing?” She smiles at you and you try to smile back.

“No, not really… Not at all actually…” You admit. You’ve never really had a job before.

“Oh.” Her smile fades. “I really need someone who can handle themselves around here… What with the monsters flooding into town, business is getting quite busy and I don’t have the time to teach you. I’m sorry…”

“No, it’s fine, I understand. Thank you for taking the time to talk to me though.” You look at the tasty looking pastries and your hand goes to your aching stomach. “Mind if I use your bathroom, please?” She shakes her head and points to where it is.

Sighing you make your way to it and do your usual routine. You remove your jacket and splash some water on yourself, using some soap and drying yourself off with the paper towels. You stare at yourself in the mirror. Your eyes have dark circles underneath them and they look lifeless. Your cheeks are sunken and your bones protruding out of your skin. You look more like that skeleton than you look human. At the thought of Sans a small smile creeps onto your lips. Maybe you’ll see him again tonight.

That smile slowly dies down again as you continue to examine your body. You run your fingers over the thin scars that form a map of your past. A few on your arms, others on your stomach, you have some on your back and legs as well. But out of the many you sport, the one that sticks out the most is the one in your chest, right over where your heart rests. You trace it with your index finger, closing your eyes and pushing memories further down into your subconscious, never wanting to reach them again.

You shrug your jacket back on and zip it up. The hope that maybe your newfound… acquaintance (?) will make an appearance later is what gets you through another long day of failure to get yourself a job to get back on your feet.

As the night falls once again you start making your way to the park you’ve grown accustomed to. Some kids are still leaving while holding on to their parent’s hands and laughing cheerfully. You look at them sadly, wishing you had something like that. You look around hoping to find Sans there but he’s nowhere in sight. Your expression falls and your heart aches. Maybe he’s just coming later… After all it was 3 a.m. the last night, you allow yourself to think. But deep down your spirit starts to crack.

You sit down on your usual spot at the swing set and you look up at the vast sky. The twinkling dots start to show up and your mind starts forming images by connecting them. You start swinging back and forth. Just a little at first, but soon you start building up momentum. Sometimes you do that to pass the time. You like the feeling in your stomach when you come down.

“Hey kid.” You hear that voice from behind you and you stop swinging, dragging your feet on the ground to lose speed.

“I’m hardly a kid.” You say looking at Sans as he sits down next to you.

“Yeah? How old are you then?” His question takes you by surprise.

“Uh… 21, I think…” You sound unsure of yourself.

“You think? Now there’s an odd thing to say.” He chuckles.

“Yeah, I kind of lost count, I suppose.”

You go back to swinging and he joins you. “I tried to think of something _humerus_ to say to make you laugh. I’ve got a _skele_ -ton of jokes but you probably wouldn’t find them very _rib tickling_.” Sans smiled at you and you felt yourself giggle at his lame jokes, a snort coming out of your nose.

You nearly fall off the swing when you quickly stop to cover your face embarrassed. You felt your face heat up and Sans’ smile widened. “Cute.”

“It’s really not…” You mumble through your fingers. As if that wasn’t bad enough your stomach decides this would be the best moment to make its emptiness noticed, grumbling loudly and making you bend over in pain.

“You hungry? We can go somewhere you can eat.” He offers, getting up to come closer.

“No, I’m fine!” You say quickly, getting up as well, your hands held up in front of you. You didn’t want to admit that you hadn’t eaten in days, that you had no money, no friends, no family. You had nowhere to go, and no one to help you, and you didn’t want to scare the only person, or monster rather, to ever show you kindness away.

“I should get going. There’s something I have to do.” You mutter the words while turning to run away the same place you had gone the day before. But in your desperation to go as far from him as possible you trip over yourself and fall to your hands and knees with a soft ‘Oomph’, ripping your only pair of jeans.

“You don’t look fine.” Sans walks up to you and holds out his skeletal hand, which you take, feeling foolish and useless. He helps you up to your feet and his brow bones droop slightly. Despite the grin plastered on his face you see sadness in his eyes. “Tell me where your home is so I can take you there.” He asks politely.

You look down at your feet. Your hands stung slightly from digging your nails into your scratched palms, hands balled into fists. You don’t want his pity. You don’t want anyone’s pity, that’s the reason you haven’t resorted to panhandling in the streets. You don’t want anyone to look at you and think “Poor thing, she must’ve fallen on hard times.” Because that’s not you. You had the opportunity to leave your past behind and you took it. This was your choice. You weren’t weak. You weren’t helpless. Far from it.

And yet… you feel yourself crumble. Tears well up in your eyes and fall down your cheeks and to the floor beneath. Your shoulders shake as you sob softly and you feel bony fingers slide through your hair to pull your head to his own shoulder, his other arm wrapped around the small of your back pulling you into a tight embrace. Without thinking you pull your hands up and hold on to Sans’ blue jacket tightly, crying quietly into his chest. “I… I don’t have one.” You finally manage to answer through fits of sobbing.

“Guess you’ll have to come to mine then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to cut the chapter here for what I have in mind for the next one to work correctly, sorry if it seems like an odd spot :/  
> I hope I get better at separating chapters in the future  
> Hope you enjoyed it though and thank you for reading, if there's anything you'd like to point out feel free to leave a comment, any criticism is welcome


	3. Going through the list

You’re taken aback by his words. Why would he invite someone he barely knows into his home, for all he knew you could be some crazy psycho knife wielding murderer with a hidden hate for monsters. You weren’t but that was beside the point…

“I couldn’t… I don’t want to be a bother… I’m fine…” You realise your attempts to reassure him (or was it yourself?) sound ridiculous through tear filled eyes and shaky breaths. Especially when they’re muffled by his jacket as you hold onto it as if your life depended on it.

“I’ll believe you when you’re fed, rested and smiling.” As you calm down he takes your hand and starts guiding you through the small town, to a nearby apartment complex. You had heard that after the monsters emerged, they were offered housing and financial aids so that they could be integrated into society more easily. It pained you to admit to yourself that you felt somewhat jealous you weren’t offered the same treatment, despite the fact that you had never sought anyone’s help in the first place. In part it was out of pride, but at the same time you were afraid that the reasons you were hiding would catch up to you if you made your situation obvious to anyone else.

Before you realised it, you were standing in front of a door which Sans promptly opens with a key he pulled out of his jacket pocket, letting go of your hand. Inside was what seemed to be a quaint two bedroom apartment with a small living room, kitchen and bathroom. Things you couldn’t remember the last time you saw. He starts walking towards what you presume is the kitchen. You suddenly think of turning around and making a run for it, not wanting to be any more of a hindrance.

“Aren’t you coming?” Sans asks, turning to face you.

“I’ll just wait here.” Your eyes dart to the front door.

“By the time I come back you’ll be gone if I let you do that.” He says, just as though he had read your mind. He slowly walks back to you, takes your hand again, and half drags you to the kitchen with him.

When there, Sans motions for you to sit down at a small table and makes his way towards the fridge. “Sorry, right now all I have here that’s um… edible…” That last word sounds somewhat sarcastic for some reason. “…is leftover spaghetti my brother made. I hope that’s okay.” Your ears prickle at the word brother. Considering they’re monsters you wonder if he’s also a skeleton or if it’s possible he’s some other sort of being.

As if to answer him, though, your stomach rumbles once again in a painful harmony of annoying noises. He chuckles a bit and heats up the aforementioned spaghetti. When he sets it in front of you, the smell isn’t exactly what you’d expect out of spaghetti, it’s… You can’t really describe it… But you’re so hungry you don’t exactly care. Sans sits on a chair in front of you and watches as you start wolfing it down, very unattractively making slurping noises. It doesn’t quite taste what you’d call great but then again at this point even cardboard would’ve been amazing.

“Slow down there, wouldn’t want you to choke.” Sans laughs as you, right on cue, start coughing from a stray noodle going down the wrong pipe.

Taking his advice you slow your pace, but soon the meal is gone and you feel oddly satisfied. You let out a sigh of contentment and lean back on the chair. Sans has his face resting on his hands as he looks at you, seemingly inspecting you. “Fed, check.” He smiles at you. “You can take a shower if you want. The bathroom’s at the far end of the hall. I’ll get you something to wear while I wash your clothes if you’d like.” You really don’t want to be such a burden but in your head a shower sounds absolutely divine so you nod weakly.

He goes to what you assume is his room and you follow, waiting outside the door until he comes back with a pair of black gym trousers, a white long sleeved shirt and a towel for you to dry yourself off. They look to be about a size or two too big but you don’t complain, you feel immensely grateful for a change of clothes. “Thank you…” You whisper as you take them from his hands.

In the bathroom you strip out of your clothes. You inspect your knees, they’re a bit scraped but they should be fine, it’s not like a couple more scars would’ve made much of a difference by now. You climb into the shower and the warm water running down your body makes you close your eyes in pure delight. It’s the little things you’ve learned to enjoy over your years of pain and suffering. You notice that there’s only soap but you think that’s more than enough, scrubbing yourself thoroughly like you haven’t done for a while.

After you’re done drying, you pick up the clothes Sans gave you. You’re not surprised to find that there’s no underwear but in your exhausted state you can’t bring yourself to feel embarrassed about not wearing any. The trousers hang off your hips, slightly lopsided but holding up enough to keep you modest. The shirt is long on you anyway, so it covers the exposed skin that might’ve been visible had it been your size. Your wet hair falls unceremoniously down your back and your run your fingers through as you’d done so many times before.

You fold your own clothes into a neat pile, despite the wrinkled and dirty mess that they are, and walk out of the bathroom. You find Sans waiting for you outside his room with a thick blanket in his arms. Had he been waiting there the whole time for you to finish? You couldn’t be sure but you expect he had better things to do. He switches your garments for it and tells you to make yourself comfortable on the couch in the living room. Once again the thought of leaving crosses your mind, but at this point it would just be rude to return his kindness with that. And besides, you’re barefoot and in his clothes.

You notice that on the couch there’s a couple of decorative pillows, one of which has ‘Bone, sweet bone’ written on it. A small laugh escapes your lips as you pick it up and smooth it out. You sit on the (amazingly) comfortable couch and lie down with your head on the pillow, curled into a tiny ball, with the thick blanket over you. You close your eyes and exhale deeply. Never had sleep come so easily…

You wake up but keep your eyes closed. You’re thinking that if maybe you just relax you can fall back asleep. You’ve never felt so comfortable and cosy.

“UM… SANS…” You hear a whispered yet somehow still loud voice. “WHY IS THERE A HUMAN ON OUR COUCH?”

“Oh hey bro.” Sans’ voice sounds groggy, as if he just woke up himself. You hear some shuffling. “That would be Star.”

“A STAR? I HAVEN’T SEEN HER ON TV!”

You decide you should open your eyes and you see that you’re facing the back of the couch so, with some effort, you turn yourself over to look the way the voices are coming from, the blanket falling down to the floor. You see another skeleton towering over Sans, who’s sitting in an armchair next to the couch you slept on, looking like he slept there himself. He’s much taller and leaner than his brother, and wearing a strange looking outfit with what looks like a red scarf around his neck. You wonder which one of them is older, or if they’re even the same age. Sitting up you rub your eyes and stretch your arms, a soft moan escaping you. You see a light blue tinge appear on Sans’ face. “Rested, check.” At this the other skeleton turns, no, twirls around to face you.

  
“OH HELLO THERE HUMAN! YOU’RE AWAKE! I AM THE GREAT PAPYRUS!” The taller skeleton leans close to Sans and puts a hand next to his mouth. You’re not sure why until he once again loudly whispers to his brother. “SHE HAS A TERRIBLE FASHION SENSE! LOOK SHE DRESSES JUST LIKE YOU!” You laugh at his comment, a real, genuine belly laugh you honestly think you’ve never had before. And it feels amazing. “WHY IS SHE LAUGHING? DID I SAY SOMETHING WRONG? IS THERE SOMETHING ON ME?” Papyrus inspects himself and his surroundings in a frantic and desperate attempt to find the source of your laughter which somehow makes it worse.

Sans grins broadly at you. “Smiling, check.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here I leave you with a slightly more lighthearted chapter, I suppose. I hope you enjoyed it, thank you so much for reading :)  
> Any feedback you may have is always welcome


	4. Bitter memories

You slowly come down from your high, struggling for breath. You don’t know why that made you laugh so much, it wasn’t even that funny, you admit. Maybe it’s just his exaggerated movements, or the fact that he thinks you can’t hear his supposed whispers. But either way it feels good, a nice fuzzy feeling nestling in your chest. “I’m sorry…” You wheeze. “I just… I wasn’t expecting that…” The two brothers couldn’t be of more polar opposites. Sans seemed to you to be somewhat lazy, quiet, and had a gloomy aura surrounding him despite the almost permanent grin plastered on his face, while Papyrus, you thought, on the other hand was just a tall ball of bursting energy and loud cheerfulness.

Suddenly you feel very aware that you’re in a stranger’s house, laughing at its owner, who you’ve just met, and guilt settles in as you look down at your fingers. “Um, I’m sorry for intruding. I’ll get going soon.” You start getting up from the couch and pick up the blanket from the floor and fold it carefully.

“Your clothes are still drying.” Sans points out. “Whether you like it or not you’re stuck here with us for now.” You hadn’t thought about that. You bite down on your lip.

“Well then at least let me make myself useful… I’ve already been enough of a nuisance.”

“NONESENSE! YOU’RE A GUEST AT OUR HOME! IT WOULD BE VERY RUDE TO MAKE YOU DO ANY WORK AT ALL! IN FACT, I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AM AT YOUR SERVICE! SO TELL ME HUMAN, HOW MAY I BE OF ASSISTANCE?” His friendly demeanour makes the corners of your mouth twitch into a semblance of a smile. “MAYBE SOME COFFEE? I’LL MAKE YOU SOME COFFEE!”

Before you can say anything, Papyrus is already in the kitchen. Some noises that you wouldn’t expect out of making coffee echo through the house and your brows furrow in confusion. After a few moments you hear Sans talking to you.

“So, while Paps is busy destroying the kitchen, why don’t you tell me about yourself?” You turn to face him. He’s still sitting on that armchair, one ankle resting on his other leg, his hands behind his head. You swallow nervously.

“There’s not much to tell…” Your eyes look anywhere but at the skeleton closely inspecting you. You can tell he expects more than that. “I ran away from home.” If you can call it that…

He hums and leans forward, looking like he’s about to say something else when Papyrus bursts into the living room carrying a steaming mug of coffee. You let out a breath you didn’t realise you’d been holding and accept the mug the taller brother hands to you. It’s very warm in your injured hands. You stare at its contents intently. You put it up to your lips and take a tentative sip. It’s really bitter and you scrunch up your face in a grimace. Sans laughs and Papyrus gasps. “OH NO! DID I DO IT WRONG?”

You quickly shake your head to soothe his worries. “It’s just that I’ve never had coffee before.” You explain.

“OH GOOD, BECAUSE NEITHER HAVE I! BUT FOR SOMEONE WHO HAS MASTERED THE ART OF SPAGHETTI, COFFEE IS AS EASY AS STEALING MONSTER CANDY FROM MONSTER KID!” You’re not sure what he means by that.

You sit down on the couch again and carefully take another swallow. It warms up your insides as it slides down your throat, the taste is still very unpleasant but you don’t really want to voice your opinion, afraid you’ll hurt Papyrus’ feelings, even though you’re pretty sure that’s just the way coffee tastes. You keep your eyes on the ground but out of your peripheral vision you see Sans going into the kitchen himself. You feel Papyrus’ gaze on you, burning holes into your skull. You lift your head to look at him and try to resist the urge to flinch away from his intense stare.

You decide you should make some small talk to make the atmosphere less tense. “Um…” Your mind’s drawing a blank and you’re at a loss for words. Just say something… anything… “So… how are you adjusting?”

Out of nowhere his face twists into an enormous grin and he starts acting very excited. “IT’S GREAT! I GOT MYSELF A JOB AT A STORE! I HAVE TO GREET COSTUMERS! I’M SUPPOSED TO START TODAY, ACTUALLY!” You can’t help but smile back at him, his happiness is contagious and in spite of the fact that you yourself can’t get a job, you’re glad that he managed to. Besides, it seems like he’s suited for that kind of work.

Sans walks back in with a paper bag in one hand and your folded clothes in the other. He sets them on the armrest. “I didn’t know what you liked so I just brought a bagel.” He said returning to his spot on the armchair.

“I thought you said there wasn’t any food in the house.”

“I went out to get it.” You nod.

“Wait what…” You mutter realising he had just gone to and from the kitchen. You could swear on your life that you hadn’t seen him go past you and he’d have had to if he wanted to walk out the front door.

“Heh, I know a shortcut.” He clarified seeming amused by your dumbfounded expression.

“That still doesn’t make any sense, though…” He just shrugs, not offering any other sort of explanation. “Uh… Thanks. For everything.”

“It’s nothing.” You’re about to object to that when Papyrus interrupts you. “YOU ARE WELCOME TO ANYTHING YOU MIGHT NEED, HUMAN! NOW MUCH TO YOUR DISMAY I MUST LEAVE YOU TO ATTEND MY NEW PROFESSION! GOODBYE!” And with that he’s out the door. You stare at it for a few seconds unsure what to think.

“He’s really something…” You decide to say.

“Yeah, he really is… And so are you.” Your head snaps back to look Sans in the eyes, the white lights that are his pupils staring right into your soul. Once again you feel like he’s examining you. Your hand unconsciously goes to your chest just like it had the first time you met him, this time in an effort to hide yourself. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.” He says averting his gaze elsewhere, a cyan hue dusting his cheeks. “It’s just that it’s different from anything I’ve seen before, but feels familiar at the same time.” You wonder if that’s why Papyrus had ogled at you so much as well.

“It’s fine…” You feel your own cheeks warm up.

Setting the half empty coffee mug down, you take the bagel out of the small paper bag lying next to you and bite into it. It tastes really good. This must be the most you’ve eaten in weeks. A feeling of gratitude mixed with remorse settles in your stomach. You decide to just close your eyes and enjoy the moment of serenity that you so rarely experience. “My father wasn’t the nicest person. He might’ve actually been the worst.” You don’t know why you said this. As soon as it comes out of your mouth you instantly regret it so you don’t voice anything else. You keep nipping at the bagel.

“Is that why you ran away?” Sans asks. You simply nod. There was more to it, but you didn’t want to even think about it, much less talk about it. He seemed to catch that because he didn’t question you further and you appreciate it. Once the bagel’s gone you get up off the couch taking your now clean smelling clothes with you.

“I should change back into these.”

In the bathroom you take off Sans’ clothes. You want to shower again, the thought of not being able to do it another time for however long it might be filling you with dread. You should ask for a towel… Instead, you just splash some water on your face, and swirl some around in your mouth and get dressed. You hate these clothes but they’re all you have. They’re what you had when you left… They’re what _he_ had given you to put on that day…

Shaking those thoughts away you step out into the hall. You’re unsure what you’re going to do next. Most likely going back out on the streets, only to struggle to survive just like before. The prospect drives you into a downward spiral of depressive possibilities. “You’re looking down in the dumps over there, you should go into an elevator… To _lift your spirits_.”

“That’s awful…” Even so you can’t help but smirk a little.

“Admit it, you thought it was _punny_.” You roll your eyes but look amused.

“Those are very bad…” You shake your head at him.

“Well, I am _bad to the bone_.” You start giggling. Sans seems pleased with himself.

“Why are you doing this?”

“To make you laugh.”

“No, helping me. I haven’t done anything for you, I’m not even sure I can, and you don’t really know me… So why?”

“Why not?” He shrugs.

“Because I’m not a good person…” Your voice is quiet, barely audible. “I don’t deserve your kindness… Or anyone’s…”

Sans puts a hand on your shoulder. “A bad person wouldn’t laugh at my bad jokes, or keep drinking something they find disgusting not to hurt Paps’ feelings. Or pretend they’re fine so that a stranger wouldn’t worry about them.”

You turn your head to the wall, inspecting it as if it’s the most interesting thing in the room. “You don’t know what I’ve done…”

“You’re right I don’t.” He admitted. “But neither do you. How do you know you can trust me?” His question takes you by surprise. You freeze. “How do you know I won’t hurt you?” Slowly you turn to look at Sans. His eye sockets are empty, no sign of the tiny white lights that usually shine through the darkness inside. Your breath hitches. In your chest your heart starts beating faster and a very familiar fear crawls down your spine.

“I…” A knot forms in your throat and you feel your body begin to shake.

And just like that Sans’ posture changes completely. He puts his hands in his jacket pockets and leans backwards against the wall, his pupils returning. “Whatever is in your past, I’m sure you’re not as bad as you think you are. We’ve all done things we didn’t want to. I’m sorry for scaring you.” You blink at him calming yourself down. For a moment you think he looks ashamed.

 “I’m just trying to understand why you’re doing all of this for me...”

“You looked at the stars the same way I do since I got out of the Underground.” Like someone who had longed for the freedom to walk beneath them…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's that, giving Sans a little bit of a sneak peak into 'your' past while he shows you his dark side, albeit not intentionally haha Thank you for reading and feel free to leave any feedback you may have  
> PS: I've had a blast writing the next chapter so I hope you'll enjoy it as much as I am.


	5. New Experiences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really liked writing this chapter so I really hope you enjoy reading it :)

After you got over the shock of the side of him that Sans showed you he suggested you go to that park you’ve come to know so well. He says that a monster from the Underground has set up shop there and maybe you’ll like it.

“How did they get it open so quickly?” You ask, curious.

“Well, it consists of a cart he pushes around everywhere he goes. All he needed was a license to sell his stuff, which he got fairly recently.” As you pace in silence something Sans said earlier tugs at you and you bite at your lip, deep in thought.

“Hey… It’s not like I wanted you to worry about me, but that’s not the reason I tried to keep it secret…” He raises his brow bones at you. “I didn’t want you to know because I didn’t want you to look at me and feel sorry. I didn’t want you to think I was weak…”

“Why would I think that? Have you looked at yourself in the mirror?” His words sting as you think about what lies underneath your clothing, even though you know that’s not what he meant, he couldn’t possibly know about it. “It’s obvious you’re carrying an astounding weight on your shoulders but you still stand tall. You even have a couple inches on me.” At this last part you let out a quiet laugh and your heart warms. You feel unworthy of his praise but you accept it gratefully.

As you near the park you catch a glimpse of a monster wearing red and yellow. He’s handing out ice creams to little kids and they giggle when they lick at the treat. At closer inspection you see that the monster looks like a blue furred rabbit, with long ears and a very large pouf of fur between them. When you come near him he promptly smiles widely at you and Sans.

“Hello, would you like some nice cream?”

“Nice cream?” You repeat.

“Yeah, it’s kind of like regular ice cream, but it tastes _magical_.” He says winking at Sans. You’re a bit confused at this exchange but given what you know of the skeleton next to you, you presume that it’s a pun and he means to say that it’s magic food.

“I’ll have one for the lady.”

The monster reaches into his cart and pulls out a nice cream, handing it to you. It looks delicious and like energy is fuzzing around it. Carefully, you bite into it and close your eyes as the flavour floods your senses, making you feel refreshed and renewed. A soft ‘mmm’ escapes you as you lick your lips to get any of the tasty treat stuck to them. “It’s so good.” You murmur. It’s as though, for a moment, nothing in the world matters and you’re okay. It must be the magic infused into it but you don’t care, you just embrace the blissful feeling. “I guess not all magic is destructive…” You whisper to yourself.

“Did you say something?” Sans asks. You shake your head and thank him for the delightful snack. “There’s 21 flavours. Believe it or not he always seems to give you the one you need the most.”

“So each one has a different effect?” You ask fascinated. Your eyes seem to shine with curiosity. “So I’m guessing this one makes you feel revitalised. What else is there? I bet there’s a healing kind! Oh and definitely one to motivate you!” You stop dead in your tracks as it dawns on you that you’re making yourself look like a fool but when you see Sans grin at you, you realise you don’t mind. You feel giddy.

“Actually, that one’s supposed to make your soul lighter. If only for just a little while…” The fact that this feeling is merely temporary makes you frown. But even so, for now, it doesn’t affect you as much as it should, so you resolve to appreciate it while it lasts.

“Okay, so, I have a question.” You squint your eyes at Sans. You feel silly and playful. He flashes you an amused, lopsided grin.

“Shoot.”

“How are you and Papyrus related?”

“We’re brothers.” He seems confused but entertained.

“No, I know, but… how? You’re just nothing alike, aside from, you know, being skeletons and all that. Are you sure you weren’t switched at birth? Wait, were you even born? Now, this is opening up a lot of questions…” Sans just laughs at you. It’s so uncharacteristic of you to ramble on without a filter. Isn’t it… You’re unsure whether this is how you would’ve always been, had things gone differently. He doesn’t make a move to answer you so you just continue along, just talking about things that come to your mind, always with a beaming smile plastered on your face.

You feel the effects of the magic wear off sometime later. You’re surprised to find that even though you’re no longer ‘enchanted’ (lacking for a better word), you’re not as heavy as you had been before. Sans, who’d mostly been listening to you talk rather than saying anything himself, gives you a comforting pat on your back.

“They do say laughing is the best medicine.” You nod in agreement. “We should get some lunch.” Once again you feel like you’re being bothersome, he’s paying for so many things for you and there’s nothing you can do to repay him.

“I feel tempted to refuse, but I get a feeling you’re not going to let me…”

“And you’d be right to trust that feeling.” Deep inside, you promise yourself you’re going to make it up to him someday, somehow. “So what would you like?”

“Surprise me.” You’ve always wanted to say that.

“I’d take you to Grillby’s if I could, but he hasn’t gotten around to opening a joint on the surface yet. He has the best burgers you’ll taste in your entire life.” That sounded really good.

Instead though, you end up just going to a nice little diner close by. Thinking about what Sans said before you order a burger and he just asks for a bottle of ketchup, to which you raise an eyebrow. When the waitress brings your food by, Sans just chugs the ketchup as if it were a drink. “I’m pretty sure that’s not what you’re supposed to do with that…” You snatch the ketchup from his bony fingers and take a swig yourself. You violently shake your head and stick your tongue out in disgust. “Nope, definitely not.” When you set the bottle back in front of him you can’t help but laugh at his wide eyes in a look of complete and utter astonishment. You dig into your burger. “What?” You guess that’s not something that a normal person would do.

“Nothing, you’re just…” He takes a sip of his tomato-y ‘beverage’.

“I think the word you’re looking for is weird.”

“More like extraordinary.” He smirks.

After you’re done eating you just walk around town for a while. Sans tells you some terrible jokes and you throw him disapproving glares mismatched with a small smile playing on your lips. You don’t really pay attention to where you’re going until you find yourselves back at the park, which appears to be empty now.

“What time is it?” You ask, as you notice the daylight fading away. “I hadn’t realised it had been so long…”

“Want to stay and watch the stars again?” Without answering him you’re already making your way to claim your usual spot on the swing.

“Hey, push me!” You dare him. You didn’t really expect him to take you up on that but you feel his hands on your back as he pushes you forward. You feel a girlish giggle rise up in your throat as he uses more and more force, sending you higher each time. “Wait! I’m going to fall if it goes any higher!” And just like that you slip backwards, your grip on the chains isn’t tight enough and you feel as if you’re dropping out of the sky. You yelp loudly, bracing yourself for the moment your head’s going to hit the pavement, but instead, Sans’ arms wrap around you and he breaks your fall, holding onto you as if you were weightless. In your chest your heart’s beating wildly and a rosy tinge dusts your cheeks as you struggle to catch your breath, the fright you felt being replaced by an unfamiliar sensation enveloping your soul.

“Got’cha.”

“T-thank you…” He settles you down on the floor and you stumble a little, trying to regain your balance.

“I’ve finally seen a falling Star for the first time. Forgot to make a wish though.”

You run a hand through your hair and sit back down. The first stars are starting to come out and you look at them just like you do so often. You can sense Sans’ gaze on you as you take in a deep breath. Those celestial bodies hold a special place in your heart. Every night you greet them as old friends and they return your welcome with a shy twinkle that soothes your soul.

“I’d like to learn the names to all the constellations in the sky. Each night I like to see if I can form the images in my brain. It’s like they’re telling me a story in their wonderful language. Showing me how they’ve gone through space, aimlessly and fearlessly. Every night they come out, they map the paths that many of us follow, trusting them to be our guide. Sometimes I try to catch a star between my hands so that I can keep it close and hold onto it when life seems darkest.” You feel shy saying that last comment, knowing that it’s a stupid thing to do. “I once heard that everything is made up of stardust… Planets, comets, satellites, humans and monsters… We all come from the stars because each of them has broken a piece of their soul to make ours.” You reach your arm up and open your hand, you can almost feel them reaching back. “They shine for us so that we can marvel in their beauty, swim in their vanity and beg them for more. And we don’t even know how much they’ve done for us… They give us warmth and light and hope… They give us life… And they never ask us for anything in return.”

“Gee Star, that’s… beautiful… No wonder you chose that name.” You feel your face burn red as you look at Sans’ face glowing equally blue. “But if you ask me… Not even the brightest star in the entire universe shines as brightly as you when you’re smiling…”

Once again you feel your heart frantically thumping away, a strange feeling pooling in your stomach and you divert your gaze from his intense one. It’s something you’ve never experienced before and you’re not sure what it is or what to think of it or what to even do with yourself. You’re painfully aware of how your entire body is tingling in a new and interesting sensation and you can’t seem to pinpoint the reason for that. Your breath is hitched. Could it still be the nice cream? No that was hours ago…

You hear Sans stepping closer and your heart skips a beat. Why are you feeling like this? It must’ve been all the adrenaline from falling earlier. It’s having unusual effects on you… That must be it. You feel your ears burning, your face scarlet. He places a hand on your warm cheek and pulls your head to look at him. “Are you okay?” He asks concerned.

You can’t seem to form a coherent sentence in your mind. “I… uh…” You feel stupid but you don’t know what else to say. You inadvertently jump when a ringing sounds through the park, startling you, and Sans backs away quickly, digging through his jacket pockets.

He takes out a cell and puts it to his ear (does he even have ears?). “Hey Paps, everything alright?” His back’s turned to you as he speaks to the skeleton at the other end of the line. You take this moment to get a hold of yourself and your emotions. You feel equal parts intrigued and scared at these new feelings you’ve never encountered. Are you sick? Sans hangs up and returns the phone to its previous location. He turns to you with a neutral expression. “Papyrus is insisting we go back ‘IMMEDIATELY’. He didn’t say why, said it was a surprise.”

“We…?” You admit you weren’t expecting to return to the skeleton brother’s house anytime soon, if ever.

“You didn’t think I’d let something as precious as you go, did you?” He grins at you mischievously. “You’re my very own fallen Star.” At that your stomach does an unwarranted flip that you intentionally ignore.

“I’m not precious…”

“Unique, exceptional, remarkable, call it what you will.”

“None of those, definitely none of those…” You whisper embarrassed and self-conscious.

He takes your hand and pulls you along with him, and for a second you could swear you felt a sort of electrical current jolt through you when his fingers intertwined with yours. “Guess we will have to agree to disagree.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That speech came from the heart and I'm really happy with how it turned out... Thank you for reading it and please leave any feedback you may have


	6. Closer

As you stroll down the streets on the way to Sans’ house, you notice him mulling over something in his head. At times it seems like he’ll say something but he always ends up not doing it. “Whatever you want to say, I’m listening…” You encourage him, partly because your curiosity is getting the best of you.

“I want to spend as much time with you as I can. I don’t know if I’ll go to sleep and wake up surrounded by snow, never to see you again…” The prospect saddens you. “You make me feel things I never did before… After years of the same routines Underground, I got to hold on to something like that.”

“I feel the same way.” You mutter quietly, empathizing with him completely. In a moment of boldness you reach for his hand and squeeze it gently, a light blue glow appears on Sans’ cheeks.

When you finally reach your destination, Sans goes to open the door but before he can you’re greeted by Papyrus bursting the door open, a huge grin lighting up his face. “HELLO HUMAN! SANS! LOOK WHO CAME TO VISIT!” His enthusiasm makes you smile until you see the child standing behind him.

Your whole body tenses and blood drains from your face as you stare at them, wide eyed. No… It can’t be… They’re dead… “Ch-”

“Frisk!” Sans chimes in, picking the kid up off the ground in a hug. The child giggles and hugs him back.

“Frisk?” The name sounds familiar.

“Yeah, our ambassador up on the surface.” Right, you had heard people talk about that while you were on the streets, not so long ago. You feel yourself relax, but not for long as you spot a goat looking monster coming out of the kitchen with a pie in her hands. Your heart clenches and you feel like you might cry.

“Toriel…”

“Oh, hello my child… Have we met before? I’m sorry, I can’t say I remember you…” Her voice is sweet, her demeanour motherly.

“Oh, no, I just… I think I saw you before… On the news that is…” You trip over your words. “Y-you’re very beautiful…” You find yourself saying. She laughs slightly which makes you smile in return.

“Why, thank you… So who do I have the pleasure to be speaking to? Any friend of Sans’ is my friend as well.”

“You can call me Star…” She extends you her hand but instead you embrace her. You shouldn’t have done it but you can’t help yourself and you revel in the moment when she slowly and caringly hugs you back.

You realise everyone’s staring at you and you quickly back away, feeling self-conscious. “Sorry… I, uh, have boundary issues.” You mentally kick yourself for such a stupid excuse, considering you didn’t show any indication of that to Sans who happens to gawk at you inquisitively. You try to look anywhere but at him.

“It’s quite alright…” Toriel laughs again. “Would you like some pie? It’s butterscotch-cinnamon.”

“BUT FIRST WE WILL HAVE THE GREAT SPAGHETTI THAT I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL PREPARE WITH GREAT CARE!” Papyrus exclaims eagerly. “HUMAN! WOULD YOU CARE TO JOIN ME IN MY AMAZING COOKING ENDEAVOUR?” You can’t say no to that face so you just nod despite somewhat fearing for your safety. “GOOD! I WILL MAKE PREPARATIONS! WHEN I NEED YOU I SHALL CALL FOR YOU!” And with that he saunters over to the kitchen.

The child, Frisk, tugs at your jeans and you look at them. They point to Sans, who’s chatting away with Toriel in what seems to be a contest on who can make the worst puns, it makes you smile. Then they point back to you and flash you an impish grin and you’re confused until they form a heart with their hands. “What are you implying?” Your eyes grow to the size of baseballs and you quickly look away, blood rising to your cheeks for what feels like the umpteenth time in the past couple of days. What is wrong with you?

They grab your jacket sleeve and pull you over to the couch where you obediently sit next to Frisk. They’re just a child you’ve never met before and yet… “Frisk, huh?” They nod happily. You ruffle their hair. “You don’t talk much do you?” They shake their head and you sigh. “The ambassador thing’s been making you busy?” They nod. “That’s good I suppose. I hope everyone can live happily here on the surface.” They smile widely and you mirror their expression.

“HUMAN!” You turn to see Papyrus sticking their head into the living room. “I REQUIRE YOUR ASSISTANCE!” And with that you get up and head in for whatever’s in store for you.

Inside, you find Papyrus avidly stirring what you presume is tomato sauce. He starts loudly ordering you around, but you don’t feel forced to do anything, it’s almost as if his gusto motivates you into wanting to do anything to keep that smile on his bony face. By the time you’re done his spaghetti actually seems to be quite amazing.

“Wow that smells im- _pasta_ -bly good. Did you do some sort of magic?” Sans asks as he comes in.

You shift from one foot to another, uncomfortable. “I-I didn’t do much, I just helped with whatever Papyrus asked…”

“DON’T LISTEN TO HIM, HUMAN! HE LIKES TO TEASE ME AND SAY MY SPAGHETTI ISN’T INCREDIBLE! WE ALL KNOW THAT HE’S JUST JEALOUS HE DOESN’T HAVE MY AMAZING COOKING EXPERTISE!” Papyrus says as he hands you the plates for the spaghetti.

“Let me help you with that.” Sans takes the dishes from your hands, his fingers brushing against your skin, making it feel like it’s on fire. You take a deep breath.

Throughout the meal you can see that Sans and Toriel are good friends. They banter back and forth, throwing puns at each other, making Frisk and Papyrus groan and you to giggle softly. The spaghetti did turn out pretty good and you made sure to let Papyrus know, the proud look on his face warming your heart. You’re having a very nice time with these monsters and this child and you silently wish it had always been like this for you. You steal a glance at Frisk who’s showing something to Papyrus and a sense of nostalgia washes over you, memories from long ago rustling at the back of your mind. You quickly pound them down into the abyss that is your subconscious.

“Time for pie.” Toriel starts to cut slices. “One for Pa- _PIE_ -rus.” She winks as she hands it to a very angry looking skeleton and Sans laughs.

You bite into your own slice and close your eyes, savouring the sweetness. It has to be one of the best things you’ve tasted in your lifetime. You feel a warmth circling in your chest and you wonder if it’s magic. “It’s utterly delicious…” You murmur.

“I’m glad you like it.”

Later, you help Papyrus doing the dishes. At first he had complained, saying that no good host would make his guest do such a thing, but you finally convinced him that you really wanted to help and you’re glad to finally be contributing somehow. After that’s done with you both join the rest of the group on the couch, they’re watching some show on TV you’re not really paying much attention to.

As Toriel and Frisk get up to leave you go up to the door as well. Sans grabs at your wrist and pulls you to his side. “You’re not going anywhere.” You look down blushing and Frisk sports a sheepish smile that goes from ear to ear.

“You’re always welcome to visit us whenever you’d like, my child.” Toriel’s loving voice offers as they head out.

“Thank you…”

Not long after they’ve gone Papyrus says it’s bedtime, which means that it’s bedtime story time. You find it endearing when Sans walks behind him to his room. This makes you think that maybe he’s the older brother after all, but you’re still not sure.

For the first time you’re alone since Sans brought you here, you don’t think of leaving. He was right. For all you knew you could never see him again if you walked out that door. And you didn’t want that. When he comes back out into the living room his grin seems to grow when he sees you sitting on the couch still.

“I had a feeling you’d have taken off by now. I’m glad you didn’t…”

“Me too…”

“Boundary issues, huh?” He chuckles, you cover your face remembering that fiasco.

“I didn’t know what else to say…”

“Maybe the truth.” He suggests sinking in to the seat next to you.

“I like fluffy and cuddly monsters…?” The skeleton raises a brow bone at you and then looks at himself.

“Well that sucks. Never thought I’d be upset at being a skeleton.”

“No, I didn’t… I mean… I wasn’t… It was…” You stutter making an even bigger fool of yourself. He just laughs at you.

“Don’t worry about it.” You pull your knees up to your chest and hug them to yourself, suddenly filled with sadness and guilt. You feel Sans’ arm rest on your shoulders and pull you closer to him. You don’t complain, just lean into him and close your eyes.

“You’re cuddly too…” You say, rubbing your face on the fur of his jacket’s hood. You feel Sans tensing up. For some reason it feels like he’s holding his breath. You look at his face and are met by the darkest shade of blue you’ve ever seen on him. Hastily, you back away. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, or said that.” You hide your idiot face behind your idiot knees, pulling your idiot hood over your idiot head. Idiot, idiot, idiot… You scold yourself internally over and over.

As you’re metaphorically beating yourself up you feel Sans shift in his seat. You don’t have the guts to move to face him. “ _Tibia_ honest that’s the last thing I’d expect anyone to say about a bag of bones like me.” If you could make yourself any smaller you would. You allow yourself a peek from under your hood. You see Sans with his eyes closed, a pleased expression as well as that light blue glow… He looks so… You go back to hiding under your hood.

You hear Sans moving but don’t bother seeing where he’s going, until you feel his hands on each side of your head lifting it and turning it so that he can look at your face. He’s right there next to you. In your chest, your heart is going a mile a minute. He leans closer. Your breathing quickens and your throat feels dry and clenched.

And then he hugs you. “Cuddle with me then.”

You’re shocked, to say the least. But at the same time you really want to take him up on that… You let go of your legs and wrap your arms around his one. Nestling your head on his jacket sleeve, you close your eyes as you take in a deep breath. His scent surrounds you and you can’t quite describe it, he smells like… magic…

He leans against the armrest pulling you along with him, he then shifts you so that your back is to his front and puts one leg on each side of you and you just lean back, feeling embarrassed but content. You realise that he’s surprisingly warm, considering he’s a skeleton. Your head rests on his bony shoulder and with one of his hands he gently strokes your hair and you feel a shiver go down your spine. It feels nice… You let out a breathy sigh and feel Sans’ embrace tighten around you.

“You make me feel safe…” Your words are muffled by his warm blue jacket and you’re not sure if he even heard you because all you feel is his ribs softly rising and falling at a steady pace. Soon, sleep takes over you too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What was that about with Frisk and Tori.... Hmmmmmm.... Either way, hope you enjoyed the fluff at the end and the chapter in general  
> As always, thank you for reading, and any criticism or feedback is welcome :)


	7. The Past Catches up to You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't have time to read this one over, so please excuse any errors I may have missed.

“Star…” You stir in your sleep. You’re vaguely aware of a tingling sensation over on your side but you’re not entirely sure what it is.

“Hmm.” You mumble, shifting again slightly.

“What are these…?” Your eyes shoot open as you realise that the feeling was Sans’ fingers tracing the scars on your skin, during the night you must’ve slid down on the couch, making your shirt lift on your body. You quickly roll over and off the couch, kneeling on the floor and pulling your jacket down to cover the exposed flesh.

“They’re nothing.” You say defensively.

“They’re everywhere.” Sans gets up and inches closer, his eyes narrowed in concern. You stand up and step backwards, holding your hands in front of you, signalling for him not to come any closer.

“They’re nothing.” You repeat, a little harsher than you intended. You notice that your hands are shaking and you tuck them under your arms, tears are prickling at your eyes and you look away. Not now… “I need to go to the bathroom…” You say, basically sprinting to it and locking the door behind you. Forehead and fists resting on the door, you fall down to a kneeling position, the salty droplets running down your cheeks as you feel the pain in your chest worsen. You know that it’s not really hurting, that it’s just a memory of way back when, but it feels real every time. It’s the first time anyone’s ever touched the faded lines other than you, and you feel just as you had expected. Torn. Damaged. Broken. And now he knows.

You’re not sure how long you stay there, silently weeping. You hear two knocks on the door but say nothing.

“You’re supposed to ask ‘who’s there?’.” Sans’ voice sounds from the other side. You remain silent. “Come on, kid, throw me a bone here.” Glossing over the fact that he called you a kid again, you decide to humour him.

“Who’s there?” You say quietly, your voice sounding strangled.

“Adore.”

“Adore who?”

“Adore is between us. Open up.” A hint of a smile tugs at the corners of your lips. How can he do that when you feel so miserable…? You unlock the door and back away from it slowly. Sans doesn’t waste a moment to open it and step inside. Before you realise what he’s doing he picks you up and throws you over his shoulder, like you’re a sack of potatoes.

“Put me down!” You shriek in surprise.

“Nope.”

“Sans, please!”

“Nope.” You huff at him and go limp hoping that’ll throw him off. It doesn’t. He unceremoniously drops you on the couch and pins your hands over your head, sitting down on your legs to keep them in place. “If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine with me but you’re not going anywhere until you’re giggling like a schoolgirl.” You feel blood rising to your cheeks and your eyes dart towards Papyrus’ room. “And if you’re thinking of calling for help, Paps is already gone.” There goes that plan…

“You know if I really wanted to I could push you off me in a second.”

“So you’re saying you don’t want to push me off.” At that your eyes go wide and you blush harder than you ever had before.

“That’s not-”

“Oh, it is.” He cuts you off smirking and wiggling his brow bones. You’ve never felt so flustered but you’re suddenly filled with determination and you use Sans’ weight against him, turning yourself over to the end of the couch and falling down, pinning him underneath you.

“HA!” You shout victorious. “Who’s got who now, huh?” You smile widely at him, unbelievably proud of yourself.

“Got to admit, you’ve got moves. But…” He swipes at one of your arms and you fall on top of him. Or you think you do, until you realise you’re face planted down on the floor and he’s sitting on your back.

“How did you…”

“Mad skills. And a bit of magic.” You can just hear the grin on his face.

“Oh this isn’t over.” You gather all the strength you can muster and lift yourself up, Sans stumbling off of you. Just as he turns around to face you, you go to tackle him down but he’s suddenly gone. “What the…” You feel a tap on your shoulder.

“Behind ya.”

“Now that’s just playing dirty.” You say turning to face him. He shrugs but by the look on his face you can tell he’s thoroughly enjoying this.

“Is that all you got?” A bubbling laughter crawls out of you without permission. You can’t believe you just did this. It’s so silly and yet… So freeing. And to think just a few moments ago you were locked in a bathroom wrapped in self-loathing… You push those thoughts to the back of your mind. You guess it can’t all be bad, right?

“Yeah, you win. I give.”

“Good. Wouldn’t want to have to give you a bad time.”

As he steps forward to get closer to you, you grab his wrist and twist his arm behind his back leaning in and whispering. “I lied.” You’re making sure not to hurt him but you can tell you’ve taken him by surprise. Once again you’re oddly pleased with yourself. “Never let your guard down in a fight. You never know what your opponent’s going to throw at you.”

“Don’t I know it…” His voice suddenly sounds distraught and you immediately let him go.

“I’m sorry, I… I got a little carried away.” You waltz backwards and run your fingers through your hair, feeling guilt-ridden.

“Nah, it’s okay, just some memories resurfaced. Haven’t done anything like this since…” He drifts off but doesn’t continue and you don’t press him for information, knowing what it’s like to have your own dark secrets.

After that the day goes by uneventful. Both you and Sans are quiet most of the time and when Papyrus arrives you try not to act too depressed, not wanting to bring down his always wonderful mood. Night falls, like it does after every day, and you stare out of the window.

“I can tell you want to go there.” You look at Sans, who’s leaning against the wall outside of Papyrus’ door.

“I’ve done it every night since I… Left… It’s kind of a habit that I don’t really want to break.”

“Let’s go then.” He offers you his hand and after an instant you take it.

When you’re at that little park, back underneath the stars, it’s where you think you belong. Despite everything, here you feel at peace. It’s the way the starlight shines into your eyes, unbothered by the overpowering lights of the town.

You keep your feet on the ground as you swing slightly back and forth. “Sans…”

“Hmm.”

“Do you ever dream about the Underground?” You ask.

“Yeah. And I always wake up in a sweat, thinking that it’s not a dream.” You nod in understanding. “Since I met you, they stopped, though I’m more terrified that they might come true.”

You turn to him and you’re about to say something when you feel the hairs on your neck stand. Out of instinct you push Sans away to the side and a blast of magic shoots right past your face, nearly scorching the skin off your nose. Your head snaps to the direction the projectile had come from and there _he_ stands. Instantaneously, fury starts sparking inside you. Your hands clench to fists and bile rises in your throat.

“Where did you get that power?” You shout at him.

“You really didn’t think that after you escaped and monsters started showing up I wouldn’t take the opportunity to try it for myself, did you?” His sickening smirk makes your stomach twist.

“Sans… Leave… now…” You feel power pumping through your veins.

“I’m not going anywhere without-” He stops when he looks you in the eyes, they’re glowing red, the air surrounding you electrifying, magic surging through you. He steps backwards, his expression a mix of fear and confusion.

“You’re hanging around monsters now? After they killed Chara.” At the sound of their name your head snaps back to your attacker.

“YOU FUCKING BASTARD! YOU KILLED CHARA!” You growl at him. His own eyes start glowing.

“Now, is that any way to treat your father?” Your body trembles with rage.

“You’re not my father.” And with that you charge towards him, he conjures up a knife in his hand. He always did love those.

You raise your hand in front of you, sending a myriad of magic bullets his way, which he dodges effortlessly. So you decide to materialise a weapon of your own, a short sword, which you promptly thrust downward only to have him sidestep out of the way. You throw blow, after blow at him, and he somehow just keeps getting away. He’s faster than you, but you’re determined to keep up your attack.

“I WILL END YOU!” You scream lunging your weapon forward, and he masterfully blocks it with his own. You go to back away but it’s too late, his hand is on your stomach and he sends you flying backwards with an explosion of magic from his palm. You feel yourself crash against something, no, someone, hard, making you grunt in pain as they wrap their arms around you. The world begins to blur and for a moment you think it’s because you’re going to pass out but as you go to charge forward once again you realise your surroundings have changed.

You’re in a dark, messy room, dirty socks scattered around the floor. You turn around and see Sans, left eye blazing blue, standing in front of you. You’re still filled with anger and without thinking you shout at him. “What did you do? I was going to kill him!”

Sans steps closer. “No you weren’t.” He grabs your wrists tightly and lifts your arms up in front of your face. “But he was going to kill you!” You notice your jacket covered in cuts and stained red with blood. You look down at yourself to see similar wounds all over you, and you feel the magic in your soul quiet down.

“I…” You feel weak and fall to your knees, Sans following you suit, his eyes returning to normal, his expression softening. “I was so blinded with rage I didn’t even notice…”

“Well, I did. And it tore me apart.”

“I’m so sorry you had to see that…” You cover your face with your hands.

“I’m sorry you had to go through it. We should get you patched up…” You shake your head and assure him you’re okay. It’s nothing that you’re not used to, this time it doesn’t even seem to hurt so bad, maybe you’re just numb now… Tears start rolling down your cheeks. Sans lifts your face and wipes them away with his thumbs. “You have some explaining to do.” You suppose you can’t avoid it now. You rest your head on his shoulder.

“I don’t even know where to begin…”

“How about you start by telling me how you know Chara.” He almost spits out their name and you flinch, a dull ache settling in your chest.

“Chara…” You wrap your arms around Sans’ neck for support. “Was my brother…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next chapter, all will be revealed! Ah and yes, in my head Chara is a boy :P  
> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed this chapter


	8. The Story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT: for the sake of this story let's assume that from when Chara fell until the barrier was broken there was a span of around ten years in between, now on to your regularly scheduled chapter

“No, that can’t be…” Sans sounds incredulous, he steps away from you, pacing around the room, his skull in his hands. “That’s… How… You’re so… And Chara was ruthless…”

At this last comment your whole world shatters. “What did Chara do to you?” You ask quietly, watching his whole body tense. He turns to you and you can see a deep rooted pain in his eyes.

“If you don’t know that, then I’d rather not tell you, at least not yet.” You can tell he’s saying this through gritted teeth. “Just… Explain to me what’s going on, please. I need to know.” You take a deep and shaky breath, preparing yourself to delve into your past, dreading the experience. Sensing your apprehension and watching you shrink into yourself he slowly approaches you again, kneeling in front of you and placing his bony arms around you. You hold onto him tight, quivering.

“I suppose you deserve to know after everything you’ve done for me, and after what you just saw.” You pause for a moment. “I won’t blame you if you want me to leave after I’m done…”

You feel Sans picking you up off the ground and setting you down on what you assume is his bed, the sheets are crumpled up in a corner. He sits in front of you and takes your hands in his. “Whenever you’re ready then.”

You nod and try to stop your body from trembling, to no avail.

“I was born in the nearby village to Mt. Ebott. I never really knew my mother. She died giving birth to Chara when I was only 3 years old, so my memories of her are pretty much non-existent. But ever since I can remember, our father was never one to show affection… Quite the opposite… He was always buried in his research, going through book after book about the war, monsters and their magic. How they got it, how they used it, why humans didn’t possess it… He was obsessed with their power, wanted it for himself.

“Me and Chara, we never really got anything from him other than food and clothing, and even then, if we came up to him saying we were hungry while he was especially immersed in his work he would beat us away… I tried my best to take care of Chara… He wasn’t a bad child. He wasn’t… He just wanted his father to love him the way any child would. I loved him. But that wasn’t enough for him… Chara… He started acting out. He’d tell other kids to do things he knew they would get in trouble, and hit them when they didn’t do what he wanted… I tried to make him stop but he would start crying and I didn’t have the heart to yell at him… He was my brother after all…

“I know you think he was the first human to fall… But that… isn’t true…” You stop to take a hold of yourself. Your hands are shaking harder and you feel Sans squeeze them tightly, reassuringly.

“So that kid wasn’t the first?” You shake your head and go on.

“One day, our father went up Mount Ebott with someone he had hired to help with his research. When he came back down he was alone. To this day I’m almost certain he pushed them through the barrier… Not long after that, Chara was playing outside in the bed of golden flowers right outside our house, at night, at this point he was around 7 years old. I wasn’t very far away, I always kept an eye on him as best I could. A monster appeared, coming from the Underground. It was scared, and confused. I guess they must’ve killed the person that fell and come through the barrier after absorbing their soul, but you could just tell they didn’t want to hurt anyone. Chara knew about our father’s obsession. So he thought that if he could deliver him the poor monster, he’d finally love him. He told the monster that he was going to help, that his father was the best and smartest person in the world and that he’d help them get their family and friends back. He was always such a good liar…” At this, Sans seems to grimace slightly, you look away before you continue.

“When our father saw the monster he dropped everything he was working on, didn’t even think twice before trapping them. He chained them down with magic suppressing links he’d developed not long ago. I remember him saying this was the perfect time to test them. When I saw the maddened look in his eyes I was so scared… Chara didn’t even notice, he was just waiting for his approval. But it never came. Instead he looked me dead in the eyes and told me to come closer. At first I didn’t move but then he threatened to hurt me and Chara and I slowly inched closer. He grabbed my wrists so hard it was bound to leave a bruise, I tried to get away, begging him to please let me go.” You close your eyes and hold your head between your hands, fear gripping you tightly as you recall everything. Your breathing’s laboured but you push on. “He tied me to a bed and started his sick experimenting.

“He’d extract magic out of the monster and inject it into my veins. It hurt so much… My body convulsed violently, rejecting it just as viciously. This torture went on for days… Then it turned to weeks, then months… He built a cell to keep the monster in and reinforced the straps on me so that I wouldn’t twitch so hard… Chara would keep his distance. But he was always watching. At first he was horrified. God, the poor thing… The things he saw…” Sans scoots closer to you, amazed at how you could be thinking of someone like Chara when you were the one feeling the pain first hand. “Soon, his face showed no emotion. It was like he had lost all faith in humanity if he ever had any. At this point, our father had realised that the only way he was going to get the magic to infuse with my soul was if he took it from source to source… He was starting to lose his patience too… He drained the last bit of magic from the monster and they turned to dust right in front of my eyes. As you can probably tell… Humans don’t possess the magic to extract their souls out of their bodies…” You stop for a moment, bringing your shaking hands over to your jacket’s zipper. You pull it down to your stomach and open the jacket at your chest, exposing the large, ugly scar between your breasts. A humourless laugh escapes your throat and you feel tears making their way down your cheeks, to your neck, and to your chest. “He had to get to it somehow.”

Sans looks mortified. You see blue droplets at the corners of his eyes and he puts his hand over your aching heart. “Star I… I’m so sorry…”

You place your hand over his on your chest. After a moment you bring it back down and pull the zipper back up. “I don’t think I’ve ever screamed so much in my life… When he was done with me, he just left me there, in pain, barely breathing. I vaguely remember Chara coming over to me and holding my hand. And I guess somehow our souls must have connected through some magic that may have seeped from me to him… I don’t really know… All I know is that was the last time I saw him alive, with my own eyes. But sometimes I would dream about Chara. I would see him, with a new family, a family of monsters that looked somewhat like big, fluffy goats…” At this you smiled slightly. “Toriel… Asgore… Asriel… They gave Chara the love he deserved… and he almost looked happy… In my head they were just dreams, but they gave me the strength to hold on to my life, for just a little longer… Hoping maybe someday I would get to see him again… Finally happy… There were days where I thought I would die, and others where I wanted to die, but I always held on…

“I don’t know how much time passed. One day I just somehow felt stronger. Strong enough to get myself out of bed. I was so weak that my father didn’t even bother to strap me to it or even check on me anymore, he just expected me to die sooner or later, not really killing me on the off chance that it would actually work. I felt drawn outside, to the bed of flowers that Chara used to play in. I ripped the tubes from my veins and stumbled my way there. When I got to the door I couldn’t have possibly been prepared for what was there waiting for me. A monster that looked like the small child monster in my dreams, but somehow different was kneeling amongst the flowers with Chara’s dead body cradled in his arms.

“When I looked the monster in the eyes, I could’ve sworn I saw Chara’s face, he looked... I can’t even describe the face I saw… But I remember screaming for them to run back, but it was too late. The villagers were already coming out of their houses, weapons in hand, and my father grabbed me by the collar, holding me in place when I tried to run for Asriel. ‘That monster killed that child!’ ‘Kill him!’ Several people chanted this awful mantra as they stabbed the poor creature that had treated my brother as their own, loving him the way no one ever had, and my father didn’t let me do a thing to stop those bastards. The scene was just too much for me to take, I screamed until my throat was raw. I suddenly felt filled with determination to help them, power just seemed to pour from my soul and I managed to release myself from my father’s grip and ran towards the monster. Out of instinct I used the magic inside me to push the villagers off of him. I don’t think they even noticed me… ‘Get out of here!’ I begged. ‘I don’t know how much longer I can hold them off! Run, you idiot, just go!’ That seemed to resonate with them, because I saw them muster up the strength to get up and go back to where they had come from. When they were far enough away, I just let myself collapse to my knees, expecting to just crumble to pieces from using so much power that was not really my own. But I didn’t.

“After that I was thrown into the cell my father had created for the monster. He ran tests on me. Some more children fell down after Chara. I have a sneaking suspicion he had something to do with that as well, hoping more monsters would come back carrying their souls for him to use for his own sick purposes… But they never came back…

“He would throw all he had at me, honing my control of the magic. At first I refused to go along with it. That’s when I got most of these.” You motion to all the scars covering your body. “But deep down I didn’t really want to die. I longed for freedom. I wanted to be happy… To walk freely beneath the stars that kept me company as a child… So I started fighting back.”

You wrap your arms around yourself, feeling extremely guilty about what was coming. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m here.” Sans envelops you in a tender embrace.

“He started throwing rabid dogs at me… And I didn’t… I never meant… Usually I could just knock them out, send them away… But… I didn’t mean to… It was going for my throat but I didn’t mean to…” You sob into Sans’ shoulder.

“It’s okay… You did what you had to…” Somehow you think that he knows how it feels.

“It was years of this… So many long years… I thought it would never end until the day the barrier broke. The power released from it messed with the electrical and magnetic fields around the village and the cage door opened. I didn’t even stop to think, I sprinted out of there and I ran as far away, for as long as I could. I ran until my legs gave out at and I found myself exhausted and out of breath, lying on the floor of that park. I rolled onto my back and just stared at the stars until dawn. I was free… I was finally free…” Sans is holding you tight as you shiver in his arms. “I don’t deserve freedom though… I should have died. If I had died, he would never have experimented on himself, he wouldn’t be what he is now, power mad, and dangerous… If I had any shred of decency I would’ve died a long time ago…”

Sans places his hands on either side of your face and looks right into your eyes. “Don’t ever say that. I don’t want to hear you say that ever again.” His forehead presses against yours and he closes his eyes. He’s so close…

“Why don’t you hate me? Why aren’t you throwing me out, afraid what I might do to you, or Papyrus?”

“You’re powerful. That much is clear. So am I, but that doesn’t matter.” He pauses for a moment. “Just earlier tonight you were fighting a man you clearly hate, and you were holding back. He was merciless, tearing at you at any chance he got, and not once did you actually try to kill him. You might think you did, but you didn’t. I was watching. I saw you hesitate. I saw you falter.”

“I’ve killed once before…”

“By accident and out of necessity, and you still feel terrible about it.” You feel vulnerable, exposed. Deep down you know what he’s saying is true. You can feel his breath on your face… You pull your own hands up to his skull. “I’m never going to let him hurt you again…”

You’re overcome with emotion. You feel drained and at the same time like you’re coming alive, your stomach is doing flips and your soul is weary but unrestricted. You feel liberated and at the same time trapped in Sans’ embrace. He’s still so close… You lean closer… “I…” You whisper quietly, not sure what you want to say. He opens his eyes to look at you, that familiar blue appearing out of nowhere. He backs away and you do the same looking down at your hands, your cheeks feeling warm.

“You should get some rest for now…” He says and you nod. He gets a blanket and lays it over your shoulders. You lean against the wall and he sits at the far end of the bed, his back to you. “I’ll be here if you need me…”

At the sound of Sans’ words, you become painfully aware of what you wanted to say to him. Slowly you crawl over to him and put your arms over his hips, resting your chin on his shoulder. “I need you…”

Sans reaches his hand over to your cheek and you feel yourself leaning into his soft touch, your lids closing of their own accord. “I need you too.” His voice is barely even a whisper. Without thinking, you just place a soft, butterfly of a kiss on his cheek. Opening your eyes you see them radiating a cyan glow and you smile, blushing as well.

“Thank you for everything you’ve done for me…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Star's past is out in the open now! I wrote this so many times over I kind of lost count but I think I'm finally happy with how it turned out.  
> I hope you enjoyed reading it, thank you for doing so and if you have any feedback feel free to leave a comment :)


	9. Slipping away through the cracks

You wake up feeling like, well, like you’ve been slashed at several times all over your body, and unsure of how or when you fell asleep. With a groan of pain you sit up on the bed. Looking around the room you don’t see Sans anywhere. You spy a clock on the bedside table, it’s past noon. On a desk at the end of the room, the towel you used before lays crumpled up. You bite down on your bottom lip. Maybe he won’t mind if you take another shower… So you pick up the towel and head out to the bathroom where you do your business and then hop into the shower, scrubbing carefully at the various wounds. Just a few more scars to add to the collection, you think to yourself.

After you’re done with that, you put your bloodstained clothes back on. It seems counterintuitive but the blood has dried and it’s not like you have much of a choice. You call out but no one seems to be around so you make your way back to Sans’ bedroom and sit on the bed. You’re wondering where he might’ve gone to when realisation suddenly hits you like a ton of bricks. _“I’m never going to let him hurt you again…”_

“Oh no…” You mutter to yourself. How could you be such an idiot? “No, no, no, no, no, no…” Bolting to your feet you practically run for the door, only to stop dead in your tracks when you’re faced with a small skeleton, a bag hanging lazily off his right hand. Relief washes over you and you crash into Sans, holding him hostage in a vice that is your embrace. “Oh thank god… I thought you…” You trail off, the sting of tears threatening to shed from your eyes. “I could never forgive myself if something happened to you…”

“Hey, I feel a little offended, I don’t go down that easy.” You push back, a stern look on your face.

“This isn’t a joke Sans, he’s dangerous and he’s mad. He’ll do anything for power, he’ll kill you, and all the monsters he can get his hands on.”

“Reminds me of someone…” He mutters this under his breath, and you’re about to ask him about it when he speaks again. “Don’t worry about me, okay? Right now you should be focusing on getting yourself back together, you went through a lot last night…” Your shoulders slump and you step back, pulling a hand up to your neck.

“Where’s Papyrus? Are you sure he’s safe?”

Sans nods. “He’s over at Undyne’s for training. I told him to stay over there for a while, she’ll keep him safe.” You don’t know who Undyne is but you feel a weight lift from your shoulders. “It’s kind of past breakfast time, so I brought you lunch.” He holds up the bag and you notice that you’re actually starving. Using magic always took a toll on you. You take the bag and thank him before you dig into the food he’s brought you, not even bothering to stop and taste it. “Oh and… um…” He looks uncomfortable. Out of nowhere he produces another plastic bag and sets it on your lap. “Since your clothes are pretty much in rags… I got you something else to wear…” He scratches at his skull. “I kind of just guessed your size…” You stop chewing as you stare at him dumbfounded.

Your eyes go from Sans to the bag and back to Sans. You feel like a leech living at his expense. “I can’t accept this…” You say quietly, your heart feeling heavy.

“I won’t take no for an answer. I’ll be outside while you change.” And with that he’s out of the room, closing the door behind him.

You can’t push the curiosity away and you take a peek inside. You can’t really tell what’s in there so you pull out the first item your fingers grab. You blush hard when you see a set of matching black bra and panties with white polka dots. Oh geez, no wonder he was uncomfortable… You’re not one to wear a bra, usually, but you take off your tattered jacket and slip it on, surprised at how well it fits. You take off your bottoms and take the rest of the clothes out of the bag. Huh, he has nice taste. After you’re done dressing you inspect yourself in a mirror by the foot of the bed. Dark denim shorts, a simple black but warm and well-fitting t-shirt over a white long-sleeve shirt and thigh high black socks. You ignore the couple white lines sticking out from under the left one. A smile dances on your lips. You’ve never really felt pretty before… Simple, but pretty…

You step outside, feeling shy, looking down at the floor. “How does it look?” You ask Sans who’s leaning against the wall opposite the door. He straightens his posture and his eye sockets go wide, a blue hue making itself apparent.

“You look really cute.” You go to take a step forward and an immense amount of pressure suddenly sets in your chest and you fall into Sans’ arms. “You okay?”

You gasp for air. “I… I can’t… breathe…” You manage to choke out. You cough violently, a hand in front of your mouth, and when you pull back you find it covered in blood. You continue to take in ragged breaths, but nothing seems to reach your lungs. “Sans…”

He picks you up off the floor and the atmosphere around you fills with electrifying magic and one moment you’re in Sans’ hall, and the next you’re somewhere you don’t recognise, still feeling strangled and closer and closer to passing out from lack of oxygen. “Tor, I need you now!” You hear Sans shout. Each second that passes you find yourself slipping further into the darkness.

“What’s going on?” Her voice is so sweet…

“I don’t know. Please, help me, she-” Everything sounds muffled and the world around you starts fading away.

~~~

Sans lays your unconscious, unmoving body on the couch and Toriel kneels in front of you. With gentle hands she extracts your soul out of your chest. It’s white, shining brightly with sparks of magic swirling around it, and as Sans looks closely he notices small cracks are starting to grow on it.

“Tori you got to do something. She’s gonna die!” Toriel’s healing magic surrounds your soul and your body jolts, your eyes shooting open as you take in a huge gulp of air. You start convulsing and Sans holds you steady as the other monster continues her arduous task.

“There’s some other kind of magic in her, it seems to be poisoning her…”

“What can I do? Tell me, what can I do to make it stop?” His speech sounds desperate.

“You’re going to have to keep her alive while I make an antidote.”

“But I don’t know any healing magic, you know that!” There’s a crack in his voice as he looks at Toriel, panic in his eyes.

“Just keep her here long enough, I’ll be as quick as I can. I promise.” Her magic fizzles out and she rushes towards the kitchen and you go limp once again, not breathing, the cracks in your soul quickly reforming.

“Damn it, Star. Stay with me!” The small skeleton holds your hand and puts his mouth to yours, breathing into you. Your chest rises and falls once again as he backs away taking in another breath. He keeps this up but your soul seems to just keep breaking. “No, don’t give up now! Come on kid, you can do it! Just hold on a little longer!” Suddenly, the little white heart seems to shine brighter, the fissures stopping their alarming advance. “YES! I know you have it in you! Come on, don’t give up on me yet!” Sans breathes into you again and Toriel hurries back with a cup full with some red liquid. She pours it into your mouth and it slides down your throat.

The tears in your soul recede and it floats back into your chest. You sit bolt upright coughing into your hands, but as you feel air finally filling your lungs you gasp, taking in short breaths in quick succession, feeling the oxygen return to your blood flow. When you see Toriel and Sans looking at you with concern you try to level your breathing.

“W-What happened?” You ask between coughs.

“You were a little short for breath.” Sans said matter-of-factly. Toriel nudges him and sends him a dirty look and he seems to shrink a little.

“I figured that much out…” You say with a slight smile and he looks down embarrassed.

“Right… You had poison magic in you.”

“My child, how did that happen?” You think back to yesterday. The last blast your father shot through you… That must’ve been when he did it. You wonder why it took so long to take effect though. Maybe your own magic fought the effects until it couldn’t anymore.

You give Toriel the short version of the story, your soul is infused with magic because of your dad, you escaped, he tried to kill you. You decide to leave out Chara and all the gruesome details, not wanting to open old wounds and make her suffer any more than she already must have. She doesn’t press further and you let out a sigh of relief. She excuses herself to go make you some tea and you thank her.

“It doesn’t make any sense…” You hear Sans muttering to himself. You send him a questioning look. “It’s been bugging me all night. Why would he try to kill you? After all, in a sick kind of way, you’re his own creation…” Now that you hear him say that, that is kind of strange… Initially you were just so consumed with anger you didn’t even stop to think about it, and then you just pinned it on his insanity. But after years of testing and experimenting on you, why would he suddenly just kill you?

Unless…

You shake your head. No, you’re being silly, that’s just not possible… Is it…

You turn to look at Sans, who’s pacing back and forth, you can almost see the wheels turning in his skull. “Sans…” He stops to face you. “C-can… Can humans absorb another human’s soul?” He’s looking at you but he’s not saying anything. His expression is a neutral one, you can’t tell what he’s thinking but you have a hunch that it’s not good.

“I don’t know.” He finally says. At this point Toriel returns with a hot cup of tea that she hands over to you. You take it gladly, sipping the liquid, feeling its warmth envelope you, and your skin tingles where your wounds sit. You pull up a sleeve and watch open-mouthed as the several cuts start to close up, not a single scar left behind.

“I brewed some magic into it, I hope that’s okay.” You run your hand over your arm once and then again. You feel nothing but the touch of skin on skin. No pain.

“That’s amazing…” The motherly monster smiles at you warmly and you’re so thankful that she found Chara when he fell, taking him into her family and into her heart despite not knowing anything about him. She truly was the most loving and caring creature you could ever hope to meet. You finish the tea while it’s still warm and stand to go put it away but Toriel insists she take it herself.

“I’ll have to go pick up Frisk from school soon. Feel free to stick around if you want to.” She says as she takes the cup from your hands.

“Nah, we’re good Tori, thank you so much.” Sans’ voice seeps gratitude and she simply smiles at him a knowing look in her eyes. “Do you happen to know where Alphys is? We need to go see her.” He seems to have a plan of sorts.

“She’s at the university lab. They hired her just last week.”

“Thanks. Tell Frisk I said hi.” She nods and you notice the worry in her eyes when suddenly she disappears. Or rather, you do, when Sans puts his hands on your shoulders and you materialise somewhere else.

You turn to the skeleton behind you. “Who’s Alphys?”

“You’re about to find out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so that happened... Alphys is to be introduced in the next chapter, I hope I do her character justice.  
> Thank you for reading and feel free to leave any feedback you may have  
> Also, I totally didn't gloss over the fact that Sans gave the reader mouth to mouth on purpose, I swear it was unintentional *looks around innocently*


	10. Think first, hit later

You look around at the students going about their life like any other day. You see groups of people your age chatting, others sitting in front of their laptops, typing away furiously. With a sense of wonder in your eyes you even spy a couple of monsters. Sans guides you inside a building and you continue to inspect your surroundings curiously as he asks someone where he can find Alphys’ lab.

“So this Alphys, what does she do exactly?” You inquire as you follow the small skeleton.

“She was the royal scientist back in the Underground. She’s one of the smartest monsters I know, but she doesn’t give herself enough credit.” Sans explains.

You come to a room with counters filled with glass beakers, microscopes, centrifuges, all the scientific equipment you can imagine, and possibly more. Everything looks so sophisticated you’re a bit afraid of moving and breaking anything expensive.

“O-oh, hi Sans. W-what are you d-doing here?” You find the stutter-y source of the squeaky but endearing voice. It’s a very short yellow monster that you could probably most accurately describe as the evolutionary transition between a dinosaur and a common lizard.

“I brought you a scientific wonder.” You’re not sure whether you feel flattered or insulted.

“H-hello…” You say. Is that stutter contagious?

Alphys turns to you and seems to shrink a little bit. You’d think she was intimidated by you but you’re too busy fiddling with your thumbs, unsure what exactly it is you’re supposed to do with yourself.

“C-could you be a b-bit more s-specific?” Alphys asks politely.

Sans places a hand on the small of your back and pushes you towards her slightly. “You have experience with human souls. Take a look at hers.” You throw him a very panicked stare. You don’t want to be probed and tested, you’ve had enough of that for a lifetime. Catching the very unsubtle hint in your eyes he smiles at you. “Don’t worry, Alphys here may be the _soul_ researcher in the field, but she’s very skilled. She won’t hurt you.” You’re still a little uneasy, your heart thumping wildly, but you heed his words.

“Sans, I-I’m not sure if I can h-help.” To say that she’s nervous would be the understatement of the century. Feeling a little sympathy for her you try to make her more comfortable.

“If Sans trusts you then so do I. I promise I’ll play nice…” You flash her the softest smile you can muster and she blushes slightly.

“O-oh… I-I guess I can t-take a look at you…” She beckons you closer and pulls out a chair for you to sit on. “Um, i-if you feel un-c-comfortable with anything, j-just say so and I’ll s-stop.” She cleans her glasses on her lab coat and places them on her face. You expect her to extract your soul but she just stares at you. You look over to Sans and he just shrugs. Maybe she’s having some problems…?

“I should probably tell you…” You start to say but Alphys interrupts you.

“Your s-soul’s been infused with m-magic.” Your mouth hangs open.

“Yes, how did you know?”

“W-well, where monsters are u-usually made up mostly of m-magic, and humans of ph-physical matter, y-your soul r-radiates in a way that a m-monster’s would b-but it has the higher d-density of a regular human’s. P-plus it has a very peculiar g-glow to it. I-it’s quite b-beautiful…”

“You can tell all that from just looking at me?” You have to admit you’re quite impressed.

“Told you she was smart.” Alphys’ cheeks turn red once again but then she looks Sans in the eyes.

“But you d-didn’t really come here for m-me to tell you something you a-already knew, did you?”

You and Sans exchange glances and you’re as much at a loss as any. His expression grows sombre. “Can humans absorb other humans’ souls?” He repeats your question from earlier.

Alphys freezes for a moment then starts to waddle away. “W-why do you want to k-know that?”

“I thought you of all people would be the one to know.”

“T-theoretically.” You feel a knot form in your throat. “B-But humans lack the magic t-to pull out souls s-so…” She drifts off as her eyes settle back on your soul. “O-oh…” You hide your face in your hands, elbows resting on your knees, suddenly feeling extremely sick.

Sans squeezes your shoulder gently. “Can you do it?”

“No.”

“Have you tried?”

You stay quiet for a moment. “…yes.”

“Can _he_ do it?”

“I don’t know.”

Suddenly it all clicks in your head. He wasn’t trying to kill you, he was trying to incapacitate you. The poison was slow acting in case you tried to escape again so that he could catch up to you more easily. He must’ve not accounted for the teleporting skeleton in your company. The weight of the truth crushes you. Your own father is trying to steal your soul… You didn’t think he would go that far, but if you’re being honest with yourself it doesn’t really surprise you.

“A-are you o-okay?” Alphys asks you.

“I just need a moment…” She turns to Sans, who’s standing behind you, rubbing your back in a comforting motion.

“Are t-there more l-like her?”

“At least one.” The tiny monster nods solemnly.

“T-this is bad… R-really, really bad…”

“Which is why I have to stop him.”

The skeleton seems taken aback by your burst of sudden bravery. “You’d be walking right into his hands, you do realise that’s what he wants, right?”

“Well I’m not about to hand you over either if that’s what you’re suggesting. Or any other monster. For all I know he’s out there right now, killing innocents to quench his thirst for power. And I’m every bit to blame as much as he is.” You make for the door and Sans pops up in front of you, the remnants of the blue flame in his left eye blinking away.

“I can’t let you do that.”

“Why not?” Your voice is low but your resolve is strong.

“You’re not alone anymore. I told you I wouldn’t let him hurt you again, and I meant it.” He seems to be just as determined as you, or maybe he’s just stubborn, you’re not sure. “How are you even going to find him? And what will you even do then?”

“I don’t know!” You throw your arms up in frustration.

“You can’t go out there on your own and unprepared.” He’s right and you know it, but you don’t want to admit it so you just cross your arms and frown at him.

“M-maybe she could t-train with Undyne.” Alphys suggests. A grin spreads on Sans’ face and you’re immediately worried.

“Alphys, you’re a genius.”

“Wait, wait, wait, I don’t know if agree to this, you look awfully suspicious right now!” The smile on his face only grows wider and you instinctively gulp.

“Let’s go say hi to Paps.” And before you can object or try to get away, Sans grabs you by the waist and pulls you close, the world around you crumbling and reforming just fractions of a second later in a completely different layout. You have to start getting used to that. You found yourself in what seemed to be a backyard of a house.

You hear a loud crash and automatically cover your head with your arms expecting something to come at you.

“BE CAREFUL WITH THOSE SPEARS, YOU ALMOST HIT ME!” The sound of Papyrus’ distinctive and explosive voice snaps you back to reality.

“That’s kind of the point, punk!” When you look to see who the second voice belongs to you spot a tall, blue-scaled fish monster with luscious red hair pulled up in a ponytail, a yellow, cat-like eye and a black eyepatch covering the other one. She’s wearing a black tank top and cargo pants, and has a very commanding posture. In her hand you see a long, blue spear aimed at Papyrus. Your eyes widen and you run over to step in between them, standing with your back to the skeleton and your arms wide open to block the blows.

“Stop! Don’t hurt him, please!” You shout at the top of your lungs, even though you barely know him, you can’t stand the thought of anyone doing anything bad to Papyrus. He seems too precious for this world.

“And who the heck are you?” The blue monster in front of you shouts back, sharp teeth bared, you can’t help but feel a little intimidated but stand your ground.

“HUMAN!” Skeletal arms wrap around you and without warning your feet are off the floor, making you squeak in surprise.

“You know this nerd?” She questions Papyrus, who’s still holding you, spear pointed right at your face.

“She’s a friend.” You hear Sans say off to the side. You stare at him confused. What is going on? Also did he just say friend? Are you friends? The thought makes you want to smile until you realise you’re being threatened at spear point…

“SANS! YOU’RE HERE TOO? DID YOU BRING THE HUMAN ALONG TO WATCH THE GREAT PAPYRUS TRAIN?” The tall skeleton finally sets you back on the floor but the other monster’s spear doesn’t leave your eyes. She’s squinting at you.

“Actually, I was hoping you could train her too.”

“OH I’D LOVE TO!” Papyrus sounds really excited.

“No, bro, I meant Undyne.” His face falls and you feel a little bad for him.

“And why would I do that?” So the blue monster, who’s still got the spear trained on you, is Undyne…

“Alphys said she thought you were the best monster for the job.” You narrow your eyes at Sans who’s grinning mischievously. “But hey, if you’re not up to the task…” He shrugs. “I’ll just go tell her you’re not as tough as she thought…” He grabs your hand and pulls you away, you bend backwards a little, not wanting to cut your face on the pointy end right next to it.

“Wait right there, bonehead!” Sans stops walking, and you almost bump into him. He looks over his shoulder and raises a brow bone. That sneaky… “I’ll train your puny human! But don’t come complaining when I return her as a kebab!” Your eyes turn to the size of dinner plates.

“I definitely don’t agree to this!” You say freaking out. Sans pushes you towards a very angry looking monster, Papyrus slowly backing away and hiding behind his smaller brother.

“You’ll be fine. Ignore the sushi smell.”

Behind Undyne, about ten other spears pop into existence. “Oh no…” At your reaction she flashes you a toothy grin.

“Scared?” She taunts. You tilt your head to the side, out of nowhere amusement sparks inside you. This could be fun… You smirk.

“Give me all you’ve got.”

One of the spears comes to life and launches straight at you. You dive forward, ducking, but she’s already throwing more at you, you step to the left, then right, zig-zagging out of the way. “You ain’t gonna get away that easily!” The speed at which she tosses her attacks increases and so you step up your dodging. As one goes right to your feet you somersault backwards, provoking Sans to let out a whistle and Papyrus to clap enthusiastically.

You notice Undyne’s run out of spears, so you charge forward, preparing to throw a punch. She catches your fist easily and laughs. “Like I said. Puny human!” She forcefully shoves you to the side and extends her arm towards you. You try to move but you can’t. She’s using magic to keep you in place. “You’re quick on your feet, but what are you gonna do if you can’t go anywhere?”

Another set of spears appears out of thin air and she throws three at you in quick succession. Your feet won’t budge so you just lift your arms in front of your face, bracing yourself for the blow. But it never comes. You take a peek from behind your arms and see her glowering at Sans.

“You told her about my attack didn’t you?” He chuckles.

“Nah, she’s just got more guts than you.” With this she conjures a spear behind you and you realise you can turn to face it but not move out of the way.

“NYEH-HEH-HEH! GO HUMAN! YOU HAVE TO FACE YOUR FEARS HEAD ON!” So that’s how it works… You mentally thank Papyrus for the lovely hint.

You face every blow she throws at you and then there’s one that’s different from the others, you watch it come towards you and then it disappears and you feel a jab at your back and fall flat on your face. “HA! Got’cha punk!” You roll over on to your back, noticing you can move again. You don’t give up that quick. And you haven’t given it your all either… You spring back to your feet and jump to a sprint, eyes flashing red.

As she sees you coming towards her, she tries to pin you in place again but you block her magic with your own. Her eyes go wild and she materialises another spear in her hand, swinging at you, you slide down on your knees, bending backwards underneath it and it feels like the whole scene is in slow motion.

“Aww yeah! Atta girl!” Sans cheers behind you.

You turn around and throw a kick at Undyne’s side, she blocks it with her arm and brings her spear down on you, but you sidestep out of the way continuing to punch and kick even though she blocks every time. After a while of this she finally slams you right in the stomach and you fall backwards, panting. Undyne leans on her spear and extends out her hand.

“I can’t not be friends with someone who fights like that. I’m Undyne, and who are you punk?” She’s grinning at you after finally formally introducing herself and you take her hand, smiling back as she pulls you to your feet.

“Star is fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot of fun writing that last part xD  
> Hope you enjoyed reading it as well, please leave any feedback you may have :)


	11. One step closer...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRAINING!

Undyne invited you inside to take a break and have something to eat. You gladly accepted and followed her into a very spacious living room. She tells you she got a job at the local precinct, when the cops saw her physical strength and that she had previous experience as head of the royal guard it wasn’t hard to become an officer. Today was her day off, which she used to train with Papyrus and have an anime marathon when Alphys got home from her own work. The word anime is alien to you, but you can tell that Undyne’s a big fan of it, whatever it is.

“Alphys lives here too?” You ask out of curiosity.

“Yeah, she’s the cutest girlfriend anyone could ever ask for!” Undyne’s grin spreads across her face and you smile. So that’s why she was so mad at Sans saying he’d tell Alphys she wasn’t tough.

She goes to the kitchen and you and the skeleton brothers sit around the available seats.

“HUMAN, THAT WAS AMAZING! WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO MOVE LIKE THAT?” Papyrus seems eager for your answer but you just look down at the floor, a pang of sadness and revolt pooling in your soul. You had to learn to survive, if you weren’t fast on your feet he’d punish you on top of the hits he’d land because you weren’t fast or nimble enough.

Sensing the shift in your mood Sans chimes in. “Yeah, you did good out there, could use some improvements though.” You raise an eyebrow at him.

“SANS! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? SHE WAS GREAT! NOT AS GREAT AS THE GREAT PAPYRUS BUT WE ALL KNOW THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE!”

Undyne comes back with snacks and refreshments (and a bottle of ketchup) in her hands, which she sets on a coffee table in front you. “Nah, the numbskull’s right. You need to put more strength into your attacks! Crush your enemies with your fists!” She pumps her own fist into the air as way of demonstration and you chuckle.

“And you should learn to channel your magic more efficiently too, the way you’re doing it is draining you fast.” Sans says picking up the ketchup and downing a swig.

“MAGIC?” Papyrus and Undyne shout at the same time, staring at you wide-eyed. Oh right… They didn’t know…

“I saw your eyes glow red, but I thought it was my imagination.” Undyne says thinking back to your fight outside. “And my magic wasn’t working then either.”

“WOWIE! A HUMAN WHO CAN USE MAGIC! NOW THAT’S SOMETHING YOU DON’T SEE EVERYDAY! I KNEW YOU WERE SPECIAL THE FIRST TIME I SAW YOU!” You look away from their curious eyes.

There’s a rustling at the front door and you see Alphys waddle inside. Undyne quickly runs up to her and scoops the little monster up in her strong arms and pulls her into a smooch dead on the lips. Your face burns scarlet as you immediately turn away from the scene. You’ve seen people kiss before, of course, but never so passionately, and you feel like you’re intruding by looking at them.

“O-oh hi there. I-I wasn’t expecting t-to see you again so s-soon.” You simply wave at Alphys who waves shyly back at you, her own face a bright shade of red.

Undyne suggests you stay over tonight, you can go train some more, have dinner, and then join them for the anime marathon. And in the morning you can train again before Undyne has to leave for the precinct. You bite down on your bottom lip but before you can say anything Sans has already agreed on your behalf.

So with that settled, the tall blue monster guides you back outside as Papyrus states he’ll get started on dinner very excitedly.

“Okay, hit me.” You just stare at her quizzically. “Come on, punk, hit me! I have to see what you’re doing wrong so that I can teach you how to do it right!”

You suppose that makes sense so you throw a punch at her. Just like before she grabs your balled fist as if it’s nothing. “First of all, your stance is all wrong.” You can’t say you’ve ever had proper fighting training so to speak, so that sounds about right. “Your feet need to be farther apart.” You do as she says. “A little more. That’s it! And have one slightly more advanced, and try to distribute your weight evenly through both of them.” Once again you try to position yourself the way she’s instructing as best as you can. “Now raise your arms more like this.” She demonstrates and you mirror her movements. She nudges one of them higher. “That’s good! Hit me again!” You do and the result seems to be the same, you frown and she laughs at your face. “Yeah, okay, that’s still pretty weak but it’s better!”

“You got to put some _backbone_ into it.” Sans grins behind you. You see him walking from the house and sitting down on a step.

“I’m going up against a tall muscular monster. Have you looked at me? I’m barely taller than you and I’m not exactly at my peak physical strength…” Undyne smirks at you.

“You flatter me, nerd. But even the smallest opponent can take a giant to their knees if they just have the will to keep fighting!” She punches her own hand for emphasis. “You just gotta find their weakness!” You can’t help but smile at her enthusiasm. “Okay then, have you tried using your magic to increase your attack strength?”

“Um, yeah, I guess? Whenever I use it, it’s kind of out of instinct, I’m not really thinking about what I’m doing.” Your father was never one to instruct as much as he was for pushing you to your limit until you did something right.

“Then do it now!” She motions for you to come at her and you take a deep breath, tapping into the magic in your soul and feeling it spread through your body.

You assume the position Undyne taught you and advance, throwing all your body weight behind your fist as you go for her. She braces herself for impact and catches your hand just like before, but you see her feet slide backwards on the ground from the sheer force. “Awesome! That’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout!”

You jump in joy and turn to Sans. “Did you see that?” He grins at you and makes two thumbs-up with his hands. You’ve never really stopped to marvel in the way magic feels when you use it and now that you’re doing it because you want to, and not just to try and survive, you’re finally getting to enjoy it, rather than loathe what’s been done to you.

Not long after, you’re starting to get a pretty good handle on yourself. Undyne’s more careful when you attack, and when you do land a hit you can see her struggle a bit even though you’re making sure you’re not going overboard.

By the time Alphys shows up by the door, saying that Papyrus has finished dinner you’re bent over with your hands on your knees, gasping for breath. You can tell that Undyne’s tired too but she’s trying to hide it, probably to impress the tiny yellow monster.

You welcome the food that’s set in front of you and devour it like it’s your last meal, which over the years you never knew if it was going to be. There’s some idle chat during dinner. Alphys seems to be working on the nature of human souls, in a continuation of her work back in the Underground and things seem to be going smoothly. Papyrus is doing well in his job but he’s not sure if it’s what he wants to do, although for now he’ll do what’s necessary to get by. He’s thinking of working on getting himself a driver’s license, he says that there’s this shiny red sport’s car near where he works that’s caught his eye. Undyne’s quick to tell him that’s a great idea but Sans doesn’t seem very eager to have his brother speeding through the highway.

Everyone sits around in the living room for the anime marathon. Undyne and Alphys snuggle together and Papyrus sits next to them. There’s only one other seat left, a bean bag next to the three seater couch.

“You can sit, I’m comfortable on the floor.” You tell Sans.

“Or you could sit on his lap!” Undyne offers while laughing and you blush at the thought shaking your head vigorously.

“I’m good thanks.” You mutter quickly.

Halfway through the first episode of whatever they chose to watch, you’re not sure this is your cup of tea. You pull your legs to your chest thinking about your father, roaming around freely, possibly hurting people and monsters without a second thought just because he can. And you’re sitting here with everyone, looking at a TV with some animated wide-eyed teen girls with superpowers that speak in strange screechy dialects. You start feeling completely and utterly useless, like an idiot sitting idly by as others suffer because you’re not doing anything to stop it. It starts being too much and you get up to your feet.

“I need some air, excuse me.” You say making your way towards the backyard. No one seems to give you a second glance and you’re grateful for it.

You sit down on the same step Sans had watched you train from and look up to the sky, stars already shining brightly. You think about the park, your safe haven, now ruined by _him_ , just like everything he ever touches. You need to do something about it, about your father. But you don’t know what you can really do.

You hear someone sit next to you and you glance over to see the smaller of the two skeletons. “What’s up?” Sans asks.

“The sky.” He chuckles slightly.

“Good one. But you know what I mean, why are you here _skulking_?” He nudges you on the side and you sigh.

“I’m just thinking. About how I’m here, and he’s out there doing god knows what. And if I tried to stop him I’d probably fail. But I’m not even trying so what does that say about me…”

“It says that you’re not ready to jump blindly to your death, and that’s fine.” You look him in the eyes and you feel guilty.

“But why do I deserve to live while other people suffer?” Your voice is nothing but a murmur.

“How would your death help anyone?” He asks in return and you hide your face behind your knees. It probably would only make things worse.

Sans stands up and offers you his hand. “Here I’ll show you some ways to use your magic.” You take it and he pulls you into his arms, making your face heat up at the sudden closeness. If he noticed he doesn’t make it apparent as he just turns you around and keeps your back to his ribs. “I remember you saying you could push people away, so I figure the nature of your magic may be similar to mine.” Gently grabbing your arm, he lifts it and points it to the other end of the yard, the other skeletal hand on your waist. “You see that bucket over there?” You simply nod. “Focus on it and try to lift it off the ground.” You lift your hand but it doesn’t budge and your shoulders drop in disappointment.

“It’s not working.” You scowl and he laughs.

“Okay, just take a deep breath and feel the magic stir inside you.” His face is close to yours, his breath tickling your ear as he speaks softly, in a whisper, into it. You feel your heart rate quicken. “Push it out of you as if it’s an extension of yourself, imagine invisible hands grabbing the bucket if it helps.” You look at Sans before averting your eyes back to the lone bucket. A red aura surrounds it and it starts floating as you lift your hand and move it to the right, the object following it obediently. Your mouth hangs open and you feel his smile on your cheek.

“I’ve never done that before…”

“You have, you just never stopped to notice.” An excited expression takes over your face and you move the bucket back and forth, side to side, you even do a loop with it before dropping it on the ground, the noise being much louder than you expected and making you flinch. “Guess you have to work on those landings.” You twist around to look at the skeleton and find that his face is merely inches from yours, nearly bumping him on the head.

“Oh, sorry.” The red blush creeps back up to your cheeks. Sans is staring right into your eyes and you’re staring right into his, his left hand resting at the small of your back while his right one is still holding your arm. In your chest your heart is going wild and your breath catches in your throat. You’re almost certain he can feel your alarmingly rapid heartbeat as you see that cobalt shade dusting his features. That unfamiliar feeling pools in your stomach and you find yourself unable to move. Or is it that you don’t want to? Your teeth tug at your bottom lip and you feel lightheaded. Sans’ pupils move down just enough for you perceive it. Is he looking at your…

Before you can finish that thought, Papyrus bursts through the door and you and Sans step away from each other looking anywhere but _at_ each other.

“WE HEARD SOMETHING CRASH! IS EVERYTHING OKAY?”

“Yeah, I was just teaching Star here how to move stuff around.” Sans says staring at his slippers like they’re the best invention of the century.

You rub the back of your neck, the loud thumping of your heart ringing in your ears. You’re breathing heavier than you should be and your whole body is tingling. Papyrus’s gaze goes from you to Sans and he narrows his eyes.

“WELL ALRIGHT THEN…” He saunters back inside leaving you two alone once again. It’s silent for you don’t know how long and each time Sans catches you looking at him you’re quick to turn your head the other direction, blushing brightly.

“Heh. Usually nothing gets _under my skin_. But you’re doing a pretty good job…”

You risk a glance at the skeleton only to feel your whole face burn hotter, if that was even possible. You want to say something, anything, but your words get caught in your throat. You’re not sure why you feel so flustered. He shuffles over to you.

“I, uh, could teach you some other things… If you want…” You nod meekly, still unable to speak. His left eye starts flaming an intense blue colour and he points his hand towards an apple on a tree. It glows the same blue that’s in his eye and it immediately drops to the ground as if gravity increased on it tenfold. Your eyes widen in silent astonishment.

“Wow…”

“It’s about the same principle as moving things, but instead you hold them down. Makes it harder to move if you use it on someone.” A small smile grows on your lips and you decide to give it a try. When another apple falls forcefully to the ground you’re filled with awe.

“Neat.” You mumble after doing it a few more times. He chuckles and agrees.

“You’re getting better at this. Do you feel tired?”

“A little.”

“That’s normal, you had a long day. Let’s head back in.” He takes your hand and there’s another jolt of electricity when you touch. You swallow nervously wondering what it means.

In the living room you’re met with everyone fast asleep in their seats, Alphys cuddled against Undyne who’s holding her tight to her chest and Papyrus huddled in a bony ball at his corner of the couch. Sans quietly picks up the remote and turns off the TV.

“What now?” Without answering you, Sans glows his eye, magic gently enveloping his friends and he guides them to their respective bedrooms (it seems they have a guest room where Papyrus usually stays).

“It’s not the first time.” He says shrugging when he notices your amused expression. Suddenly silence fills the room again.

Sans walks over to the couch and plops down on a seat, stretching out his legs. He pats down the seat next to him and you timidly tiptoe your way to it. You cross your legs and twiddle with your thumbs.

“Let’s get some rest.” Sans says closing his eyes and you look at him for a minute until he opens one up to spy you. You hurriedly stare in the opposite way. “I know bones can’t be that comfortable but you can lean on me if you want. I recall you calling me cuddly once.” He winks at you and you flush a bright crimson, thankful for the darkness in the room. You give in though, and laying your head on his shoulder, the fluff of his jacket tickling your nose. His arm finds its way over you and he pulls you closer to him. You close your eyes, feeling warm and safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND FLUFF! Hehe, couldn't resist having Papyrus ruin the moment...  
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter, feel free to leave a comment and thank you for reading :)


	12. ...to falling apart...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *MEGALOVANIA INTENSIFIES*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is coming to a close soon, never intended it to be very long anyway  
> There's a couple of changes in POV seperated by these little guys ~~~  
> Hope you enjoy this chapter...

It’s not long until Sans falls asleep, a soft snore making it obvious coupled with his steady breathing. But as the minutes tick by, despite the comfort and contentment you feel, you can’t seem to find the peace of slumber.

There’s a growing darkness settling in your soul as your thoughts drift to the man that’s tormented you for your entire life. You shouldn’t be here. You’re putting everyone in danger just by being around them, making them possible targets when he inevitably finds you. Or god forbid, bargaining chips to get to you… You grit your teeth. This can’t keep going.

Carefully, you remove Sans’ arm from your shoulders and sit up, doing your best not to make a noise. You stand there for a while looking at the skeleton’s sleeping form. There’s a dull pain in your chest as you think about leaving him. You hope it’s not the last you’re going to see of him but deep down inside of you there’s this lingering fear that this is goodbye forever. As you turn to head for the door you think you see Sans’ expression shift to one of distress but you write it off as a dream he might be having and silently pace away.

When you’re finally out on the street you remember that you got here via Sans’ teleportation and don’t exactly know how to get back to wherever it is you’re going. You pick a direction and start walking in it, taking care to look at the road signs you pass, trying to find your way.

After sometime walking aimlessly you start recognising some streets you’ve been to in your time without a home. Granted you don’t exactly have a home yet, you never really did and you most likely never will, but your time with the skeleton brothers, however short it may have been was what you would consider home really felt like.

You decide that the first place you’ll go to is the park. You’re not sure you’ll find anything there but you owe it to yourself to see it once again, if only just to thank the stars for guiding you when you felt lost.

The streets are mostly empty, a person here and there making their way home after late shifts, you presume. Coming to the little park you’ve grown accustomed to you find it empty. You’re not sure what exactly you were expecting. It’s not like he was going to sit here waiting for you to come back… You try to think where he would go, where he would be. The only place that makes sense is… The village.

You stare up at the sky for a moment. “You might be the only witnesses to my end. Please keep me safe when I join you.” You whisper to the twinkling lights up above. It’s silly but you think you hear them whisper back. You smile at the little shiny dots. “Thank you.”

You feel tears prickling at your eyes as you start on the long road back into the place where you grew up, afraid and miserable. It seems fitting, to die where you were made.

~~~

Sans stirs in his sleep. He’s dreaming but he doesn’t know it. He’s back in the judgement hall. The atmosphere is heavy when he sees red eyes flash in the distance. Frisk steps forward but it’s not really Frisk. They charge at him, knife in hand, going in for the kill. Bones shoot up from the ground stabbing Chara through the heart but when he looks again it’s you he impaled, your eyes dead.

He wakes up sweating, left eye afire, breathing ragged, relief washing over him when he realises he’s back at Undyne’s where he fell asleep. But that feeling doesn’t last long when he notices you’re not there. “Star?” He calls quietly.

When he doesn’t hear a response he goes to the backyard to see if you’ve gone for some fresh air. You’re not there either. Maybe you went to the bathroom. He knocks. No response. Twisting the door knob he opens the door. You’re not there either. Panic starts bubbling inside him. He looks in Papyrus’ room. His brother is there, knocked out cold, but you’re still nowhere to be found. He doesn’t know why you’d be in Undyne and Alphys’ room but after checking the kitchen and not seeing you still he has to be sure.

Not there either.

He feels his soul crumble as the truth sinks in. You left.

He writes a note so the others don’t worry about him and teleports to his house, checking every room. You wouldn’t have a key to get in, of course you weren’t there. He kicks himself mentally. He checks Toriel’s house as well. Everyone’s sleeping soundly. And you’re not there either. You wouldn’t know how to get there, when he brought you he had teleported, and even then you were barely focused on your surroundings given your state.

His last hope is the park. He teleports there and his soul swells when he hears the swing moving.

It was just the wind.

You’re not there either.

“Where are you…?” His voice cracks. He stares up at the stars you love so much. They’re shining brightly as ever, but without you looking at them with your bright eyes they feel empty. He lets himself fall to his knees, despair gripping at his soul.

Your father got you. He killed you. You’re dead. And he couldn’t protect you.

As he gazes up at the sky something resonates inside him. It’s almost as if the stars are talking to him. And they’re telling him where to go to next.

~~~

You stop in front of the house. The golden flowers are still here. You kneel among them and stroke the petals on a few. Chara used to play here.

“I see you’re still alive. I’m glad.” You look behind you and see your father standing there, sick smirk plastered on his face. But you can’t find it in you to feel angry. You’re too weary. “Where’s your skeleton friend?” You ignore his question.

Slowly you stand up and face him. “What do you want?” You ask him, the man who’s done nothing but make your life miserable.

“Isn’t it obvious? I want power. I want to be respected. Feared. I want obedience, and worship.” You raise a hand to your chest.

“And you need my soul for that.” It’s not a question, you know that it’s the truth.

“Monster’s souls don’t last long enough out of their bodies to be absorbed. I had to do the same thing I did to you to obtain their magic. After that I tried to absorb the souls of a couple of people here. When the others found out they ran, afraid. Like they’re supposed to.” You’re suddenly aware of how eerily quiet the village is, and it’s not because it’s night and everyone should be asleep. “Whenever I tried to hold them they just crumbled in my hands.” You close your eyes and turn away, placing your hands over your ears not wanting to hear the rest of it. “I guess not even human souls can withstand my power now. But you…” You hear him stepping towards you. “Your soul is stronger. I made it so I know it.” He’s right behind you know, you can feel it. “I made it, so it belongs to me.”

“No.” You turn on your heels and push him away, your magic pulsing through your veins. You use the tricks Sans taught you and hold him down to the ground.

He grunts at the sudden gravity pulling him down to the earth. His sickening smile tugs at his lips. “You’re stronger now. More determined. All the better.”

You hold your hand in front of you and shoot magic blasts at him. Despite the magic holding him down he still manages to move out of the way. “You can’t kill me. You don’t have it in you.” At this, you feel ire rise up in you.

He conjures his weapon of choice and starts to come at you. You lose your magic hold and duck out of the way, blasting him from behind, only to have him dodge as well.  “I know you too well. I watched you for years, remember?”

You focus hard and lift him off the ground, throwing him into a tree. You’re satisfied by the groan he lets out when he hits it, but it doesn’t last because he’s quickly back on his feet, throwing magic knives at you.

You do your best to dodge them but you feel one cut through your arm. “Damn you. I like this shirt.”

In your hands you materialise two short swords, and twirl them around, adjusting the fighting stance Undyne taught you. You’re not fighting for yourself anymore. You’ve given up on your life on your way here. But you’re fighting for them. “Let’s quit playing shall we?”

He laughs. “Fine.”

You run at him, swords at the ready, you go for his flank with your right, which he blocks with his knife just as you expected and then slash at his chest with your left. He bends away from your magical blade and you kick him in the stomach, your foot glowing red as it makes contact, and you send him tumbling backwards. Without a moment to lose you go for him again, but he regains his balance and slashes at you. You twirl out of the way, swinging your right sword behind you, landing a cut on his ribs, which quickly returns with a hit of his own on your hand, making the magical weapon disappear with a swoosh.

You immediately twist to face him, swinging down with your left. He steps away and you throw a kick with a magic boost to his side. He blocks it with his arm, letting out a grunt of pain but pushing upwards on your leg and bringing you down to your back.

You roll sideways as he swings his knife down to your leg in an attempt to immobilize you. Springing to your feet you throw a kick at his head, he grabs your foot again but with a small jump you throw your other foot at him with a twist of your body in the air and hit him square in the jaw, sending him to his knees.

You stumble backwards. You’re feeling the day’s events weighing you down. You haven’t rested since your poisoning’s been healed. Enveloping him in a red aura you push your father away. You summon your magic to your fists and go for his face but he shoots a magic blast that cuts through your leg and you fall, sliding on the ground to land at his feet.

He grabs you by the neck and lifts you off the ground, his own eyes glowing fiercely, in them you see no mercy. Your hands are gripping at his arms desperately as he’s strangling you and you’re twisting in an attempt to get away, but it’s no use. “Did you honestly _think_ you could do anything?” He growls at you. You feel tears rising up to your eyes. This is it.

And he stabs you in the stomach, taking his sweet time twisting the sharp object inside you.

~~~

“NO!” Sans shouts as he sees you getting pierced by that knife, the gasp that escapes your lips igniting a burning rage in his soul. His left eye blazes to life and he sends your father flying through the air and teleports over to your falling body before you hit the ground. “It’s okay, you’ll be okay, I promise.” He hushes you as you cry, blood trickling out of your mouth. He lays you down gently on the flower bed and strokes your face tenderly. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

His gaze turns back to the man lifting himself off the ground, holding onto his side. Behind Sans several large, menacing looking skulls that looked like they could belong to long dead dragons appear out of thin air. He stands up, the air around him buzzing with electricity.

“ **Y O U R E  G O N N A  H A V E  A  B A D  T I M E !** ”

The skeleton blasts your father with everything he’s got and isn’t surprised to see him dodging away from the attacks. He wasn’t expecting this to be easy. Bones appear under the man’s feet and he jumps backwards only to have more there waiting for him. He starts running as Sans lifts more and more bones from the ground in an attempt to catch him. He’s quickly advancing towards the angry skeleton, knife in hand, and it seems all too familiar.

“Heh, like father like son, I suppose.” When your father’s finally in front of Sans he slashes at him, but he suddenly disappears and materialises behind him, his magic surrounding the man and once again throwing him several feet across the pavement, bringing him crashing down with all the force he can muster. Sans teleports himself in front of him and kicks him in the stomach making him roll over until he crashes into a house. He struggles to get back on his feet and his eyes flash as he sends a myriad of magic knives flying towards Sans, who simply teleports back behind him. “At this point I’m just playing with you.” Sans chuckles humourlessly.

“I’m going to enjoy killing you.” The man mutters. Sans looks up just in time to see the knives raining down on him and disappearing into thin air.

The skeleton reappears next to you, you’ve got your eyes closed and you’re shivering. “Sans, it’s cold.” He peels off his jacket and lays it over you.

“I’m almost done.” He says softly.

Sans goes back to where your father previously was and finds the spot empty. He looks around. Spotting movement behind some bushes, he lifts some bones off the earth, the man leaping from his hiding spot, knives flying at Sans’ face. He teleports to the side. All this is starting to take a toll on him, he’s becoming more sluggish, but so is the man.

Sans knows he has to end this quickly, sweat’s beading at his skull and he’s breathing in pants. He summons a blaster, pointing it at your father. Arm extended towards him, the skeleton shoots, the man dodges, and he shoots again, and again, and again. “Stop moving for a second will ya?” He says irritated, laughing to himself at the irony that this must have been how Chara felt. “Should’ve killed you the first time we met.”

“I feel the same way.” The man grins, throwing more knives at Sans, who moves out of their way.

“You sure like those. Does it run in the family?” More bones protrude from the ground beneath the man. “Chara was a little bastard just like you! Persistent.”

The man’s gaining ground. “But in the end…” More bones appear but he keeps dodging. He’s right in Sans’ face, knife held up. “I always got him too.” A single bone pierces through his heart. The knife fizzles out of existence and his arm falls limply at his side, blood running down from his chest and puddling on the floor. His eyes are dull, lifeless. Just as they should be.

The skeleton falls to his hands and knees, exhausted. He’s panting and shaking. He needs to get back to you. Get you to safety. He teleports to where he left you.

His jacket is there on the ground but you’re not. He sees a trail of blood leading to… Mt. Ebott. He can’t teleport again or he won’t be able to get you to Toriel. Struggling to breathe he runs after you. You can’t go there. Not now. Not ever. You don’t know what’s in there.

When he finally catches up he finds you at the cave where he came out of when the barrier broke. You’re on your knees, head hanging low, shoulders slumped.

“Star… We have to go. It’s not safe here. You need to be healed.” He places a hand on your shoulder and slowly you turn your head to face him, eyes glowing red, an unnatural, creepy smile sitting on your lips.

“She’s not here anymore.”

Sans stumbles backwards. “Chara.”

“In the flesh.” He hears you giggle, but he knows that’s not you who’s in control. “It’s amazing what a tiny bit of magic can do for a dead human soul’s endurance don’t you think?” Sans is in no state to fight, but neither is your body. He’s amazed at how you even got this far, and he can’t even fathom the reason why you did. “Our souls were connected from the day I fell. When I felt she was close it wasn’t hard to get to her. ‘Sis, please, come help me, I’m scared, it’s so dark.’ At first she thought it was in her head, but I persisted. She just couldn’t ignore her little brother’s pleas.”

“You can’t go very far. She’s dying.” Your body lets out a disconcerting laugh and Sans balls his hands into fists, as he watches Chara defile you.

“And you’re going to let her?”

No, he’s not. And Chara obviously knows this. “She loved you.”

“And I hate her. Our father chose her. He gave her all the attention. He gave her all the power. When I came here, I came to die. But instead I found an opportunity. One that Asriel denied me. And after that it was you and that pesky little idiot, Frisk.” You cough up blood and stare at it. “Oh, would you look at that. Guess she doesn’t have much time left.”

“You’re going to pay for this.” Sans says through gritted teeth, putting a hand on your shoulder and using the last of his energy to teleport to Toriel’s house, both of you collapsing at the foot of her bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHARA!!!!!!  
> And that's all I have to say about that lol  
> Thank you for reading and feel free to leave a comment as always


	13. ...and shattering to pieces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again there are changes in POV sperated by these ~~~  
> Hope you enjoy

You feel cold. You’re surrounded by darkness and you can’t see anything past yourself. It’s like you are trapped in a void, neither here nor there, just floating. You’re not afraid. In fact all you feel right now is numb, like all the life has been sucked out of you, leaving you an empty husk. You can’t remember how you got here, wherever ‘here’ even is.

You reach a hand to your chest and leave it there for a moment. Your heart, it’s still beating. You’re somewhat surprised at that. You wonder if you’re actually dead and this is what’s after. Nothingness.

“Hello there, dear sister.” You turn in the direction the voice is coming from, startled. At first you don’t see anyone, or anything, just darkness, just like before. But then something flickers. Like a tiny light, glowing a warm red. You make your way over to it and a face begins to form.

He hasn’t aged a day since you last saw that face. He’s still your little brother. But something seems different, twisted.

“Chara…” Your voice sounds strange in your ears after being in silence for so long. “What happened…? Where are we? Am I dead?” He smiles at you wickedly and you feel uneasy.

“Not yet.” Yet?

He inches towards you and you step away. “What’s wrong?”

“You’re not letting me take over.” You’re confused. You don’t know what’s going on and you want answers.

“What? Chara, I heard you call, I came for you.” You say recalling some of the events previous to your current situation. “What happened?” You ask again, this time more demanding.

“I tried to take over your mangled body. But after we passed out from the blood loss I haven’t been able to take control again.” He grabs your wrists. “What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything. Stop that!” You push him away. Chara looks angry. “You’re not making any sense! None of this is making any sense!” You hold your head in your hands.

“Well let me make it clear, you’re not needed. So just die already.” His words cut through you like a knife.

“Why…” It’s all you can say.

“Because I want everyone to die! I want everyone to suffer! YOU MOST OF ALL!” His voice comes out like a low growl. Almost animalistic.

“What are you talking about? I love you Chara! You’re my brother!”

“Well I hate you!” It’s like he’s kicking you in the guts. Every harsh revelation crushing you further, tearing you apart. “I hate everyone. I hate everything. I want the whole world to BURN!”

“I thought you were happy… With Toriel and Asgore…”

“I thought so too. Until I realised you were still alive and that made me so mad. Our father never loved me, he gave everything to you! WHEN I WAS THE ONE WHO BROUGHT HIM WHAT HE ALWAYS WANTED HE STILL CHOSE YOU!” His eyes are wild, burning with rage and hatred, all directed at you. And you can’t handle it. You knew he was disturbed, but it never once occurred to you how much, and most of all, that it was all your fault…

“Chara, please…” You beg him. “Let me help you… I’ll do anything to make you happy, just let me.” A sadistic smirk spreads on his face and he reminds you so much of your father it’s breaking you.

“I wanted to kill everyone you care about as you watched your own hands do the deed, starting with that useless bag of bones… But you won’t let me. Do that and I’ll be overjoyed.” Tears start rolling down your cheeks as you listen to him voicing his horrible thoughts. You can’t let that happen. You won’t let Chara destroy everything you’ve come to love over the last few days.

If what he says is true, and you’re both trapped in your subconscious, you won’t let him escape. Even if that means you’ll never see the light of day again or any of the friends you made recently. Even if it means you’ll never get to feel Sans’ touch on your skin, see his face or hear his voice ever again…

“You leave me no choice then.” You step towards Chara and his hate filled aura, the magic inside you whirling all around.

“What are you doing?” He hisses trying to get away, sneering at you. “Stop. Don’t come any closer!”

~~~

It’s been days. Or maybe it was just a few long hours. Whatever it was, it felt like an eternity to Sans. He can’t remember the last time he slept.

When he came to, his first instinct was to look for you, expecting a gruesome scene of your body covered in dust as Chara used you to kill everyone he cared about. But instead he found Toriel leaning over you, unmoving on a bed. His first thought was that he was too late. That you died because he didn’t get you to Tori fast enough. But that wasn’t it. She healed you, there was nothing physically wrong with you but you just wouldn’t wake up.

Since then, he never left your side. He could see your soul dimming, darkness swirling around it. He watched as Chara smothered it, snuffing out your light. And he couldn’t do anything about it. At one point he found himself wishing for a reset, he nearly laughed at the thought. Something he dreaded so much now seemed like the only solution to your condition. Just one last time, go back to Snowdin, so that he could help Frisk through the Underground, break the barrier. He couldn’t erase what was done to you, but he could prevent what came after. He could come to your rescue, kill that wretched man before he had the chance to lay his filthy hands on you ever again. He could keep you safe, make you happy. Give you everything you deserved.

Eventually, he even begged Frisk, bent down on hands and knees. “Please kid, you gotta reset, just one last time so I can save her! I won’t be mad, I promise! Please Frisk, I’m begging you!”

But Frisk refused. They said that they couldn’t do it. Not anymore.

So Sans was left to just sit by you. Watching you fade away. Unable to do anything to stop it.

“Why won’t you wake up? Why won’t you fight him? Don’t you want to live anymore? Don’t you care… about me?” The last part is nothing but a whisper. He holds your hand tightly. It’s cold. Like all the warmth inside your soul is getting stolen by that _demon_. His eyes well up and he lays his head over your chest, sobbing silently.

~~~

You’re huddled in a corner of your mind, keeping Chara inside a permanent loop of swirling magic, making him unable to move but still very talkative, unfortunately.

“Why don’t you just kill me? You can destroy me in the blink of an eye and yet you’re just keeping me hostage.”

“I’m not like you, or him.”

“You mean our father?” You ignore his question.

“I won’t kill you, but I won’t let you hurt anyone.”

“Too late for that I’m afraid.” Your head snaps to him.

“What did you say?”

“Well, I already killed everyone a few times.” Your heart sinks. No, he can’t have. They can’t be dead. “Never quite got that annoying skeleton you seem to like so much though, he was always dodging my attacks.” Sans… “And then Frisk kept resetting, hoping that would help.” You’re confused now, unsure if what he’s saying is even true anymore, it all sounds so surreal. “The stupid idiot was always crying, begging me to stop hurting everyone.”

“Resetting?” He laughs at your ignorance.

“Oh, you didn’t know? Your little bony friend lived through countless timelines where I killed his precious brother and everyone else he cared about. In the last reset him and Frisk managed to get me out somehow, threw me into a dark corner of the Underground. But I had my fun. My favourite was always Toriel…” He drifts off, a vicious smirk taking over his face. “The look on her face when I slashed through it…”

“SHUT UP!” You cover your ears, trying to block out his voice, trying to ignore the images popping into your head as if it were your eyes that were seeing it, as if you lived through it through his soul. The look of utter betrayal and pain on Toriel’s loving face… _“Y… you… really hate me that much?”_ The hope in Papyrus’ eyes as he turned to dust still believing in Chara’s goodness… _“ST… STILL! I BELIEVE IN YOU! YOU CAN DO A LITTLE BETTER!”_ The smile on Undyne’s face as she disintegrated… _“This world will live on…!”_ And the hopelessness in Sans’ face as he stood alone killing Frisk over, and over, and over again… The pain he was in… The despair he emanated… _“Hmm. That expression… That’s the expression of someone who’s died twice in a row.”_

_“thrice in a row.”_

_“ten times in a row.”_

_“Let’s just get to the point.”_   You feel your sins crawling on your back.

“Make it stop… Please make it stop…”

You feel hands on your face and you realise you let your guard down and now Chara’s out again, and you’re vulnerable. His grin is nothing short of unsettling. “I’ll make it much, much worse!”

You feel his resentment surround you, all his pain, all his anger, and most of all his hate suffocate you. You can’t move and everything hurts down to your very soul. It’s relentless and overwhelming, it’s making you want to die. But that’s what Chara wants and you won’t give him the satisfaction. You can’t let him win or he’ll use you to hurt everyone. Just like your father wanted to. It’s ironic really. He thinks he wasn’t loved by him but they’re so alike it’s almost uncanny.

You should fight him. You should end him once and for all. But you don’t want to. Despite everything he’s still your brother, and you still want to help him. _He’s just lost_ , you try telling yourself. _He just needs some guidance_.

But as the pain gets greater your determination grows weaker. You curl into yourself trying to keep from falling apart, but it’s so hard…

“Chara please, this isn’t you. You can be good if you just try.”

“You sound just like Papyrus!” Chara kicks you in the stomach. “Fight! Don’t just stand there and take it!” He keeps kicking. “WHY WON’T YOU DO ANYTHING?” Kick. “STOP.” Kick. “BEING.” Kick. “SO.” Kick. “USELESS.”

You feel yourself growing weaker and weaker still. He’s ruthless. Just like Sans said.

~~~

Sans feels you move. Immediately he stands up, wiping at his eye sockets. He’s hoping he’ll see you, but he’s ready to find Chara instead. As you sit up, eyes finally opening for the first time in ages, that characteristic red glow is hard to ignore. He feels his spirits come crashing down.

“Don’t move!”

“Or what? You’re going to hurt her?” The skeleton stays silent. “Yeah, didn’t think so.” He inspects your hands with your eyes. He uses your voice and your lips to speak, your legs and arms to get out of the bed. “She’s squirming in here. I gave her quite the beating.” Your lips smile but it’s Chara through and through. Your arm extends towards Sans as he tries to use your magic to blast him dead. But nothing happens. The grin falls from your face. “Why isn’t it working?”

“Her soul’s the one with the power, not yours. You’ve just got remnants.” Your body starts shaking from his anger.

“Fine, I’ll do it the old fashioned way.” Chara pushes past Sans running through the house.

His eye flashes blue as he holds your body up in the air. “Not so fast!”

“Sans! What are you doing to that poor child?” Toriel’s voice rings through the halls the shock in it evident.

“Tori, I can explain.”

“Oh, hi mum!” The giggle that escapes your lips is so unnatural it sends a shiver down Sans’ spine which coupled with Toriel’s sudden appearance causes him to lose his grip on you. Falling back to your feet Chara flashes an evil grin.

“M-my child, you shouldn’t be up…”

“Neither should you be alive.” The voice coming from your lips is low. “But who am I to say anything? I died ages ago.” And with a high pitched cackle he’s back to running away.

“You son of a bitch, get back here!”

“Sans, language!”

“NOT THE TIME TORI!” He yells annoyed, running after him.

He catches Chara in the kitchen, digging through the drawers where he finds a rather large butcher’s knife. “Perfect.” He turns with that creepy grin on your face and every fibre in Sans’ being is telling him to shove a bone through your heart but he looks at you and that’s all he sees. Your beautiful eyes, your kind heart, and your tender nature. Not the freakish sight that’s actually standing in front of him.

It’s Frisk all over again, but a thousand times worse. Because if he kills you, that’s it, you’re gone forever, and he’ll never forgive himself. And not only that, he can’t even think about hurting you without an unbelievable pain shooting through his soul.

“Sans, tell me right this instant what in heavens is going on!” Toriel demands from behind the small skeleton whose left eye is still ablaze.

“Mother! So nice of you to show up to the skeleton’s execution!” A sick laugh rattles through your body as Chara advances, knife raised high, ready to strike. The motherly monster just stands there, mouth agape, eyes filled with a mix of sorrow and hurt as it finally dawns on her who’s actually in control of you.

Sans can’t bring himself to do anything. He falls to his knees and just waits for your hands to do Chara’s killing. He can’t hurt you. He won’t hurt you. And if that means he’ll have to die, so be it.

He closes his eyes when you’re standing right in front of him, but as your arm comes down it stops right before the tip of the knife reaches his skull.

“No.” He hears you mutter. “No! NO! LET GO! STOP IT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” And your body breaks down on the floor.

~~~

With all the strength you can muster you get to your knees. You’d be bloody all over if this wasn’t all happening in this strange plane that is the inside of your being. You take Chara in your arms and hug him tight to your chest, he’s thrashing, kicking and punching, demanding you let him go. You feel the rage emanating from his soul, you feel his heartbreak, his jealousy, his revolt and his sins. It envelops you like a blanket of darkness that makes it hard to breathe but you don’t let go.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry you feel this way. I wish I could make you feel better. I wish I could go back and take you away so that you could be happy. I’m so sorry Chara.”

“NO! LET ME GO! I DON’T WANT YOUR PITY OR YOUR KINDNESS! I WANT YOUR SUFFERING! I WANT YOU TO WATCH AS I KILL EVERYONE YOU LOVE!”

You shut your eyes tightly trying to prevent the tears from falling but fail miserably when a heaving sob shakes your whole body. But it’s not you who’s sobbing. It’s Chara. He’s letting out all his pent up emotions, his broken soul mirroring your own. You hold him tight as he cries into your chest, stroking his hair softly as he continues hitting you through his tears, feeling your own cheeks stained.

You know that you can’t fix him. You know that you can’t make him happy. But you still love him, and so you hold onto him as hard as you can as he falls apart in your arms, his soul breaking as it finally lets go.

You’re left holding onto yourself as his soul shatters, and him with it, crying into the nothingness. The grief surrounds your soul and you feel so lost. _This is all your fault. You’re the reason he was like this. You’re the reason he died. You deserve to die too._

The darkness is closing in around you, and you let it.

~~~

You’re completely unresponsive. As soon as he heard the ‘thud’ of your body hitting the floor Sans leaned over you, holding your face in between his bony hands. Your eyes are closed and your mouth slightly open, he sees your chest isn’t moving and he doesn’t feel your heartbeat.

Toriel snaps out of her shocked trance and joins the small skeleton on the floor, enveloping you with her healing magic, but it doesn’t seem to be doing anything. As he looks at your soul he sees it fading out, little by little. Sans puts his arms around your lifeless body and pulls you to his chest, light blue tears forming at the corners of his eye sockets.

“No, you can’t leave… I never got to tell you… Please… Don’t go…” He weeps, squeezing you tight, holding you close. “I’m so sorry…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading  
> As always feel free to leave a comment


	14. Life after death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Turns out it's not over yet! Updates might be a little more spaced out though cause I need to figure out where this is going next, I really only planned until last chapter but didn't want Star to die lol Also I'll be starting my second semester in uni next week so that's going to make things a little more difficult, but with all that out of the way, enjoy :)

Just as the void is sucking the last breath out of you, you feel something else surround you. A tender warmth squeezing you tightly and when you open your eyes all you see is a familiar blue glow swirling all around. It all concentrates in a bright indigo light above you, almost like a star… Without a moment’s hesitation, you instinctively reach for it.

~~~

_Ba-dum_. Sans’ eyes shoot open. Was that really… _Ba-dum_. Yes it was. He feels your heart come to life, beating steadily against his chest. He looks at your face and sees a single tear streaming down your cheek and your eyes flutter.

The first thing you see is the skeleton’s wet and tired eyes and you weakly reach for his face, stroking it gently, wiping at the blue beads rolling down it, a small sad smile forming on your lips. “Hey…” His eye sockets were wide. He looked at a complete loss for words. Before you know it you’re being held so tight that you’re struggling to breathe, but you don’t complain, you just wrap your arms around him and enjoy it. You feel Toriel’s paw on your back, rubbing comforting circles on it.

“Sans, you’re crushing our friend here…” She smiles softly.

“I don’t care.” He says. “I’m never letting go.” You chuckle at how childlike he sounds then and rest your head on his shoulder. Your body trembles and you realise that you’re crying. Putting a hand in front of your mouth you try to stifle the sobs that are ravaging through you. “I’m here Star, let it all out, everything’s going to be alright.” Sans’ words ring in your ears.

“He’s gone…” You manage to let out in between sniffles. “He fell apart right in my arms… He’s gone Sans… I couldn’t save him…”

“He was beyond saving.” The sudden coldness in his voice only makes you bawl harder and he immediately regrets it. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

“I’ll give you two some space…” Toriel moves to leave but you grab her sleeve and look at her with tear-filled eyes.

“I’m sorry.” She just smiles at you and gets out of the room, but you could see her eyes watering as she left and the weight in your soul feels heavier. “It was my fault. He hated me so much Sans… He was right to. It was all my fault.”

“That’s not true Star. I swear to you it’s not your fault, so don’t say that, don’t even think it. You did everything you could with what you had. Hush now… It’ll be fine…” You feel his fingers run through your hair.

“You don’t understand. If it wasn’t for me he would’ve been happy with Toriel and Asgore and Asriel in the Underground. He would’ve lived the life he deserved.” The guilt you feel is unbearable.

“And what about you?” The crack in Sans’ voice makes your heart split.

“I don’t deserve to be here. I’ve caused nothing but pain.” Your voice is nothing but a whisper.

“You made me happy. That has to count for something.” You sniffle into his jacket. “Chara’s the one who’s shown no mercy for anyone.”

Your thoughts go back to the visions Chara showed you and the tears just keep spilling out. “Why didn’t you tell me? About the timelines. About what Chara did to you, to everyone?”

You feel him cringe in your embrace. “I didn’t want you to worry about me. It’s all in the past. Well technically it never really happened.”

“He showed me everything. It was like I was there. Like… I was the one doing it… The look on your face, Sans it was heart-breaking. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it…” Your body convulses with violent sobs as you cry into his shoulder. His grip on you tightens.

“They weren’t all bad… Frisk was a nice kid, they made friends with everyone a bunch of times. They made everyone happy. Got us to the surface. Got me to you…” Despite the unbearable despair you feel a smile tugs at the corners of your lips.

After a few minutes your sobbing dies down. Every once in a while you still shake in Sans’ arms.

“Don’t scare me like that again Star… I thought you were dead…” Sans’ voice is muffled as he buries his face in your chest. “You were gone for so long… And I couldn’t do anything. I felt so… Useless.”

“You saved me.” You sniffle.

“I only did what I had to. That man didn’t deserve to live anyway after what he did to you.” So your father met his end that night after all… You can’t find it in you to feel anything about it right now.

“No… Sans, after I saw Chara’s soul shatter out of existence I was so overcome with grief and guilt I was right about ready to give up. But you didn’t let me. Your light guided me out. You saved me.” He finally pulls back from you to stare at your tear-stained face, astonished. You look at his chest and see a blue light shining through his shirt. You smile slightly. “It looked just like that.” You say pointing.

The skeleton quickly covers his chest with his hands, suddenly embarrassed. “Oh, sorry, I…”

“Why are you apologising?” You ask, honestly quite confused.

“I think my soul’s reaching out to yours…” You take his hands in yours and stare at the warm glow.

“What does that mean?” You inch closer.

“I…” His face is sporting a bright cerulean tinge, his eyes lidded. There’s a warmth in your chest, making you lean forward, heat rising to your cheeks. You want to reach out to him too… You’re vulnerable and you want to be comforted. You want him to comfort you.

Sans finally closes the gap between you, his teeth pressing to your lips and your whole body feels like it’s going to explode with emotion as his soul entangles with yours. It’s a strange feeling, but a good one. A _really_ good one. You pull your arms up to his skull, pulling him closer, deepening your kiss. His own hands are clinging to your sides desperately, in an attempt to keep himself grounded as he loses himself in you and you in him. It’s like all his emotions are washing over you in a wave and you feel lightheaded. He’s concerned and weary. But he’s also excited, relieved to see you, happy you’re here, with him. You feel wanted… needed… loved… And for now, nothing else matters.

Reluctantly, you pull away from each other in dire need for breath. Sans’ fingers wipe any remaining tears from your eyes as he gazes into them, a goofy grin plastered on his face that you’re almost entirely certain you’re mirroring.

“You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that…” He murmurs. “And after what happened, after thinking I’d lost you forever…” Sans trails off, not wanting to darken the mood.

He stands up and you try to follow him, only to have your legs wobble and cave. Skeletal arms scoop you up. You notice that you’re completely and utterly drained as you lay your head on him, your eyelids heavy, struggling to keep them from closing. You don’t want to fall asleep. Sans smiles softly at you. “You look _bone tired_.”

“No, I do not.” But your body wouldn’t have it and as if to prove him right you let out a drawn out yawn. That cyan hue dusted his cheekbones once more.

“That’s really cute…” You feel your ears burn hot as blood rises to your face.

“Shut up.” You pull his furry hood over his head in an act of defiance which only makes him laugh.

The small skeleton nuzzles his face in your neck, the hood covering both your heads. “I’m so happy right now.” You take this opportunity to place a hand on his skull, pulling it so that you can gently rest your lips on his mouth once again, relishing the flutters in your stomach. You’ve been wanting to do that too, you just didn’t know it then…

You hear a gasp and your heads snap in that direction. There you see Frisk jumping up and down and flailing their arms about with a huge ear to ear grin. They run up to you and throw their arms around the both of you in a hug.

“Ah kid, come on, you’re ruining the moment…” Sans says with a chuckle, ruffling their hair.

Stepping back they lift their hands and sign some things. You don’t know what they’re saying as you’ve never really learned or seen sign language before so you just stare.

“Kid’s saying they’re glad you’re okay. Got ‘em worried there for a sec. Heh, sorry, that’s probably my fault… Didn’t mean to scare you, Frisk, I was just having a bad time.” They nod, smiling yet again, this time with an understanding expression that seems very mature for their age. But all that is lost when they do a kissy face and wink at you. You can’t help but giggle, blushing slightly as they skip towards a slightly happier looking Toriel. You feel a pang of remorse as you see her, swearing that you’ll try to make her happy and make up for Chara’s mistakes.

“My child, you’re welcome to stay as long as you need as is Sans of course. I’ve told everyone you’re awake and everything’s fine, so you don’t need to worry about Papyrus.”

Another yawn escapes your mouth despite your efforts to fight it back. “I think it’s time you get some real rest.” And with that Sans pulls your legs off the floor and carries you to a bedroom where he sets you down on the bed, pulling the covers over you. He looks to the door hesitantly, unwilling to leave you. You don’t want to be alone either, and you want him near you. You grab the sleeve of his jacket.

“Could you stay with me, please?” You request quietly.

“I’d love to.” You shift to the side, giving him space to climb in with you. His bony arms wrap around your waist and hold you close. You feel the pull of his soul on yours and it’s a comforting sensation. His hand is resting on your cheek, his thumb stroking your lips softly.

“I’m sorry.” You stare into his eyes.

“For what?”

“Everything I’ve put you through.”

“Shh, it’s okay…” Your eyelids start sliding closed. “Sleep my Star…” You think you hear something else but you’re already drifting off into the darkness of slumber.

As your conscious mind shuts down, everything you’ve experienced comes back up to haunt you.

You look down at your hands and find them covered in blood, gushing from the open wound in your chest. You see your soul shining through, battered and broken. Just like you. When you look back up you see Chara standing there. His eyes are red, like yours. He’s smiling sweetly, his hands behind his back. He runs over to you and wraps his arms around you and you would’ve smiled too if it weren’t for the sharp pain you felt as he shoved a knife into your back. “You did this to me. You made me what I am.” Looking around you see dust everywhere. Chara’s been replaced by Sans, his left eye is flaming blue with his magic. _“That’s your fault isn’t it?”_ Your fault. It’s your fault.

You sit up on the bed covered in sweat, tears streaming down your cheeks, breathing heavily. Before you even have time to process that it was just a dream Sans is already holding you. In your chest you feel that same pain you’ve become so used to and you tremble. “It’s okay, it was just a nightmare.”

“You blame me.” His voice is ringing in your head. “You blame me for Chara.”

“What? No.” You’re shaking your head, it was all too real.

“I heard you. I saw you.” You feel so disoriented.

“Look at me.” Sans holds your face so that you’re looking in his eyes. “You were dreaming. I don’t blame you for anything.” Resting his forehead on yours he exhales sharply. “You’re okay now.”

“I need… I need to use the bathroom.” You stutter slightly. Still breathing in pants. He nods and helps you up. Your legs still don’t seem to be cooperating very well but after a few steps, aside from a little wobbling, you can stand by yourself long enough to not have to be escorted in.

After you’re done you look at yourself in the mirror. You look positively ghastly. Your eyes look red and puffy, with deep dark circles underneath, your hair is in complete disarray. With a grimace you splash some cold water on your face hoping that’ll help. It doesn’t… You notice that the clothes you’re wearing aren’t the ones that Sans gave you for the first time since you woke up from Chara’s takeover. The thought of who put them on you crosses your mind but you can’t focus on anything right now. You sigh heavily and rest your head on your hands over the sink. You feel utterly disgusted with yourself.

“Sans…” You call out with a croak. He pokes his head inside before making his way over to you, rubbing your back. “I don’t feel very good.” You admit.

“I know. Come here.” He puts an arm over your waist and your own over his shoulder. You lean into him for support and half walk, half drag your feet over to the kitchen with him.

The small skeleton sits you down on a chair and pours you a glass of water which you take gratefully chugging it down in one go when you realise how parched your throat feels. You lay your head down on the cool table.

You hear a soft clank and take a peek from under your hair to see a plate set in front of you. You lift your head after groaning from the effort it took and see that it’s a slice of Toriel’s pie. “Thought you might be hungry too.” You are famished. But at the same time you don’t really feel like eating. You push the plate away. He raises his brow at you and puts a hand to your forehead. “Someone who refuses Tori’s pie must be sick.”

“I don’t deserve it.” You find yourself saying. Sans frowns.

“Don’t say that. You deserve everything the world has to offer and more.” He picks up the fork and nicks a tiny piece off the slice. Dangling it in front of your face he smiles at you. You huff but lean forward opening your mouth slightly. Slowly he pulls the fork away from you. You stop to glare at him and he just grins. You go for it again and he pulls it further chuckling. “Sorry, I’ll be good now. Promise.” He crosses his heart (if he had one). As you go to close your mouth around the fork, Sans quickly replaces it with his own, earning himself a chaste, surprised, kiss from you. “Couldn’t resist…” You smack him lightly on the shoulder but can’t help the smile that crawls to your lips.

“You promised.” He shrugs offering you the pie once again. This time you bite down on the fork before he can do anything.

“I like seeing you smile better than I do keeping promises.” Shoving a piece into his own mouth, he flashes you a lopsided grin.

You rub the back of your neck nervously. “There’s something I want to ask you…” You glance over at the skeleton and he nods, gesturing for you to continue. “What did you do with my father’s body?” His expression seems to fall.

“Left it to rot pretty much…” Your eyes widen as your mind wanders to the worst possible scenarios and you start rambling.

“What if someone finds it? You could be in trouble. You could get accused of murder. Oh god, what if they take you away? I don’t know what I’d do. This is all my fault. You did it to protect me and now-”

“Hey, hey!” He grabs your arms and looks into your eyes. “Calm down. Breathe.” You stare at him with your mouth hanging open and take a deep breath. “Place was pretty much a ghost town and no one’s come looking yet. But you’re right, this could be a problem, I’ll take care of it. Don’t worry okay?”

“I’ll help you. After all if it weren’t for me this wouldn’t even be an issue.” From Sans’ appearance you can tell that he doesn’t want to agree to this. “Besides…” You look down at your feet, a deep rooted sadness resurfacing. “I need to see it.”

“Fine… But first you have to eat this. And you need to get some sleep.” You sink into the chair biting at your bottom lip.

“I don’t want to go back to those dreams.”

Sans intertwines his fingers with yours and gets one more bit of pie on the fork before pointing it at you once again. “Don’t worry, I’ll be there for you when you wake up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and feel free to leave feedback


	15. Dead and buried

Surprisingly the rest of the night went by without any other incidents. Looking over to your side you see Sans sleeping face down on the pillow, his arm lazily spread over your midsection. You trace the bones in his hands with your fingers gingerly making him hum in his sleep. Out of curiosity, turning over to your side you do the same thing over his skull and he seems to shiver, his eyes slowly opening to look at you with a groggy expression.

“Morning.” He smiles. “No more nightmares?” You shake your head. “Good.”

You sit up on the bed and put your feet to the floor, testing putting some weight on them. It seems better. Carefully you stand up, pleased with the fact that your legs are working again. Rolling over onto his back, Sans does the same as you walk out into the hall, following you close behind. You get yourself a glass of water and he leans on the counter staring at you intensely.

“You look worried.” He says after a while in silence.

“Hmm?”

“If you changed your mind I can go by myself. It’s probably better that way.”

“No, I haven’t. It’s just…” You go quiet, a hand going to your chest as the memory of the pain returns unwarranted. “I keep thinking… What if when we get there he’s not there?”

The small skeleton steps closer. “He’s dead. I made damn sure he wouldn’t hurt you again, or anyone else.” Somehow those words don’t offer you any comfort.

“And what if someone did find him?”

“I’m sure no one did.” You nod your head weakly. He’s right. You’re just being paranoid.

 “Hey, how long was I out?”

“Tori mentioned something about a week and a half I think. To be honest I wasn’t paying much attention to time going by…” Sans murmurs.

Oh god… It was that long. You’re suddenly aware of how grimy and disgusting you must be. “I should shower… I feel filthy…” He smiles at your comment.

“You look gorgeous to me.” Stepping closer still he worms his arms around your waist burrowing his face in your neck and inhaling deeply, making you shudder and causing your whole body to tingle. “Smell delicious too…”

“Ahem!” Someone clears their throat outside the door and you both push away from each other, blushing fiercely. “Sans, there’s a child in the house.” Toriel scolds.

“Sorry.” You both mutter feeling like children who got caught stealing cookies out of the cookie jar.

“It’s quite alright, I know how it is to be young and… Well, I’m sure you’re hungry, my child, I’ll prepare you both a meal. I’ve laid out some clothes for you in the bedroom, if you want to use the shower and change as well.” You thank her profusely and she smiles lovingly.

As you make your way out, Sans stays behind with Toriel, watching you walk away. “Isn’t she wonderful?”

She simply chuckles.

\---

You put on the clothes Toriel picked out for you. Skinny black jeans and a maroon hoodie. Simple and comfortable. She even set out a hair and toothbrush which you eagerly use taking a look at yourself in the mirror and nodding somewhat satisfied with the result. Your eyes still look very tired but you suppose you’ll need some time to look and feel even remotely stable.

In the kitchen a breakfast of pancakes awaits you. You spy Frisk sitting on a chair, swinging their legs back and forth and signing to Sans.

“Oh yeah? That’s good kiddo, hope it goes well.” When they see you walk in, their face beams as they motion with their hands. “Kid’s saying good morning.” Sans translates.

“Well good morning Frisk.” You return their smile and take the seat opposite from where they are. The skeleton saunters over to you.

“You look better.”

“I feel it, thank you.”

While you savour the amazing pancakes Sans helps himself to a bottle of ketchup. He offers you some and you wrinkle your nose thinking back to when you did that before. You finish eating and take your plates over to the sink.

“That’s alright child, I’ll take care of it.”

“No, I insist. It’s the least I can do…” You stare down at your hands in shame.

“Well alright, but next time you come visit please make it on better terms. I would love to have you over for dinner sometime. We could have a little chat, if you’d like.” You agree timidly and start rinsing.

“I’m sure he loved you… He just didn’t know how…” Your voice is so quiet Toriel might’ve missed it if she wasn’t paying attention. She turns to you with a small smile that could melt a frozen heart.

“Thank you.”

You dry your hands off and look over to Sans, a bubble of anxiety rising to your throat. “We should get going then.” He ruffles Frisk’s hair (you’re starting to think that’s his way of showing affection to them) and walks over to you, taking your hand.

“Be safe you two.” Toriel says with concern.

“Safe is my middle name.” Both you and Frisk snort at that.

You materialise in front of the house you grew up in. Mostly inside a cell. The thought sends shudders down your spine and fills you with dread. You look at the bed of flowers out front and find the ground stained a dark red that almost looks black by now. It’s your blood. Looking around you, the village is still quiet, nothing but a few birds chirping and the wind blowing softly can be heard. Ghost town was a pretty accurate description. It made you uneasy, coupled with the horrid memories you have of this place.

Sans squeezes your hand reassuringly and starts walking somewhere else, with you in tow. Approaching some more isolated houses he stops suddenly.

“Are you sure you want to see this?” You’re not, but you nod anyway.

Walking behind one of the buildings you see something out of the corner of your eye. There’s something lying on the ground, surrounded by the same stained dirt back where you nearly bled out. “My magic disintegrated after a while. He wasn’t exactly like that when I left him. But the body hasn’t been touched.” He’s rubbing his head with his hand, looking tense, but you can’t tear your eyes away from where it lies so you don’t notice.

Ever so slowly you step towards it, only slightly expecting it to get up and come at you. But of course it doesn’t. Approaching the corpse a vile smell hits your nose but you keep advancing. You kneel in front of it. “Star, don’t…” He mutters when he sees you reaching for it. But you have to see it. You just have to. Focusing you use your magic to turn it over and the sight is even more revolting than the stench. You turn away, your hand in front of your mouth, your eyes wide. You feel the contents of your stomach rise up to your throat and out.

It looks a sickly green colour and it’s crawling with maggots, creating holes where there weren’t any before and the skin is ruptured in places where the bloating was more severe. The tongue is swollen to the point that it’s sticking out of its mouth, and there’s a sickening liquid substance leaking out of the eyes, ears and nose, which at this point look deformed and partially eaten. It’s gruesome. It’s death.

The small skeleton kneels next to you and rubs your back softly as you shake. He pulls you away from the scene, afraid you might vomit again, or worse. “I shouldn’t have brought you.”

“No, I’m fine. I… I needed to see it.” You try to push the image out of your mind but it’s burned into your eyelids when you close them. “We need to bury it.” You say, your stomach still churning.

“I’ll do it.”

“We both will. I need to see that he’s 6 feet under and not coming back up.” Sans nods silently and lifts the corpse with his magic, his eye flashing blue. There’s a small cemetery up ahead, you lead him to it.

There you make a point to dig the hole yourself. You make it as deep as you can. You want to be certain that he doesn’t crawl back out. Sans helps you out of the grave and lowers the body into it. Before you start to fill it back up you stare in disdain, fists balled at your side.

“I hope you’re burning in the deepest pits of hell, paying for your sins.” You feel a hand clutching your shoulder and you curl into Sans’ arms.

He rubs your face with his thumbs. “You have some dirt… Well, all over you. You should’ve let me help more.” He uses his magic to get the piles of soil back into the hole.

You shake your head at him. “This helps me put some of it behind me. Gave me some time to think while I did it.”

“What about?”

“How I don’t want to live the rest of my life trapped in that cell anymore or running away from him. I can finally live on my own terms and I’m not going to let him rule over me anymore.”

“Is there anything else you need to do?” He asks, looking ready to leave this place for good.

“Yeah. Do you have any matches?” Sans looks at you questioningly.

“You’re not planning on burning the village down are you?”

“Just his research. I don’t want anyone else getting their hands on that.” And with that you start making your way back to the house.

You stop in front of a door to the room you spent most of your life in. You guess it could be considered your room, in a twisted sense. With tears threatening to fall from your eyes you turn away from it and go into his office.

The walls are covered by shelves filled with books upon books about souls, monster history, monster magic and human physiology. Sans’ gaze goes through all of the literature and his eyes seem filled with a mix of fascination and disgust at what he used such knowledge for.

“You can’t destroy everything. Some of these books are really valuable. Alphys could use them to further her own research.” He muses.

“And what if someone else uses them to get to the same conclusions he did?” Your voice is sterner than you mean it to be.

“Alphys wouldn’t let them get into the wrong hands.” He takes out a book from the shelves and flips through it. “Look at this… ‘The human soul has the potential to harness all kinds of power but the extents of such abilities are not yet fully recognised as without the use of magic to extract the souls their study is nearly impossible.’ Huh. Makes sense.” You snatch the book from his hands and snap it shut.

“I know what they say. I lived through his theory testing.” He flinches at your coldness but doesn’t say anything, knowing that what you’re going through right now can’t be easy. You spot a trash can in a corner and pull it into the middle of the room, tossing the book into it. Walking over to his desk it’s covered in papers filled with his scratchy handwriting. Your eyes stop at a black notebook. You pick it up and open it.

_Subject shows violent reactions to the insertion of magic directly into the blood stream. It seems to cause internal damage as the energy isn’t contained or controlled._

You rip the page out and crumple the paper into a ball throwing it into the can. “I was nothing more to him than a subject, an experiment.” You spit the words out, bile rising up in your throat, you flip through a few pages and come to one where the words catch your eye.

_The experiments seem to be leading to nothing but the slow destruction of the subjects’ organism, affecting especially the nervous system causing severe convulsions that are becoming harder to contain. The magic needs to be stored safely in a way that it can be accessed without attacking the host. The source of magic is the soul. That must be the only option left._

You throw that one away too, the ghost of the pain in your chest gripping at your heart with sharp claws. You start to shake and the small skeleton walks up behind you, taking the book from your hands. “Don’t this to yourself.” Without speaking you pick up more of the papers and throw them in with the others, stopping to rip some in half out of anger and frustration. You notice that Sans has taken the book out and into a corner and you go to pick it back up. You look at it for a moment before exhaling heavily.

“Okay, we can take some of the books.” His eyes seem to shine at that and he stares at the bookshelves.

“I was very much into science at some point.” His hands are going over the books’ spines as he reads through the titles.

“Oh?” You perk up at his revelation, some of your rage subsiding. He hums in confirmation.

“Physics was more my field. I also liked astronomy from some of the books in the Underground but as you can guess it’s not exactly easy to study that without the sky to look at.” You nod in understanding. “But a… friend of mine… Also liked to study souls. Mainly the determination in humans. One of his experiments went wrong. It didn’t end very well.” There’s a tension in the air all of a sudden. “Alphys took over his work sometime after. I kind of stepped away from everything then.”

You walk over to the very back of the room and take out a book. It was the only thing in this room your father ever let you touch. You tap on Sans’ shoulder and when he turns around you set it in his hands. “You can have this one, if you want it.” It was a book on astrophysics that you liked to flip through as a child. “I never really understood it but I liked the pictures. I think you’d like it.”

His hand strokes the cover gently and he looks up at you smiling. “Thank you.” You blush slightly even though you’re still scowling from being in such close proximity to your torture chamber.

You go back to throwing things in the trash while Sans picks out the books he thinks would be most useful to Alphys. Deep in the dark corners of your mind you fear that this is a bad decision but you know it’s irrational to destroy so much literature that could potentially be used for good.

When you’re both done with your tasks you stare wide eyed at the rather large stack next to Sans. “Maybe I went a little overboard.” You decide not to comment and throw the rest of the books into the trash can, picking it up and taking it outside. You dig through drawers around the house until you find some old matches.

He’s waiting next to the paper filled bin when you come back. The match comes to life with a bright orange flame and you throw it in. You feel skeletal arms wrap around your waist and Sans resting his chin on your shoulder. The flames illuminate your face, creating random patterns of light and shadow and when he stares at you he sees determination burning in your eyes and smiles warmly.

You feel ready to rise from those ashes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it for this chapter, I don't know when the next one will be out, I've got some things I know I want to do but I'm still trying to figure out in which direction to go  
> As always, thank you for reading and feel free to leave any feedback, hope you enjoyed


	16. New beginnings

As the flames die down and the charred remains of the books, notes and papers crumble you and Sans take the books he’s picked out. Some of the things haven’t been completely destroyed, but enough that they’ve become obsolete, or so you hope. He tries to balance his share in one hand as he holds you with the other so that he can teleport you both back into town.

You watch as the world seems to dissolve and reform in front of your eyes and find yourself back in the skeleton brother’s house.

“BROTHER! HUMAN! YOU’RE BACK!” Before you can even think you’re scooped up off the ground along with Sans, the books falling to the floor with loud thuds. “I MISSED YOU BOTH SO MUCH!”

“Hey bro, missed you too. Hope you weren’t too _bonely_ without me around.” Papyrus groans loudly dropping you unceremoniously.

“I TAKE IT BACK. YOU CAN LEAVE AGAIN.” When you look over at Papyrus you swear he’s trying to fight off a smile. “HUMAN, WHY ARE YOU SO DIRTY?” He asks narrowing his eyes.

You look down at yourself. “Oh, I-” You let out a gasp when you raise your eyes again and see Papyrus’ body without his head for a fraction of a second, making you stumble backwards and fall. Your eyes are wide and your breathing accelerated. But everything is fine, Papyrus is fine.

“ARE YOU OKAY? YOU LOOK LIKE YOU’VE SEEN A VERY SCARY BUG.”

“Sorry, I thought… I thought I saw something…” You swallow nervously. Sans looks at you with concern, grabbing your arm and helping you to your feet. “I’m fine, really.” You assure them.

“WELL, I SHALL PREPARE CELEBRATORY SPAGHETTI TO COMEMORATE YOUR ARRIVAL AND RECOVERY!” You smile at him weakly, the image you saw flashing before your eyes once again.

“That sounds great…” Your voice is shaky and low, but you hope he doesn’t notice. You turn to Sans. “Mind if I clean myself up?” He shakes his head, eyes trained on you, filled with worry.

“You sure you’re okay? You seem pretty shaken up about something.” Nodding you start making your way to the bathroom.

You close the door and start panting heavily, trembling like a leaf. When you look in the mirror the dirt on your shirt is replaced with dust and you screech, clawing at it to take it off and throwing it on the floor as far away from you as possible. You curl yourself into the opposite corner, never looking away from the dust covered piece of clothing. Your head snaps to the door when you hear a knock.

“I heard you scream, are you alright?” Sans’ voice sounds through. You look over to the hoodie again, and there’s only dirt.

“I-I’m fine.” In your chest your heart is beating fast and hard, so much so that you’re almost certain someone else could hear it.

“Can I come in?” You stare at the hoodie crumpled up on the floor, after a few seconds you crawl over to it and pull it back over your head. Returning to your previous position and with shaky breaths you mumble a yes to Sans.

He turns the doorknob and steps inside slowly, taking in your appearance. You look like you’re on the verge of a panic attack, sitting curled up into a ball, knees hugged to your chest with a look of pure horror in your eyes. When you raise your head to look at the skeleton standing there at the entrance you see his eye sockets empty of light.

“Star…” You blink and his eyes are back to normal. Were they ever not? You don’t know anymore… “You know you can tell me if anything’s bothering you, right?”

“It’s nothing, just seeing things that aren’t really there.” You say quietly.

“That sounds like something to me.” He kneels in front of you and pushes a strand of hair out of your face and tucks it behind your ear, resting his hand on your cheek. You put your hand over his and try to pull the corners of your lips upwards, managing a small smile.

“I think today has taken a toll on me, that’s all.”

“You’re a terrible liar.” You find yourself laughing at that but a tear rolls down your cheek, you quickly wipe it away. He puts his arms around you and pulls you close to him. _“Do you wanna have a bad time?”_

Your blood chills and you push Sans away. “What? Get away from me!” He looks at you like you’ve slapped him. Suddenly you feel terrible. “I… What did you say…?”

“I asked if you want to talk about it.” His voice sounds so hurt. You run a quivering hand through your hair and cower further into the corner hiding your face from him in shame.

“I’m sorry. Something’s wrong. Those things that Chara forced onto my brain, they’re popping up out of nowhere.”

Coming over to you again, Sans rubs your arms softly. You close your eyes, willing yourself to calm down, just focusing on his touch. You take in steady breaths and try to think about other things, better things. Anything that will push those horrible images from your mind and the guilt and fear from your heart. Opening your eyes, you stare at Sans for a moment. “Am I going crazy?”

“No…” He embraces you tightly. “The timelines can be a lot to handle. Believe me, I know.”

Your eyes drift to the hall. “Do any of the others remember?”

Sans shakes his head. “Only Frisk and I.”

“How do you live with this?” You ask incredulous. You want these feelings to go away, but your mind doesn’t seem to be cooperating.

“You help…” You look at him with sad eyes. “So does Papyrus, and Frisk, and everyone else. You have to hold on to the people that make everything worth it.”

“You think I make everything worth it?” He sits down next to you.

“Well, you’re not half bad I suppose.” You nudge him on the side with your elbow and laugh slightly. Sans looks at you with a big grin and one eye closed.

“Be serious.”

“But how can I be serious when I’m Sans?” You shove him again and your lips stretch into a more genuine smile.

Leaning over to you he places his mouth on your forehead in a tender kiss. “That’s better. I love seeing you smile. I’ll do anything to keep you happy.” You rub your face into his.

“You do a pretty good job.”

“If you still want to get cleaned up you better hurry, don’t want to keep Paps waiting.” You agree. Sans gets up and brings you a towel and a pair of his shorts and a shirt.

When he leaves you strip and climb into the shower, turning on the hot water and letting it run down your back soothingly.

After putting on Sans’ clothes you feel calmer, slightly more relaxed, but the images are still swirling around in your brain. You try to ignore them but it’s proving hard. How could Chara be so cruel…?

_It’s not his fault… You weren’t there for him when he needed you. You didn’t do anything to take him away from your father’s influence._

You put your hands to your face and shake those thoughts away. You tell yourself to stop thinking like that. You promised yourself you wouldn’t let your father control you anymore, that goes for Chara as well.

_Then why can’t you stop thinking about him?_

When you look in the mirror you see his shadow looming over you. You turn around and walk out the door.

Coming to the kitchen you see Papyrus and Sans conversing, the spaghetti ready to be served and eaten. They stop talking when you walk in, turning to look at you. Were they talking about you?

“HUMAN, IT IS MY DUTY TO MAKE YOU FEEL AT HOME! YOU ARE NOW A PART OF THIS FAMILY!” To say you’re surprised by his words would be a huge understatement. Sans’ face flares up to a deep navy blue and the pinpricks of light that are his pupils disappear.

“Bro, you’re making her uncomfortable…”

“NONESENSE, SHE IS CLEARLY Y-” Papyrus’ mouth is quickly covered by Sans’ hand, which in and of itself is quite a feat considering their height difference.

“What Pap is trying to say is that we’d love it if you stayed with us.” The taller skeleton is mumbling something you can’t quite understand into his brother’s hand but shuts up after he glares at him for a moment before looking back at you with a nervous grin. “Let’s eat.”

You stare at the skeleton brothers confused and mildly amused.

It wasn’t long after eating until Papyrus started letting out tired yawns, meaning it was time for him to go to bed. When Sans returns from reading to him he sits next to you. You’re leaning against the couch’s armrest with your legs up onto the seat, and Sans pulls them onto his lap and gently rubs the exposed skin under the bottom of his shorts, taking care to avoid any scars. You have so many though, that it almost looks like his fingers are dancing on your skin, jumping from one spot to another, twirling in small circles where there are no lines.

“You’re so soft…” He murmurs, a content smile lighting up his face.

“What was that about earlier? With Papyrus.” Despite the fact that you’re enjoying his touch, curiosity always gets the better of you. His phalanges stop their motion and he looks into your eyes.

“It’s complicated… I don’t want to throw something like that onto you…” There’s a feeling settling in your chest, like a soft pull as your heart rate increases and you’re not sure why. “You never did say anything, though. If you want to stay.” His voice is quiet, hopeful. You feel anxious all of a sudden.

You reach for his hand and play with his fingers. His eyes are trained on you, expectant. When you look at his face you see more than just him. You see possibilities, a life that you never had but always wanted. You see someone who cares about you and who you care about just as much, someone who will be there for you when you need him. “I’d like that…”

He smiles brightly at you and leans over, placing his mouth on yours for a light peck. “That makes me really happy…” He murmurs against your lips. You smile and lean back on the armrest.

“I need to find myself a job though, don’t want to just sit around being useless.”

“You’re not useless.”

“You know what I mean…”

He thinks for a moment. “Papyrus mentioned that Muffet is opening a bakery downtown. You could check if she needs any hands, even though she’s got plenty of her own.” You feel like there’s a joke in there somewhere but you don’t get it.

“Okay, who’s Muffet?”

“A spider lady who likes to make pastries.” There’s a cold feeling in your stomach.

“You mean a lady who has a lot of spiders…?”

“Well, I guess, but she’s also literally a spider.” You feel a shiver going down your spine.

“Oh…” A spider monster. “I can handle that…” You try to assure yourself.

Sans’ expression twists into one of amusement. “Don’t tell me you’re afraid of spiders.” Quickly you turn away from him, staring at nothing in particular.

“No, I’ve been through hell and back, you think I’m scared of a little spider?” The slight crack in your voice (that is also about an octave higher than usual) betrays you.

“She’s taller than you.” Blood drains from your face. You feel something crawling up your arm and you squeal jumping off the couch and swatting at whatever it is, only to see Sans doubled over in laughter.

“Okay, fine, I have an irrational fear of spiders, I’m only human. It’s not funny.”

“It’s kind of funny.” He says between intakes of breath.

“You’re terrible.” The small skeleton continues laughing, wiping tears from his eyes.

“You like it, really.” He grins at you smugly. “But maybe Muffet’s isn’t the best option for you… Perhaps you could help Frisk with human-monster relations.” He ponders.

 “I wouldn’t mind helping, but honestly I don’t think I’m suited for such a thing. Besides I want to contribute somehow if I’m going to stay with you guys.” You sit down cross-legged on the floor looking up at Sans. “Would I get paid for that?”

“Probably not. We’ll figure something out.” Hoisting himself up from the couch he kneels in front of you and pulls your face to his so he can kiss you again.

You place your hands on his shoulders, a tingling sensation spreading over your body when you lean into him. As his ribs press to yours you feel your heartbeat accelerating. The tug of his soul on your own increases and you’re overcome with a need to be closer, even though that’s nearly physically impossible. Sans’ fingers go from your face to your shoulders, to your back and to your hips, deciding that will be where they stay. You wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him closer, pushing your chest to his in a desperate attempt to satisfy the plea of your soul.

He pulls away, face flushed, eyes clouded. Sans gently places his hand over your heart, feeling it thump away in your chest and the soft hum of your soul in the background that he doesn’t fail to notice matches his own. He takes a deep breath and looks you in the eyes. “Star I…” He starts but doesn’t go on. You take his hand and squeeze it encouragingly. He looks nervous. “You make me really happy. When I’m around you it’s like the rest of the world doesn’t matter and I just want to give you everything you deserve. You make me a better version of myself.” He takes a deep breath and looks you in the eyes for a long moment that seems to stretch on forever. “What I really want to say is that I love you…” You sit in stunned silence for a while, trying to register what he just said. And when it finally sinks in, your heart seems to stop for a split second, only to resume its incessant beating faster than ever before. “Say something please…”

The despair in Sans’ voice makes you snap out of your trance and you throw your arms around him in a tight hug face buried in his neck. “I love you too.” You whisper.

You feel him relax and melt into your embrace, his fingers snaking through your hair. His happiness washes over you and you feel like you’re floating. For now, all your worries are forgotten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long for this chapter, I've been having some trouble figuring out how to get to where I want this to go, not sure if I'm 100% happy with how it turned out but I hope you enjoyed it all the same
> 
> Thank you for reading :)


	17. Calling out

You’re running, out of breath but pushing forward. You can’t stop now after you’ve come so far. The longer you go the better the chance that you’ll make it if you don’t collapse from exhaustion. You trip over something and fall face first onto the pavement, pain shooting through you. You’re not healed from the last session yet.

Hands wrap around your neck and pull you up from the floor. His grip is so tight, you can’t breathe. You claw at his arms desperately. “S-stop…” You choke out a plea.

“Did you honestly _think_ you could do anything?”

“S-sans…”

“The skeleton’s gone. You killed him remember?” You struggle to look to your side, where Chara is standing, twirling a knife in his hand, the tip piercing his index and calling out a string of blood down his hand. He tiptoes over to you, putting his arms around your struggling body, pointing the knife to your stomach. “He was on his knees, just waiting.” He pushes it in, breaking the skin. “And you didn’t stop.” The blade sinks deeper, twisting around. “So why should we?”

Your vision is blurring, the torture unbearable. You want to scream but you’re strangled. Chara’s other hand reaches for your chest. “Your soul is ours now.” He says as he pulls the knife up, opening you from your hip to your neck, leaving your heart exposed. Your father reaches into your chest and rips it out, dropping you to the ground.

There’s blood everywhere. You should be dead by now, but you’re not. You feel someone shaking you and weakly move your head to see Sans leaning over you, worry written all over his face.

“Star, wake up, you’re dreaming.” You sit up suddenly. You look around to see that you’re in Sans’ room. It was just a nightmare. But there’s a sharp pain on your side and you cover the spot with your hands. It feels wet and sticky. “You’re bleeding…” His voice is shocked as he looks at you, blood seeping into the shirt of his that you’re wearing.

“What?” You bring your hand up in front of your face and sure enough, there’s the metallic smelling substance all over it. “How…?”

“I’ll go get Pap!” He quickly shuffles out of his room and you’re left staring stupidly at your fingers, the ache on your side doing nothing to snap you out of your stupor.

_It was just a dream…_

“Sans, what’s going on?” Papyrus’s sleepy voice sounds down the hall, uncharacteristically quiet. When his groggy eyes fall on you however, he’s jolted fully awake. “HUMAN! WHAT HAPPENED?!” He sprints to your side and starts casting healing magic around your injury, making it sting slightly.

You’re still shell-shocked, eyes never leaving your blood covered hand. “I… was dreaming…” You tell yourself. The smaller of the two skeletons climbs onto the bed and intertwines his fingers with your gory ones, his other hand finding the crook of your neck shaking you slightly.

“Star, snap out of it, please…” You slowly turn your eyes to Sans.

“You’re not dead…” Eye sockets widen and phalanges tighten around your hand.

“Of course not, why would you think I was?” He sounds alarmed.

“He said I killed you and then he stabbed me… But it was only a nightmare…” You sound so detached it’s hurting his soul. “So why am I bleeding?”

“I’m taking care of you, you’ll be fine. The wound is not very deep.” Papyrus is back to being quiet, and not even the oddity of such a thing is enough to bring you back to earth. “Sans, what’s going on?”

“I don’t know. She was thrashing, I woke her up and she was like this.” He explains, pulling you closer. Unconsciously you bring your bloody hand over to Sans’ cheek. He doesn’t shy away from it, instead leaning into it, despite the fact it stains his face a dark red.

“You’re here…” You murmur, resting your forehead on his, closing your eyes.

“I’ll always be here.”

The magic dies down and the taller skeleton stands up, rubbing your back. “That should be better.” You turn to look at Papyrus your thoughts starting to make some sort of sense.

“Thank you.”

“THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS ALWAYS READY TO OFFER HIS AID!” He flashes you a bright smile but you can tell that it doesn’t reach his eyes and you feel awful for putting him through this, even though you’re not entirely sure what it even is.

He goes back to his room, presumably to go back to sleep, but you can’t shake the feeling that he won’t be sleeping anymore tonight.

Sans puts one arm behind your back and another one under your legs, pulling you up to his chest and carrying you to the bathroom. There he sits you down and soaks a small towel, cleaning your hand with it and then your face. The white cloth soon turns completely crimson. His fingers stop at the bottom of the shirt that is sticking to your skin, completely drenched.

“I can take care of it.” You say quietly, but he shakes his head.

“I’m not leaving you alone.” Slowly he pulls the shirt over your head and throws it to a corner of the room, making a point not to look anywhere but at your stomach as he rubs the wet towel over where the wound previously sat. It’s still sensitive, not completely recovered as Papyrus isn’t as skilled as Toriel with healing magic, and so Sans taps the cloth carefully over it in an attempt to not break the skin again.

When the redness has been washed away he peels off his blue jacket, staying in only a white t-shirt, and while looking at the wall drapes it over your naked shoulders, a soft cyan hue glowing over his cheekbones which you notice are still caked in your blood.

The jacket is warm around you, it smells like him. You wrap it over yourself and zip it up. Taking the towel in your own hands you softly wipe at his cheek. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” He looks you in the eyes, his expression mild.

“For one I ruined your clothes. And I scared you, and Papyrus…” Your voice gets lower after each word leaves your lips.

“I’m just glad you’re okay now. Papyrus is stronger than he looks. I’ll make sure to do something nice for him.” In spite of the situation a small smile spreads on your face.

“I’ll get in on that.” You set the dirty towel on the floor when you’re done. “You said you had nightmares too. Why do they stop when I’m around?”

His pupils drift to your chest. “Your soul settles mine down.”

“How? And why doesn’t it do the same for me?”

“Well, uh… It’s complicated…” He picks up the bloodied cloths and starts walking towards the door and you get up to follow him.

“You used that excuse before already.” You pull on his arm so that he turns to face you.

“First of all we should be figuring out how you got that lovely piece of work on your stomach.” He points in the general direction of where the laceration was earlier. You can’t really argue with that.

“I definitely dreamt that I got stabbed there, and it definitely hurt in the dream.”

“Dreams can’t hurt you though.”

“Can’t they?” You really can’t be sure. Magic is a mysterious thing that works in mysterious ways. Who’s to say that your nightmares don’t come true? He stares at you strangely.

“No.” He says simply, eye sockets narrowed. “What else happened in the dream?”

You think back, the details becoming fuzzy from the time you’ve been awake now. “Well, it was a jumbled up replay of memories in an order that isn’t quite how it happened. My father was strangling me just like that day. But then Chara was there, saying I killed you. And he stabbed me where my father did the same way he did. And then…” You shudder as you recall it. “He opened me up like a pig for slaughter…”

“If what I think is right then it’s a good thing I woke you up.” Sans speaks quietly.

“And what exactly do you think?” The small skeleton looks at you in the eyes, his expression sombre.

“That you did this to yourself.” Your mouth falls open. “Dreams can’t kill you, but you can act them out. I speak from experience.” It makes some sense, but you weren’t the one wielding the knife. Chara was. As if he read your mind Sans offers an explanation. “Chara’s soul was closely bound to yours, it might be that parts of him are still lingering inside you, taking a hold of you.”

“So what you’re saying is that he could still use me to hurt someone…?”

“No, but your subconscious is susceptible to influence. He’s gone, but his soul left a mark on yours.”

You throw your head back, exasperated. “And meanwhile I’m a danger to everyone when I’m asleep.”

Skeletal arms wrap around you comfortingly. “It will go away, it just might take some time.”

“How do you know that?” He shifts uncomfortably sighing heavily.

“I wasn’t going to do this because it’s kind of… I don’t know… But you look like you need something to hold onto so…” You look at Sans expectantly. He grabs your hand and takes you to his room, stopping for a moment to take away the bloodied sheets and place them in a corner along with everything else.

He motioned for you to sit down and stood in front of you, bringing his hand up to his chest. There’s a moment of silence and he pulls his hand away, a cyan heart following it out from his ribcage, filling the room with its light.

“Oh wow…”

“I don’t go pulling out my soul for just anyone… Please be careful.” Your eyes are wide and you’re unsure of what to even do or say.

“It’s beaut-” You cut yourself short when you notice something on it. Little ridges that look all too familiar grace its surface here and there. They look like… “Scars…?” You inadvertently raise your fingers over to it, careful not to touch it as you don’t really know if you’re allowed. The little heart seems to shake and lean into your hand, causing you to pull back quickly with a gasp.

“Heh, it does that around you. Trauma scars your soul just like blades scar your skin. But like everything else, it heals with time, leaving the memory, but building your character.” The soul jumps to you pulling him with it. “Wow there!” He reaches for it and brings it back over, grinning sheepishly at you. “Sorry.”

“Can you pull mine out too?” Your voice is quiet but curious.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea…”

“Why not?” His cheekbones glow a navy blue.

“If our souls are both out in the open things might get… Hard to handle…”

You feel like a small child asking question after question to everything he says. “Why?”

“I’m sure you’ve noticed a pull in your chest even when your soul’s inside you.”

“Yes, but what could happen? And why do I feel it? Is it because of our feelings for each other?” The questions just keep forming in your brain, one after another, and you can’t seem to stop yourself from voicing them.

“Starting with that last one, yes but it’s more than that.” He’s holding his soul close to his chest, it seems agitated, like it wants to move around freely. “My coming to that park wasn’t just a coincidence…”

You tilt your head to the side, your interest peaked. “What do you mean?”

The small skeleton looks away from you, seemingly embarrassed. “Have you ever heard of soulmates?” You blink at him. “To monsterkind it’s not just a romantic way to describe long lasting love.”

“So you’re saying…”

“Our souls call out to each other in a way that’s very hard to ignore.”

“Is it just a monster thing?”

“No, but I think it’s rare among humans, didn’t even know it was possible between a human and a monster…” He chuckles slightly. “It’s kind of amazing, your soul is something special. I’m lucky I found you…” Carefully he cups his soul with one hand lifting it in front of you. He points to a brighter looking line in the middle. “That’s from when I thought I lost you. Still fresh. But they fade in time.”

You feel an ache in your chest at that, tears stinging your eyes, threatening to spill out. “We’re not so different you and I…”

Sans smiles at you, taking his soul back into his chest. “No, we’re not…”

“So this was what you and Papyrus were talking about?” He nods.

“Paps is perceptive, I swear he knew it before I did. But I didn’t want to tell you in fear that it would scare you off. It’s not something to take lightly.” He seems anxious all of a sudden. “You’re not bothered by this are you?”

You laugh and lean closer to peck him on the mouth. “My soul is yours.”

For a second you think you see his pupils turn to hearts. Sans crashes into you, bony arms holding you tight. “I will protect it with my life.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's some anguish mixed with a few loving confessions, fluffy chapters to come :P  
> Hope you enjoyed reading, please leave any feedback you may have


	18. Knowing me, knowing you

Sans had fallen back asleep with a big smile on his face and after a while of looking at him you decided that you weren’t going to catch a wink that night. Both due to the excitement of his revelation and the fear of what might happen if you did doze off again. You checked on Papyrus and much to your relief he was curled up in his bed, holding what looked like a teddy bear and a serene expression gracing his features. You wanted to make it up to him, but you didn’t know how so you decided to just try and take care of the stained clothes lying on the bedroom floor.

You bite at your thumbnail as you stare at the washing machine.

“This can’t really be that hard…” You mumbled to no one in particular, trying to figure out which buttons to press and what goes where.

Looking at the clock in the kitchen wall you see that it is still quite late at night. Or is it early in the morning? It doesn’t really matter, you shake your head and decide to call it quits before you do anything stupid.

You sit down and place your elbows on the table, resting your head in your hands. You really want to figure out something to do that would make Papyrus happy, anything to make up for all the trouble you’ve cause him and his brother. You think hard. What does a tall skeleton with a big personality like? Maybe you should ask Sans for help? No, he’s sleeping, and granted you’ve given him enough distress already, you should make it up to him as well.

So what do two skeletons who are complete opposites of each other enjoy doing?

You groan. This is going nowhere fast. You pull Sans’ hood over your head and inhale deeply, taking in the comforting scent, absurdly hoping it’ll somehow enlighten you. And just because you wanted to take in his scent, but that’s not important. You realise that you don’t know the brothers that well at all and frown at the thought. You’re a terrible friend. And a terrible soulmate. Your stomach flutters at the term and you mentally smack yourself. This is no time to be love-struck.

You straighten up in your seat suddenly. If you don’t know that much about them then there’s no time like the present to get to work on that. But it’s way too early (late? god damn it) to go about such a thing now. So what are you supposed to do until it’s a reasonable enough hour for them to be awake? And you for that matter… You’re struck with the notion that sleep deprivation mixed with a hint of paranoia makes you more hyper than one would consider normal.

You run your hands through your hair causing the hood to fall back onto your back. Walking into the living room you spy the stack of books that you brought from the house from the corner of your eye and raise an eyebrow at them. You guess you could take a look through them. If only just to pass the time.

You pick up the one at the top. “The nature of souls…” You mumble the title. You skim through the index. Sitting down cross-legged on the couch you open on a chapter about what the colour of a human soul means. There’s a variety of colours and what traits they correspond to. What colour is your soul? You’ve never seen it yourself. You make a mental note to ask Sans about that. Bright isn’t exactly a colour after all.

As you look through the traits you try to guess which colour you think you’d be. Determination, bravery, patience, integrity, perseverance, kindness, justice… Do you have any of these? Which one identifies you? Well your magic has a red aura, does that mean your soul is red?

Before you can reach a conclusion you feel a hand on your shoulder, making you jump and drop the book on the floor. “Jesus Christ!”

“Nope, last I checked it was Sans.” You hear laughing behind you and turn to glare at the small skeleton. “Sorry, didn’t mean to make you jump out of your skin. Woke up and saw you weren’t there, was kind of worried. Why are you here?” He leans against the back of the couch, face propped up in one of his hands.

“Couldn’t sleep. Wanted to do something, but after reconsidering my inaptitude, decided against it. Ended up reading.” You explain succinctly. “Hey, what colour’s my soul? I kind of realised I haven’t seen it.”

Sans’ pupils drift to the book you dropped. “White.”

You scowl. “Well that’s disappointing.” He chuckles.

“Why do you say that?”

“White isn’t in there. It mentions that the colour reveals the trait that most reflects your being and it lists some. White isn’t one of them.” He grins at you in a way that makes you think he knows something you don’t. “Also white light isn’t really a colour is it? It’s just what you see when all the colours are put together.”

“Is that so?” He asks a little sarcastically as his expression turns to one of amusement. It slowly dawns on you what that actually means and you feel like somewhat of an idiot for taking so long to get to that conclusion.

“Oh…”

“I did say your soul was something special. You can’t be described by a simple label. You’re so much more than that.” His fingers stroke your face gently. “Most people have a stronger characteristic that outshines all the others. Frisk is clear determination. As was Chara…”

You rub your face with your hands at the mention of your brother. “Makes sense, even after dying he was determined to keep on hating me and everyone… Still is.”

Sans’ features fall slightly, marked with regret. “I shouldn’t have brought him up.”

“No it’s fine. He’s been plaguing my thoughts lately anyhow.” You brush it off despite the nasty feeling in your stomach. “Does Papyrus work today?”

He eyes you suspiciously. “Don’t think so. What did you decide against doing by the way? Nothing bad I hope…” There’s a serious tone in the last sentence that you choose to ignore.

You blush and look away. “I was trying to clean up the bloody mess I made on your clothes. Realised I don’t know how to use that contraption and didn’t do anything in fear of making an even bigger one.” He chuckles and tells you that it’s fine, he was going to do it later. “Yeah well I was trying to be helpful.” You shrug. “I was also thinking that I really want to do something for Papyrus but I couldn’t come up with anything…”

You feel Sans resting his chin on your head, chuckling. “I thought I said I’d do that.”

“And I wanted to as well. But since I can’t really offer anything, I was thinking I’d get to know you two better… I realise I haven’t really invested any time in that…” Looking down at your hands you feel guilty. They’ve been nothing but nice to you and you haven’t so much as asked them what they like.

“You had your mind on other things, understandably. But that sounds good.” Sans moves around the couch and plops down next to you. “What would you like to know? While Paps is still sleeping.” You look at the small skeleton next to you, and as you notice the tired look on his face you wonder if it weren’t for you being here if he’d be sleeping himself.

“What do you like to do on your free time?”

“Nap. Even when I’m busy. I think the time I’ve spent with you is collectively the most time I’ve been awake in my entire life.” He flashes you a lazy grin.

“For some reason I saw that one coming.” You giggle. “Stupid question, but what’s your favourite colour?”

He thinks on that for a moment. “I like orange. It’s Pap’s colour.” That comment warms your heart. “What’s yours?”

“I never really had one.” You fiddle with your thumbs and bite down on your bottom lip. “But lately, I’ve kind of grown attached to blue…” A light cyan hue crawls to Sans’ cheekbones and you smile timidly. You try to think of something else you want to ask him. “Hmm… What do you want most in the world?”

His eyes stare intensely into your own. “I’ve already got everything I need.” It’s your turn to flush a deep red.

“W-what would you like to do today?” Sans shrugs noncommittally.

“Anything you and Pap want is fine with me.”

There’s a comfortable silence for a while. You see him closing his eyes and you’re not sure if he’s gone to sleep. Either way you decide to speak up. “Promise me something…” He opens one eye socket as a way to show you he’s listening. Crossing your arms over your chest, hugging yourself you shiver slightly. “If I ever try to hurt anyone…”

A skeletal hand covers your mouth and Sans’ face is right in front of yours before you can finish your sentence. “I’m never going to make that promise.” His voice is soft but at the same time scarily intense and unwavering. Your heart beats faster in your chest and your breath catches in your throat. “Instead you promise me you won’t ever think of that again.” He removes his hand but you don’t say anything, you nod your head just enough so that he can perceive it. “Good.”

Returning to his previous position he closes his eyes once again. You don’t allow yourself to do the same. You’re too afraid of what might happen. So you just look at him, like you did earlier that night. Slowly you inch closer, resting your head on his shoulder, finding that without his jacket around it to provide some padding it’s a little harder than before. Even so, it’s still oddly comfortable for bone. His arm drapes itself over your waist and pulls you to him. You let out a sigh.

Phalanges draw circles on your waist over the fabric of the jacket. You notice Sans’ other arm lying across his leg, radius and ulna exposed. So naturally you decide to run the tips of your fingers over his bones, so gently someone might think you’d break him if you did otherwise. He gasps at the feeling, his eyes shooting open. You briefly question how sensitive his bones really are in your mind. From his reaction you take it that, if he’s relaxed, a lot.

“Sorry…” You whisper.

“It’s okay. It felt… nice.” You can’t help the small smile that crawls onto your lips coupled with a light blush.

Shifting slightly, Sans pulls his leg up underneath him, leaning closer to you as a hand nestles in the crook of your neck, turning your head upwards. His body presses against you and his mouth finds yours, kissing you passionately. Despite the fact that he doesn’t have any lips to work with, you enjoy it just as much, if not more, as you think you would have had he possessed any. Just because he was Sans, it made everything beyond perfect.

He pulls back shortly after, and you’re a bit disappointed until you hear the click of a door opening as Papyrus steps out of his room looking like he had a terrible night. You feel so awful about it, you jump off the couch and walk up to the tall skeleton throwing your arms around him, your face reaching the bottom half of his ribs.

“I’m so sorry Papyrus.” At first he’s taken aback and takes a while to completely comprehend what is happening. But not even five seconds pass until he’s got his own arms over your shoulders in a tight hug.

“HU-Um I mean… Star… It’s okay…” He speaks softly, rubbing your back gently. Soon he’s back to his loud cheerful self. “I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, HAVE GONE THROUGH A LOT WORSE! AFTER ALL, UNDYNE WAS MY TEACHER!” You giggle at that in spite of yourself and look up to see the tall skeleton sporting his trademark heart-warming smile that lights up the room.

“Isn’t my bro cool?” Sans speaks from his spot on the couch.

You hold him tighter. “The coolest.” You beam up at him and you didn’t think it’d be possible but somehow his grin spreads wider, his eyes shining with enthusiasm. “I was thinking we could have some fun today, how does that sound?”

“NYEH-HEH-HEH! IT SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT OPPORTUNITY TO ENBARK IN A MOST AMAZING ADVENTURE THAT YOU SHALL REMEMBER FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE FONDLY! WE MUST CALL EVERYONE!” And without another word he’s gone to his room presumably to do just that, leaving you speechless and wide-eyed.

“Everyone? Wait, I was meaning to hang out with you two. Not that I don’t like everyone else… But I don’t know if I’m ready for this.” Sans takes in your sudden panic.

“Should’ve been more specific. Pap gets excited easily.” You lean against the wall inhaling deeply.

“I can see that…”

Sans gets up off his seat and walks over to you, smirking. “Don’t worry, it’ll be fun. If I know Paps, and believe me I do, he’ll do everything in his power to make sure you have a great time.”

You flash him a nervous smile, anxiety starting to take over you. “It was supposed to be the other way around…”

“He likes doing these things, makes him happy.” He takes your hands and squeezes them compassionately.

“What if… I’m not stable? What if I start seeing things again? I don’t want to do anything… stupid.” You breathe, a sense of dread sinking in.

“I’ll be here to make sure you don’t.” He assures you. “If anything seems wrong you tell me okay?” You nod at him, grateful that he’s here to quell the bubbling fear rising in you. His hands rise up to caress your face in a soothing fashion and you close your eyes taking deep breaths. “Just relax and try to enjoy yourself. We can call it quits at any time.”

Papyrus bursts out of his room, full of energy and anticipation. “EVERYONE’S BEEN NOTIFIED! NOW TO MAKE A NUTRITIOUS BREAKFAST TO PREPARE FOR THE GREAT DAY AHEAD OF US!” He flat out skips towards the kitchen.

You smile weakly at Sans. “Can’t disappoint someone like that…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it for this chapter, hope you enjoyed reading it  
> Please leave any feedback you may have :)


	19. A day out

“We need to get you more clothes.” Sans mumbles handing you the jeans and hoodie from the day before.

“It’s a shame that outfit you gave me got ruined…” You reply taking them in your hands.

“You liked it?” He smiles at you softly and you nod, returning the gesture before going into the bathroom to change and get ready.

Unzipping Sans’ jacket you stare at yourself. Still dangerously skinny but slightly more plump than before. You poke at the newly added scar on your stomach. You chuckle humourlessly. Never thought you’d have any self-inflicted ones.

_It wasn’t you though, not really…_

A voice rings in your head that sounds ominously similar to Chara’s. You shake your head to rid yourself of the dark thoughts that start flooding your mind.

Stepping out of the bathroom you join the skeleton brothers in the living room, handing Sans his jacket, thanking him for what he did for you. He took it and immediately slipped it on, soon a blue tinge is dusting his cheeks.

“Smells like you…”

There’s a loud crashing sound at the entrance and you turn to see the door slammed open, nearly ripped off the hinges and a tall and muscular, very angry looking, blue fish monster standing there huffing and puffing. A shiver crawls down your spine when her eye meets your widened ones.

“PUNK!” She nearly growls.

“U-Undyne…” You stutter at the sight of her.

“How dare you wake up and not say anything after you left us hanging that night?!” She stalks over to you, sharp teeth bared. “Especially when shorty over there showed up half dead with your own life hanging by a thread! He wouldn’t even let us see you! Like you had some sort of contagious disease only he was immune to! WE WERE WORRIED SICK YOU NERD!” You think she’s going to hit you and you brace yourself, but instead you find yourself in a bone crushing embrace.

“I’m sorry…” You manage to let out, your voice sounding choked both from her hold on you and the knot of guilt that formed in your throat.

“If you had died I would’ve killed you!” You can’t help the laugh that escapes you when she says this. She lets go of you and gives you a menacing glare that makes you flinch. “Don’t ever do something like that again!”

“No promises.” She punches your arm forcefully and you chuckle despite the pain.

“CAREFUL WITH THE HUMAN UNDYNE! THEY’RE SQUISHY AND FRAGILE!” Papyrus warns her while checking if her punch didn’t do any lasting damage.

“She can take a hit as well as she can dodge them! I didn’t even use my full force.” She flashes you a grin that throws you off after all the hostility she displayed. “Good thing you’re okay, means I can fight you again!”

“Maybe hold off on the training while she recovers.” Sans suggests sending you a knowing look which you return with gratitude in your eyes. You’re not certain using magic at the moment is the best of ideas.

It seems Alphys is working today but Undyne makes sure you know how concerned about you she was the whole time, asking if she could do anything to help, run some tests, anything. Sans wouldn’t have it. You shoot a glance at him and he shies away from it. You know why he did what he did. He was protecting everyone else from Chara… From you…

You can’t shake the feeling that he still has to.

Soon after Undyne barged in, there’s a gentle knock at the door and before you look to see them come in you already know who it is. Toriel steps in with Frisk beaming behind her. Their resemblance to Chara still tugs at your heart strings slightly. The thoughts that have been plaguing you lately are nothing short of disturbing and the fact that Frisk enacted some of them against his will isn’t making things any easier. You bend down to take them into a hug that stretches on for longer than you initially intended.

“Hey Frisk. How’s school?” They sign something to you before realising you don’t understand and reaching into a bag they’re carrying. They take out a little white board.

After writing on it and turning it over to you, you read the words scribbled in black. **Great. Want me to teach you some signs sometime?**

You nod eagerly. That would not only make communication between the two of you easier but it was also a good skill to have. Despite their physical similarities Chara and Frisk couldn’t be more different. It’s curious how the same soul nature can result in such jarringly opposite personalities. You greet Toriel timidly.

“It’s great to see that you’re better, my child.”

“I owe a lot of that to you.” She smiles warmly. You finally notice that there’s someone else standing behind her. Another goat-monster, much bigger and broader than the motherly monster who’s helped you so much already. His horns are thick and strong, standing tall on his head and offering him an imposing air of royalty. He truly is the king of the monsters.

Asgore smiles at you. “Howdy, Star is it? I’ve heard a lot about you from Alphys. She tells me you’re a very interesting human indeed.” He extends out his paw like hand and you take it with a heavy heart.

“Your majesty…” You start but are quickly interrupted.

“Please, no such formalities. Asgore is just fine.”

“Ah, okay… That would be me, yes. Although I wouldn’t say that I’m interesting or anything.” You scratch at the back of your neck embarrassed.

“Hey, if I have any say in the matter you’re the most amazing human on the surface of the earth.” Sans grins, putting an arm around your waist. “After Frisk of course…” He quickly adds after receiving a playfully icy glare from the small child.

Laughing sounds over the room and you join in.

You’re surrounded by so many loving monsters (and Frisk) and they all seem to genuinely care about you. Your heart warms at the notion.

_Do you really think they’d love you if they all knew what’s going on in your head?_ The voice in your mind sneers. You ignore it.

If you distract yourself it will go away. If you ignore it, Chara’s voice will stop filling your mind with twisted thoughts you’d never think otherwise. You tell yourself it’s just the aftereffects of the possession. It was bound to leave some scars like Sans said… That was all it was…

Papyrus excitedly fills everyone in on his amazing plans for the day but you’re not really listening. You feel Sans’ hand squeeze your side to get your attention.

“You okay?” He asks lowly.

You fake a smile. “Yeah, I’m good.”

He shakes his head disbelieving. “How am I supposed to help if you don’t tell me what’s wrong?” You look down at your feet ashamed.

“I’m just trying not to think about it.”

“I get that. But I’ve been down that road before. It doesn’t end pretty.” His eyes meet yours and you can feel his concern for you.

“It’s the same as before… Just unwarranted thoughts that come out of nowhere…” You confess quietly as the others chat away, completely unaware.

He nods and pulls you closer. “Tell me if it gets worse.” It already has. You stay quiet hoping against hope that you’ll be able to abstain yourself from it.

Apparently Papyrus has heard that there’s a fair in town at his job. He gets a lot of friendly costumers that talk to him about such things when they walk in. It sounds fun to you. You’ve never been to one. All the others are excited as well. Especially Frisk and Undyne.

“We’ll WRECK all the games! WIN ALL THE PRIZES!” She pumps her fist in the air. “Man I wish Alph was here!”

You arrive at your destination and you scan your surroundings with a wonder filled gaze. Everything is so big and colourful and noisy. Your mouth drops open as you stare at the large ferris wheel.

“Wow.” Is all you can manage to let out.

“ISN’T IT AMAZING?” Papyrus jumps around. Frisk is already running inside before you can snap out of your amazement.

“Frisk, don’t wander off alone.” Toriel warns from behind you.

Undyne’s already making her way after the small child with Papyrus in tow. “Don’t worry, we’ll take care of the dweeb!”

Sans nudges you with his hip. “Where do you want to start?”

You take a look around. “I can’t decide.”

Asgore chuckles. “Yes, it is quite overwhelming.”

“There’s a _fair_ amount of entertainment.” Toriel snickers.

“Come on Tor, even by my standards that was pretty bad.” Sans says but laughs nonetheless.

The rest of you all go in and start inspecting everything. The smell of fried foods that no one in their right mind would think to fry fills the air. Your eyes widen when you spy someone rolling pink fluff onto a stick. You’ve never had cotton candy before. Biting down on your lip you stare at the man masterfully creating an ever growing ball of sugary goodness and handing it to a little girl giggling next to her mother. “You want some.” Sans whispers in your ear, making you jump slightly. It’s not exactly a question but you answer all the same, somewhat flustered.

“No, I wouldn’t want to… It’s fine…” He completely ignores you and goes up to the stand. At first the man running it eyes him suspiciously, but you guess a living, talking skeleton isn’t something he would see every day. After getting over the fact that he’s talking to a monster the man gets to work and hands Sans a pink fluff covered stick, which he promptly pays for.

“This is stickier than it looks.” The small skeleton comments when his finger returns covered in the stuff after poking at it out of curiosity. He waves the finger in front of your face. “Heh. Wanna lick it off?” You blush a scarlet shade and look away. “Kidding. Here.” You take the cotton candy from him and take an experimental bite. Big mistake. Your face is instantly sticky all over.

“Oh geez…” You try to lick at it but can’t reach where the sugar has stuck to your cheek.

“Oh, take this, my child.” Toriel gives you a tissue and you wipe your face with it after thanking her.

After this you know to pick small bits off with your hand and then sticking it in your mouth to avoid another disaster. It’s delicious. So sweet, making your taste buds come alive. You ask Sans if he’d like a taste but he shakes his head, too busy looking at you enjoy it.

You decide to go find Frisk and the others. They’re in line to go into some ride that looks slightly scary as you see the people already in it go past you screaming, going around the ride at astounding speeds. But of course this only makes it more exciting for the three of them.

“OH PLEASE COME WITH US!” Papyrus begs.

“N-no, I don’t think that’s a good idea…”

 “What are you, a chicken?” Undyne mocks you, feigning wings with her arms.

Frisk joins in with her mimicking while giggling. “I’ll go if Sans does.” You blurt out.

“No way.” He immediately retorts much to your relief.

“Oh well, guess I won’t go this time, sorry guys…” You start walking somewhere else but Undyne grabs at your hood pulling you back.

“Oh no you don’t.” She picks you up off the floor and carries you over to the ride. You stare at Sans desperately.

“Help me!”

He shrugs while laughing, placing his hands behind his head. “Not my battle.”

Papyrus buys the tickets and you’re set down on a seat and strapped in. You’re quiet and unmoving but deep inside you’re panicking. As soon as the ride speeds up you shut your eyes tight, resisting the urge to scream at the feeling settling in your stomach. One thing’s for certain, right now you aren’t thinking of anything else.

You stumble out, slightly sick, very unbalanced. The world around you is twirling. “I don’t feel so good…” You mutter as Undyne and Papyrus both yell “AGAIN!”

Sans steadies you. “How was it?” He grins mischievously.

You glare at him. “I hate you.”

“Aww… You break my heart. Oh wait, I don’t have one.”

“Clearly.” You grumble, groaning at your stomach churning.

“I’ll make it up to you, wait.” You narrow your eyes at him unsure of where he’s going with this.

When you’ve recovered you go to one of those games where if you knock down all the cans you get to pick a prize. “Which one do you want?” He asks.

Raising an eyebrow at him you stare confused. “You haven’t even played yet…”

He winks at you. And asks the woman running the game to play. She goes to hand him three balls but he tells her that he only needs one. She snorts at him but complies.

He doesn’t even aim, just throws in the general direction, and you don’t miss the faint blue glow around the ball as it crashes into the cans, throwing them all down. “Told ya.” He smirks at the woman who scowls at him, telling him to pick a prize.

He turns to you and does a swift motion towards them. You point to a small stuffed panda and she takes it down for you.

“Why a panda?” He asks with interest after you’re a few meters away.

You shrug. “Closest thing they had to a stuffed Sans.” You hug it to your chest and smile to yourself when you see him blush a light blue. “You know that’s cheating right?”

“Like they don’t cheat too.” He responds with a widespread smirk.

When you re-join the rest of the group you all grab something to eat. You’re dragged into more rides against your will, but thankfully they’re not as bad as the first and you actually have fun in some of them. Without realising where the time has gone, dusk soon starts to fall, the sky being coloured by beautiful shades of pink and orange.

Papyrus and Frisk pull both you and Sans towards the big wheel enthusiastically.

“WE HAVE TO GO ON THAT! LOOK IT’S SO HIGH UP!” Frisk nods fervently in agreement, a huge ear to ear grin plastered on their face.

You stare at it. “It only has two seats per cabin. One person will be left out…” You murmur.

“Oh, it’s fine, I’ll stay behind, looks boring anyhow!” Undyne smirks, and you could swear she gives Frisk a suspicious glance but before you can think about it anymore, you’re already being pushed into the line along with Asgore and Toriel.

“FRISK AND I WILL GO TOGETHER!” The tall skeleton winks at the child. Okay something fishy is definitely going on and it’s not Undyne…

“My child, are you sure you wouldn’t like to come with me instead?” Toriel inquires glancing towards the larger goat monster briefly with some uneasiness. They sign something and the motherly monster smiles softly. “Oh alright…”

“What did they say?” You ask Sans quietly, curious as to what exactly is happening.

“Some lame excuse about wanting to share the moment with Pap.” He smiles knowingly. Turning his mouth towards your ear he whispers into it. “Kid’s trying to set them up again.”

You let out a drawn out oh. “Then why do we have to go as well?”

“Less suspicious? Also I don’t mind the idea. Seems nice.”

Not one to disagree with that, you simply nod, the corners of your lips pulled up as you look up at it. “I bet you can see everything from up there.” The small skeleton hums in agreement and takes your hand in his.

You take your seats and the wheel slowly starts its rise. Asgore and Toriel were in front of the two of you, Papyrus and Frisk behind you. You see Asgore’s hand go for Toriel’s and you think you hear a screech of excitement from Frisk, but it might just be your imagination. However, the smaller goat monster pulls away, and you can feel the disappointment emanating off of the king. You fight off a giggle, it would be rude.

Sans snorts slightly. “Knew it wouldn’t be that easy.”

You playfully smack his shoulder. “The ride’s long, give them a chance.”

“Sure.”

As you slowly make your ascent the shades on the sky shift to darker tones. You look around you, your eyes shining. It’s a beautiful sunset. When you’re nearly at the top you point in the distance. "Hey it’s Mt. Ebott! Looks better from a distance…” You comment.

“Tell me about it.” Sans agrees. You lean your head over his shoulder as he puts his arm around your own.

The sky finally goes dark, the first stars shining shyly, illuminating the vastness above you. “It’s gorgeous.” You whisper, a pleasant tingling in your stomach.

You feel Sans rub his face against your head. “Not nearly as much as you…” You turn to face the small skeleton who’s staring at you with loving eyes. “I love you so much…” He leans towards you, placing his mouth on your lips tenderly. You close your eyes for a second until you hear whistling behind you followed by fits of giggles as Sans turns to glower up at his brother and Frisk.

Firsk’s face freezes and their eyes widen, their mouth hanging open as they tug on Papyrus’ scarf repeatedly, pointing. You follow their gaze and see Toriel giggling at something Asgore said, one paw in front of her mouth and a pink blush somehow showing on her furry cheeks.

“Well that’s unexpected…” Sans says with a look of pleasant surprise on his face.

It’s clear that there’s still some tension there. But it doesn’t seem so thick. You can’t help but smile.

As the ride comes to an end, you step out, walking with everyone else to meet with Undyne who has been joined by Alphys. She must have arrived when you were all at the top, she’s still in her lab coat and everything. Frisk and Papyrus look thoroughly proud of themselves as the goat monsters seem to talk a little easier to each other.

“H-hey…” Alphys greets everyone. You all return her greeting. The tiny yellow monster looks up at you timidly. “A-are you doing alright?” She asks politely.

You smile and nod. “Yeah, today was really nice.”

“That’s g-good but I m-meant after what h-happened… Are you s-sure you’re fine?” You’re a bit taken aback by her question.

“Yes, why wouldn’t I be?” You nervously run a hand through your hair, averting your gaze from hers.

“O-okay then…” She looks down at her hands. You could swear you saw a spark of worry on her face from the corner of your eye.

Not long after, you all decide it’s time to go home. You’re honestly quite exhausted, considering you didn’t get much sleep and the day’s activities were slightly draining. But Papyrus seems happy, and honestly so are you. Sans seems at ease himself, glad that you’re feeling more cheerful.

So after saying your goodbyes you and the skeleton brothers start walking to their home. No, your home…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fluff! That's all I have to say! Hope you enjoyed reading this and please leave any feedback you may have :)


	20. Torn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: this is a slightly heavier chapter, I've been trying to get it the way I wanted it for a while and I think I'm finally satisfied so I hope you enjoy reading it :)

As you walk down the streets illuminated by the artificial lights, hand in hand with Sans (Papyrus took the stuffed panda off your hands) you start feeling people’s eyes on you. It’s putting you off for some reason. The fact that you’re sleep deprived probably isn’t helping, and you feel amazingly irked by the unwarranted stares.

Sans seems to notice your tension as he tells you to just ignore it. You grumble annoyed but try to do just that as you don’t want the day to be ruined by something so insignificant.

Until a couple of shady looking guys bump into your shoulder quite forcefully and (no doubt) on purpose.

“Monster fucker.” One of them mutters under their breath and it sends you over the edge, your vision going red. It all happens so fast you don’t even register it.

You grab him by the shoulder and shove him against the wall with as much force as you can muster. “Say that to my face!” You growl at him, feeling an anger take over you that you’re not quite sure where it came from, power you’ve never felt before surging through your veins. Your left arm is pushed against his neck, cutting off his air supply, making him choke out something unintelligible.

His buddy starts to go for you and you use the magic Sans taught you to lift him off the ground and against a light post without even looking. He lets out a yelp. “WHAT THE FUCK?!”

_Do it. They deserve it. You know you want to!_

You feel a bony hand grab your right wrist, which you hadn’t realised you were holding above the first guys’ head, with a magically materialised knife in your hand.

When it sinks in what you’ve done you back off and drop the two guys from your hold, shocked. “YOU FUCKING FREAK!” One of them shouts as they run away.

You look down at your hands shaking. _What were you about to do?_ You lift your head to look around you and see people staring at you with horrified expressions. But what’s worse is when you see the skeleton brothers. Sans is expressionless, his eye sockets dark bottomless pits. Papyrus looks scared. Of you.

“What have I done…?” Your voice shakes, just like your entire body now. You want to run, crawl into a hole and die. But you’re paralysed.

Sans’ eye flashes blue and for a second the thought that he’s going to hurt you flashes in your mind. You feel like you deserve it. But all he does is grab you and Papyrus and teleport you to the house, away from everyone’s prying eyes.

Once Sans lets go of you, you take your head in your hands and start breathing fast. It feels like the world is crashing around you and your legs give out.

“W-WHAT’S GOING ON?” Papyrus asks concerned.

You feel hot tears stream down your face as you hug yourself. _What have I done? What have I done? What have I done?_ You chant in your head, trying to drown out the voice laughing in the background.

“Pap, go to your room, I’ll take care of her, don’t worry.” Sans’ voice is monotone, letting nothing on as he sinks to his knees next to you.

“But brother…” The smaller skeleton looks up at him and his dark eyes say everything that needs to be said. Without another word Papyrus turns and does as he was told, setting the little stuffed toy on the couch. You choke on your tears when you hear the distinct click of the lock.

Sans lifts your tear stained face to look at him. His expression is emotionless and you’re shaking from the guilt and the fear.

_He hates you. He wants to hurt you. He wants you dead._

Chara’s voice taunts inside your brain. But it doesn’t even matter. You feel the same way. The images of Frisk dying at his hands flash before your eyes. You deserve it. Every bit of pain, every bone piercing your skin, every bit of hatred he has reserved for Chara.

He puts his bony hand to your chest and you squeeze your eyes shut, body quivering. “Do you trust me?” He asks softly, making you sob harder.

_He offered me mercy too. I indulged Frisk’s pleas for once. Guess how that turned out…_

Despite the gut-wrenching terror you’re feeling you nod slowly, holding on to a sliver of hope that he still loves you. You feel a tug at your chest and the breath being sucked out of you for a moment.

You wonder if that’s how it feels to die.

But when you open your eyes everything is exactly the same. Except in front of you floats a white heart, hovering above Sans’ hand, illuminating both of your faces. He grits his teeth as he looks at your soul, a red streak going right through the middle, almost looking like a bloody wound, seeming like it’s pulsing in time with your accelerated heartbeat.

“W-what’s that?” You ask through violent sobs.

“Chara.” He deadpans.

“No, you said he was gone, that I was just scarred. He’s just a voice in my head. I’m crazy aren’t I? I’ve just gone insane, that’s all…” You cry, tugging at your hair desperately, rocking back and forth. Sans’ soul breaks as he looks at you in such agony over something that is entirely not your fault.

_I’ll always be with you sis. You’re not getting rid of me._

“No, you’re not real. You died in my arms. I saw you die. I’ve seen you die twice. You’re not real. You’re not real!” You tell the voice, completely glossing over the fact that you’d be talking to yourself if you actually believed what you were saying.

“Star…” Sans’ voice sounds broken but you don’t even notice in your attempts to drown out Chara. His soul is aching inside him as he stares into yours, dimming with your anguish. He gently shoves your soul back into your body getting up to his feet and pacing around the room, fumbling with his phone as you shake aggressively, crying. “I’m taking you to Alphys.”

You shake your head. “No, I don’t want to be tested. Nothing’s wrong. I’ve just lost it. Chara’s gone.” Sans takes your face in his hands.

“Star please, she can help you. You’ll be fine.”

“You don’t understand!” You nearly shout at him. “I can’t… I can’t do this again… I can’t kill him again… I can’t kill him again…” You cry, your lip quivering as the tears keep rolling. “He’s died because of me too many times already. I can’t go through it again…”

“If I lose you to him… I’ll…” He can’t finish the thought. It’s too horrible for him to bear. He doesn’t realise he’s crying too. “Please just let me help you. Let me make this right.”

“There’s nothing wrong.” You repeat through your tears. “I…” Suddenly the room starts spinning. “I can’t…” You feel like you’re falling and everything goes dark. Sans calling out for you is the last thing you hear.

\---

When you come to, you’re leaning against a cold hard surface. You try to get away but you’re restrained at your hands and feet. You tug at the bonds and they bite into your skin painfully. It’s all too familiar and you start to panic.

“Let me out!” You scream. “Where am I? Let me go!” You look around in a frenzy, trying to figure out where you are but all you see is darkness. Your breathing quickens as you lose control of your emotions, telling yourself it’s just a nightmare, that you’re not back in your father’s grasp, that he’s not going to experiment with you anymore. He’s dead, just like Chara.

_I’m afraid I’m still here._

You shake your head, pulling on the restraints once again. “Get me OUT!” You shout to anyone who will hear you.

There’s suddenly a blinding light and you close your eyes to stop the pain of the sudden brightness. Skeletal hands are on your face followed by pleas of forgiveness.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I had to do this. I can’t lose you, please forgive me.”

_Now isn’t that precious? He put you back in chains, how loving._

You keep trying to get out of whatever’s holding your members in place and Sans tries to settle you down. “Calm down, you’ll hurt yourself…” He says as he strokes your face, your eyes are still closed but you can just tell the pained look he’s wearing.

“Get me out, please Sans, get me out.” You beg.

“A-are you s-sure about this?” You hear Alphys’ concerned voice echo through the room. You realise you still don’t know where you are.

You finally open your eyes and find yourself in what looks like a lab. A dark, cold lab that reminds you too much of your past. Salty tears run down your face and Sans wipes at them with his thumbs. Your eyes look into his and you can see the guilt flooding in them.

“Please… Don’t do this…”

He rests his forehead against yours. “I love you…” A sob wracks your body.

As he steps away from you, you struggle against the restraints once again, crying out, begging them to let you leave. But they’re not listening. A large metal casing closes around you, the opening at the front leaving your vision of the two monsters unblocked.

“Alphys please! Let me out! I’m begging you please don’t do this!” You yell.

Your father’s hands on you as he injects the monster’s magic into your veins, ghost on your skin. The aching in your chest as he sliced you open comes back as strong as when it happened. You scream as you feel a similar, very real pain shoot through you, your soul being dragged out of your chest without warning.

Sans turns away, unable to look at your face. “Oh god, I’m so sorry.” He mutters even though he knows you can’t hear him through your cries.

Alphys types away at a computer, inputting commands to the machine. She looks at your soul’s readings. “T-there’s two soul frequencies. I d-don’t know if I can s-separate them. She must’ve a-absorbed the soul when it shattered inside h-her…” The small monster looks at the skeleton. He’s not looking back at her. “This machine was o-only used to remove dead h-human souls’ d-determination Sans…”

He tries to drown out your screeches but it’s impossible. He can’t take your pain any longer. “You have to help her Alphys.”

“I-I might need more time…” She says looking at the screen.

“We don’t have more time!” He sounds desperate.

“If we do t-this she c-could not m-make it! The t-tear could k-kill her!” Despite his protests Alphys turns off the machine for now the top rising once again.

You gasp as you feel your soul returning to you, Sans immediately at your side. He leans against you, his head on your chest and he’s so filled with guilt it’s unbearable.

You can’t look at him and he doesn’t feel like he deserves it anyway. “I’m so sorry. I can’t let him take you.” He turns to Alphys. “I’ll hold her together. Even if it’s the last thing I do, I’m ridding her of this demon!”

“S-Sans you c-can’t be near the machine when it’s t-turned on. It’ll a-affect you just t-the same.”

“I know.” He says gravely.

You bring yourself to stare at his face. “Don’t do it. I’d rather die than lose you both.”

He takes your face in his hands. “It’ll be fine. I promise.” But you can see the fear in his eyes and hear the doubt in his voice.

“Sans…” He closes his eyes.

“I love you Star. I always will.” He says once again. You can’t help but notice the finality in his statement. “Do it, Alphys.”

She trembles slightly stroking the keys to do as he said. You’re both enclosed by the machine, and the atmosphere feels heavier.

You scream at the awful feeling once more, not taking your eyes off of the small skeleton, pain twisting his features as his own souls gets ripped out.

Slowly he opens his eyes, the right one a pit of darkness as the left comes to life with a flaming blue iris. The air electrifies with his magic and he reaches out to your soul, his own orbiting it. The yellow monster hesitates as she looks at the scene, the commands ready to be entered.

“DO IT!” He chokes out. Blue tears form in the corners of his eye sockets.

“Sans…” Your voice is strangled. An enormous pressure weighs down on your chest and you feel like your entire being is being split in two, your soul cracking as something pulls at its core.

Sans cries out in pain and you see his own soul starting to split at the middle as he struggles to use his magic to keep yours whole. You feel the bite of the strips at your wrists and ankles as your body jerks from the incredible pull on your soul, the blood red infecting the purest of whites getting sucked out. You scream yet again, your throat raw.

Sans’ magic starts to falter, his body shaking, his soul tearing, one of the blue beads streaming down his cheek. “I’m not. Giving up. On you.” He says through gritted teeth, keeping your soul between his hands which you notice are splintering too.

You throw your head back, the tears rolling out of your eyes. You don’t know what hurts more. Your soul slowly shattering or watching his do the same.

The last of the redness in your soul gets pulled, turning into a mist that starts surrounding it.

The small skeleton uses all his strength to push the haze of Chara’s broken soul away from you and into a container inside the machine, the crack in his cyan heart deepening, making him cry out in agony. “Alphys get rid of it!”

“I-I have to turn it off f-first.” The crack grows bigger.

“Sans you’re-” You start to say but you’re cut short when the machine dies and he pushes your soul into you before it breaks.

He falls to his knees, the blue heart not returning to its host.

Alphys contains the remains of Chara’s soul and runs over to the other monster, panicked and not knowing what to do. You want to reach out to him but your hands are still held tight at your sides.

“NO!” You shout. “Sans please!” His hand finds yours and it feels sandy… Like it’s turning to dust…

Despite everything you’re not going to give up on him either.

Your eyes glow red with your magic and you use all the force in your body to break the restraints, ignoring the sting of skin ripping and peeling off, blood running down your hands. You hold his soul in your hands, throwing all caution away as you close your palms around it bringing it close to your chest.

His eyes widen and his whole body jolts. “You’re not dying!” You demand putting one hand to your chest and for the first time in your life pulling your soul out yourself, you don’t even know how you did it but you somehow know you have to.

You hold it out and let it crash into Sans’, throwing your arms around him.

His memories flash in front of your eyes, his emotions flood your heart. He breathes sharply into your neck as he feels the same. Your souls meld together and make each other whole, filling in all the gaps, healing all the scars.

“S-Star…” He stutters, a small crack to his voice as the overwhelming sensation brings him back from the brink of death. He groans as his soul reforms with bits of you, marking him forever, his blue filling the place where the red stood before on yours. His brain is filled with images from your past, feeling all the pain you endured at the hands of your father in his bones but all of it pales in comparison to the amount of love you feel for him, even with the hint of fear and betrayal pushed back to the depths of your subconscious.

In your own mind you see bits and pieces of his own life, a tall skeleton in a black coat, a smile on his brother’s face as he holds him in his arms, small and new, a man made of fire and a door in a snow covered forest. A soul being scattered into a void, a red scarf sitting in a pile of dust, red eyes glowing in a hall… And a white heart shining with the stars.

As your souls return to their rightful places, bonded and with each other’s mark you don’t let go of each other.

Alphys just stands there, with wet eyes, watching the two of you hold on to one another as if your lives depended on it. Which quite frankly they did just a few moments ago.

“A-are you okay?” You can’t find your voice to answer her.

“Never better…” Sans sighs into your hair. “I can feel you… You’re part of me now…” Regaining his strength he uses it to squeeze his arms around you as tight as he can. “You gave your soul for me…” He feels so exhausted, literally like he was just broken to pieces and glued back together.

You are also dead tired. As the high of adrenaline from your souls melding together wears off you start to feel the throbbing of the raw flesh of your wrists exposed to the dusty air and the weariness of losing your brother again holding your heart in an iron grip. “You’re so stubborn…” Your voice is hoarse, it hurts to speak.

“Do you still want me? I went against your will… I hurt you… I’m sorry.” You start to laugh but it turns into a groan of pain.

“I just saved your life and you’re really asking me that?” You struggle to speak, resolving to not say anything else for a long time.

You feel his body move as if he were chuckling, but no sound is heard. You think maybe he’s too drained to actually do it. Even so he pulls away from you and manages to get to his feet, his legs looking like they were about to fail him a couple of times. “I don’t think I can teleport us back home…” He says putting a hand against a wall to steady himself when he nearly falls over after attempting to reach for you.

Alphys nods understandingly and takes the small skeleton’s arm over her shoulders, his feet dragging as she takes him somewhere else, presumably to rest, but not before asking you if you’ll be okay on your own for a couple of minutes. You nod, really not wanting to speak. As they both disappear in the distance you’re left alone.

Your mind is blank. And it’s a blissful feeling. You didn’t know you missed it this much. No dark thoughts. No nagging voices. No terrifying images. Just pure, unbothered peace.

Closing your eyes you drink it in, hoping that you can have more of these moments from now on. Wishing with all your heart that you can finally let everything go and just be… happy…

The lizard monster’s steps scare your stillness away and with some effort you force your eyelids open. Alphys bends down and does the same to you that she did to Sans, albeit struggling a bit more as your weight is fully on her shoulders, your legs not even budging at your command to move.

It’s still a ways down a long corridor and through a door until you both come to a room full of beds. You see Sans passed out in one of them, his ribs rising and falling slowly, a faint blue seeping through his shirt. You’re sat down at the end of the one next to him and Alphys goes to get something.

She returns with some bandages and rubbing alcohol. _That’s going to hurt_. You think to yourself.

You hiss as she dabs at your wrists to disinfect the wounds, making them feel like they’re on fire. “S-sorry…” She murmurs. You manage a small smile to ease her worries but bite down on your lip so hard when she does it again that you actually cut through it. Your blood tastes like pennies in your mouth but you lick it off just the same.

Once you’re patched up you let yourself fall onto the bed not even bothering to turn and settle yourself comfortably. You just want to die to the world for a while. Your body shuts down entirely and you don’t even have time to think about how your soul now has cerulean sewn into it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it, hope you liked it, thank you for reading  
> Please leave any feedback you may have :)


	21. The aftermath

Your eyes flutter open and your ears prickle as you hear sniffling coming from next to you. Without moving your body you look through the corner of your eyes and see a flash of blue. You turn your head slightly, carefully. Sans is sitting against the bed’s headboard staring at a cyan heart speckled with white all over, his eye sockets filled with blue tears and a smile on his face. Those last things seem contradicting. Why would he be crying if he’s smiling, or smiling if he’s crying? It doesn’t make sense in your head.

He strokes the tiny shards of whiteness and laughs quietly as his eyes overflow. You move your hand so that you touch his leg and he nearly jumps. Wiping his face he returns his soul to his chest. “Hey…” He says softly, that gentle smile still lighting up his features.

You want to ask him why he was crying but you can’t gather the energy. He leans forward and bony fingers stroke your cheek. You notice that your legs are still dangling off the side of the bed and that you’re in the exact same position in which you lost consciousness. Once again you can’t find it in you to make yourself move. You let out an unintelligible grunt and flinch at the strain it does to your throat, making you cough and hurt even more. Bad idea. Definitely a bad idea.

“Shh…” He hushes as he brushes your hair from your face. “I still can’t take us back. Alphys is sleeping too. Just get some rest…”

_What about you?_ You want to say. But of course he can’t read your mind so he doesn’t answer.

He groans when he tries to move closer and you squeeze the bone sticking from under his shorts, trying to tell him he doesn’t have to. You wonder how he even got himself from the bed he was on to this one.

“You look beautiful when you’re sleeping peacefully. Heck you look beautiful at all times…” He whispers. You try to smile. You’re not sure if you succeeded or not, feeling kind of dazed at the moment.

So you just let out a breath letting your eyelids droop low, your hand still on his tibia. He leans back against the back of the bed closing his eyes as well.

\---

There’s a hand on your shoulder shaking you lightly. You feel drowsy as you wake up still unable to move. “Rise and shine my morning star.” Sans’ voice sounds in your ear. You struggle to open your tired eyes, the corners of your lips pulled upwards in a lazy smile.

“T-take it easy. You’re s-still recovering from using your soul to h-heal his.” Alphys says from your other side. You notice a light pink blush on her cheeks and you wonder what that’s about.

The two monsters help you lift yourself up off the bed. The room spins for a few long moments and you feel your stomach twist into a knot. _I think I’m going to be sick._

Your head falls to Sans’ shoulder and a hand is on your forehead, lifting it up. Surprisingly it helps settle the dizziness. You open your eyes again, not even realising you had closed them. “Ss…” You start, but as soon as you try to sound the ‘a’ you immediately regret it. It can’t just be from the screaming, even though you definitely did a lot of that and really loudly at that.

“Don’t try to speak. Don’t try to do anything. You gave a part of yourself away, your body’s still catching up.”

_And you? Why aren’t you like this? You almost died._

You want to voice your questions. You want to hear the answers. But you’re not stupid enough to keep pushing yourself right now.

Sans lifts a glass of water to your lips and you sip carefully, swallowing it is painful, but you welcome the coolness of the liquid against the burning in your throat. After you’re done, he sets it back down wherever he took it from and caresses the side of your face. Alphys is taking your hands, turning them over and wrinkling her nose when she feels the dampness in the stained bandages.

“I need to ch-change these again.” She waddles over to where she keeps the medical supplies.

“Wh-” You scrunch up your face as you try to speak. Sans tells you not to once again but you ignore him and the pain this time. “Why… are you…” Each word is like torture. “Not…”

“I got it, don’t say anything else. You gave me your life energy. It’s why you’re… Well, half dead. Usually soul melding doesn’t happen in these circumstances…” You make a mental note to ask him about that when you’re not feeling so rotten. He shakes his head with a disbelieving smile. “You’re so strong. So good. You gave yourself to save me without even stopping to think twice.”

You pull your hand up and hold onto his arm. “Cr… crying?” You let out hoping he gets what you’re trying to ask, unable to form another sound.

 “They were tears of joy.” He answers quietly. Tears of joy… Those sound nice…

Alphys returns setting your hands on your lap and unrolling the bloodied gauze. You gasp when she tears the last bit that’s stuck to your raw flesh. Sans whispers sweet words in your ear in an attempt to distract you from the pain.

“D-despite everything it l-looks like it’s starting to heal n-nicely.” She says when she finishes redressing the wounds. “Undyne should be here a-anytime soon. Maybe we c-could take her up?” Her question is directed at Sans.

“I don’t know, you feeling up to it?” Sans asks you. You shrug your shoulders. It doesn’t seem like you’re going anywhere on your own, but then again this dark lab is starting to tick you off so you nod weakly.

Careful not to hurt you Sans picks you up and holds you in his arms, carrying you out through the rooms, with Alphys in front of you with something in her arms that you can’t quite see. You guess he still can’t teleport or at least not very far.

Just as they’re both stepping out of the elevator, right on cue, the blue fish monster bursts into the lab, Papyrus right behind her, a look of concern twisting his features. _At least there’s no fear there anymore._ You think to yourself.

“For the love of Frisk how do you keep getting yourself into this state?!” Undyne asks incredulously as she stares at you with her yellow eye. “At this rate I won’t fight you again until you’re old and wrinkled!” You want to laugh but it hurts too much so you just smirk at her, dropping your head back as your neck starts getting sore from the effort of holding it up.

Sans chuckles and tells you to lay your head on him.

“Mm.” You sound, not even attempting to move.

Always helpful, Papyrus puts a hand on the back of your head and pushes it up against his brother’s shoulder, petting it softly for a moment. He doesn’t say anything, not wanting to be too loud or forceful knowing how you feel right now and why.

You lift your arm to hold his hand in yours. “It’s okay…” You choke out.

An orange bead forms in the corner of his eye. “You saved Sans.” His voice cracks. “Thank you.”

You don’t feel like you deserve his gratitude so much. He shouldn’t have had to be saved in the first place if it weren’t for your amazing talent for getting into messes he wants to fix.

But right now you’re physically and emotionally unable to feel guilty. So you just close your eyes, feeling yourself fall into the darkness for the fourth time in a short while.

You drift in and out of consciousness for the next few hours. You hear melodic ‘Tra la las’ at one point. At another you feel cold bite into your skin, waking from something wet falling on your nose. And then there’s the warmth of a blanket and the softness of a mattress. All the while you feel Sans close to you.

He stares at you as you sleep. Your soul is shining brighter than ever. And the piece of him inside you makes him feel like he’s always with you. He still can’t quite believe what you’ve done. But every time he pulls out his soul there it is right in front of his eyes. The white fragments filling the gaps of what he lost trying to keep you from losing anything at all.

Each time he touches them he falls in love with you all over again.

You mumble in your sleep and he shifts so that he’s closer to you. Opening your eyes you look up at him and his soul flutters. “I can never get over the way you look at me.” He mumbles. “We’re at mine and Pap’s old house back at Snowdin, just for a little while until you get better.” He says before you can even ask. “Do you want some food?” You shake your head honestly. You’re not hungry at all. “Oh and Paps took care of your wrists while you were sleeping, hope they’re okay.” You move your hands and there’s no pain indeed.

Looking around the somewhat bare room and noticing the mess of socks in a corner you peg it as Sans’ bedroom.

You want to get up off the bed. You try to prop yourself up with your elbows but the weight of your body is still too much. You huff in annoyance. The skeleton notices your failed efforts and helps you up into a sitting position telling you to not push yourself. He fluffs up a pillow and leans your body into it comfortably.

“How are you feeling?” Sans asks.

_Like I’ve been chewed up by an exceptionally large T-rex who then decided I wasn’t good enough to eat, spat me back out, and then stomped me with his also large dinosaur feet until every bone in my body was crushed irreparably, rendering me immobile and completely useless._ “Fine.” You croak. It still hurts immensely but you’re quite tired of being nearly mute so you endure it.

Sans shakes his head at you. “Parts of your soul are in me now, I can tell some things pretty accurately, like how you aren’t doing so great.”

“Why ask?” You return with a slight hint of annoyance.

“Because I want you to be honest with me.” He looks down at his hands and twiddles with his thumbs ashamed. “I want to know that you still trust me, even though I don’t really deserve your trust…”

With a great amount of effort you reach out for his hands and pull one onto your lap. “I feel like crap.” You say frankly, albeit that would be a very generous description. He looks up at your face with sad eyes. You smirk at him. “But honestly…” You cough into your hand from the strain. “I’ve never felt so much like myself.”

His pupils seem to shine a little brighter and your heart flutters slightly.

But then his whole expression falls and you wonder if you’ve said something wrong. “Oh right…” He mumbles. “Alphys has something to talk to you about.”

Without another word he goes out the door to get the tiny scientist and her mysterious ‘something’. When they return, she has a glass cylinder in her arms, a faint red mist swirling around in it, and you immediately know what it is.

“Chara!” You say jumping out of the bed, only to fall flat on your face from your limbs not getting the message that they’re supposed to hold you up. You groan on the floor and Sans is promptly at your side.

“I thought I told you to take it easy.” You glare at him for a moment before you focus your attention back to the container with the remnants of your brother’s soul.

“I-I want to know what you w-want to do with it…” She stutters, looking at you with guilt in her eyes.

“Him.” You correct her, sounding a lot harsher than you intended with your gruff voice and making her flinch.

“R-right… Anyway, t-there’s nothing I can do t-to bring him back, his soul is too f-fragmented…” She looks down at the floor. “I-I’m sorry…” You see a tear fall down onto the top of the glass and your heart sinks.

You let out a shriek of pain as you force your legs to move. “Star, you c-” Sans starts to say but is rendered silent as you persevere over the aching in your entire body, pushing yourself over to the small yellow monster.

You drop to your knees with an ‘oomph’ when you’re in front of her and put your arms around her, the cylinder pushing against your chest, feeling hot tears streaming down your cheeks as well. “You did what you had to.” You manage to say. “Thank you for everything Alphys, you’re amazing.”

A small sob escapes her and you hold tighter, trying to comfort her despite feeling like your own heart is breaking. “Y-you can k-keep what’s l-left of h-him.” Her stutter is worse from the crying. “Or you c-could let him g-go. I-it’s up t-to y-you.”

“You don’t have to decide now.” Sans says from behind you.

You nod while letting go of Alphys who is still sniffling. You yourself try to wipe your tears away, feeling like you’re going to pass out from the energy you just spent. Alphys leaves the glass container by the door before she makes her way out. Sans walks up to you and carries you back onto his bed. He kisses your forehead softly and you look him in the eyes not asking the question that’s burning in your brain. You’re sure he knows what you’re thinking but he doesn’t say anything, because he also knows you won’t like his opinion.

“I know you’re not hungry but Grillbz is still in the Underground while he works out what he needs to move his business to the surface. I’ll go get you something. Try not to get yourself hurt…” He mumbles the last part while eyeing the vessel by the door. But he doesn’t make a move to take it with him as he steps out.

You inwardly thank him.

Staring at the scarlet dust swirling inside it you can’t help feel your heart clenching. How many times are you going to have to say goodbye? Do you even have to? Alphys said you could keep him, but is that fair? Is he still conscious? Probably not, it’s just a fragment of what he was, nothing more… Right?

There’s too many questions and no answers to speak of. It’s frustrating, exhausting. You want to move over to him but know that even if you made it there it’d be painful, so you decide to talk, despite the fact that he most likely can’t hear you.

“I know that you’re mad at me. You have every right to be I suppose.” Your throat hurts and you wonder if it’s stupid to be talking to someone who isn’t listening when it’s so much of a hassle. Even so you keep going. “I wish I could’ve been better to you. I didn’t try hard enough. I was just a kid back then, I didn’t know what to do. I thought…” Fresh tears pool at your eyes. “I thought that was all there was to life… I didn’t know things could be better… I should’ve run away with you before they got worse.” You think back to all the times you thought about it, but told yourself it would all amount to nothing, that you’d starve on your own, die sooner rather than later, just as miserable. So you stayed. “I let you become bitter, filled with hate for humanity and everything that came of it. I’m so sorry.” A sob shakes your whole body and you wince. “I’m a terrible sister. A terrible person…”

“No you’re not.” A voice snaps you out of your rambling and you lift your eyes from the soul in the glass to see Papyrus standing there by the door with a hint of sadness in his eyes. “You made my brother happy in a way that I never could. You motivate him to get out of bed and do something that matters. You gave him life… Even if it meant possibly giving up your own.” You stare at him with tear filled eyes and he picks up Chara’s soul, bringing it over to your side and sits down at the foot of the bed.

You reach over to touch the glass with your hand and the haze of redness seems to gather where it sits. It’s probably just your imagination or your blurred vision, but the thought still fills you with some sort of warmth and a hope that maybe he accepts your bad excuse for an apology. That maybe he can finally be at peace somehow…

The tall skeleton lays a hand on your shoulder and squeezes. You smile at him and he returns it with one of his own. “If it counts for anything, I’d love to have you as a sister.” He says quietly. Your heart jumps at his words and you choke back more tears.

“Oh Pap…” He leans over to pull you into a hug which you return to the best of your ability. “I’d love to be your sister…” You mumble into his ribs.

“Can I join?” Sans asks from the door as he walks in with a brown paper bag in his hand. “I must admit I’m getting a bit jealous, first Alphys, now Paps, I’m feeling left out.” You sniffle but smile at him when you notice his soft expression. “Plus I’m not one to pass up on my bro’s awesome hugs.” He shuffles closer and Papyrus scoops him up into your embrace as well. He closes his eyes. “This is nice. I could get used to it.”

You can’t help but agree with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slowly things are getting better :)  
> Hope you enjoyed reading this chapter, and as always leave any feedback you may have please


	22. Recovery

Papyrus excused himself after a while to go meet up with Undyne and Alphys.

After you forced yourself to eat the burger Sans had brought you (and damn if it wasn’t the best one you’ve had in your entire life), you tried not to move too much as not to upset your very sensitive stomach. At first just the sight of the food almost made you want to throw up the nothingness in it. But when Sans insisted you should get some food in you, after the first bite, which was divine by the way, you managed to keep it down if you ate it unhurriedly. It wasn’t all bad, you could savour it better like that.

But after you finished you had a very overwhelming feeling that if you moved a finger it would all come back up, and you didn’t want that at all for two reasons. The first being that it would be a waste. And the second was that you really didn’t want to be sick in front of Sans… Again…

So you sat still, eyes closed, breathing deeply and steadily. The nauseous feeling settles down after a while and you sigh in relief. You think you’re actually starting to feel a little stronger. It makes sense, you need energy, and food gives you energy so it’s only natural that you would if you ate something.

“Feeling better?” Sans asks, a smile on his face, as you open your eyes slowly. You nod and adjust your sitting position. By yourself. This really is working.

His hands find yours and fingers lace together. He brings them up to his face and gently places his mouth on your wrists where the bandages previously sat, rubbing his cheek against the palms of your hands. He kisses up your arm, over to the crook of your neck. It sends tingles all over you. He moves on up to your cheek and to your forehead. You can’t help the silly smile pulling at the corners of your lips as he pecks down the bridge of your nose finally landing on your lips. “What’s all this for?” You ask against his teeth, giggling slightly, marvelling in the fact that it doesn’t hurt you so bad anymore.

“Because I love you. And I love the sounds you make when you’re happy. And the way your eyes shine when you’re smiling. And I love the way your breath feels against my face as well. And I could keep listing the things I love about you but we’d be here forever.” He peppers your face with more light kisses and you feel like, somehow, it’s also helping you go back to your normal self.

“You should’ve done that earlier, I think it’s doing something.” He pulls back all of a sudden and stares at your chest, causing a funny feeling you can’t quite describe to settle where your heart is, beating stronger and faster.

Sans grins like an idiot. “It’s so beautiful.” He wraps his arms around your waist and pushes your back against the bed, making you squeal from the unexpected weight of his body against yours. He keeps leaving several butterfly kisses all over your face, speaking in between. “I never thought that my soul would feel so good with someone else’s.” The skeleton stops his assault for a moment to stare into your eyes. You feel shy under the intensity of his gaze and blood crawls to your cheeks. “You’re gorgeous.” His mouth finds yours. “And you’re mine…” He breathes against your lips.

“Possessive…” You mumble.

“You have no idea.” It’s not long before he’s back to kissing you, stealing the breath right out of your lungs greedily.

In your chest, that pull that has become so familiar to you is stronger than ever and you think your soul might jump out on its own. You pull back panting, in desperate need of air. Sans rolls over onto his side, lying next to you as you catch your breath.

You lift your arm up and open and close your hand, testing your strength and finding it reasonably increased. Briefly you wonder why, but you’re just grateful to start being able to move around on your own. Depending on others was never really something you enjoyed. You prop yourself up on your elbows and turn your head to Sans.

“So, care to explain to me what soul melding actually entails apart from the obvious?”

“Usually it’s a very intimate endeavour. Not that ours wasn’t, it’s just more… um, how can I put this?”

“Private?” You offer, thinking back to Alphys’ embarrassment.

“Something like that… And it’s draining too. You’re giving a part of yourself to your soulmate, you just gave me a lot more than I gave you, in light of the circumstances.” A skeletal hand rests on your chest and he smiles at you. “But I can still see my mark on you. And it’s so fascinating… I could stare at it all day.”

“What happens now? Are we like… married or something?” You ask genuinely curious.

He laughs for a moment. “No, it’s much more meaningful than that. It’s not just a verbal promise to love each other until death.”

“Well what is it?”

Sans reaches over and pulls you close to him, resting his face in the crook of your neck and one of his hands on your stomach. “It’s a bond that will keep us close even when we’re away from each other. A reminder that we complete each other in a way that no one else can, and that we’ll always be together no matter what. It’s the purest manifestation of devotion.”

“Can it be undone?” The question leaves your lips before you can stop it and you feel Sans tense next to you.

“Do you want to?”

“No!” You say quickly, stopping to cough from the rise in your voice which isn’t still completely recovered. “I’m just trying to understand.” His body relaxes and he sighs into your hair, relief washing over him and you as well.

“Sometimes when a soulmate breaks the other’s heart in such a way that they can’t look past it the bond can start to weaken. It’s what happened with Asgore and Tori.” You look at Sans’ face and he seems wary all of a sudden. “It can be a very harrowing experience to break the bond… I swear on my life that I will do everything to make you happy, and keep you safe. I’ll cherish what you’ve done for me, I’ll treasure you.” His grip on you tightens. “I don’t ever want to lose you.” It’s nothing more than a whisper and it sends shivers down your spine.

Your hand strokes the exposed vertebrae of his neck and he closes his eyes. “I don’t want to lose you either. Or anyone else for that matter…” Your eyes drift to the glass cylinder sitting by the bed and you feel a sadness pooling in your chest. “I lost my mother so early I barely remember her. I lost my father despite never having had one to begin with, not really. I lost a brother who hated me and everyone but I loved dearly nonetheless, more times than anyone should have to.” You inhale deeply. “But I refused to lose you. And I refuse to lose the family I found through you. Especially if I have any say in the matter.”

“I’ll make sure you don’t have to. We’re all here for you. Me most of all.” Sans utters quietly into your ear. “I love you.”

You place your hands on top of his and sigh. “I love you too.”

Both of you lay still for a while, staring at the ceiling, enjoying your closeness. You wish time would stand still so that this moment could last forever. But time doesn’t stop for anyone. So you turn your head to Sans and take in every nook and cranny of his features, looking simple from a distance, but so delicate and intricate up close. You take in the way his face moves in a way that bone shouldn’t but looks so natural on him. The way the light of his pupils seems to shine from nowhere but is there all the same.

And above all else, you notice how his face lights up when you smile at him.

“You’re beautiful.” He says.

“Funny, I was thinking the same thing about you.” With a small groan you sit up and cross your legs. “You know, I’m actually feeling a lot better now. How?”

“Hmm, my kisses have healing properties?” He suggests smirking. You scratch your head while raising an eyebrow at him.

“That’s definitely a theory…” You chuckle.

“As long as you’re okay I don’t really care. Grillby said he’d like to meet you. Walking there sounds like a good start to make sure you’re doing fine, don’t you think?”

You agree and Sans hops to the floor. He watches you closely as you slowly set your feet on the ground, one after another. So far so good. With the aid of your arms you lift yourself up and hold your weight with your legs. You want to jump from the happiness of your success but you don’t even dare to attempt it. Instead you just grin proudly, causing the small skeleton to laugh.

“Now for the big reveal, can you walk properly?”

“Let’s find out.” You take one step forward and wobble slightly but manage to steady yourself. Then you take another. And then another until you’re in front of Sans. “Ha, would you look at that.” You don’t think you’ve ever been this proud of something as simple as walking.

“Good job. Now keep it up without falling for me.” He winks at you and you can’t help the blush that crawls to your cheeks.

“I can handle myself.” You mumble.

You stay true to your word as you slowly but surely make your way down hallway to the stairs to the living room. Each step you take is like a small victory and you’re feeling more confident by the second.

“O-oh my!” You hear Alphys exclaim from downstairs. “Should you b-be up?!” She asks concerned.

Sans appears behind you, steadying you as you start down the staircase. “Relax I’m keeping an eye socket out for her.” He keeps one arm around your waist for this particular part, just in case.

“I’m good as new!” You say excitedly when you reach the bottom step, provoking a fit of coughing from the strain to your throat. “Almost.”

You notice that the small yellow monster is the only one there and wonder where Papyrus and Undyne have run off to. She explains that they took the time to get some training done while you recovered and Alphys stayed behind on the off chance that you needed assistance. You nodded and thanked her for being here.

“We’re going to try walking to Grillby’s. Want to come with?” Sans asks. She shakes her head.

“It’s too c-cold outside. Besides I was thinking I c-could work on some c-calculations I need for a few things I’m working on.”

“Sure thing, give me a ring if you need anything.” Alphys nodded and averted her eyes to some papers you just now saw were strewn across the spare seat on the couch. Sans removes his jacket and holds it out to you. You look at him confused. “You heard her, it’s too cold outside. It just goes right through me so it’s fine.”

You want to protest but just shrug it over your shoulders. It’s really warm and comforting.

As you step outside you realise that they weren’t kidding. “Aren’t we Underground?” You ask incredulous.

“Yeah, why?”

“How is there a blizzard underground?”

“Magic.” Well that’s a lacklustre explanation. You don’t question it further though.

You hug the jacket to yourself, trying to stop the cold air from snaking its way through your clothes. It’s a pretty useless effort. Your teeth start to chatter and you shiver. Sans puts his arm around you and pulls you close to him. Warmth radiates off of him in the freezing temperature and you welcome every bit.

Coming to a brick building, Sans pushes the door open and you both go inside. You’re surprised at how warm it is in the diner comparatively to the outside until your eyes land on the owner. It’s a man made of pure fire, crackling red and hot, with a pair of glasses stuck to what would be his face if you could discern any sort of features. He’s wearing a smart suit vest over a white shirt with a bowtie to pull the look together. You remember seeing him in Sans’ memories from your souls melding together. To say you’re fascinated would be an understatement.

The fire man’s head tilts towards the small skeleton standing beside you. “Yeah, yeah, I know she’s pretty no need to get all _hot_ and bothered, Grillbz.”

You blush scarlet and smack Sans who just laughs. He pulls you by your hand to the bar at the end of the room, which you notice is quite empty. You suppose most monsters have taken their lives up to the surface.

Grillby nods his head at you as a way of greeting and you smile timidly. Sans sits at one of the bar stools and so do you. Grillby takes your hand from the counter and brings it up to his face for what you assume would be a kiss. And rightly so you feel fire kissing the back of your hand but it doesn’t burn, it just sends a light heat up your arm and through the rest of your body, warming you up all over.

“Always the gentleman.” Sans grins.

“It’s nice to finally meet the young lady who’s stolen my small friend’s heart.” His voice is low and raspy. It reminds you, well, of fire.

“I never had one to begin with.” Grillby doesn’t seem to have eyes so to speak but you think he’s glaring at Sans. “Heh, you know me, I couldn’t resist.”

“I suppose that’s true.” He turns back to you and you could swear that he’s smiling. “You’re quite too lovely for someone like Sans. Pray tell, what do you see in him?” You giggle.

“Thanks Grillbz.” Sans mumbles letting his forehead fall down to the counter.

“Well he’s been there for me when I needed him most.” You intertwine your fingers with his. “And he makes me happy.” You smile as he peeks at you with one eye from his position.

“That’s a good enough reason for me.” Grillby rasps contentedly. “Would you like anything?” You shake your head and Sans asks for a bottle of ketchup. “As usual. On your tab?” He asks with a hint of playful annoyance when he sets it in front of Sans’ hands.

“You know it. Got to keep up the tradition.” He raises the bottle to the ceiling before taking a swig. “How’s the business transfer?”

“Slow. But progressing.” He crackles. “Having a hard time finding employees.” Your ears prickle at that.

“I’m looking for a job!” You nearly shout and wince putting a hand to your aching throat. “Ouch.”

“Star, you should take it easy for now.” Sans says rubbing your back.

“No, I’m getting better, no one else will take me because I have no experience outside of fighting in a holding cell. He needs help, I can do whatever.” You stare at Grillby expectantly. “I’m eager to learn.”

His fire seems to shift. “Fighting in a holding cell?” Your eyes widen as you realise what you just said and you stare down at your hands.

“Oh um… It’s a long story…” Thankfully he doesn’t seem to push into it.

“I guess I could give it a shot. Once you’re fully recovered we can meet and I’ll give you some pointers on how to do some things, see how you do.” Your head snaps back up and your eyes shine.

“Really? Oh my god, I’d love that. Thank you for the opportunity!” You beam at the fire elemental.

“Anything for a friend.” You’re not sure if he meant you or Sans, but you’re happy either way. Things are finally starting to look up. You feel so excited you might actually jump off your seat and dance around.

Instead you just turn to Sans and pull him into a tight hug. He looks surprised at first, nearly dropping the ketchup bottle, but then he closes his eyes, smiling and draping one arm over you. You want to hug Grillby too but you think you’d be overstepping some boundaries. You’ve only just met him.

After the ketchup’s gone and the two monsters catch up on some things you head off back to the cabin the skeleton brothers used to call home here in the Underground. You finally feel like you’re getting yourself together. For once in your life, it seems like there’s a bright future ahead of you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy fluff for y'all  
> I'm working up to something, having some trouble with it though, plus uni's being a huge pain in my neck, but I'll try to update as often as I can  
> Thank you for reading :) Hope you enjoyed it


	23. With great power, come grave consequences

Sans isn’t very confident that he’s at full capacity to teleport long distances, let alone with so many people, which is why you’ll have to walk out of the Underground and back to town. It’s not a very long journey but it’s not exactly short either.

You promise Sans that you’re feeling up to leaving whenever. You can walk around fairly well now, and you know that if you fall he’ll catch you. The only thing that’s weighing you down is the vessel with the red mist of what’s left of Chara. You still haven’t decided what you’re going to do. So you suppose you’ll have to carry it out with you, which is something Sans is really not eager about. Not so much because it’s heavy as it is for the proximity between you and him. Even with a thick glass separating you and the remnants of his soul he still doesn’t trust that you’re safe anywhere near him.

“He tried to use you to kill. He USED Frisk to kill. I’m not about to be all trusting just because he’s in a container that Alphys vouches for.”

“He’s also barely there. Come on, it’s not even his full soul.”

“What if Alphys or Undyne takes it?”

“No, I want to do it Sans. I owe it to him.”

“You don’t owe him anything!” His voice is raised, his statement final.

“Well, fine, but I’m still doing it.” You retort, determined to have your way. He throws his arms up in frustration and groans.

“I’m just trying to protect you.” He mutters through gritted teeth.

“And I’m telling you that you don’t have to. At least not for this.” You turn on your heels and bend down to take the cylinder in your arms. But as soon as you touch it there’s a sharp pain in your chest and you fall to your knees, hands held up to where your heart is and gasping for air.

“Star?” Sans is immediately at your side, one arm over your shoulders. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t-” You choke back a cry of pain as you feel a burning sensation in your chest, spreading over your body. Your skin feels like it’s on fire.

You hear a crashing sound and it feels like the room is shaking. For a moment you think that the vessel has been broken and dread sinks in, but when you look it’s just a lamp broken on the floor. Sans holds onto you harder as the push of your magic starts shoving him away. Your body starts quivering, the hairs on the back of your neck are standing. It’s like electricity is coursing through your veins and pouring out of you in waves, making the air around you crackle with the surge of energy. “Sans…” You call out squeezing your eyes shut, fear gripping you as your magic spirals out of control.

“I’m right here.” His own magic starts acting up and he focuses on the piece of his soul inside you before things get any worse. “Focus on your soul. Will it to pull your energy back in. I’ll help you.” You try to level your breathing and concentrate. There’s a pressure in your chest as you tap into the magic overflowing from you. You inhale sharply as you attempt to reel it in. “That’s it. Keep doing that.” His voice is surprisingly calm and soothing. The atmosphere starts feeling lighter and your trembling dies down.

Alphys appears in the door abruptly, alarmed. When she takes in your state she immediately knows what’s going on. “Oh no, I was afraid this m-might happen.”

Sans helps you to your feet and you lean into him somewhat drained. One of his hands runs up and down your back comfortingly. “Her magic’s unstable, Alphys. Does it have to do with the soul meld?” He asks quietly.

“I-I think so… Let’s go d-downstairs, I n-need to check on her.”

Slowly you follow the yellow monster, with Sans by your side, never letting you go. She looks through her things and picks up a strange looking device. “S-stay still.” She says while pushing it against your chest.

You feel a little sting for a split second but as soon as it was there it was gone again. The little machine beeps a few times and the scientist stares intensely at the small monitor on it, eyes squinted in concentration. Then suddenly her whole expression changes to one of horrified surprise and you’re filled with an unwavering nervous fear.

“Is everything okay?” You ask when she doesn’t say anything.

“I…” She turns to look at Sans for a moment before glancing back at you. “Y-your magic looks d-different.”

The small skeleton sneaks up behind her to look at the tiny screen on the machine and his eye sockets widen. “Why are her magic levels so high?”

“I think the p-pieces of your soul are increasing them. Exactly how p-powerful are you?” He rubs his skull and shifts from one foot to another uncomfortably.

“That’s not important right now, what is, is if she will be alright.”

“Her s-stats seem stable. But she needs t-to learn how to control the magic and keep it in check for s-starters.” He nods understanding.

“Okay, I can help her with that.”

“B-but Sans… Human bodies aren’t b-built to handle such large amounts of magic. She’s m-more used to it o-obviously, but can her body r-really take it?”

You feel an anxiousness take hold of you, an ever growing concern enveloping your soul. You want to hit yourself for ever thinking everything would be just dandy without any consequences to what happened. You stare down at your feet and feel tears stinging your eyes. Doing your best to keep them from falling, you bite down on your bottom lip. The small skeleton steps closer to you and rubs up and down your arms.

“Hey, you’re strong, you’ve endured worse than this, don’t get discouraged.” You turn away from Sans and his hand is on your cheek, forcing you to look him in the eyes. He’s smiling softly. “I’ve been through something like this. I know how to deal with it, okay? I’m here for you.”

In your soul you feel a confidence that doesn’t belong to you, and you know what you’re sensing is Sans’ emotions through your bond. You wonder if he’s doing that on purpose. He pulls your face to his in a gentle kiss, making Alphys look away with a hint of a pink blush on her cheeks.

“Sans, d-do you mind if I get a reading off you t-too?” You feel him tense and his smile dissolves into a scowl.

“Alphys…”

“I-I just want to see if it’s a-affecting you too… I want to m-make sure you’re both fine.” He grits his teeth for a moment and then sighs in defeat, nodding and turning so that the other monster can do what she has to.

“Okay.” She waddles closer and he grabs her wrists just before she reaches him. “But you have to promise me not a single thing of what you see gets out. You won’t mention it to another soul, not even Undyne and much less Papyrus.” His eyes go dark as he says this and you’re worried about what all this secrecy means.

Alphys agrees immediately and presses the little device to his ribs. He hisses as he feels the same sting you felt before, the machine beeping to life.

The lizard monster presses some buttons, her eyes widening when she goes through the numbers. “O-one HP?! Sans!” She shouts in surprise.

“That’s normal. Pap knows about it, but tell Undyne and your anime collection gets it, capisce?”

She gulps and flinches from his gaze. “G-got it.”

“What does that mean, HP?” You ask before Alphys can check the rest of the results.

“HP is your health points, or if you want, how well you can take a hit.” Sans explains.

“You only have one?” He shrugs. “Isn’t that dangerous?” He shrugs once again. You stare at him with worry. “What happens if I accidentally hit you with my magic?”

“I’d probably die.” Your heart sinks and blood drains from your face.

“That’s awful…” Tears start to threaten spilling out from your eyes once again and Sans pulls you to his side, wrapping his arms around you. “Especially with the instability, if I can’t control it I could…” You can’t get the rest of the sentence out of your mouth.

“I’m good at dodging, don’t worry.” He nuzzles his face into your neck but the feeling of dread in your stomach does nothing to go away. “Plus I know you’d never try to hurt me.”

“That doesn’t make me feel any better…”

“S-Sans is a lot tougher than he looks.” Alphys offers as a way to soothe your worries, but you’re not quite convinced. She turns her gaze back to the tiny screen. “Everything s-seems to be fine fortunately. Aside from a dip to your magic reserves, w-which I assume is just due to your s-souls melding.”

“Good to know.” He says simply.

She sifts through the numbers and freezes for a moment, shooting a glance at Sans. He merely turns away. She doesn’t say anything. You’re too busy thinking about what could happen if you don’t learn how to keep your powers in check to even notice their exchange.

Alphys turns the display back to your stats and asks if you’d like to take a look at them yourself. You figure it couldn’t hurt. You take the device in your hands and examine the numbers.

**HP: 20**

**LV: 1**

**AT: ???**

**DF: ???**

**EXP: 4**

There are others but these ones catch your attention for some reason. You ask the two monsters what the things below your HP are. Sans is the one who answers your question.

“AT is attack and DF is defence. Those can be influenced by a number of things, like what you’re wearing and your state of mind. And um…” He hesitates and looks away from you before continuing. “The other two stand for Level of Violence and Execution Points.” Your chest aches when the words leave his mouth.

“Oh god…” When you look at the four in front of EXP guilt takes hold of your heart, your thoughts drifting to the innocent creature that your father set on you all those years ago.

“Hey, it’s okay… It was self-defence…” Sans whispers while running a hand through your hair, knowing exactly what you’re thinking.

“That’s no excuse, it was only acting on its instincts, it wasn’t its fault.”

His bony arms hold you tighter. “You’re too kind for your own good.”

You hand Alphys the device, not wanting to look at what’s on it anymore and hiding your face in shame. She goes to put it away with her things. Neither of them are judging you, especially not Sans, but you can’t help feeling like all your sins are tearing at your soul.

Your soulmate holds you so that your head’s nestled on his shoulder, one hand stroking your hair while the other sits at the small of your back. “Don’t feel like this please… It’s not your fault.”

“No matter the context, I did what I did. And that can’t be erased.” You murmur, your voice small and weak.

“I know that better than anyone.” He whispers in return. He places his index under your chin and pulls your face up so that he can look you in the eyes. “We both just have to do our best to make up for what we’ve done. Together.”

“Okay…”

You hear Undyne and Papyrus’ voices outside before they even come in. The three of you silently agree to keep the recent events to yourselves, not wanting to worry them.

They come through the door and Undyne looks angry. “You clearly have an advantage in this wretched weather! I call for a rematch in my own element!”

“THE GREAT PAPYRUS SHALL PREVAIL NO MATTER THE CLIMATE! THE STUDENT MUST SURPASS THE TEACHER TO TRULY MAKE THEM PROUD!”

“Yeah, well, you’ve still got a long way to go until you best me FAIRLY!”

Their exchange is enough to put a tiny smile on your face. When the two monsters notice that you’re there they both beam at you.

“HUMAN SISTER, YOU’RE UP! HOW ARE YOU FEELING?” Your smile widens at the lanky skeleton, finding his new title for you awfully endearing.

“I’m doing okay Pap, thank you for asking.”

“Do you think you can walk back today? I’m itching to get back on the field.” Undyne mutters. “I only came here to check on you punks. Seriously, you need to stop almost getting yourself killed!” She points one finger at you two accusingly.

“Can’t argue with that.” Sans replies. You elbow him on the side.

“It was _your_ idea to bring me here.” Your statement comes out slightly more bitter than you intended it to. The small skeleton looks down at the ground, shame ghosting over his face.

“Heh, right.” He scratches at his skull guiltily, and you’re momentarily regretful for bringing that up.

“Sorry…” You apologise while biting down on your lip. “Um, yeah I suppose I could do it.” You say finally.

“You sure?” Sans asks you, a hint of concern seeping through his voice.

“IF YOU HAVE ANY TROUBLE I CAN CARRY YOU! I DID THAT FOR SANS ALL THE TIME AND YOU’RE MUCH LIGHTER!”

“That’s not a terrible idea.” Sans ponders. “I can do it too if you want.”

“No, it’s fine really, I can walk.”

With that out of the way you give in to Sans’ request to let Undyne take the remnants of Chara’s soul instead of you. As you’re going to pick the glass vial up he tells you that if he didn’t trust it before, with the magic instability he’s even less keen on the idea of you carrying him around close to your chest and therefore, your soul. You don’t have it in you to argue against it.

As you walk through the Underground you take in everything around you, starting with the strange and seemingly impossible weather. Your attention diverts to the river person when you come to their boat. Their singsong voice and riddle like speech has you enthralled. You’re curious about them but your meeting is short-lived as you pull up in what the monsters call Hotland to take the route up to the surface.

“I’d like to come back here sometime.” You tell Sans while looking around the place. Even though to the monsters it seems like the most normal thing, since they’ve lived here all their lives, all of the Underground is very whimsical to you.

“Okay, sometime in the future.” He promises.

From there, the trip back is fairly uneventful. You talk here and there. The monsters tell you about the day they made this trip themselves for the first time.

“I COULDN’T TAKE THE ANTICIPATION OF MEETING ALL NEW HUMAN FRIENDS!” Papyrus grinned at the memory.

“Of course he forgets to mention how most of them ran for the hills when they saw a talking skeleton.” Sans adds with a chuckle.

When you finally reach the town you stop to get some food before returning to your home (the thought of those two words still creates butterflies in your stomach), the sky already dark and speckled with stars. Before you walk up to the apartment Alphys tells you that she’ll be by regularly after work to check on you and see if you’re doing alright. You thank her and then remember something suddenly.

“Oh, that’s right. I don’t know if Sans told you about this, but there’s some books I wanted you to have. It was his idea really…” You add the last part while turning to face the building, a pang of guilt settling in your chest.

“R-really? What are they a-about?”

“Souls, monsters’ and humans’ alike, the war, magic, a few other things.” You list while going through the books in your head.

“That’s a-amazing! Where did you get s-such a collection?” Her eyes seem to be twinkling with enthusiasm.

“Um, they were… My father’s…” Scratching at the back of your neck you stare at your feet. “A-anyway Sans said they’d be helpful to you. He picked them out himself so I’m sure they’re up to par.”

“Yeah, they’re back at the house if you want to come up and take them with you.” Sans says from beside you.

“Y-yes, that’d be g-great!” You offer her a small smile and start your way up to the house behind the skeleton brothers.

Undyne sets the vessel lightly on the coffee table and you bend down to pick up some of the books from the pile, handing them to the tiny yellow monster who’s smiling so widely you’re worried her face might be hurting.

“O-oh these all look a-amazing! T-thank you!”

“You should be thanking Sans. If it weren’t for him, these wouldn’t be here.” You tell her.

Undyne grumbles as she takes the remaining books. “After this I’m done carrying stuff for a lifetime. You’re lucky I love you and this makes you happy!” She half shouts to Alphys.

They leave shortly after with all the books and you let yourself collapse face down onto the couch. “Wake me up in two days.” You mutter, voice muffled by the throw pillow you’ve nuzzled your face into. Sans laughs at that.

“I’m going to put Paps to bed.” You notice the taller skeleton rubbing his eyes sleepily and you smile at him.

“Hmm, mind if I help?” You say sitting back up, curious as to how Sans goes about doing this.

Sans shrugs with a lazy grin and Papyrus nods eagerly through his drowsiness. And so you walk with the two skeletons to Pap’s room. When he’s tucked in, Sans picks up a book from the nightstand that looks worn, read through plenty of times. He sits down on the bed and you place yourself next to him, wrapping your arms around one of his and resting your chin on his shoulder. You listen as he reads Papyrus to sleep and feel a growing warmth in your heart.

“You’re such a good brother.” You whisper when he stops reading.

“I try to be.” He says back, keeping his voice low as not to wake his brother up. “For a long time he was all I had. Now I have you too.” You blush a light pink.

He gets up and takes your hand, quietly stepping out and shutting the door behind you. He pulls you to his own room and pushes his body into yours, pressing you against the door. His face inches closer to yours until your foreheads are touching. His eyes are half lidded and you can feel his warm breath on you. One of his hands slides up your side to the crook of your neck and he slowly pulls you to him, his mouth pressing to your lips tenderly, sending a tingling feeling through you.

Without breaking the kiss he moves his hands to your waist and pulls you to his bed, sitting you down on it and pushing you further into it, crawling on after you and positioning himself between your legs. He pauses to shrug off his jacket and throw it onto the floor carelessly.

Your eyes follow it as it falls and then drift back to the small skeleton hovering over you. There’s an unfamiliar feeling pooling down in your stomach and your heartrate seems to be going wild. The room is dark and you’re thankful because for some reason you feel like your cheeks are burning.

Sans leans down to peck your lips once again, you grab at his shirt and pull him to you, wanting him as close as physically possible. You both lower yourselves onto the mattress, passionately deepening your kiss, his hands moving around your body, not knowing exactly where to stay. He grabs at your hips and slides you down so that you’re pressed together, his mouth still on yours, leaving you short for breath.

When he moves away and lies down on his side next to you, you’re both panting hard. Your shirt has somehow crawled up over your belly button and he wraps his arms around your midsection, the bone smooth and warm against your skin. You shudder slightly at his touch and not because of him grazing over the scars you know are still there.

“You okay?” He breathes. Your skin feels like it’s on fire where he’s touching you.

You bite down on your bottom lip. “Yeah.” Your voice sounds odd to your ears and you don’t know why. You close your eyes and turn to your side, facing him. One of his legs finds its way between yours and he nestles his face against your neck, sending a shiver down your spine as he exhales into it.

He pulls the crumpled covers from the bottom of the bed over the both of you. “I love you.” He mumbles, his eyes drifting closed.

“Me too.” You stare at his peaceful and tired expression for a while, willing the strange feeling deep inside you to go away, or at the very least doing your best to ignore it. Thinking about the day’s events your mind drifts to the fact that you could potentially kill him if your magic spiralled out of control again. “Sans…” He hums in response to your call. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t.” He says with a confidence you don’t feel at all yourself.

“How do you know that?” You feel as small as your voice sounds.

He moves his skull so that his forehead is pressed to yours. “I just do.” His answer is not at all what you expected but even so it makes a smile force its way to your lips. Before you can say anything else he’s already snoring lightly.

You let your eyelids fall closed and inhale deeply, Sans’ scent washing over you. It’s comforting and inviting. You let yourself fall into the darkness, lulled by his steady breathing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it for this chapter, I hope it's okay, I rewrote it so many times!! At one point I had two versions (completely different mind you) written out and I completely scrapped them to make a third one that ended up like this! I even called it "Pesky Chapter" in the document title haha  
> Anyways, enough rambling, I hope you enjoyed reading it just the same, leave any feedback you may have , it's greatly appreciated :)  
> PS: I like the idea of Sans being kind of a tease without even realising it xD


	24. Misery loves company

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some writing in bold and sign language underlined up ahead.

_You’re surrounded by the darkness of sleep but you start hearing voices echoing through the emptiness._

_“You need to stay calm.” A voice you don’t recognise speaks, low and scratchy._

_“I know, but it hurts so bad…” It sounds like Sans, but somehow different, higher pitched, younger…_

_“Just a little more. It’ll be over soon, I promise.”_

_“Okay… One more time… Argh!” The sound of the screams that follow fill you with horror._

You sit upright with a gasp as you feel an incredible ache in the back of your eyes. You wonder what you just dreamt was about for a moment until you feel movement next to you. When you turn to your side you see a faint glow leaking out of Sans’ left eye as he squirms, his features twisted in agony. You try to shake him awake but he shoves your hands away in his frenzy.

His eyes shoot open and the flare of his magic is so intense that the air itself feels heavier. You feel yourself getting pushed off the bed and you’re hovering above the ground. You shout his name and he seems to realise what’s happening, dropping you gently to your feet. He rubs his face, willing his magic to die down.

“I’m sorry….” He mutters as you climb back on to his side. “I was dreaming about things I haven’t thought about in a long time.” The small skeleton forces a grin onto his distressed face and you look at him sorrowful, forgetting about the pounding in your head.

“Want to tell me what it was?” He shakes his head.

“Not really.” He looks at you with a twinge of embarrassment lighting up his cheeks. “Could you please hold me? Just for a little while…” You nod quietly and crawl behind him, pulling his head so that it’s resting on your chest as you stroke his skull softly. He sighs. “Thank you. Usually I just rock back and forth until this feeling goes away… I’m glad you’re here…”

“Do you want to talk about anything else then? It might help.” You suggest while moving your fingers in slow circles at the place where his vertebrae meet his skull.

“Sure.” He grips at your shirt like his life depends on it.

“Okay, what would you like to talk about?”

“Anything’s fine. I don’t know, tell me your hopes for the future.” He proposes while nuzzling his face into you.

“That’s hard… I’ve never really thought beyond here and now, you know?” He nods but you think about it for a moment either way. “I suppose right now, I’m hoping my arrangement with Grillby goes well. And I want to be better at controlling my magic so that I don’t accidentally hurt you or anyone.”

“You’ll get there soon.” Sans assures you, holding you a little tighter. “Is that it?” He asks quietly.

“Unless you want to count being happy with you, I guess it is.” You feel him smiling without even being able to see his face. “What about you?”

“I want that as well. And I want to give you all the things you deserve. Hmm, guess I should find myself a job too.” He pulls back to inspect your face. “Are you okay?” He asks out of nowhere.

“Yeah…” You smile softly at him. “Just got a bit of a headache, but I’m sure it’ll go away.”

“I was afraid my nightmare might have affected you as well…” Your thoughts drift to the voices you dreamt about.

“Oh…” You say simply. You’re not sure if you should tell him about it. Looking at his tired eyes you decide to keep it to yourself for now. “No, I’m good. Just relax.”

And he does, it’s like he’s melting in your arms, exhaling as he tries to forget whatever memories he was dreaming about. He lets out a content hum. He lays his head on your stomach, his arms around your hips.

“Scoot down a bit.” He tells you and you do as he says. He turns you on your side so that his ribs are pressed against your back, one of his arms draped over your hip and his face buried in your hair. It doesn’t take long for him to doze off again. You have some difficulty falling back asleep so you draw circles on the bones of his hand absentmindedly. He sighs behind you and it warms your heart. Intertwining your fingers with his you close your eyes once again, wondering why it was that you dreamt about that conversation. There’s a growing anxiousness inside you as you consider what it might mean if it is what you think.

As if he sensed your worry, Sans squeezes your hand and pulls you into him, your bodies so close you could feel a faint thrum in his chest against your back. It was almost like a heartbeat but at the same time, nothing like it. You somehow knew it was his soul. In your own chest you feel a gentle tug and, reacting to it unconsciously, his hand moves up to that exact place, still laced with yours. You hear him let out a noise that you could most closely describe as a small whine. It’s so uncharacteristic you almost want to laugh, but not wanting to wake him you just smile and hold his hand tighter to your chest.

\---

You’re startled awake by a phone ringing. You try to move but you find you’re still tangled in Sans’ embrace, who shifts in his sleep, slowly waking up himself.

“What’s that?” He asks drowsily.

“I think it’s your phone.” You answer him biting back a chuckle at his confusion.

He sits up and rubs his eyes. “Where did I leave it? Need to stop that incessant beeping.” Looking around the room, his gaze stops at his jacket on the floor. Using his magic, he lifts it off the ground and into his hands, digging through the pockets. Finally finding the source of the ringing he picks up with a lazy “Hello?” after looking at the caller ID.

You take the time to close your eyes and stretch your arms and legs as he talks, letting a little moan escape your lips from the amazing feeling. When you open your eyes once again you see Sans staring down at you with a light cerulean hue glowing over his cheekbones.

“Uh, y-yeah, sure Tori…” He stumbles at the words, hanging up the call seconds after. “You just made the loveliest sound I’ve ever heard in my life…” His voice is low.

You feel yourself blushing as well as his eyes stare into yours. “What did Toriel want?” You ask to direct the conversation to a different topic.

“Oh, she’s trying to get a teaching license and she’s got some stuff to do for that. She wants me to look after Frisk till she’s free.”

“Sounds like fun.” You say smiling.

“Yeah, we’ll have to pick them up from school. In the meantime we’ll get some, um…” He glances at the time and laughs a little. “…lunch. That brings me back.” He says while stretching himself as well, which confuses you as he has no muscles that would need stretching.

You get up and off the bed and walk to the kitchen. There’s a note stuck on the fridge from Papyrus.

_I LEFT SOME SPAGHETTI INSIDE FOR MY BELOVED SIBLINGS! ENJOY!_

You grin with a warmth enveloping your soul as you read it. “How nice, don’t have to do any cooking.” Sans contemplates as he sees it as well.

“You cook?” You ask him with a raised eyebrow.

“Some things here and there. Had to feed Pap somehow when we were younger.” He opens the fridge and takes the spaghetti to heat it up.

“Oh?”

“Mm, yeah, I pretty much raised him by myself.” He says with a casualty that somewhat throws you off.

“I’m sorry… Well, you did an amazing job, Papyrus is great, nice and a real sweetheart.” You tell him, moving up behind him to snake your arms over his ribs. He chuckles turning his head back to leave a kiss on your cheek.

“Thanks, but that’s all him. I just kept him out of trouble.” His expression falls. “Most of the time…” You feel his sadness in your soul. “Anyway, let’s eat.” He says before you can speak.

You eat slowly and in silence, a tension hanging in the air that you don’t quite know how to get rid of. Once you’re done, you wash the dishes and turn back to Sans, leaning against the sink.

“So what are we doing today? Are we addressing my magic’s issue?” He shakes his head.

“No, I don’t think that’s a good idea just yet. Especially with Frisk coming over… I was thinking we could take on the smaller yet very important matter of getting you a proper wardrobe.”

You frown slightly. “Can you even afford that right now? I feel like such a freeloader.”

“You’re not, but we’ll end up spending more washing your one outfit every other day.” He smirks mischievously. “Unless you want to walk around naked. I mean I won’t oppose, but I think Pap might find it just a little odd.” Your eyes widen and blood rises to your face so fast you think it may be some sort of record.

“Buying clothes it is.” You mutter. The small skeleton in front of you lets out a hearty laugh.

“Thought so.”

And so after a quick trip to the bathroom to freshen up you’re off to do just that.

Sans gets you a few pairs of jeans and some fitted sweaters to go with it, a couple of sweatpants and some simple shirts to walk around the house, along with a jacket and some underwear. The last items had you blushing the colour of Sans’ ketchup bottles as he went to pay for it. You don’t feel very comfortable with him getting you any things whatsoever, let alone undergarments. The shoes you have are perfectly fine if a little worn so you refuse to let him buy you any.

By the time you’re done it’s already around the time you’re supposed to get Frisk from school so you start walking there.

There are so many children there. As they come out of the building and past you some of them stare at Sans for long periods of time, ones with fascination, and others with confusion, maybe even some with displeasure but you try to ignore those. You finally see Frisk as they leave the door, they start to look around until they spot you and Sans and their eyes light up as they run to you, throwing their tiny arms around the skeleton.

“Hey kiddo. How was school?” They let go to sign some things and Sans smiles. “They learned a lot of new things.” He translates.

“Oh yeah? What’s your favourite subject?” You ask them. Their hands move quickly yet again.

“Science! Heh, I’m proud.” Sans grins. Frisk motions some more with a cheeky grin, making him laugh. “Geez okay, just this once.” He picks them up and sits them over his shoulders.

Frisk grabs at his skull and smirks at you, causing you to laugh as well. You make your way to the house and when you arrive, Frisk is set back to their feet.

The first thing they notice when they step inside is the glass cylinder of Chara’s soul fragments. You feel ashamed and like you should have maybe hidden it away in Sans’ room before leaving. You don’t think that they’d want to see the soul of someone who used them to commit such vile actions, but much to your surprise, the child runs up to the container like it’s an old friend. Frisk sits on their knees in front of the coffee table and Sans puts a hand on their shoulder.

“You might want to stay away from that, kid.” He warns. Frisk shakes their head and puts a hand to the glass.

This time you definitely see the red haze gather at where Frisk is touching it and something tugs at your heart. The child’s expression changes to one of compassion when they look at you. They take their backpack off their shoulders, pulling out a notebook and scribbling on it.

Leaving your new things by the door, you walk over and sit down on the couch behind them, taking the book to read what he wrote you.

**He’s sad.** **Wants company.**

You choke back a sob, raising a hand to cover your mouth and closing your eyes. You manage to not be there for him even after he’s already dead… You feel Frisk taking the notebook from your hands and hear them write on it once again. You open your eyes to look over it when they’re done.

**He’s sorry too.**

That does it. Tears start running freely from your eyes and onto the words, blurring them out. You feel a small hand over yours and see Frisk’s eyes watering as well. You wipe the tears from their face with your thumbs just as they fall, flashing them a small smile to show them you’re okay.

“Come on, no sadness, if Toriel finds out that I made you cry, she’s going to kick my butt…” You mutter jokingly. They crack a smile and sniffle.

They sign something and then write it down so that you know what it means. **I won’t tell.**

“ _Ewe_ better not. I haven’t _goat_ any intentions of finding me a new soulmate if Tori decides to _ram_ her.” Sans quips, causing the child to giggle.

**I think Chara’s groaning at your puns.** Frisk writes down so that you can understand it as well.

“Ah well, he’s given me my fair share of grief. He can deal with it.” He glares down at the crimson fragments. “You two are too soft on that little demon.” Frisk punches Sans’ side lightly and signs something heatedly. He raises a brow bone at the kid. “Fine, but I’m not forgiving him.” He mumbles sitting down next to you with a stern expression.

You look at Frisk confused and he translates what he said on the paper. **I said Sans needs to understand that you love Chara despite everything.** You smile at the child feeling the waterworks threatening to spill again. You feel like in the past couple of days that’s been happening a lot.

You pull Frisk into a tight hug and they return it just as strongly. When you pull back they notice something on the floor out of the corner of their eye. They pick it up and bring it over to you.

“Oh, hey, Pans!” You exclaim as they hand you the stuffed panda you got from the fair. The small skeleton eyes you strangely. “Um… Panda Sans…” You explain slightly embarrassed. They both dissolve into a fit of laughter.

You can’t help but giggle with them.

Until Papyrus arrives, Frisk finally gets around to teaching you some sign language. You’re starting to get a good handle of the basics by then, and you can already do some common phrases, such as ‘What’s your name?’ and ‘How are you?’ and the respective answers.

You greet Papyrus with what you’ve learned when he steps in and Frisk gives you a thumbs up at your success. At one point all three of them are invested in teaching you. You’re amused at the way Papyrus signs. He somehow manages to do it loudly, his movements as grand as his personality. You have a small conversation with them and grin proudly when you’re done.

“You’re good at this.” Sans says pleased with your progress.

I try. You sign in response with a widespread smile, your eyes shining enthusiastically.

You’ve always been a quick learner. By the time Toriel comes to get the child after dinner, you’re already good enough to understand Frisk fairly well without them having to write it down or Sans translating it. At least if they sign it slowly.

Goodnight Star. I had a lot of fun. And don’t worry, secret’s safe. You chuckle at the last part.

“Thank you, for watching Frisk today.” Toriel smiles warmly. You return it without a moments’ hesitation.

“It was lovely, they’re a joy to be around.” You say ruffling their hair. When they leave you shut the door gently and lean against it. Your eyes go to Chara’s soul pieces. “You think what Frisk said is true? Can he hear us? Can he feel lonely? Is he really sorry…?” Sans shrugs.

“I don’t know. Kid likes to see the best out of every situation.”

“A broken soul is still a soul. It feels just like any other.” Papyrus says quietly as he steps from the kitchen. You both stare at the taller skeleton surprised. “I think you should believe whatever it is your heart tells you.”

“Pap…” Sans mutters not knowing what to say. You find yourself at a loss for words too.

But deep down, you suddenly realise that you know what you want to do with him.

“He wants company.” You say slowly. The two brothers watch you closely as you walk over to the vial. You move your hands over the surface and see the red follow them. In your chest, your soul is shaking and your heart beating fast and hard. You open the top and the scarlet haze lifts out of it. Sans freezes in place when it swirls around you. You watch it closely as it gathers in front of your face. “Now you can be with Asriel.” And it fizzles into nothingness.

You hide your face in your hands and sob silently as the hot tears fall out of your eyes. You feel skeletal arms surround you from both sides as both Papyrus and Sans try to comfort you. You feel something sparking inside you, fuelled by your anguish.

“Don’t let it take over.” Sans whispers in your ear, sensing your magic starting to overflow out of your soul against your will.

You try to stop it but your heart is aching so badly. You know in the depths of your being that this really was the last goodbye. You’re hoping he’s gone to a better place and that you did the right thing by finally letting him go, but it still hurts. It hurts so much.

“Sans, why is it so hard?” You ask through the tears, things around the room starting to shake. Your brain is telling you that you shouldn’t feel this awful, that Chara hurt you, but your heart doesn’t listen.

“Because you love with all your soul.” He answers holding you close.

“But we love you too, and we’re here for you.” Papyrus adds.

“You’ll be okay…” Your soul responds to his, feeling it reach out to soothe you. As you cry softly, the magic inside you settles against all odds. You twist slightly to hold on to Sans and hide your face in his neck. Papyrus lets go to rub your back gently. “It’s okay…” The shorter brother murmurs, his phalanges running through your hair.

Pulling away you wipe at the tears uselessly, they just keep streaming. “I need a little time alone…” You tell them quietly.

Sans asks if you’re sure and you simply nod. You go to the bathroom and just sit there for a while, letting your sadness spill out. You decide to strip off and climb into the shower, turning on the hot water and sitting under it, letting it mix with your salty tears and hoping it’ll wash away the pain.

You hug your legs to your chest, resting your face on your knees as you sob.

When you finally start to calm down, not even sure how long it’s been, you turn off the water, which you didn’t notice had gone cold too. You don’t make another move to get out of the shower, much less the bathroom.

Taking your hand up to your chest you trace the large scar between your breasts with your index finger. It feels numb. _You_ feel numb…

You gather the willpower to lift yourself to your feet and notice a towel and some clothing on the floor by the door. Sans must have heard the water running. Slowly you dry yourself and put on one of the sweats and shirts he got you today. You don’t even bother to gather the clothes you were wearing before from where you mindlessly threw them to, leaving them in a crumpled pile to pick up later.

Outside the bathroom, Sans is sitting on the ground, his back to the wall and head leaned back, legs stretched out in front of him. His eyes are closed and he doesn’t show any signs of moving when you come out. You must have been gone a really long time… Silently and carefully you sit down next to the sleeping skeleton and gently lean your head against his shoulder. His skull falls to the side, resting on top of your own.

Your eyes fall shut as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked this chapter, thank you for taking the time to read it :) Please leave any feedback you may have, motivates me to keep going even when university is making me want to rip my hairs off lol


	25. A new variable

You wake up with tears streaming down your cheeks. You were dreaming about Chara and Asriel playing together in the flowers with beaming smiles on their faces, serene, happy. You think it’s the first time you’ve had a good dream in ages. Without opening your eyes you wipe at your face.

From your aching muscles you realise that you’re still sitting in the hall. You can hear Sans’ steady breathing, still sleeping soundly. His head has shifted to your lap. You finally force your eyelids open and notice that it’s still somewhat dark inside, giving you the impression that it’s really early in the morning. You look down at the small skeleton snoozing on you.

He’s got his jacket’s fur-lined hood over his head, one hand pulling down on it so that it’s over his closed eye sockets. The other arm is underneath his head, stretched out over your leg. His body is curled up into a ball. One of his pink slippers is somewhere down the hall, the sock on that same foot skidded down until it’s almost off his foot as well. He looks adorable. You feel like it’d be a crime to move him.

You’ve slept in this position in colder and harder floors for years. It’s not like a couple more hours will kill you. You go to lay a hand on Sans’ arm when he starts moving, making you freeze in place. He turns over to his other side so that he’s facing your stomach and inhales deeply, one hand grabbing at your shirt and tugging it down slightly.

“Ss… Star…” He mumbles. Is he dreaming about you? The thought creates a fuzzy feeling in your chest and you swear you see his soft expression lighten up with a small smile.

There’s the clicking sound of a door opening and you look over to see Papyrus stepping out of his room. He opens his mouth to speak when he spots you and you put a finger to your lips in a hushing motion, pointing to Sans. He nods his head, gesturing a zipper over his teeth and you smile at him, amusement twinkling in your eyes.

Quietly, the lanky skeleton makes his way over to the both of you. He starts signing as not to wake his brother, asking you why you were sleeping in there and not in the room. You simply shrug in response. When he asks how you’re feeling you sign a quick ‘good’. He tells you that he’s got work and you nod, moving your hands to wish him a good day. Who knew that what Frisk taught you would come in handy so soon? You inwardly chuckle, trying not to move too much or make any noise. Shortly after you hear the front door shut as Papyrus leaves.

You feel like you could stay like this forever, watching Sans slumber peacefully, despite the fact that even if he looks like he’s nuzzled up to you comfortably he’s still technically sleeping on the floor. He seems content. You’re glad that the numbness from last night has left you, replaced by a tranquillity that you relish in. Enjoying the small things… It might be the best lesson you learned from all your years of suffering. A nice meal when food was scarce, a few hours of rest when torture was daily, a new dawn when you thought the one before would be your last…

“Hey…” Your head snaps to the end of the hall and your eyes widen as you stare at what’s in front of you. Your gaze drifts to your lap. Yep, Sans is still there, asleep. So how can he be at the end of the hall as well? “Why am I here? Well um…”

You blink at the Sans that’s standing there looking at you expectantly, rubbing his skull with one eye closed, his signature grin plastered on his face. He looks basically the same, but in a strange way. There are subtle differences. His face, his clothes (is that a lab coat?), his voice, and you could swear he was a little shorter as well.

“I don’t know if you know this but…” The doppelganger continues. “It’s Papyrus’ birthday today… He really wants you to be there.” His expression falls just seconds later. “Yeah, of course, you’re busy.” The look of disappointment in his eyes could break your heart. “I should’ve known better than to come back here. I’ll see you tomorrow… or something…”

He starts walking away and you want to reach out, make him smile genuinely instead of that fake grin that couldn’t fool someone who was really looking. Just as he disappears from sight you feel Sans, the one whose head is on your legs, start to shift. He sits up with a small gasp, his eyes opening suddenly.

It takes him a moment to realise where he is, his expression is one of exhausted annoyance, but when he sees your face, his lights up a little. He turns so that he’s facing you, sitting on his ankles. You look at him with your brows furrowed in concern and confusion. “Morning… Did I fall asleep waiting for you?” You nod. “Heh, sorry. Why didn’t you wake me up to go to bed?”

You shrug your shoulders just like you did when Papyrus asked you the similar question. “I didn’t really feel like talking then and you seemed like you were sleeping alright so I just sat next to you.”

“Okay…” He rubs the sleep off his face. “Are you alright? You look off.”

You think about whether you want to tell Sans what you saw. However, before you can decide on anything your mouth is already spewing the words out. “Depends. Is there a logical explanation as to why I would see what I’m almost certain was a younger version of you talking to me while you were still sleeping?” You blurt out.

His eyes narrow for a moment before sighing. “Did that me happen to talk about Pap’s birthday?” You nod wordlessly and he groans. “You must be getting more in tune with my soul, starting to catch glimpses of my dreams. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. Although I should probably tell you that it happened the night before too.” He goes to say something but you keep talking before he can. “Yes I lied, but you looked like you just needed some quiet.”

“Yeah… thank you. What did you see that night then?” He asks apprehensively.

“Nothing, just heard voices, yours and someone else’s. I guess it was the same person you were so disappointed in?” He confirms this. “May I at least ask why you were screaming so much?”

“I was in pain.” He mumbles looking away. He did mention that in the small exchange.

“Okay. You can tell me whenever you’re ready.” You say. He lets out a breath that he didn’t even know he was holding, grateful that you don’t want to push into his dreams, or memories rather. You only caught a few things of his past when your souls melded, this didn’t seem to be part of what you saw. You briefly wonder what he saw of your own past and you feel a coldness in the pit of your stomach.

“You look awful.” He mutters looking into your eyes. You raise one eyebrow at him.

“Gee, thanks…” You mumble sarcastically with a hint of a smile tugging at a corner of your mouth.

“No, I didn’t mean it like that, sorry.” He grins at you sheepishly. “You look sore, is what I actually intended to say.”

“Nothing I’m not used to.” Sans’ eyes seem to soften with compassion.

“You really should’ve woken me up. We could’ve gone to bed.” He scratches at the back of his skull.

“Hey, don’t worry about me, I’m okay. Besides, you looked awfully comfortable this morning, it would have been a sin to wake you up.” Your eyes drift to the end of the hall and you smile. “You’re missing a slipper by the way.”

Sans stares down at his feet and then to the lone slipper. “How did that happen?”

You spring to your feet. “Beats me.” You chuckle slightly and offer him a hand to help him up.

He sits to adjust the sock on his foot and takes it, stopping you before you can leave by wrapping his arms around your waist from behind. “Alphys called yesterday. She wanted to know if you were alright. I told her what happened and she asked me to tell you that she and Undyne are both sorry for your loss.”

There’s a weight in your chest where your soul rests. It feels heavy again. You take a deep breath and rest your hands on top of his. “I just hope it was the right thing to do…” His grip on you tightens before he places his teeth on your cheek in a soft kiss, not saying anything. He honestly doesn’t know what he could say at a moment like this.

After a few minutes of silence you go through a morning routine you’ve never had before. It’s definitely something you could get used to. When you’re done with that you walk to the kitchen where Sans has made you two some scrambled eggs and bacon for breakfast.

“We should start on your training. You’re going to have to learn how to channel your magic safely, don’t want you to get hurt because of me.” He says as you eat.

“How is it because of you?”

“It’s because of my soul’s magic that yours is unbalanced.”

You hum. “It was my doing.” You say nonchalantly. “This is really good.” You point to the food on your plate, making him grin at your appreciation.

“It’s got to be the simplest thing to cook, ever.”

“Doesn’t stop it being tasty.” You point out and he laughs quietly.

“Sure thing sweetheart.” You nearly choke on your food when you feel your soul fluttering at the pet name and his brow bone lifts as he eyes you with mirth. “Oh you like that do you?” Of course he’d feel that. Blood crawls up to your cheeks and you curse the fact that you can’t stop it. “Aww, no need to be embarrassed about it, _babe_.” He draws out the last word, his smirk widening when your face burns brighter.

He laughs at your embarrassment and you want to throw something at him but can’t find anything but cutlery and eggs. So of course you throw egg at his face. Waste of good food. But so damn worth it. It only makes him laugh harder though. At least you tried…

You huff and cross your arms over your chest childishly. “You look so cute when you’re flustered.” He says through chuckles causing you to roll your eyes at him despite the corners of your lips twitching slightly.

“So how is my training going to be?” You ask to divert the attention off of this topic.

“First and foremost we need to find somewhere isolated where we won’t be bothered. Or bother anyone…”

You go through the places you’ve been to in town in your head. None of them seem to fit that description. Sans is doing the same in his own mind and coming up short. The only area that you know of that’s empty of souls right now would be the village. But neither you, nor the small skeleton sitting in front of you mention it.

“I’ll call Undyne and see if we can use her backyard. She wrecks the place training with Pap anyway, plus Alphys can take a look at you without having to come over.”

“Sounds like a plan.” He looks through his phone and hits some buttons.

A few short words later and he hangs up. “Good news and bad news. Which one do you want first?” You shrug. “Okay, so good news is she’s okay with it. Bad news is she wants to see what you’re capable of. Alphys blabbed about your increased magic.”

“Then you better be a damn good teacher. Don’t want to accidentally kill my new friends.” You try to pull off a joking tone but the crack in your voice betrays you.

“Sushi rolls for dinner isn’t a bad idea.” He returns in an attempt to cheer you up. You giggle slightly and he smiles at his success. “Don’t worry though, I’m sure she’ll understand that you need to get a good handle of this first.”

He extends his hand out and you take it hesitantly. Suddenly you’re no longer in the kitchen but at the back of Undyne and Alphys’ house. “You can teleport again.”

“Yeah, nothing like a couple good night’s sleep. Well, mostly anyway. Plus it’s not far, and only one passenger.”

You hold your hands behind your back and swing from side to side, feeling anxiousness rise up to your throat. You’re really apprehensive about this, all the possible bad outcomes playing in the back of your head. So much death… Your breathing starts to get uneven and ragged. Sans squeezes your hand, which he’s still holding.

“Okay, that’s definitely not going to help. You have to calm yourself.”

You take a few deep breaths. It feels like the first times all over again. The feeling of being trapped, out of control, unstable. “It’s hard to breathe.” You tell him.

“I know. Think of happier things, like…” He thinks for a moment. “Like when we first kissed.” He suggests. You let your thoughts drift to that exact time and you feel yourself smiling, your soul settling with a glint of joy. “See? It’s not so hard.” He grins at you. “When you feel overwhelmed try to focus on something that makes you happy. I know it’s not easy but you have to try.”

“Okay, I think I’m ready.”

“Good.” Sans steps away from you slightly, both for his safety and yours. “Now you’ll have to tap into your magic so we can assess what you can deal with.”

You nod and take a deep and calming breath before focusing on the magic in your soul. But as soon as you try to lure it out you feel an excruciating pain in your head, right behind your left eye. You curl up into yourself, letting out a cry and holding your head between your hands. Sans is at your side in a flash, trying to figure out what’s wrong. You stop trying to reach for your power and it subsides, leaving a light throbbing in its wake.

“That’s worse than I thought.” He mumbles rubbing your arm. “It looks just like…” His voice fades, his sentence left unfinished. “I’m sorry, you’re going to have to do it again for me. I need to check something.”

You stare at him with disbelief. “Is that safe?”

“I’ll make sure you’re fine don’t worry.”

“I meant for you.” His eye sockets widen with slight surprise.

“Yeah… You’re the one in pain and you’re concerned for me?” He shakes his head. “You’re something else.”

You sigh and wait for him to return to his previous position but he doesn’t move. “Aren’t you…”

“I need to be next to you to see what I want.”

“Okay now I’m even more worried for your well-being.” He gives you a look that shows you he isn’t going anywhere until you do what he’s asking.

Biting at your bottom lip you tap into your soul again, the sharp sting returning just as intense, causing you to squeeze your eyes shut. When you try to hide your head once again, you feel skeletal hands holding it up. “Hold on just a bit longer.” You hold your breath to push through the pain. His thumbs pry your left eye open and you see his features twisted into a mix of worry and guilt, your vision seems blurry. “You can stop.” You exhale finally as he lets you close your eye once again.

“Did you see what you wanted?” You ask, the pounding in the back of your head remaining.

“Yes. No wonder you can’t control it. It’s my magic you’re using.” You force your eyelids up and stare at him confused.

“What?” Is all you can manage to formulate.

“Your left eye was glowing blue instead of your usual red. You’re showing the exact same reactions I did when I got it.” He offers as an explanation, but you’re still just as lost. “Huh, I wonder if that’s why I’m dreaming about that time lately…” He mumbles more to himself than to you in particular.

“Let me get this straight, you’re telling me, my soul’s integrating your magic with my own?”

“Yeah, actually that’s a pretty accurate description. And you’re nowhere near used to my magic.”

“You said their nature was similar.” You close your eyes once again, the dull throb making it hard to focus.

“Similar nature, entirely different structure.” If that made any sort of sense to him, it sure didn’t to you. “My magic is special. Enhanced scientifically. Painful to control at first. I’m sorry you have to go through this…”

“Does this god awful headache ever stop?” You inquire frustrated, feeling like you could collapse anytime now.

“In time your body gets used to it.” He leads you somewhere you can sit down for a while. “This could mean that you could maybe use some of my special attacks… Like Gaster blasters…” There’s a hint of excitement in his voice. “I should introduce you.”

“Sorry, what blasters? Introduce? You’re not making a lick of sense right now.” You hear a strange noise and when you open your eyes to figure out the source you crawl backwards. “Holy… What the hell is that?”

In front of you floats a gigantic skull, eye sockets flooding with a fiery and intense blue light, much like the one leaking out of Sans’ left eye, with large and sharp teeth that look like they can tear you apart with ease. It stood taller than Sans, larger than even both of you put together. It was like a dead dragon’s skull. But it looked very much alive. And like it was grinning at you…

“This is a Gaster blaster, one of my bigger ones. They’re weapons with minds of their own, but it’ll play nice.” Sans eyes the… creature… shooting it a glare and it looks like it rolls its eyes at him. “They like to break things if I let them roam around freely. Little bastards.”

“Little isn’t quite the word I’d use in this situation…” Astonishment seeps through your words.

“Heh, guess you’re right. Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to summon one of these babies though? It’s adorable when it wants to be.” He pats the blaster on the snout and it emits an almost purr like noise, leaning into his hand. You can’t help but smile at the scene. He seems to have a bond with this being.

“Why are they called Gaster blasters?” Sans’ gaze goes from the skull to you and then back to the skull, filled with sorrow, and he shrugs, not giving you any kind of an answer.

“Welp, time for you to go back, buddy.” He snaps his fingers and it disappears into thin air.

You just sit there, amazed by the thing you just saw, and filled with both curiosity and a glimmer of desire to be able to do it as well. After getting past the quite scary and menacing outside, it did seem somewhat friendly… kind of. But Sans liked it, and it seemed to like him back. Maybe it’d like you too. Sort of like a pet? Your soul shakes with excitement and you forget all about the throbbing in your head.

“Do you think they’d listen to me if I managed to summon them? Would they trust me like they do you? What exactly are they for? Where do you keep them?”

“Wow, too many questions at once. Glad to know you’re into them though.” He grins and sits down next to you. “Let’s see, yes, yes, they shoot magic beams out of their mouth and I’m not sure where they go.”

“You don’t know where you keep them? What if they’re lonely? Or somewhere horrible?”

“Hey, they’re weapons, not monsters or anything, they just happen to act like them. Sort of like artificial intelligence. With a little bit of temperament added to the mix.” The look you give him must not have satisfied him because Sans keeps going on an attempt to ease your worries. “They’re not activated unless my magic’s flowing through them, so it’s like they don’t even know they’re gone.”

That makes you feel slightly better about it. “Okay… Now that you know why I can’t control my magic anymore, what am I supposed to do?” You stare down at your hands, fidgeting slightly.

“Your soul is trying to merge both my magic and yours together, but since you don’t know how to handle mine it’s flowing out involuntarily. I’ll teach you how it works so that you can contain it.”

There’s a bubble of fear forming in your chest. “Alphys said the human body can’t handle such levels of magic… What if I can’t take it? Sans I’m scared…”

Phalanges wrap around your fingers and teeth press to your cheek gently. “Monsters aren’t made to handle determination, and I’m still here…” You glance at his face, dazed by his words. “That’s how my magic was enhanced. With determination from a human soul.” He confesses, his pupils sliding away from your face.

Your soul fills with sorrow as you realise that you have even more in common than you thought. You were both lab rats. The circumstances of his situation are unknown to you, but the fact of the matter is still there, so blaringly obvious you feel like an idiot for not seeing it sooner. His scars were just the same as your own.

“I didn’t know…”

“No one did. Except Alphys when she got those readings. And now I told you.” His grip on your hand tightens and he grits his teeth. “I was ashamed. I subjected myself to those experiments. I didn’t think of the consequences. I just wanted to be stronger. For Papyrus… I was his older brother, I was supposed to protect him, but I only had one HP, and I wasn’t even great with magic. If anything were to ever happen because I was too weak to protect him I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.” He hides his face in his hands. “And even then I watched him die over and over again. Even with all this power, I was _still powerless_ to save him. Even when I killed Chara as soon as he stepped out of the ruins, he would always reset, come back to kill him and everyone else. And I had to live with the memory of each time because of the determination inside me.”

The mention of Chara provokes a sting in your chest, the grief of his loss still fresh. Sans flinches from your pain, feeling it in his soul, and stops talking. You both sit in silence for a long time. One of your arms drapes around his back and you lean into him, rubbing his arm softly, trying to comfort him. It couldn’t have been easy for him to admit these feelings, reopen these old wounds. They are memories of a time he’d rather forget. So you do your best to just be here for him while he attempts to regain his composure. You want be a good friend, a good person, a good soulmate.

You want to help him tame his demons the way he’s aiding you with yours. You’re determined to show him how to forgive himself for his mistakes, hoping that will atone for yours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, not sure if this is all that great but I've been drowning in school work lately and I wanted to put something out  
> Hope you enjoyed it just the same though, please leave any feedback you may have, thank you for reading :)


	26. Bittersweet

Sans turns to face you with an expression you can’t quite describe. Coupled with determination you feel apprehension and fear. But you know that you’ll have to face whatever’s waiting for you down this road.

“I’m not going to lie to you.” Your soulmate starts. “This isn’t going to be easy. When I was learning how to use this power I did some nasty things, Star. It will hurt. A lot. And it’ll make you angry, _really_ angry. Because of our bond I might get angry too. I promise that I won’t hurt you but…” You feel dread sinking in as you stare into his eye sockets, his pupils dimming. “You have to know that no matter what happens right now, I love you.”

You try to swallow the knot that has formed in your throat but it’s proving difficult. You’re starting to doubt yourself, your ability to go through with this. But if you don’t at least try to control this new power, things could go very wrong. The problem is that from the look of things trying it can be just as dangerous. You feel conflicted.

What you do know is that you can’t keep on being a ticking time bomb, not knowing when you’ll explode and who you’ll take down with you. Taking a deep breath you nod at Sans, letting him know that you’re ready. Or as ready as you’re going to be… He mimics your motion and gets to his feet, pulling you along with him.

You stumble into his arms and he holds your face between his hands, pulling you into a kiss filled with meaning and love, pouring his emotions into it. When you separate, you feel a little less anxious. Not much, but just enough.

“Okay, so here’s how this is gonna go.” Sans takes your hands in his and squeezes them reassuringly. “You’re going to let your soul unlock the magic and let it mix freely. It’s going to flow out of you faster than you can catch it and it’s going to hurt like hell, but you’ll have to try to reel it in. And that’s it. Once you can do that, we can move on to doing something with it.”

You try to assure yourself that everything’s going to be fine, whatever can go wrong will not go wrong and you’ll get to the end of the day with nothing bad having happened. Yes, that’s how it’ll be. Definitely. Without a doubt. You shake your head vigorously, the sarcasm in your thoughts is most certainly not helping the situation.

“I can do this.” You tell yourself.

One last breath. You close your eyes and reach for your magic, you do just as Sans instructed, you unlock it and you let it out.

Immediately, it’s like you’ve been hit by lightning, electricity coursing through your veins and spreading through your entire body, leaving a burn in its path. Your head feels like it’s being thrust against a wall over and over, each time the pain growing greater. It is too much. You can’t focus on anything but the fact that every fibre of your being seems like it’s getting torn apart and crushed at the same time. You cry out, the thought that Alphys might be right and your body can’t handle this much power burning itself into your mind. And a different kind of fire starts scorching your soul.

“Star, I know it’s hard…” Sans’ voice sounds strained. “But you have to try to contain it…”

“Or what?” The words leave your mouth before you can even process them in your brain. “You’ll force me?” Your voice is laced with a bitterness you can’t seem to hold back. “Like you did back at the lab? I’m sick of being ordered around! I’m sick and tired of not having a choice! I’m just a puppet in everyone’s hands, something to be played with! I am so _sick_ of people telling me what to do!” Your head snaps up to look Sans in the eyes, your own glowing with the magic that’s pouring out of you, right red and left blue, making the air around you crackle, the entire place trembles, things flying every other direction. Your lips are pulled back in a snarl and anger is fuelling your rant. “You took me to that lab when I specifically asked you not to! You took my brother away again and it nearly killed us both!” You shout.

Sans is holding his head between his hands, trying to block out your words and not letting himself succumb to the rage that’s leaking into his soul. His breathing is coming out in laboured huffs and he can’t hold it anymore. His eye flares up and he stares at you just as intensely, speaking without thinking as well. “Well you brought that dirty brother killer back into my life when I was sure I would never see him again! He threatened my brother’s life, all my friends’ lives! I was just trying to protect the ones I love! _You_ included!” He yells back, his speech coming out in a growl.

“I never asked for your protection! I never asked for _any of this_!” You swing your arm in front of you and magic blasts shoot out from your hand, in Sans’ direction.

He lets out a shriek of pain and falls to his knees. Your heart sinks and your eyes widen. The pain no longer matters, the anger is meaningless. The sight of him is enough to drive you to call the magic back to your soul (with an insane amount of effort) and run to his side. The small skeleton is holding his right arm to his chest. You drop to your knees, sliding the rest of the way to him, taking his injured arm in your hands, guilt filling your soul.

“God damn it, I should’ve been able to dodge that.” He groans when you pull back his sleeve to look at the damage.

“I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” You ask, half expecting him to start turning to dust. “You’re bleeding…?”

“Yeah. Weird right? A skeleton that bleeds. Only started happening after I got such high levels of determination.” He chuckles and you can’t believe he does at such a time.

“I could’ve killed you.” You sound choked.

“It was just a graze, I’m fine.”

“Let me help you…” You beg, the regret in your soul crushing you.

“You don’t know any healing magic, it’s okay, it’ll get better.”

“I’ve healed you before.” You put a hand to your chest to try and pull out your soul and he uses his good arm to stop you.

“Don’t. We’re both exhausted right now. I don’t want you to keep straining yourself. It’s enough for today.” He sounds uncompromising.

“I’m so sorry…” You apologise once again, thinking about all the awful things that came out of your mouth. “For everything I said.”

“You didn’t mean it, neither did I.” He mumbles.

“Sans, I wish you’d stop treating me like I’m stupid.”

“What?” His head turns to finally look at you, realising he’d been avoiding your gaze since you hurt him. “I’m not…”

“Yes, you are. We both know that we meant what we said.” He flinches at your words, knowing that it’s true. “It hurts. To admit to yourself that you’ve done terrible things for the sake of your loved ones and you’d do it all over just the same if you had to. And it also pains me to admit that I do feel betrayed. But I’m also grateful to you, in spite of it all.” You place a hand at his neck and stroke his cheekbone with your thumb. “We all have to make choices in our lives. I chose to stay with you, to save you. To love you. You’re holding a lot of hate inside you, and so am I. But none of it matters in the end. It’s just like you said. We have to work together to right our wrongs.”

“You’re right.” He says simply. He’s in pain, both physical and emotional. And so are you. “You did well today though.”

“Excuse me?” You look at him like he’s grown a second head. “I shot magic blasts at you. How is that in any way a good thing?”

“You’re already channelling the magic to take form. Took me a lot longer than this to get to that point.” You grunt and let your head fall to his shoulder finding yourself unwilling to point out how that doesn’t make this situation any better. He uses his unharmed hand to run his fingers through your hair. “Got to take the wins as they come.” He whispers sighing.

“You’re an idiot.”

“A flower used to tell me that a lot. Called me smiley trash bag too, always thought that was funny.”

“Hmm, might start using that one.” He laughs quietly and exhales, closing his eyes.

“I love you more than anything.” Sans murmurs.

“Even Papyrus?” You ask humorously.

“Okay, almost anything.” You can hear the grin as he speaks. “Seriously though. I meant what I said before this, no matter what happens.” You nod into his neck.

“I know…”

Pulling back you stare into his eye sockets, lit up by his pupils, before leaning forward to gently place your lips on his teeth, one hand resting on his cheek. He’s smiling brightly when you sit back on your ankles.

“Can’t believe you still want to kiss me after that.” You shrug while cracking a grin yourself.

“What can I say? Life is too short to dwell on worthless arguments.” The small skeleton’s eyes dim.

“Yeah… I won’t do it anymore though… Tell you what to do. Do things against your will. I really was just trying to keep you safe. I’m sorry…” He’s speaking so quietly you have to strain to hear him.

“I forgive you. Do you?” You look at him, momentarily fearing his response.

“Of course.” Sans goes to hug you but cringes when he tries to move his arm, so you do it for him instead, carefully wrapping your arms around his ribs and holding him close for a few heartbeats before returning to the sitting position.

You gently take his injured arm and he hisses through his teeth when you run your fingers over the small cuts. When you lift them in front of your face they’re stained red and you frown deeply. You want to make it stop, to get his pain (that you’ve caused) to go away. If only you knew how to heal the same way you knew how to hurt…

Even if you did know how to do it, you’d probably not be able to right now.

Useless magic.

Your head still feels like it’s being drilled into, but you couldn’t care less at the moment. All you can think about is how much damage you’ve really done to Sans, and how behind his grin you can see him wavering. His breaths are uneven and harsh, his movements becoming more sluggish by the second. At least it doesn’t look like he’s turning to dust… Not yet.

His eye sockets start to droop. “Hey, stay with me, okay?” His head snaps at the sound of your voice and he nods, not even bothering to say anything as he starts to close his eyes again. “I can’t keep sitting here without doing anything.”

“Wha-” He half slurs, not having time to finish before your hand is at his chest.

You’ve done this once before, you can do it again. You hope.

You feel the faint hum of his soul behind his sternum and you call to it, asking it to show itself to you. Your mouth falls open when it does and the small skeleton in front of you seems just as surprised, the tiredness he felt put into the background for the time being. You do the same to your own soul and it jumps out behind your hand. You nearly gasp when you see it for the first time since the bond. The large tear of blue in the middle of your little white heart is breath-taking.

Your souls inch closer to each other and when they touch, just for a second, you feel the wind getting knocked out of you, a faint sting in your right arm being the only thing distracting you from the overwhelming sensation of Sans’ soul reaching right into your being. For that short moment in which they are in contact, it’s like the world around you is crumbling into nothingness and all that matters is the both of you. He pulls his soul back into his ribcage shortly after, trembling slightly and doing the same to yours.

“Be more careful with that. Souls are sensitive.” Sans pants. You notice that he’s using his right arm again and that your headache is still going strong, especially right behind your left eye.

“Did it work?” He breathes out a ‘yes’ and shivers. “Are you okay?” You ask him concerned. He just nods and tries to level his breathing.

You’re a little breathless yourself, your heartrate too fast for comfort. It didn’t take as much out of you as it did the last time however, that’s for sure. You take his arm in your hands once more to see how it’s looking. The lines of red are still there but the cuts have closed. That’s good. You feel phalanges stroking your cheek and when you look up you’re met with the little pinpricks of light staring right through you.

His thumb rubs over your cheekbone and he pushes a strand of hair from your eyes, tucking it behind your ear. His expression is filled with worry. “Your eye…”

At first you don’t know what he means, but involuntarily, you take your hand over to where his fingers were touching your face and feel something running down it. When you take your hand further away to look at it, you see your fingers once again stained with blood. You blink at it, stunned.

Right from the corner of your eye, blood is trickling out, a thin streak, almost like you’re crying red tears. You raise your eyes to Sans, scared. “It’s okay, you’re gonna be fine.” He tells you as you wipe the blood away with the back of your hand. “It’s just a side effect of my magic.”

Side effect or not, you can’t shake the thoughts that this is your body’s way of telling you that this is all too much for you to take. It’s all starting to be too much. You feel overwhelmed and tired. Your breath is shaky. You run a finger over your bottom lid and see that at least the bleeding was short lived. You close your eyes, feeling like an enormous weight is set on your shoulders.

“I don’t know what I should be feeling right now…” You say honestly.

Without warning, Sans scoops you up into his arms. Surprised you wrap your arms around his neck for support. He walks to an end of the yard and sits down cross-legged, comfortably setting you on his lap, enveloping you in a tender embrace and pulling you close to him. Not knowing exactly if you should say something or what to say in any case, you simply let your head fall to his shoulder, the constant aching in your head slowly but surely subsiding.

He starts humming a song as he plays with locks of your hair. You don’t recognise the tune but at the same time you feel something stirring in your chest. A gentle tug much like the one you feel from Sans’ soul, but somehow different. It’s almost as if it’s humming back. It’s so comforting, so peaceful…

When he stops you actually feel sad. You shift so that you can see his face and he’s smiling at you shyly.

“I wanted to see if it was what I thought.” You blink at him befuddled. “Just then I grabbed another memory from your soul. You don’t remember it, but your soul does. Did you feel it?” You slowly lift a hand to your chest, a sense of nostalgia settling there that you’re not quite sure where it came from. “She was beautiful, you look a lot like her.” He strokes your face with his hand. “You got her eyes and her nose.” He pokes the latter for emphasis, chuckling when you flinch. “She was singing to you, holding you in her arms to soothe your cries. Her smile was so kind.”

“You saw my mother?” You ask softly when his words click inside your mind.

“Mm-hmm.” His grin is filled with joy. “I’m sure she’d be very proud of the woman you’ve become.”

“What was her voice like?” You find yourself asking.

“Sweet, soft and gentle. Clear as a summer’s day. Strong but quiet. It was a voice that wanted to be heard.” You can just imagine it in your head. “She… She called you her little shining star.”

Your eyes light up at this and Sans squeezes you to him. “That’s…” You can’t find the words. It’s like you remembered something of her. Something stuck with you even though you didn’t realise it for all these years. Inadvertently you stare up to the sky. “Maybe she’s been with me all this time…”

The small skeleton beneath you laughs quietly, a tender happiness echoing into your soul. “Maybe she has.” He follows your line of sight. “I think she’s looking out for you. From up there.”

“You really think so?” You ask him, turning to look into his eyes, hopeful. There’s a vague notion that it’s silly to believe such things ringing in the back of your head.

He gazes back and you don’t think you’ve ever seen his pupils so bright before. “I do.” A single tear, a normal one this time, falls from your eye and Sans wipes it away with his thumb. His teeth press to your lips gently for a light peck before he leans back against the wall.

You nuzzle into him once again. “Could you hum it for me again?” He strokes your hair and does as you asked. You close your eyes, sighing contentedly as you listen to the pleasant melody.

You start to accompany the song absentmindedly. Without you even noticing, Sans falls silent, leaving your voice to sound alone. His breath hitches and his soul trembles. He doesn’t think he’s ever heard anything so beautiful. If he had a heart he was sure it would have skipped a beat. When you reach the end of what you heard you feel a blush creeping up to your cheeks after it dawns on you what you were doing.

“You stopped…” You mumble embarrassed, hiding your face in his jacket.

“I just had to stay quiet and listen…” He admits. “You should sing more often.”

You shrug your shoulders and hide yourself further, feeling your cheeks hot with the blood that’s pooling there.

There’s a beep and you nearly jump from the sound. You feel yourself shaking from Sans laughing beneath you. He digs through his pocket and pulls out his phone to look at it. “Alphys says she’s coming home.”

You mouth an ‘oh’ and wonder what time it is. It can’t be too late, can it? You came here fairly early and you don’t feel like it’s been that long. Despite a lot having happened in this short time. You think maybe she’s left work early to come see you and you feel guilty. She already lost days of work because of what happened in the lab.

When she finally steps into the backyard a while later, her eyes widen at the mess. You had forgotten that your magic had started throwing things left and right. Thankfully nothing seems broken, just strewn across the yard, nothing you couldn’t fix easily enough.

“W-what happened here?” She asks as she waddles over to you, looking around.

“Star went supernova.” Sans smirks at his own joke, mimicking an explosion with his arms, and you hide your face in your hands, forgetting entirely that one was still covered in your dried blood.

You apologise to the tiny monster, telling her that you’ll clean everything up before you leave and she immediately says that it’s okay.

 “I’d like t-to check your stats, if that’s okay.” You nod and stand up, moving away from Sans’ embrace.

He feigns a pout, which amazes you considering he doesn’t have lips. He stays in his spot however, not bothering to get up himself. Alphys produces the little device from before and pushes it against your chest. That sting is once again followed by the machine’s sounds as it gets your readings.

She looks at the screen and her brows furrow. “Hmm…”

“I don’t like the sound of that…” You mumble to no one in particular. Sans stares up at the both of you awaiting the scientist’s comment.

“Your magic’s s-still spiking randomly.” Alphys explains. “B-but it’s less severe.” She adds hoping that will make you feel better. “Your s-stats are okay too.”

“I suppose that’s good.”

“Your training’s still got a long ways to go.” The small skeleton tells you, reaching to brush his fingers against yours in an attempt to grab your hand but being too far away to do so.

“What’s with y-your arm?” Alphys asks Sans. His sleeve was still pulled back and the dark crimson of the dried blood was screaming on the white bone.

Your gaze falls to the ground. “I didn’t mean to hurt him.” Your voice cracks from the shame you’re feeling.

“O-oh…”

The three of you sit in silence for what feels like an eternity. Your soul feels heavy with remorse. You should’ve been able to control yourself better. Just a few feet and it could’ve meant your soulmate’s death. Alphys finally tells you to come inside to get that cleaned up.

At first Sans groans at the prospect of getting up but you grab his hands and force him to his feet. Which would’ve been great if he didn’t just fall into your arms and let his whole weight on you, causing you to fall on your back with him on top.

“Nope. Can’t move.” He mumbles into your chest. You groan but can’t help laughing when you hear Alphys giggling behind you. He looks up at you grinning, one brow ridge raised. “See you’re smiling, everything’s fine.”

Your expression softens and you raise a hand to his face, stroking it gently. “Yes, thank you.”

He lifts himself off of you, pulling you with him. As you walk into the house you stare at Sans holding your hand as he moves in front of you and your heart swells. He tries to make you happy even when he has every right to be mad at you for what you’ve done. You never thought you’d ever love someone this way, let alone this much…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School's killing me! I have a test in a couple of hours, been studying and doing papers and swamped with work. Still try to find sometime to write though, hope this was alright and you enjoyed it  
> Thank you for reading and please leave any feedback you may have :)


	27. For Him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be some itallics up ahead that signify past events.

Alphys leads you to the bathroom and hands Sans a wet towel with which he can wash the dried blood off of his arm. You wash your own hand when you remember that it’s also somewhat gory and watch from the corner of your eye, with a hint of guilt, as he dabs his bones, rubbing off the redness. Suddenly your stomach feels like it’s twisting into knots and your eyes widen when you realise that you can’t stop what’s coming. You kneel in front of the toilet and lean over it, heaving and choking on the bile that’s burning up your throat. Tears pool at the corners of your eyes. The two monsters look away, their faces scrunched up slightly.

“Magic sickness. I should’ve warned you about that…” Sans says after you’re done coughing up whatever was left inside your gut.

“You think?” You ask somewhat annoyed, the disgusting taste in your mouth making you sicker still.

They step away from the sink to let you wash your face and rinse your mouth so many times you lose count. The acid and bitterness hasn’t completely left you though, and when Alphys offers you mouthwash you immediately accept it. After swirling it around and spitting it out you let out an undignified sound of disgust.

“I hate being sick.” You mutter under your breath.

With that out of the way you quickly go outside to take care of the clutter you made. Alphys is waddling behind you, saying that it’s fine and she’ll take care of it with Undyne sometime soon, but you ignore her. You’re not about to leave everything this way for them to clean up after you.

Sans offers to help and you agree to that. An extra set of hands is nice. Plus he kind of played a part in it as well, although it was mostly your magic.

“I really did a number here…”

“You should’ve seen the lab. I blasted some really important things to smithereens.” Sans says sombrely. He turns to you. “You have much better control than I did. It’s quite impressive actually.”

You shake your head. “I still don’t see how today’s events were any sort of success.”

“You got to know something about your mum.” The small skeleton offers from behind you.

A small smile creeps up to your lips. “I guess I did.”

As you’re picking up the last thing you seem to have thrown out of place there’s a booming noise and you drop it to the floor, cower and cover your head with your arms, letting out a shriek. You shrink into yourself, curling up into a tiny ball. Sans is confused by your reaction when thunder sounds again and you squeeze your eyes shut tightly, trembling violently. Realisation hits him and he’s at your side in an instant.

“Hey, you okay?” You shake your head repeatedly, unable to move another muscle. You’re frozen with fear. He stares up at the sky, dark clouds covering it. He looks at your shaking form and then turns to the house, telling Alphys that you’ll be going now.

She comes outside to say goodbye, but by the time she pokes her head through the door the backyard’s already empty.

When you appear back in reality on top of Sans’ bed, there’s another roar of thunder that makes your whole body quiver and you curl further into yourself, hiding your face between your legs. “He’s coming for me. Coming to hurt me.” You mumble in fear, your thoughts clouded like the sky outside.

Sans quickly pulls the blinds over the window, returning to his spot beside you not seconds after. “It’s just thunder, why are you so scared?” Despite his confusion he’s already sitting next to you, his arms pulling you to him in a protective manner. You hold onto his shirt to keep yourself tethered to the present, so that you don’t slip into the depths of your terror filled memories.

You shake in his arms. “My father used storms to test the most painful things on me. The noise would drown out my screams…” You manage to say.

“He won’t hurt you anymore…” Sans assures you.

The storm continues on, unrelenting, just like he was then. Your thoughts are filled with your screams, your body aching from the memory. Despite Sans’ attempts to soothe you, you keep shaking and whimpering each time the skies yell outside. Some strikes are too close for comfort, causing the ground to quake, the window to vibrate. You’re too busy trying to block out the thunder with your hands over your ears to notice the sound of Papyrus coming home.

“SANS?” His enthusiastic voice, however, is hard to ignore.

“In here bro.” Sans calls out from the bedroom.

“SANS, YOU LAZYBONES, DON’T TELL ME YOU’VE BEEN IN BED ALL D-” The taller skeleton cuts himself off when he sees you from the door. “Is something wrong?” Concern is thick in his lowered voice.

The shorter of the brothers pets your head softly, pulling it to his shoulder, trying to make you stop trembling, still. “She’s afraid of the storm. I can’t seem to help her calm down…”

Papyrus’ expression turns to one of understanding. Without a word he rushes off, leaving Sans slightly puzzled and you in the same panicked state. When the lanky skeleton comes back he’s got some things in his hands. He sits down by the both of you, facing you in particular, and takes your hands after setting the objects behind him.

You turn your head slightly so that you can look at Papyrus. He takes off his red scarf and carefully wraps it around your head, covering your ears with it. “I had some ear warmers for the wintery weather in Snowdin, even though we don’t get cold, or even have ears, nyeh-heh.” He takes said fluffy ear warmers from the spot where he placed them on the bed and puts them over your ears as well. “Should help block out the noise.” In fact you can barely hear him, everything’s so muffled.

As if to test it out, there’s another crack of thunder. You flinch still, but it’s not so overbearing. You sigh in relief, attempting a smile to show your gratitude. From Papyrus’ pleased expression you take that it was successful.

You close your eyes and lean into Sans’ embrace, one last shudder going through you. He peels off his jacket and lays it over your shoulders, pulling the hood over your head, adding another soft layer to stop any sound that may try to reach your eardrums.

“There, perfectly deafened and unbelievably cute.” Sans mutters patting your head.

“What?” You ask, not fully understanding what he said under all the layers.

He smiles. “Exactly.”

You feel a tap on your shoulder and when you turn to see what Papyrus wants, he’s holding out the little panda. You let out a short laugh and take it with slightly shaking hands, mouthing a thank you as you hug it close to your chest. He moves his hands to sign so that you don’t have to strain to comprehend him.

Feel better.

You nod at him and lean back against his older brother, who’s still got his arms tightly wound around you.

Papyrus walks off, flashing you one last smile before disappearing into the hall mumbling something about dinner.

You take comfort in Sans’ tight hold on you, it’s keeping you grounded. Your eyes fall closed and your breathing gets steadier, the fear in your chest settling as your mind shuts off. The small skeleton keeps you close for a long time, making sure you’re resting easy. Once he’s satisfied that you’re definitely sleeping soundly he gently sets your head on a pillow, pulling the covers over your body, which moments ago was trembling like a leaf in the wind.

He stays by your side for a few more long minutes to be absolutely certain that you’re okay. The thunderstorm has already quieted down to a soft patter of rain when he leaves you to rest, going over to the kitchen. Papyrus is there looking over a recipe book Toriel gave him shortly after they got up to the surface. He hears him walking in and immediately twists to face him.

“HEY THERE BROTHER! HOW IS THE HUMAN?” He asks but before Sans can answer he’s already talking again. “DOES SHE WANT SOME TEA? I CAN MAKE HER SOME CALMING TEA.”

“It’s fine Pap, she’s asleep.” The taller of the two nods.

Sensing the apprehension emanating off his brother Papyrus shifts so that he’s looking him in the eyes. “She’s strong you know?” A joyless chuckle escapes Sans and he stares down at his feet, his soul burdened.

“She’s suffering that’s what she is. And this time it’s my fault. My magic… It’s… Breaking her.” He doesn’t know why he’s telling Papyrus what he’s feeling and thinking. He usually keeps these things to himself. But he has to tell someone or he’s going to explode.

Exhaling a shaky puff of air he sinks into a chair by the table, resting his head in his hands.

“Sans… She chose to bond with you.”

“She didn’t know what she was doing.” His voice breaks.

“I think she knew that you needed her and she gave you all she had.”

Sans’ mouth twitches into a semblance of a smile, but it’s fleeting. “I’m trying so hard to be strong for her… I just want her to be okay…”

A skeletal hand pats his shoulder and he turns his head to see Papyrus smiling brightly down at him. “SHE’S GOT YOU TO MAKE EVERYTHING ALRIGHT! YOU ARE THE BEST BROTHER ANYONE COULD ASK FOR, YOU CAN BE THE BEST SOULMATE TOO!” Sans’ eyes soften and Papyrus pulls him into a tight, rib-crushing hug.

“I hope you’re right Pap. I really do.”

“OF COURSE I’M RIGHT! I’M THE GREAT PAPYRUS!” That drives a small laugh out of him.

“Yeah, you are bro.”

After letting go Papyrus goes back to skimming through the recipe book. “I saw your jacket was torn by the way. I’ll sew it up for you later if you want, I know how much you like it.”

“Heh, yeah, thanks.” Sans rubs his skull with his hands and shifts from one foot to another. “She didn’t do it on purpose.”

“I know.” The younger skeleton’s eyes drift to him for a moment and the uneasiness is evident in his usually beaming smile. “I just worry sometimes. You only have one HP.”

“I’m careful, you know that.” His brother agrees quietly.

“It’s wonderful that you can let your guard down around her. It makes me so happy, Sans. But you have to be extra cautious until you’re sure she can control it. Like you were with me when I was a baby bones and didn’t know what I was doing.”

Sans simply places a hand on his arm, a gesture that makes him know that he’ll do what he’s asking, that he understands.

“OH LOOK AT THIS! SPAGHETTI CARBONARA! THAT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING WORTHY OF THE GREAT PAPYRUS’ COOKERY!” The shorter skeleton chuckles at his enthusiasm and starts to walk to the living room to have a lay down when he feels a sharp pain shooting through his soul.

Without a word or a second glance to Papyrus he darts to his bedroom and finds you already halfway down the hall. You removed the scarf and the ear warmers. His blue jacket is barely on your shoulders, sliding off your back and falling to the floor when you stumble forwards.

“Sans… You weren’t there… I…” Your cheeks are flushed red, but not in the cute way they are when you’re embarrassed. At the same time, however, you somehow look ghostly pale. A red line of blood streaks down the left corner of your mouth, another forming down your ear.

“No, no, no…” He mumbles to himself as he takes in your state. He knows your eye and nose are soon to follow. He catches you when your legs give out from under you. Your face nestles into the crook of his neck, and his usually warm bones feel like they’re getting scorched by your skin. “You’re burning up…”

Your whole body is aching apart from the left side of your face. That feels numb. But you’re vaguely aware of the gooey scarlet substance leaking from your orifices. You can feel yourself fading. It’s all too much. It always has been. You’re baffled by how long you’ve lived. You shouldn’t have lasted beyond the time your chest was opened in cold blood.

“Sans, I don’t think-”

“Don’t!” He cuts you off. “Don’t you dare finish that sentence! I’ll never forgive you!”

In his mind a memory resurfaces from a long time ago.

_“I’m so tired… Everything hurts…” Sans looks at himself in the mirror. His face feels and looks like it’s not right. Like his skull is deforming, melting. “Gaster, what’s happening to me?”_

_“Too much determination. I should’ve been more careful…” He answers._

_Sans whimpers, he’s so exhausted. He just wants to lay down and sleep… Forever… “I can’t do this anymore… I give up… I can’t go through with it.”_

_“You can’t! What about Papyrus?” Gaster is alarmed. He doesn’t know what to do and he never liked not knowing what to do._

_“He has you. You’ll be there for him…” Sans mutters, his voice lowering. He feels Gaster’s holed hands on his shoulders, gripping tightly._

_“We both know my work is my life. He needs you.” His voice is stern. Sans’ soul trembles. He’s so weak. He always was. That’s why he did this. That’s why…_

Sans places his hands on each side of your face. The thin streams of blood are covering your cheek now. He makes you look him in the eyes. In his chest he feels anxious, terrified, hurt…

“Am I enough?” He asks you. You stare at him, your vision is blurred from your right eye, blind from the left. “Please tell me I’m enough.”

“What are you on about?” You manage to find your voice to ask him, your thoughts muddled by the overpowering sensation of your soul losing its substance.

“Can you fight for me? If you can’t do it for yourself will you please stay for me?”

_“You have to push through it. You have to stay. Do it for Papyrus.”_

“You have to push through it. You have to stay. Please, Star… Do it for me.” He echoes the words.

_Sans felt his body giving out. He was numb but in pain. He felt something run down his cheekbones and drip onto the floor._

The blood gathers at your chin, forming a drop that slowly detaches and falls. You see blue droplets forming at the corners of his eye sockets. You don’t want him to cry, you don’t want him to be sad, or in pain, or suffering.

_“What will he do without you?” Gaster asks, his hold getting stronger._

“I don’t think I’ll live through losing you.” He answers the question in his thoughts as if it were about him.

Your ears don’t register his words. You’re in too much pain to listen. But your soul does. And it resonates through you, like something you’ve felt in the past. A crushing and intense will to live. A sense that you can’t give up, not now, not ever. You can’t let go. You _won’t_ let go.

_For him._

For him.

“For you.” Your lips form the words, and in his chest he feels it like it’s inside him. He feels it like he did when his own life was on the line.

_You’re filled with determination._

You take your hand to cover your left eye and a cyan glow shines through your fingers, the throbbing ache pulling you back to the here and now. You groan. In the centre of your being there’s something rising. Sans’ hands are holding you up, clutching firmly at your arms. You take a sharp intake of breath.

Power surges through you, buzzing electricity, on your skin your veins glow blue, your arteries glow red, your magic and his flowing and imbedding into every cell. Down your cheek, more blood streams out of your left eye as both shoot open, flaming indigo and scarlet each, a mix of the two pulsing from out of your chest. You arch your spine and you throw your head back, trying not to cry out. Sans holds you tighter, never letting you go. Your hands ball to fists and every muscle in your body contracts, causing you to curl forward and gasp from the intensity of the agony you’re enduring.

When you start convulsing, Sans loses his grip on you and you fall to your hands and knees. Holding onto your sides you let your forehead fall to the floor, turning it crimson with the liquid that’s still coming out of you. You grit your teeth to stop yourself from screaming, squirming on the ground. You feel like you are being burnt, drowned, electrocuted, frozen, crushed, pulled apart at the seams, stabbed, sliced, beaten and strangled. All at once. You choke on the blood in your mouth. Skeletal hands are on your back, but you barely feel them through it all. Your body and mind are completely disconnected. All you know is this pain, all you are is this power.

And then…

It all stops.

The light in your skin retreats slowly to the source. Your soul fills with the magic and it stays there. It doesn’t leak out. It doesn’t feel unstable or out of control. It doesn’t feel like it’s going to explode when you least expect it. It just feels yours.

Your body goes limp and you whine. You feel tears forming and you let them fall freely and mix with what’s smeared on the floor next your face. The most movement you can manage is slightly rocking from one side to another and the light sobs that escape your lips.

Phalanges stroke your skin ever so lightly and you shudder at his touch. Your whole body is too sensitive and too drained for any contact.

“It’s okay… Shh, it’s okay…” Sans croons. You cry softly. You’re not hurting right now but you’re emotional. It’s like you just felt all the pain you’ve ever been inflicted in your entire life, but in the short span of a few minutes. Maybe you have. “Papyrus, you don’t have to hide anymore. It’s fine now.”

At his brother’s words, the tall skeleton peaks from the behind the wall. “Is she alright?”

A gentle smile forms on Sans’ face and he nods his head ‘yes’. He knows that you’re going to be okay and he’s so relieved. He was enough after all. His soul is jumping in his chest. He loved Papyrus enough to fight for him back then. And you love him just as much at least. He hopes more. It was hard. He knows this too, he felt it in his bones before. He’s also so proud of you.

The taller brother steps closer and they both stare at you. One with concern, the other with overflowing delight. You’re going to be fine. You did it. For him.

Your soul has fully accepted his magic. He can feel it. Your bond is stronger now, even more so than before.

You close your eyes. You’re so exhausted. _Bone tired. That’s what Sans would say._ You think to yourself as you keep weeping silently.

“Are you sure?” Papyrus asks.

“Yes. And I’m so happy I could cry.” He lets out a tiny sob.

“Okay.” He’s still unsure. The blood puddled by your cheek surely isn’t helping. But if Sans says you’re okay then he’s going to believe him. “Get her to bed then. I’ll take care of things here and I’ll take you dinner when it’s done.”

The small skeleton looks up at Papyrus to thank him. You’re enveloped by the soft hum of Sans’ magic and carefully lifted off the floor and to bed. He uses his shirt to wipe the gore from your features, very slowly and gently as not to upset you. He knows exactly how you’re feeling.

Tears are still falling from your eyes when he’s done, small whimpers leaving your mouth every once in a while but it’s not long until you’re asleep. You probably won’t wake up for a while. But he doesn’t care because he knows that you’re going to do it eventually. For him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this was alright... I tried really hard to go for something with Sans' memories parallelling the present events and I hope I succeeded  
> Thank you for reading and please let me know what you though, any feedback is always appreciated :)


	28. What's mine is now yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff? Yes, definitely fluff.

You see yourself surrounded by swirls of blue and red magic. Aside from that there is only darkness but this is the only light you need. It whirls around you, causing your hair to blow every which way, as if it were getting caught in the wind. Your eyes are glowing too, one each colour, signifying the part of him that’s now part of you. It’s a new sensation, without the pain you just feel strong, something you never truly felt, not really. You reach out with one arm and the colours wrap around it, crawling up and enveloping your body like a magic rope that doesn’t restrict you.

Taking your hands in front of your face you stare at the tendrils of magic spinning closer together until they fuse, the cyan and blood red mixing into a light strawberry coloured glow. You watch as it snakes around your body, coming up from behind your neck to gather in a dense ball, hovering in front of you. It looks like it’s radiating, not only light, but power as well. It fuzzes and hums, tiny flares erupting from its irregular surface.

You grab it and it explodes into miniscule specks, floating all around you like dust reflecting the light that’s coming through a window and you look on with bright eyes as it falls over on your skin and disappears into it, into your bloodstream and up your veins to where your heart sits. You look down and see your chest glow the same colour the tiny sphere had just moments before.

You put a hand over the shining light and when you pull it forward, your white soul leaps out, the cerulean ripple dancing in its radiance. You hold it up and it spins slowly, those some flickers bursting out like sun spots from your soul, the magic inside it manifesting gently from your continued use. It illuminates your face and your glowing eyes look wonder-filled. A small smile graces your features, you can feel his presence, his magic.

Returning your soul to your chest, everything goes black. But it doesn’t frighten you. It’s a peaceful darkness. You know you’re not alone.

\---

You wake with a start and a small gasp. You’re disoriented, not knowing what of you remember is real and what’s not. The last thing you can recall clearly was hurting all over and so much. And then the rest is a blur of emotions, sensations and nothing else.

You feel a bony shoulder under your head and you turn on your side to see Sans lying on his back, eyes closed, breathing steady. His light snores are the only thing you can hear. Propping yourself up on your elbows you poke him on his side then shake him gently. He opens his eyes and when his pupils settle on your face his grin grows like never before.

Without a moment’s hesitation he sits up and pulls you into a tight hug. “You’re awake! I thought it might be longer, but I’m so glad you’re here…” You don’t think you’ve ever heard him speak so cheerfully. He pulls back so that he can gaze at your face once more, voice lowering slightly to his usual lazy tone. “You hurting?”

You think for a moment, mentally going through every part of your body to check. “No… Groggy, confused, but not hurting.” You say. Your voice sounds a little croaky. “How long was I sleeping?”

From the light shining into the bedroom through the window it looks like it’s day.

“Just a full day and a little more, I was out for days. Papyrus thought I was missing. Definitely wasn’t fun to explain that to him.”

You rub the sleep from your eyes. “Were you here the whole time?”

“Mostly.” He smirks and strokes your face with one hand.

“Wasn’t that boring?”

“You’re not boring. But even if you were I got this to entertain me.” He taps on the large Astrophysics book from the night stand. “I read it to you, did you hear that?” You shake your head and he shrugs. “I figured as much.”

“So you like it?”

“It’s pretty amazing.” You smile.

“What happened?” You finally ask, rubbing your neck and stretching out your legs.

“My magic’s fully fused with your soul. You should be able to control it without all the annoying side-effects. But you’ll still need some practise.”

You think back to the feeling of the magic burning itself into you and shudder. You let your body fall back onto the mattress and sigh. “Did Papyrus…?” You don’t finish your question. If it looked even half as bad as it felt it must’ve been gruesome.

“Yeah, he saw. You were probably too caught up in everything else to notice, but you made quite a ruckus. Trashed the place.”

You flinch at his words. Both because of the damage you did and for putting the wonderful soul that is Papyrus through another possibly traumatic experience. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. Good thing about being in the hallway, not many things to break. Just a vase and a couple of pictures, we’ll replace the frames, no big deal.” Sans assures you. He puts a hand to your cheek once again, tracing your lips with his thumb. “And Paps is fine, he can’t wait to see you up again.”

You close your eyes and lean into his touch. “Okay…”

“I should probably warn you before you try to stand up for the first time. The room’s going to start spinning and your legs won’t work properly. And then you’ll feel sick. Whether you’ll throw up or not that’s up for debate.” You scrunch up your face making him chuckle. “Should pass soon after though.”

“You went through all this too?” He nods his head.

“It’s kind of scary how similar your reactions were.” He lets out a short breath. “I’m so happy you’re here… You fought for me…” You raise an eyebrow at him, playfully.

“Who said anything about it being for you?”

“You did.” He laughs.

“Oh.” You really don’t remember that. You scratch at your head.

“And I could feel it clearly in my soul too. You see, the thing about determination is that you can have it for yourself… Like Chara did…” You look Sans in the eyes as he speaks. “But it’s so much stronger when you’re fighting for someone you love… It’s a sheer force of will that can do astounding things, like make a monster more physical, or a human more magical…”

“When I first got my magic I was fighting for Asriel… My brother’s sibling beyond the barrier…” You reason. It all makes a lot of sense actually.

“And now you were doing it for me.” Sans’ grin grows wider and his pupils shine brightly, a soft cyan hue dusting over his cheekbones. He’s so happy. It warms your heart and makes your soul flutter. You can’t help the corners of your lips pulling up as well.

Sitting up slightly you turn to him, your soulmate. “Can I do something before this lovely moment goes south when I try to get out of bed?”

“Of course.”

You pull his face to yours and let your lips crash to his teeth, causing his eye sockets to widen with the unexpectedness of it all. You push his back to the bed and yourself to him. When he gets over the initial shock, his fingers snake through your hair and he kisses you back just as intensely.

You whisper ‘I love you’ against his mouth he rubs his forehead against yours in a tender motion.

“Thank you…” You mumble. He hums inquisitively. “For giving me a reason to live.” His breath hitches and his arms wrap around your waist, pulling you closer to him still. “If you didn’t come into my life that night I don’t know what would’ve happened. But I’m glad I didn’t get to find out.”

“Me too.” He murmurs into your ear.

You just enjoy each other’s company for you don’t know how long. He’s got one skeletal arm around your shoulders as you’re curled up to his side. The other hand is running up and down your arm that’s resting on his chest. Under your hand, under his ribs, you feel a soft buzz, a thrum that makes your palm tingle.

You’re content with this moment. But you know you’ll have to get up sooner or later, so might as well get it over with. You nudge Sans on the side. “Time to get out of bed.” You say quietly.

He groans. “Do we have to?”

“Yes.” Your voice is commanding, but there’s a small smile playing on your lips. You pat his shoulder a couple of times and lift yourself up with your arms. “Come on lazybones, you’re not making me do this alone.”

He sighs exaggeratedly and mumbles a ‘fine’, but you can see him grinning as well. Not that it would say much considering that’s the way his face sits, it’s in his eyes. His eyes are smiling too.

He wasn’t joking though. The room did spin and your legs definitely did not work. And boy were you feeling sick. Although you didn’t throw up, at least, and that’s a definite win in your book. You rest your head on Sans’ shoulder. The floor still feels like it’s sliding under your feet and you’re unbalanced but at least your stomach has settled.

“Feeling better?”

“Slightly. I think I’m up for some food now.”

Sans smiles at you and his eye lights up with a blue flame. You feel your feet lifting off the ground and he turns his back to you, grabbing your legs by his hip, one on each side of him. You instinctively wrap your arms around him and rest your chin on his shoulder. Once he’s sure you’re settled he eases his magic’s grip and carries you to the kitchen, a big grin lighting up his face as you giggle into his neck.

Once you arrive at your destination he sits you down on the table and waddles around gathering things from here and there. You watch him, dangling your feet back and forth. Shortly after he’s got a simple meal prepared, something light but nutritious.

“Here you go.” He hands you the plate of food and take it with a dramatic bow of your head.

He chuckles and leans forward to peck your lips before sitting down on chair and eating his own food. You should probably do the same but instead you pull your legs up and cross them over the table, setting the plate on top and digging in.

“What happened to you? After you went through this?” You ask him, unsure if you’re prying into things you shouldn’t.

Sans simply shrugs. “A lot of things. Some better than others. Teleporting’s nice.”

“How can you do that?”

“It’s a shortcut.” He takes a forkful to his mouth and grins.

You narrow your eyes at him. “You’re not getting away with that explanation…” He chuckles slightly and then starts thinking about how to tell you how it works.

“Determination, as I said before is a powerful thing, yeah? If you have enough of it you can actually use it to bend time and space. Like Frisk did with resets. I could never do that, time is more malleable, less comprehensible. But space, that’s something I know, I understand matter and how it works. With the aid of my magic I can use the determination I was given to bend it to my will. I pull two places that are far away closer together and I just…” He flashes his left eye and blinks out of existence to appear by the door. “Step through.”

You stare at him, fascinated. “I think I get what you mean…”

You’re not entirely sure, however, if you could do the same. You don’t have the knowledge of physics that Sans probably used to figure it out, and even if you tried to understand it there’s no telling if you’re actually able to do it yourself. Maybe it’s just a thing that he can do.

Sans walks back to sit at the table and you decide to ask him about something else. “The blasters, were those a result of this?”

“Yes and no. I got those sometime after. Made them with someone with the information we got from me.”

“Gaster?” You see his whole body tense up and his sockets go dark for a fraction of a second.

“How did you…?”

“Well, you did say they were called Gaster blasters. So lucky guess.”

“Right…” Sans rubs his face with his hands and peeks at you through his fingers. “I nicknamed them that. He was so mad. Heh…”

“He’s that friend you mentioned, the one who studied souls?” He nods in confirmation and you go back to eating in silence. You feel like there’s more to this story but you don’t want to intrude.

When you finish what was on your plate you hop onto the floor, forgetting that you might still be suffering from the lack of equilibrium. Your legs wobble and the dish slips from your fingers. Your eyes widen and you reach out in an attempt to catch it, knowing full well your reflexes aren’t fast enough. But it doesn’t crash to the floor. It floats inches above it, a strawberry red aura surrounding it as opposed to the bright crimson you’re used to.

“Nice catch.” Sans mumbles from behind you.

You’re staring in silent awe. Your magic never came so naturally to you before. You always had to focus before using it, reach for it. But here you were, preventing a plate from falling without even thinking about it. It floats up to your hands and you’re a bit taken aback, you didn’t do that. But then again, you were thinking that you should grab it…

“Huh…” You let out when the magical aura dissipates and the plate falls the last bit of distance onto your open palms. You slowly walk to the sink and gently place it there.

“Well there’s a different reaction. What happened to me was the exact opposite. If I got the tiniest bit annoyed, things would break.” Sans tells you.

“I haven’t gotten annoyed yet.”

“Fair point well made.”

He gets up from where he’s sitting and puts his dish in with yours, hugging you from behind and resting his chin on your shoulder. He tells you that he’ll take care of washing those if you want to go shower and anything else you might want to do after your long ‘nap’. Realising that you’re actually in desperate need of a bathroom you immediately take him up on that offer, stopping by his room to take some clothes and a towel.

You distractedly hum along that familiar, but not so much, tune that you learned from Sans as you go about your little routine. You throw on a black sweater with matching jeans and brush your hair while looking at yourself in the mirror. You smile at your reflection. You don’t know why but you think you actually look like you’re glowing. You inch closer to the mirror and stare into your own eyes. Under the iris’ you can see a faint light, almost like now it’s a constant part of you, not just something you reach into yourself to use.

You focus a little and use your magic to turn off the light to see it shining in your eyes as it runs through you. They’re mismatched but you like it, it makes you feel closer to your soulmate. Using a hand you pull down the bottom eyelid to get a better look. You’ve never really appreciated the way your eyes shimmer with the power inside you. You’ve always wanted to just be normal. But right now, looking into your glowing eyes, you think that maybe, just maybe it’s not so bad to be different… After all it got you to where you are. It _made you who you are_. And there’s at least one person who loves you for it.

Your soul smiles with you as you stop using the magic and the room goes dark.

You turn around and walk out with an added bounce to your step. You find Sans sitting on the couch with the book you gave him open on his lap as he reads through it, completely enthralled. You drop on the seat next to him, the corners of your lips pulled up in a widespread smile. He jumps a little, not having noticed you come in.

His signature grin twitches slightly and his pupils turn brighter.

“You look cheerful.” You shrug your shoulders in response.

“I just feel good for some reason.” You pull your arms up behind your head and lean against the soft material of the couch. “I wish I felt like this all the time.”

“No reason not to.” He murmurs. You look at him as he sets down the heavy book and sneaks one arm behind your back and around your waist and pulls you to him, using the other to tilt your face to kiss you. “You look so beautiful right now. Your soul is almost blinding it’s shining so brightly.”

Your eyes drift to the book and then to Sans’ pupils. A thought forms in your head. “Guess you could say I’m a quasar right now!” You flash him a lopsided smirk. He stares at you for a moment before chuckling and burying his face in your neck as he pulls you into his embrace.

“I’m so proud.” You can’t help the small giggle that escapes your lips and hold him close to you as well.

You rest your forehead on his and a hand on his cheek. “I can never repay you for what you’ve done for me. I owe you everything…”

His own hand reaches up to where yours is sitting. “You don’t owe me anything at all, but I do want something from you.”

Staring at him expectantly, you feel him leaning into your touch. “Anything.” You breathe.

“I want you to be happy. That’s all I want from you.” You smile softly at his request.

“I think I can manage that.”

“Good.” Sans pulls you back into a hug and you close your eyes, breathing the moment in.

After a few heartbeats you pull back look him in the eyes. A dead serious expression graces your features and he’s momentarily worried about what you’re going to say.

“You are going to have to teach me all the tricks to your magic.” He raises a brow ridge questioningly and you smirk mischievously. “I got a fish monster’s ass to kick.”

Sans’ sockets widen slightly for a fraction of a second and then his grin lights up with amusement. “You little minx… I love you.”

You giggle giddily. “I-” He doesn’t let you finish your response, stopping your words from leaving your mouth by pressing his to it, stealing the breath right out of you.

Sans is about to move so that he can pull you closer when his leg misses the seat entirely and he slips down to the floor pulling you along with him. You yelp in surprise falling right on top of him and driving him to groan from your weight suddenly on his chest. He snorts and you do as well, both of you melting into a fit of laughter. You sigh as your tittering dies down and you stay on the floor staring at the ceiling. You close your eyes and place your head on his shoulder. You hope with every fibre of your being that this joy will last.

Whatever else the world has to throw at you, you feel like at least right now, nothing can bring you down from this high.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What does a writing aficionado do when they're feeling down in the dumps and overworked? They write fluff apparently xD  
> Hope you enjoyed reading, please leave any feedback you may have, it's always appreciated :)


	29. Dark thoughts call for a light heart

You’re back at Alphys and Undyne’s for the third day in a row. Sans is really working you to the bone as he put it. Undyne’s day off is in two days and you’re really set on beating her this time. Along with teaching you how you can use his magic to its full potential, you’re trying to get your dodging skills up to par as well.

“TIME OUT!” You shout falling to hands and knees on the floor huffing. Sans laughs from his spot, sitting down on a step nonchalantly. He’s such a show off. Won’t even move. Making you jump from place to place avoiding his constant attacks. Granted you asked for it but still, he could go a _little_ easy on you.

“Hey you said to keep you agile.” He mutters flashing you a lazy grin.

“Yes… But… Ease up… A little…” You say through pants.

He summons a bone into his hand balancing it on a finger. “Come on, I’m not even giving it my all, you can do better than that.”

You glare at him but the wheezing might be taking some of the desired effect away. You sit back on your ankles and run your hands through your hair, getting it out of your face. With a little effort you get back on your feet, but as soon as you try to face him again you let your head fall back down, holding on to your knees and gasping for air.

“I’ll go get you some water.” Sans says with amusement in his voice. When he returns you hastily take the glass from his hands and chug it down in one go holding it out to him once you’re finished.

“More…” You beg, wiping away the liquid that’s dripping down your chin with the back of your hand. This causes him to laugh but he does as you asked.

This time you take your time drinking and catching your breath. You stare at the last bit of water in the glass and squint at it. Then you proceed to pour it on your face and letting out a sigh of relief as the coolness drips down your cheeks.

“I’m getting lazy. Papyrus was right, you’re a bad influence…” You mumble while spreading the water over to your neck. Sans simply shakes his head at you.

“Nah, you’re doing great, I’m just being thorough.”

“I’m afraid I may have made a mistake challenging her right away…” You reason, taking your bottom lip between your teeth.

He steps closer to you and his face is mere inches from yours. He’s smirking. He leans in and you feel the hairs in the back of your neck standing. You duck instinctively, feeling the wind of something speeding right past your head to come crashing to the ground next to you. Out of the corner of your eye you see the bone he just threw at you fizzle out of existence and you shoot the small skeleton an icy glare as you straighten back up.

“Cheap shot.”

“Training worked though, you dodged it effortlessly.” He says smugly earning himself a light shove in the arm. Your eyes light up with magic and the sound of the fabric of reality being torn rings through the air, causing Sans to turn on his heels with his hands held up in front of him. “Heh, look, it has your eyes… Good to know it’s getting easier for you to summon this guy but you can put it away now…”

The corners of your lips twitch slightly as the Gaster blaster stares at you expectantly. It’s far smaller than the one he showed you first and less intimidating. Definitely more up to your speed. You’ve gotten to know it in the past few days so that it’ll trust you and listen to what you tell it to do.

“You know what to do…” You tell the creature, and it downright grins at your soulmate in front of it.

“Don’t you dare. I created you…” Sans warns the blaster. But it doesn’t listen, it’s following your orders now.

It plunges forward and pushes him to the floor, nuzzling against him and preventing him from getting up or going anywhere. You’re getting payback for the numerous times Sans did the exact same thing to you when he first showed it to you. The more you interacted with the blasters, the more they seemed like loveable puppies to you. You couldn’t even fathom the idea of using it as a weapon. But its size and general appearance could undoubtedly send someone running for the hills if the need arises.

You walk over to the blaster and pat it on the snout, giving it a couple of scratches before making it retreat.

You help Sans to his feet and he smiles at you. “I’m starting to regret telling you how to summon them…”

“To be honest I expected it to be a lot harder.”

“I’m lazy, I wouldn’t make something that would take a lot of effort to use.” He chuckles. “They simply respond to my magic naturally, and since you got some of that, all you need is their trust.”

He pets the large floating skull before it disappears and you can’t help but notice the hint of sadness in his eyes. He’s been like that every time he brings out the blasters.

“What happened to Gaster?” You find yourself asking before you can stop the words from leaving your mouth. “Oh, sorry… You don’t have to answer that…” You stare down at your feet and play with the hem of your shirt.

“It’s okay. Um, he fell into one of his creations.” You nod silently expecting Sans to stop at that but he keeps going. You simply look at him as he continues on. “Back before the resets started happening the possibility to bend time and space was just a theory. He tried to get me to do it, obviously that didn’t work but it led me to figure out how to teleport. But he wasn’t one to give up. The fact that I could do that was just proof that he was right after all. He built a machine that was supposed to gather determination and enhance its power… I kept telling him that he should stop, that messing with such things was sure to be dangerous, but he wouldn’t have it…”

He drifts off, his pupils dimming drastically. You put a hand on his shoulder and he reaches over to place his on top. “You can stop if you want to…” His head falls slightly but he shakes it shortly after, squeezing your hand between his fingers.

“When I got to the lab I didn’t even have time to stop him. He saw me come in, his face was lit up with excitement, he was certain he’d finally done it. But something went wrong. The machine wasn’t able to stabilize the effects. He pushed me away with his magic so that I wouldn’t get sucked in as well.” You feel him start to tremble. “I saw him get torn to pieces, his soul getting scattered into what I came to call the void.”

The memory is vivid in your head. You remember it as if you had experienced it yourself. It was one of the things that you saw from his past. It sends a shiver down your spine now that you know what it actually was.

“He was rough around the edges, sure, but he meant well… He didn’t deserve the end he got. And no one remembers him either. It’s as if he never existed… As if he was completely erased from the timeline and I’m the only one who knows it…” His hand balls to a fist. “I should’ve saved him.”

Sans takes his face in his hands and you wind your arms around him. “I’m so sorry…” You can tell that this monster meant a lot to him. You plant a little kiss on the top of his head and he turns around so that he can take you in his own bony arms, holding on tightly. “If it offers you any consolation, I believe that as long as you remember him, he’ll still live on…”

He strokes your cheek, his expression filled with sorrow. His eyes are so dim, his jaw clenched, teeth gritted together. “Can you promise me something?” His voice sounds strangled and you feel your heart start to ache.

“What is it?”

“Promise me that I won’t lose you… I’ve lost so many people so many times, just like you did… Promise me that we won’t ever lose each other.”

Your heart stops. “Sans I…” The words get caught in your throat. You’re frozen in place, your whole body tense. Your gaze slowly drops to the ground.

You can’t make a promise like that. There are so many things that are out of your control. Anything can happen. You’re not impervious to damage, that’s plainly obvious. Hell, you almost died more than a couple of times since you met him, and however many more before that, you’ve really lost count.

And even on the off chance that nothing bad happened to you per se, you know extremely well from the things your father studied that monsters age differently. Human lives are much more fleeting, that’s the cost of having a more physical soul. You don’t know if the magic inside you interferes with your aging process but if it does, you’re almost certain that you’ll never live as long as Sans. It’s just not possible. Cells die. Tissue decays. Magic, on the contrary, replenishes.

“Sans I…” You repeat, still at a loss for words. You know what he wants you to say, what he needs to hear right now. But you don’t know if you can bring yourself to say it. Anxiety takes hold of your soul and you let out a choked breath.

You hear a small laugh from Sans, but it’s laced with so much anguish it makes you cringe. “I’m an idiot. I can’t even protect the ones I care about properly, most of the bad things that happened to them are my fault. I have no right to ask something like this of you. Of course you can’t make that kind of promise. God, I’m so pathetic, I don’t even deserve you to begin with…”

Without thinking, you smack his shoulder, a little harder than you maybe should have. His eye sockets widen slightly and he stares at you with shock.

“Stop that.” You say sternly. “You’re not allowed to say those things. What did you tell me when I was thinking exactly that?”

“I… I said you deserved everything and more…” Sans whispers, so quietly you might have missed it if you weren’t so close.

“Good, now remember that for yourself as well.” He starts to divert his gaze elsewhere but you hold his face in place, forcing him to look you in the eyes. “You’re right, I can’t promise that. But I can say that for however long I’m here, be it mere hours, a few months or…” You pause from the feeling of hope in your chest as you think of what you want to say. “Many, many long years… I promise that I will be with you and I will love you with everything I have.”

He goes to say something but you put a finger to his mouth.

“I’m not finished.” His grin twitches slightly, reaching his eyes for a moment and you feel yourself smiling as well. “And I will do whatever it takes to get those dark thoughts out of that thick skull of yours.” You poke his forehead and he chuckles, but you’re still not done. “So no more self-loathing, and no more blaming yourself. Or I swear to all the stars in the universe that I will smack you so hard you won’t even remember how to feel bad.” You feel the corners of your lips pull up further. “After all you do the same for me…”

His pupils shine brightly in the dark pits of his eyes and he pulls you in for a kiss. “You’re too good for me.” He murmurs against your lips. You flick his forehead and he flinches back with a snicker, one eye closing.

“No. We’re a perfect fit.” You correct him.

You feel your legs get lifted off the ground, causing you to shriek from surprise. Sans is holding you up against his chest, his expression soft and less pained, maybe even a little playful.

“Welp, seems like I have to do something to thank you.”

Tilting your head slightly to one side, you raise one eyebrow at him. “Oh yeah? And how will you do that?”

He pretends to think about it. “I’ll start by getting us out of here before Undyne gets home from work and demands that fight happen now.” You nod and motion for him to go on, all the while an entertained smile playing on your lips. “And then I’ll treat you… to my bro’s _amazing_ spaghetti.”

“You know, he’s really not that bad a cook.” You tell him, noticing the slight sarcasm in his tone.

“Well, not now, but you should’ve been there back in Snowdin. He used some things that should never be used on any food. My taste buds suffered.”

You can’t stop the giggle that escapes your lips. “Do you even have taste buds?”

“Yep, and they were definitely not pleased.” He laughs at the memory. “But I kept it down. I’d sometimes tease him about it though. Heh.”

“I wouldn’t have had the heart to say a thing.”

“I know.”

The sudden blue light in Sans’ left eye socket is your only warning before you disappear from where you’re standing and into the living room, right in front of the couch. He falls back onto it, still holding you in his arms, not making a move to let you go. You’re sweaty, you need to shower. When you let him know, a shrug is the only reply you get. You shake your head but don’t put in the effort to leave his embrace. At least not yet.

Instead, you lean into his chest, playing with the fur of his hood as he runs his phalanges through your hair, admiring your face in a comfortable silence. You let your eyelids fall closed, the feeling of his fingers gently massaging your scalp sending a pleasant shiver down your spine. You start to feel the soreness of your overworked muscles now that you’re finally relaxing them. You let out a quiet groan at that.

You haven’t been worked this hard for a while now, but at least this time you’re actually having some fun.

Sans gives you one last squeeze before finally loosening his grip on you to let you leave. Slowly but surely you move to get to your feet with a grunt.

“Did I go too hard on you?” He asks you with a hint of concern.

You stretch your sore muscles with a small smile. “Maybe just a little…” You plant a quick kiss on his forehead to ease his worries before he can even start thinking of apologising. “It’s okay though, this way I’m sure to win.” Flashing him a smirk, you start your way down to the bathroom.

\---

“You ready for this punk?” Undyne’s toothy grin is enough to spark some anxiousness into your soul.

You take a few deep breaths and take one last look at the skeleton brothers, who both motion thumbs up to you. Smiling nervously, you bite down on your bottom lip before turning back to face the muscular and tall and very intimidating monster in front of you. You can do this. You got your dodging to the very best it’s been in your entire life, and with Sans’ help your magic control is also better than ever.

“I was born ready.” You tell her with a confidence you definitely don’t feel. Fake it till you make it right?

Calm your mind. Trust your instincts. Let your magic flow through you.

“Well then, let’s get this over with!” Right off the bat she sends a bright blue spear flying towards you and you effortlessly step out of its way.

Just like the first time, she sends spear after spear at you. You barely have time to breathe in between her attacks, let alone think. So it’s a good thing Sans’ training has made it so that it’s almost instinctive to dodge their attacks. You turn on your side as one particular spear shoots dangerously close to your stomach, sucking in a surprised gasp, your feet landing on the ground weirdly and causing you to stumble.

You curse under your breath when she takes this opportunity to hold you in place with her magic. That feeling of being unable to move out of the way envelops your soul and you prepare yourself for what’s coming.

Front, back, left and right, they’re coming from everywhere, relentlessly. The brothers are watching in silence as you face the countless attacks, not missing a beat. Out of the corner of your eye, you spy one of those different spears but without thinking you face it just like the others only to have it change its path at the last second.

Luckily though, you manage to twist around just in time, a heartbeat later and you would’ve fallen face first onto the pavement. You feel your soul get released from Undyne’s grip and you don’t waste another moment.

Your eyes glow, and you twist around, sending a few magic bullets her way. She dodges them easily, just like you expected. But as she’s distracted with those, you take the opportunity to hold her soul down, turning it blue. She struggles to move her feet and you sprint towards her. She tries to hit you with her spears but you’re too quick, going one side and then another, stopping once as she brings one down in front of you. Despite being able to dodge her attacks, this makes it so that you can’t focus long enough to return them. So you just move out of their way, slowly gaining ground on her.

You’re finally next to her and still successfully keeping the gravity increased on her. She throws one punch at your side and you jump backwards and out of the way, the surprise finally causing you to lose your grip on her soul. Papyrus lets out a disappointed noise only to cover it up with a cheer for Undyne when she stares daggers his way.

You would’ve laughed but you can’t afford to be distracted. Instead you go for a hit at her flank, only to have her grab your leg before it makes contact. She smirks, and you mirror her expression. You have her right where you want her. A magical glow surrounds your foot and you pull it down with your magic, her hand still attached, causing her to bend over. You use your other foot to spread hers and cause her to lose her balance. With some help from your magic you topple her so that her back’s to the ground. You get a momentary feeling of triumph but she’s quickly grabbing your shirt and pulling you down with her and throwing you a few feet away, tumbling.

“Not going down so easy, huh?” You say as you roll backwards to your feet and she gets up herself.

“No way I’m gonna lose to a nerd like you!” She retorts, grinning broadly.

“Come on Star, you know you can do it. I’m rooting for ya.” Sans sounds from behind you.

You dart towards the blue monster and she materializes a spear behind her, throwing it straight at you, and when you dodge it, it goes towards Sans and Papyrus, the former teleporting them both out of the way before it crashes noisily into the wall behind them.

“Oops, sorry about that.” She smirks as she quickly sends another one your way.

But this time you don’t dodge it.

Your eyes glow and that same strawberry aura surrounds it, stopping it inches from your face.

“Heh, I taught her that.” Sans nudges his younger brother.

Undyne’s face is priceless, even more so when you send her attack right back at her.

Unfortunately this is a onetime thing, takes way too much magic to counter hers especially with the momentum it had, so you can’t savour the moment and have to use her shock to your advantage. You surround her with your magic when she sidesteps out of her own spear’s way and pull her towards you at full force, meeting her with a tackle to the ground.

Before she even has time to react, you summon your very own blaster above her face and her eyes widen to twice the size. A very uncharacteristic high pitched screech escapes her and you gingerly skip over to its side, resting one arm on the large skull.

“This nerd just beat you.” You say proudly.

Undyne’s mouth is hanging open as she stares at the Gaster blaster. “Okay, you win…” She mumbles holding her arms above her head in a call for truce.

You throw your own arms up in the air, jumping around and cheering after making the sentient weapon retreat and disappear. Papyrus runs up to you and holds you up to sit on his shoulder, twirling around. “GOOD JOB HUMAN!”

You laugh and help Undyne to her feet after you’re set back down. “Yeah, you did good punk. But I’ll have my revenge, so just you wait!” She warns you, punching your arm.

You rub it while chuckling, Sans coming up from behind you to wrap his arms around your waist and turning you to face him, placing his mouth to yours. “Told ya you could do it.” He peeks at Undyne and grins impishly. “Oh and I filmed everything. Going to enjoy watching her bring you down on repeat.”

Her face goes a bright red from rage. “OH NO YOU DIDN’T! DELETE THAT RIGHT NOW!” She demands.

“Um, I would but, nah.” The small skeleton lets you go and steps away. “Here’s a deal, I’ll delete it if you can catch me.”

“NGAAAHHHHH!” She roars and goes to grab him.

But of course he teleports behind her.

You and Papyrus just laugh as this continues for you don’t know how long. This certainly went a lot better than you expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this was alright, I've been struggling lately, what with being worked to the bone and having a few rough days here and there...  
> So yeah sorry if it's not great but I still hope you enjoyed reading it either way, I really wanted to put something out  
> All feedback you may have is always appreciated, thank you so much for reading ^.^


	30. Afraid of what's inside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies if there are any errors, I try to get them all but I've been so busy I haven't had time to proofread the 50 times I usually do xD

There’s a big smile on your face as you walk down a dirt road, hand in hand with Sans by your side. Papyrus isn’t far behind, going on about one of his latest ‘adventures’ and you all laugh together. You feel so happy.

There’s a tunnel up ahead, your hand slips from your soulmate’s when you start walking faster, soon breaking into a run.

“Come on you lazybones, we’re almost there!” You giggle when you walk underneath the stone structure, the light being blocked above you and the surrounding area darkening.

You turn on your heels to wait for them and all you see is darkness. Your smile fades and your happiness is replaced by a sudden anxiety.

“Sans…” Your voice echoes in the emptiness. “P-Papyrus…” You’re whispering now.

Bringing your arms up to your chest you wrap them around yourself, feeling cold, alone and afraid. Your soul starts aching.

Crying sounds from behind you and when you turn around to look, you see a girl sitting not too far away, curled up into herself, hugging her knees to her chest. Slowly, you approach the crying child, wary. Her clothes are torn in several places, worn and dirty. You reach for her shoulder in an attempt to both get her attention and comfort her.

“Are y-”

“Don’t touch me!” She shouts, her face shooting back to stare at you. Her eyes are red and puffy, her cheeks stained from the tears. Your hands start shaking and your eyes widen. You take a step backwards, your breath getting caught in your throat. The girl is you from long ago… From a day you remember as clearly as if it were yesterday. Your heart clenches and tears sting at your eyes.

She hides her face back behind her knees, continuing to sob and you keep walking away, your mind in shock, your heart racing. Your back hits something and you gasp, twisting so that you can see what it is and you’re faced with a mirror.

Your expression is pure horror, your whole body is trembling, your mouth hanging slightly open as you take in ragged breaths, feeling on the verge of panic.

And then, your reflection’s lips twitch. You blink, unsure if you actually saw it. With a quivering hand you reach for the reflection and it does the same, as any normal mirror image would. Your hand reaches the flat surface and gets stopped, just as it should. But somehow, that doesn’t still the rising fear in your gut.

The mirror shatters and you feel a hand at your throat, your ‘copy’ stepping out from behind the shards and pushing you against a wall you know wasn’t previously there. You grab at her hands, your hands, but can’t seem to find the strength to do anything with them. You look into her eyes. They’re not like yours. They’re dull and dark, but glowing with magic. Blood red magic, unlike the red and blue mix you currently have. Somehow, you know that she’s not a past version of you like the other one. She smirks at you and it sends an unsettling feeling crawling down your back.

“You’re weak. Look at you.” You get pressed further into the wall, grip on your neck tightening to the point of pain. “You have the powers of a god and what do you do with them? Nothing. You’re pathetic.”

She pushes your head forcefully and pain shoots through your body. You squeeze your eyes shut tightly and hear a bitter laugh leave her lips. It sounds just like you… and just like your father…

“Coward.” She spits the word out and you cringe.

The hold on your throat is gone and you fall to your knees.

“Star.” Sans’ voice rings in your ears and your head snaps up to find the source, hope filling you. This nightmare is finally over.

You see him standing in front of you, hand held out and you smile up at him. You take his hand and he smiles back. But when you go to get up with his help, a knife pierces through his ribs, a choked sound leaving him. He looks down at his chest, eye sockets wide. When he looks back at you he turns to dust, blown away by a sudden gust of wind. A gut wrenching scream escapes your lips and an unbelievable weight settles on your chest.

Hot tears fall freely from your eyes and you feel thin arms wrap around your waist. A mouth presses to your ear and your voice whispers into it.

“You could’ve protected him. If only you used your powers the way they’re supposed to be.” The words are cold just like her lips. You turn your head slowly, faces identical to each other inches from one another. The only difference between the two is those eyes. Her eyes are dead and familiar. “It’s inside you… Just waiting to be released. Your father… Your brother… What makes you any different?”

“I’m not like them…” You force yourself to say.

Freezing hands rest on your cheeks, almost in a loving way as you stare at each other, your expression terrified and pained, hers peaceful and mild. “You don’t have to be…” She strokes your face gently and you feel disgusted. “You can just use your powers for good… Protect the ones you love… Strike down those who hurt them… You can make the world better…”

“I could…” The words leave your mouth unwarranted and you’re immediately petrified. No. You shouldn’t think like that. Those thoughts will only lead down one road you know all too well. You can’t give in.

“What’s so bad about that? Hmm?” You pull away from your doppelganger, slapping her hands from your face and crawling backwards, away from that evil that lurks inside your mind.

“Stop.”

Her gentle expression twists to one of pure rage, her eyes narrowing and her lips pulling back in a grimace.

“You can’t keep me hidden forever.” A scarlet haze of magic forms around her hand and she stalks forward. You try to get to your feet but you can’t seem to do it, your heart is stuck in your throat. “I’ll crawl out of you sooner or later.”

She’s sliding closer and you’re still crawling away but your back hits the wall and you have nowhere to go. She grabs a handful of your hair pulls you forward, standing behind you with one leg on each side of your back. Your head is pulled upwards and you find the mirror in front of you once again. Her face is distorted in it, blurred out almost, her eyes dark pits and a blackened slit for a mouth that’s stretched into a terrifying grin.

“Sweet dreams…” She croons putting a knife to your exposed throat and slitting it open.

\---

You bolt upright with a blood curdling scream, hands going up to your neck and feeling for any cuts, any blood. Nothing’s there, just skin, untouched and unharmed. Your shrieks die down when you feel skeletal arms around you, holding your shivering being close. You feel tears streaming down your cheeks as Sans runs a hand through your hair in a comforting motion.

“It’s okay… It was all a nightmare… You’re nothing like your father or Chara, you won’t end up like them and I’m right here. Everything’s alright.” He murmurs into your ear. The bedroom door busts open and Papyrus runs in, eyes wide and fight stance at the ready with magic bones all around him to scare off whatever threat had made you scream.

Your knuckles have turned white from the sheer force with which you’re gripping onto Sans’ shirt. You won’t close your eyes, won’t even dare blink. If you do you’ll see it again. Yourself as what you could become, killing what you want to be. It’s the first nightmare you’ve had in a whole week. Everything felt so real even though you subconsciously knew that it couldn’t be.

Sans would never admit it. But as he saw your nightmare in his own mind, connected by your bond, his soul filled with dread. His head kept chanting ‘what ifs’ and he couldn’t shake them away despite knowing very well in the depths of his being that you would never succumb to such evil. But that ‘I could’ wouldn’t leave him alone. He replayed it over and over, and each time he saw that look in your eye… Was it curiosity? Or was it desire? Or was it none of those things and it was really just a nightmare that he was reading way too much into? He couldn’t tell. And that terrified him. But he wouldn’t tell you that. Not only because he didn’t want to make you feel even worse, but because he knew in his soul that he didn’t have to be. You weren’t like this. And he was going to make you see that too.

The taller brother approaches you and places a hand on your shoulder, rubbing your back slowly with a worried look on his face. You want to tell them you are alright and that they don’t have to worry about you. But you aren’t okay, and all you can do is weep and sob into Sans’ shoulder, scared out of your wits that your dream wasn’t just that, still unable to close your eyes.

You open your mouth to say something but all that comes out is a choked sob that’s immediately followed by many more like it. Sans just holds you tighter. Deep down he knows what it’s like to wonder if you’re becoming something truly malicious. He’s questioned whether he should even be allowed to live countless times before. Each time he killed Chara it got a little easier. If it weren’t for Frisk’s gentle soul, he was afraid that he’d lose himself to all that hatred before he even got to the surface.

And when you found each other, that’s when his life finally got meaning.

“I love you…” Sans murmurs softly. “You’re one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. Right up there with getting a little brother…” He says while smiling softly at Papyrus who returns the gesture with loving eyes.

Your hold on Sans’ shirt tightens even more, tears staining it where your face is resting against his shoulder. The taller skeleton puts his arms around the both of you and pulls you close in a warm embrace.

“Whatever’s bothering you, the great Papyrus will do his best to put your mind at ease!”

“You don’t have to be afraid anymore. I’ll keep you safe and I’ll make sure that those nightmares will never be more than that.”

A tiny whimper sounds from you, as words still can’t seem to form. In your soul you feel concern and fear, but also overwhelming love and affection. Finally, you loosen you grasp, taking deep and steady breaths, hindered only by the occasional sob. You tell yourself over and over that you’ll never be like your father and that you don’t have Chara’s view of the world. You tell yourself that you can be good and kind, that you can be happy. You have everything you need right here in this room. It’s everything you’ve ever wanted. Just unconditional love.

“I love you too… Both of you…” You manage to croak, bringing your hands to your cheeks to wipe away the last few tears that fell from your eyes. “I’m sorry…”

“What for?” Papyrus asks. “Everyone has bad dreams and bad days. It’s my duty as your newfound brother to make you feel better! Just ask Sans! I’m going to make you some hot chocolate!”

The older brother chuckles slightly as the lanky skeleton walks out of the room with a big smile on his face. You sniffle, rubbing your eyes and slowly running a hand through your hair, still shaking slightly. You feel calmer, but not at all at ease. Sans takes your face in his hands, stroking your cheeks gently and lovingly.

Your soul is aching badly and your thoughts won’t stop going back to the way your reflection looked as she killed you. The very image was something truly unsettling, unnatural, not human. Pure evil incarnate. You shiver and hide your face in Sans’ neck.

“I don’t want to become like that. What if it’s inside me… in my blood? What if it’s just a matter of time until I turn out the way they did?” You whisper quietly.

Your soulmate takes a deep breath and squeezes you tightly before pulling back so that he can look right into your eyes. He places a hand on your chest and you gasp at the feeling of your soul being tugged out. Its glow is dimmer than usual, the tendrils of magic coming out of it weak and far between. His expression falls a little when he looks at it. Watching you suffer like this is something he hates deeply.

The small skeleton places his hands underneath the little white heart with the blue tear in its core and cups it, bringing it up between your faces. He gently takes your hand and raises it over to your soul. Closing his eyes, he guides it so that your index brushes against the large cyan piece and fresh tears form in your eyes.

It feels like all his love for you is washing over you. In your chest, there’s a crushing sensation of admiration, pride and longing. You feel the way he feels for you. You sense the hopes and dreams he has for you. You can tell how much he cares about you and wants you be happy, how happy you’ve made him…

You let your eyes close at long last, taking it all in. One gentle touch to the part of his soul that’s sewn into yours and all his emotions are yours as well. You’ve never felt so loved before. You’ve never loved him so much before, you didn’t think it was possible to love him more. But it was. And you never want to let this feeling go.

“You have to know that you’re a bright beacon to guide me in my darkness. No matter what happens, whenever you feel like you’re lost in your own, I’ll always be right here to find you, and bring you back into the light.” Sans tells you, placing a kiss on the top of your forehead.

He wipes the tears away and leaves a kiss behind each one, before finally returning your soul to where it belongs. He plants one last peck on your lips and takes you in his arms. You feel phalanges in your hair as he places your head on his shoulder once more.

Winding your arms around his neck, you hold onto Sans until you hear Papyrus coming in with one mug of hot chocolate just as he had announced. Reluctantly, you pull back from the embrace to take in your hands.

“You look a lot brighter!” Papyrus beams at you.

You simply nod with a small smile, taking the mug up to your lips. It’s hot and sweet and it warms your insides. You thank the tall skeleton and he looks at his brother. He’s watching you closely, his pupils following your every move, every other second falling back to your soul and seeing it shine again. He then looks at Papyrus and flashes him a bright grin that reaches his eyes in a gesture he’s been seeing more and more since you’ve showed up.

He’s grateful to you. Both brothers are, in different ways. Papyrus is glad he can finally see his brother happy. Sans is glad he’s finally found a reason to believe there’s more to this life than all the resets. He has a reason to fight now. He can’t believe he ever thought of giving up.

You have a lot of problems, there’s no doubt about that. But now you have a family, a real one. A family that will help you through them, and that you’ll help through theirs. You let out a sigh and look at the clock. It’s almost daylight. No point in going back to sleep even if you wanted to, which you really don’t.

“I’m sorry for waking you two. I appreciate everything you’re doing for me.” You mumble while staring into the now half empty mug.

Papyrus takes the hot chocolate from your hands and gives it over to Sans. You’re confused until he takes you into a bone crushing hug and lifts you up, spinning you around and causing you to giggle uncontrollably. After setting you down he whispers something in your ear he’s sure will cheer you up for good. Your eyes widen slightly and you gasp, staring at him.

“You’re lying.”

“THE GREAT PAPYRUS NEVER LIES! NYEH!” Sans looks on inquisitively, the warm cup still in his hands.

You smile widely before clearing your throat and straightening your face. “Thank you Papyrus. I’ll keep that in mind.” He nods eagerly.

“GOOD! WELL THEN, I SHOULD GET READY FOR WORK SOON ANYHOW, SO I BID YOU TWO ADIEU! HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!” With that he saunters out the door.

Sans gives you back the cup and you slowly finish it in silence while he stares intently at you. You steal a couple of glances his way, a smirk spreading on your lips each time despite your best attempts at hiding it. He finally gets tired of waiting for you to say something and pokes your side to get your attention.

“What did Paps tell you?” He asks. You shrug.

“Nothing important.” Waving a dismissive hand you take the last sip of hot chocolate before setting it safely on the nightstand. You hear the front door closing from Papyrus leaving and the corners of your lips pull up.

His eyes narrow at you. “Then why are you suddenly so… Suspicious…” He mutters with a smile dancing on his face.

You shrug your shoulders again and bite down on your bottom lip, unsure how long you can resist the temptation. Sans takes one of your hands in his, grinning.

“Come on, tell me.” He pleads. His eyes are filled with curiosity. “I want to know what makes you this happy.” You pretend to think about it for a few seconds.

“Oh alright…” You say, exhaling as if defeated. You turn so that you’re facing him, sliding on the bed so that you’re inches away from him. You bring your hands up to his arms and rub them gently, over the smooth bone of his humerus. “Papyrus told me something about you.”

Sans raises a brow ridge at you. “Did he now? And what was that?” You run a finger over his clavicle and flash him a playful smirk.

“He told me that…” You drift off.

“Yes…?” You look away and hum as if deep in thought, pretending to recall. Your hands come down over his chest and he follows them with his gaze before looking back at your face. He couldn’t tell if he should be scared of what was about to happen.

“You have…” You continue.

“What?” He asks, his patience running out and coming closer, pushing against your hands.

You slide them lower and to his sides. You lean in and whisper. “Very ticklish ribs.” He doesn’t have the time to process your words before your assaulting him with your hands, causing him to laugh and start begging you to stop. “No, this is way too much fun.” You giggle.

He falls with his back on the bed squirming beneath you, trying to counter your merciless attack. But it’s so hard for him to focus when your own giggles are filling his soul with joy.

“Ha-ha, I-I’m gonna, ha-ha-ha, d-damn it P-pap, he’ll p-pay f-for this! Ha-ha-ha. S-s-stop!” He begs again through fits of laughter. You don’t relent though, his laughter is lovely music to your ears, putting your soul finally at ease, sending all your fears away.

Sans finally manages to grab your arms and pry them away. He’s panting breathlessly, his laughs dying down slowly as he regains his composure. He sits up and puts his arms around you, your chuckles still filling the room.

“Be like this forever…” He breathes. “I love you so much…”

Instead of answering him, you just take his face and kiss him, showing him how you feel. You close your eyes. _Everything I need, right here._ You think again.

Even if there is evil inside you, you have everything you need to push it away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! I just pushed out this chapter! Gah, such an awful week! So much work! I have a major test in a week and still haven't studied for it! And I've got three essays to hand in by the end of this month as well! Help me I'm dying!  
> Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter, I tried to make it good! Not sure if I'll be able to update next week, my birthday is on Tuesday and I have so much work that'll probably be my only day off and I'm spending it with some friends...  
> So yeah, thank you for reading! Please leave any feedback you may have, it's always welcome!  
> Rant over :P


	31. A mix of joy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOOD GOD! I am SO sorry it took so long! I'm finally done with exams WOOHOO! But even despite that I had a really hard time getting this chapter out, all that studying kind of drained my creativity o.O Either way, here is the next chapter FINALLY!  
> Oh and if anyone's forgotten, underlined speech is sign language :)

You take in a shaky breath as you look around the room. Running a hand through your hair you close your eyes, nearly jumping out of your seat when you feel a hand on your shoulder. Slowly you look at your soulmate standing beside you and flash him a small smile, which he promptly returns with one smug grin.

“You okay there?” Sans asks you, squeezing your shoulder slightly.

“Not really… I’m kind of nervous.” You say quietly.

“That’s gotta be the understatement of the year sweetheart.” He smirks sheepishly when he certainly feels the flutter of your soul, the nickname never ceases to have that effect on you. You frown slightly.

“Don’t call me that…” You hide your embarrassment with your hands. “Now’s not the time. I’m freaking out.”

“Heh, don’t worry yourself over it, if someone as lazy as me managed to get a job I’m sure you can do it. ‘Sides, Grillbz is a pretty chill guy despite his appearance.”

“Yes, I’m positive you’ll do great Star.” The raspy voice sounds from behind you, causing you to get startled yet again. These monsters sure can creep up on someone. You turn around to face the man made of fire standing behind the counter.

“Grillby! I mean, Mr. Grillby. Or maybe is that too formal? Boss? Oh wait, you haven’t hired me, you’re not my boss yet. I don’t even know if you will be. Oh gosh, I’m rambling, this is embarrassing. I-I’ll shut up now…” You stare down at your hands.

You let out a short chuckle void of humour and filled with anxiousness. Both monsters smile at you reassuringly and you swallow the knot that’s formed in your throat ever since you woke up this morning.

“Welp, I have to head out, take care of my girl here will ya?” Sans takes your hand between his skeletal fingers and strokes it gently.

“Of course. New job?” The small skeleton nods as he lets go of your hand to face the door. “Hot dog stand?”

“You know me so well.” He laughs, starting his way out.

In the pit of your stomach you feel a pang of sorrow. You bite down on your bottom lip, realising that this is the first time in a while you’re going to be away from Sans. You watch him disappear from view of the window to the outside and there’s this sensation of something missing deep inside your soul. At the same time, however, you feel a sense of security, like he’s not really gone.

You avert your gaze back to the fire elemental and twiddle with your thumbs nervously, not really knowing what to do.

“Calm down, you have nothing to worry about.” Grillby tells you. You nod wordlessly. “As you know, I intend to open this weekend, everything is pretty much set up, but you’re my only employee application.”

Your teeth grip at your lip more forcefully before freeing it with a puff of air. “Guess that tips the scales in my favour, huh?” You say half-jokingly.

“I suppose it does.” His fire crackles slightly and you wonder if you can see him smiling for a moment. It’s somewhat comforting. You smile up at him. “It’s not hard, you just have to take orders, give them to me, I’ll prepare them and you take it back to the patrons. Simple enough right?”

You nod. It does sound simple. You’re quite fast on your feet, that much is established. You just have to be careful not to drop anything. You can do that. You try to assure yourself of your abilities.

“Do you know how to infuse food and drink with magic?” The monster asks you. Your head tilts and you raise an eyebrow in curiosity.

“I don’t think so.” You say honestly.

Grillby motions for you to get behind the counter with him and you get off your seat and walk around to the back of the bar. He takes a couple of drinks from the shelves and puts them down next to you.

“I’m going to teach you how to mix some drinks for when I’m back in the kitchen.” At this your interest peaks and you approach him further.

You watch as he pours the various liquids and mixes them together, effortlessly and as if it requires no skill whatsoever. All the while you’re absolutely certain that it’s not as easy as he makes it look.

When he’s finished, you’re left staring at a colourful cocktail sitting in a fancy glass. Grillby takes a bottle from under the counter and takes a few drops from it to add into the mix. There are a few poufs of magic and you gasp from the surprise.

“This is a special monster drink. Magic of course.” He says pointing at the liquid he just added. “But it’s not complete until you add your own twist into it. Oh and this one’s virgin.” The monster’s voice rasps.

You blink a few times at him, confused and a bit flustered. “It’s w-what?”

“Alcohol free, didn’t know if you liked that.”

“Oh…” You mentally kick yourself, you should’ve realised that. You’ve never had alcohol before, much less magic alcoholic drinks so that’s probably a good idea.

He waves his hand over the drink and his flames sizzle. You see the drink change from what it was to a vivid orange, swimming in between the previous colours. He pushes the glass so that it’s sitting right in front of you and nods his head towards it. You stare at the elemental before glancing at the drink and picking it up gingerly. You look at it for a few long seconds. You take it to your lips and tip the glass, taking a small, tentative sip.

Immediately there’s a hot feeling that fills your mouth. It’s not exactly burning, it’s just a lovely heat that, when you finally swallow, spreads down to your stomach and from there to the tips of your toes and fingers, coming up your spine next. You feel it stirring in your chest and when you look at your reflection on the pristine counter, see your eyes glowing.

You lift your hand in front of your face and see tiny wisps of magic jumping from your fingers. You can’t help the sound of amazement that leaves your lips. Grillby takes your hand and the wisps fizzle out at his touch. He hums in thought.

“Your magic is reactive.” He mumbles. “How do you feel?” He asks.

“Good. Warm and fuzzy.” He nods silently.

“That’s the effect of the drink. Of my magic in particular. Those drops are meant to enhance it, I suppose it worked on yours too.” You feel like he smiles at that. “There’s only one other who’s got the same reaction that I know of.”

The corners of your lips twitch upwards. You know very well that he means Sans. Questions start forming in your head and you turn to the monster beside you.

“So does each monster’s magic have a different effect on the drinks?” You inquire curiously.

“More or less. It depends on what you do with it. But in a way, my magic is, quite simply, fire. So it’s only natural for it to be ‘warm and fuzzy’ as you put it.”

You finish the drink, it’s quite tasty as well as giving you a nice sense of warm comfort. He then takes the empty glass back and quickly makes a different one. This time, instead of just waving his hand over it, Grillby snaps his fingers and opens his hand to form a small blue flame. He pushes it into the new concoction and it swirls like an angry whirlpool, turning an icy blue that contrasts the warm red-orange flames of the bar’s owner. Once again he pushes the drink over to you and you take another little sip.

This one burns slightly going down. Although not painfully. You’d heard that alcohol sometimes does that but considering this doesn’t have any it couldn’t possibly be that. The only logical explanation would be the magic he used. When you let out a breath a line of smoke comes out of your mouth and you furrow your brows in slight confusion. Grillby takes a tall unlit candle from somewhere behind him and places it in front of your face, telling you to blow. You stare at him for a few seconds completely flabbergasted before doing what he told you. As soon as the small breath leaves your lips a bright flame comes to life on the candle’s wick and your eyes widen in surprise.

“Oh my goodness! That’s amazing!” You exclaim with utter fascination. Grillby chuckles lightly and absorbs the burning flame with his hand, which is also quite impressive but you don’t want to seem _overly_ excited. “Would this work on humans? I mean, regular ones…”

“Never tried.” He admits plainly. He asks if you’ll want to finish this new drink and when you shake your head he takes it away.

In the course of the following hours he teaches you the basics of mixology and your quick learning is proving quite useful. You’re no professional but you can hold your own, the usually most requested drinks you’ve got down and if you practice you can master them for sure. You’re quite proud of yourself.

Grillby takes a moment to see if you’re capable of infusing magic into them. That proves more difficult than just mixing the drinks.

“Focus your magic to your hand and then take it into the cup. It has to imbue into the molecules themselves.” Grillby’s calm voice sounds.

“Geez, when you say it like that you make it seem simple.” You can’t avoid the drip of sarcasm in your words and he chuckles. All you managed to do was break a glass.

You make a mental note to maybe try it again at the safety and privacy of your home (you’ll honestly never get quite used to how good that sounds to you). You’re quite enthralled by this new discovery and you wonder what effects your magic could possibly add to the drinks.

“Not all drinks need to be magic. If someone requests such a thing I’ll do it.” You agree with a sigh of relief. You feel a warm hand on your shoulder and you turn to face the fire elemental. “You’ll do great.”

It takes you a moment to register his words and their meaning. “So you’re giving me the job?” He nods his head and a beaming smile graces your features. “Thank you so much! You won’t regret this decision! Even though you didn’t have much of a choice…” You giggle slightly and he joins you.

Your heart is pounding. The news of getting a job, a real job you’ll actually get paid to do (albeit not much at first), are just so overwhelming. You feel accomplished and amazed. You feel… normal…

You help Grillby taking care of the mess you made gladly. You’re certain no one’s ever been this excited about washing dirty glasses and wiping counters but the simple fact that this will be your job… You can’t find the words to describe how good you feel.

You sit down at one of the booths with your new boss in front of you. Sans said he’d come by at the end of the day so you could both go home. You chatter about meaningless things for a few minutes before the topic falls onto your soulmate.

“How did you meet Sans?” You ask.

“He just showed up at Snowdin with Papyrus one day. Wasn’t much for talking at first but he’d come by often. Eventually he just started making jokes about fire.” You laugh at that, brushing some hair out of your face.

“That sounds like him.” The fire elemental hums in agreement. “It’s kind of sad isn’t it?” You don’t exactly know who you’re saying this to. “He’s such a complex character but he puts up a front for everyone else to see. To anyone else he’s just the lazy skeleton who makes bad jokes… Does anyone really know _him_?” You bite down on your bottom lip, unsure if you’re saying things you shouldn’t.

“I don’t think so. Do you?” Grillby asks. You shake your head after a long moment pondering.

“I might know more than some strangely enough. But there’s a lot more to find out. That’s okay though. We’ve got a lifetime ahead of us to really know each other.” You smile gently.

“And what about you? Is there more to you than you let on?”

You look up at the monster’s face, staring into his eyes, or glasses rather, your mouth slightly agape. You divert your gaze elsewhere shortly, feeling somewhat embarrassed. “There’s nothing about me that’s worthy of mention much less to hide… What you see is what you get I suppose…”

“I disagree.”

You start playing with your fingers. “How so?”

“I think you don’t realise your own potential. Sans sees it too.” You’re about to protest when the bell signifying someone’s entrance rings through the room.

A small child in a striped shirt walks in with a pair of glasses that are far too big on their face and a tiny notepad in their hands. Behind them a familiar blue jacket catches your eye and you smile as you see Sans walking in right after them.

“The ambassador is here to make sure this place is up to standards before the grand opening.” The small skeleton says, his voice low and commanding. But the twinkling in his pupils and the widespread grin on his face is enough to let you know how much he’s actually enjoying this.

Frisk nods fervently and steps further into the room looking around and scribbling notes, all the while adjusting the glasses that are falling down their nose every other minute. You stifle a laugh and try to put on the most serious expression you can muster, standing up as a sign of respect to the tiny ambassador. When Frisk arrives at the booth you and Grillby had been sitting they stare you up and down, make a little approving noise and scratch the paper once again with their pen.

Your poker face nearly crumbles when they walk past you and you spy the words ‘pretty lady’ with a large check in front of them written down on their several notes. It strikes you that despite their many responsibilities they’re still a young child. It warms your heart to see them play like this. You hear the crackling of fire next to you and you know that Grillby is chuckling at the scene. You keep doing your very best to keep a straight face.

Frisk finally finishes inspecting the establishment and with Sans’ aid sits down on one of the stools by the bar, setting the notepad on the counter. They start signing.

Everything seems to be perfect. They sign slower than what you’re sure they’re used to, and you mouth them a thank you to which they flash a bright smile. But there’s a clear violation of section 1 of opening a Grillby’s on the surface.

You raise an eyebrow at the child.

“Is that so? And what would that be?” The fire elemental asks Frisk.

“Welp, the ambassador’s entitled to a serving of fries when they visit. I don’t see any fries.” Sans shrugs nonchalantly putting his hands in his jacket pockets and the child’s smirk couldn’t be more proud.

“But of course. I’ll get to that right away.”

You clear your throat in an attempt to stop yourself from laughing at the scene when Grillby excuses himself to the back. Just for the heck of it and to go along with Frisk’s whole act, you get down on one knee and bow your head forwards, your right hand over your heart.

“It is a great honour to be in the presence of the wonderful ambassador to all of monsterkind.” You hear them get down from their seat and their footsteps sound as they walk over to you.

You feel a few pats on your head. It takes all of the determination in your soul not to break down then and there. You take a peek at Frisk and see them sign.

Rise. You obviously do as you’re told. Frisk’s stern expression is delightfully strange on their round and young face. And now get back down and give me a hug! That is an order!

They extend out their arms and you wrap your own around them for a tight embrace, their expression twisting into a beaming grin. As Sans watches you interact with Frisk he can’t help but notice that twinkle in your eye coupled with the tug on his soul. You ruffle the child’s hair before approaching him. Your soulmate grins and pulls you into a hug as well revelling in the feeling of your soul close to his once again.

Your heartrate quickens ever so slightly. You didn’t realise how much you actually missed him, however silly that may sound. It was only an afternoon. But as you feel his phalanges on your cheek to tilt your face so that he can give you a light peck on the lips, you’re certain that he feels the same. It’s a tender gesture, short lived but filled with emotion.

For a moment you’re lost in the light of his pupils until the sound of something being set on the counter makes you jump slightly. You step away, slightly embarrassed that this still happens to you. The small skeleton chuckles and sits down, pulling you up onto his lap. You feel a blush crawl up to your cheeks as you feel both Grillby’s and Frisk’s prying eyes on you. Sans rests his chin on your shoulder and the ambassador sits next to you in front of the fries that were just brought in.

They take one greasy fry into their mouth and smile contentedly, giving their thumbs up of approval to Grillby, who nods in response. Sans sneaks one arm underneath yours and steals one. Frisk gasps in shock and frowns deeply. You giggle and snip one from the plate as they’re glaring daggers at your soulmate. This causes them to let out an undignified noise as you hold it between your teeth teasingly.

“Now, come on, don’t mock the kiddo, that’s not right.” Sans tells you.

Before you can say anything in response, he bites the end of the yellow potato stick and snips it right out of your mouth. Your eyes widen in surprise.

Frisk starts signing furiously when Sans takes another fry from them.

You’re both banned from the embassy!

“You mean Tori’s house?” The skeleton underneath you clarifies. “Welp, guess we’ll have to put off those plans we had of playing with Frisk more often, huh?”

You nod, putting on a sad expression for emphasis. “And so close to their birthday too…”

The child takes in a sharp breath and starts waving their hands about. I take it back! I take it back! They quickly sign. You both laugh and the fire elemental behind the counter shakes his head but the crackling of his flames makes it evident that he’s amused as well.

The bell from the door rings once again and the tall white furred goat monster walks in with a gentle smile on her face. Toriel comes in and hugs her child. You step off of Sans’ lap to greet her with a warm embrace too.

“My child, you shouldn’t be eating such unhealthy foods…” She scolds, but the corners of her mouth are pulled up.

The look on Frisk’s face when she also steals a fry is so priceless you can’t help the snort that creeps out of you. They shoot you an icy glare and you cower behind Toriel playfully.

“Please your majesty, save me from this threatening tiny human.” Frisk hisses at you and you let out a fake yelp to which they seem proud of themselves.

The motherly monster giggles at the whole exchange and turns to Sans, who’s still sitting at the counter, looking on with a tired expression. “Thank you for picking Frisk up from school.”

“ _Snow_ problem.” He replies.

“It’s not even snowing…” You point out with an eyebrow raised.

He shrugs, his lazy grin ever present. “Always worked back in Snowdin.”

“You’re not there anymore.” You say, placing your arms around his ribs.

“Thank god for that. Was tired of always being _chilled to the bone_. Heh.” He wiggles his brow bones at you and you lightly smack his shoulder, rolling your eyes. “We should get going.”

“Wait, I have to help Grillby clean up!”

“It’s fine, I’ll take care of it.” The bar owner assures you.

“And we’ll be taking our leave as well.”

“Oh um… okay then…” You all say your goodbyes and your new boss tells you to be there tomorrow to set things up for the ‘grand opening’.

And so as you’re leaving Sans asks you if you’d like to take a shortcut home. You tell him that you’d like to walk instead. It’s not exactly far and you’d like to take the time to get some fresh air and tell him about your day and how great it was. You can’t hold in how amazing it all feels. To finally have a life of your own, a family, a home, a job… It all seems so surreal… If anyone had told you this would be your life just a few months ago, you’d have never believed it. You’d have called them cruel for giving you hope of something you could never possibly have.

And here you were. With just that.

You’re just about done telling Sans about how you basically breathed fire when in your distractedness, you bump into someone walking your way. You quickly turn to apologise and you sort of freeze up slightly when you see the man’s face. He takes a moment staring at the both of you before grunting and continuing along, frowning. You assume he’s one of those people who don’t exactly fancy the idea of monsters on the surface. You can’t quite put your finger on it though, but his face was so familiar…

“Hey, you alright?” Sans asks you, a hint of concern showing in his tone.

“Y-yeah… I just…” You shake your head, he’s probably just got one of those faces. “Never mind. Anyways, as I was saying…”

You take his hand in yours and keep talking about the day’s events excitedly. The strange encounter quickly slips into the back of your minds, especially when you’re feeling so joyful. The small skeleton just smiles, taking in your happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there you guys have it. Not one of my strongest I'd say :/  
> A bit more lighthearted as well, wanted to give reader a somewhat nice worry free day, sort of haha  
> I've got some plans for what's to come and I hope you enjoyed this despite everything, feel free to leave any feedback, it's always welcome :) Thank you for reading


	32. How far we've come

The past couple of months passed by like a blur. Grillby’s opening was amazing, everyone was there, Asgore and Toriel (who have moved further past their issues and now seem to get along as close friends at least), Frisk (of course), Undyne and Alphys, Papyrus and Sans were there for you as well. A lot of monsters showed up, the diner really seemed to be very popular underground, the whole of the old dog guard was present and even a few humans turned up too.  After that, word got around and a surprisingly steady flow of customers started going there regularly and you couldn’t be happier to do your part in maintaining the warm and inviting atmosphere.

You’ve kind of become a hit with the regulars. They greet you like an old friend each time they come in, treat you like one of their own. You don’t even have to try to return the favour, it comes so naturally to you. You even wondered if you were born into the wrong species sometimes. Monsters are all so kind, so friendly. It made you sick to your stomach that some people hated them just for being different. But then, that’s always been human nature…

Papyrus has become a quite proficient cook, even landing himself a new job doing just that at a tiny café that also serves lunches. Seems their business hasn’t been this good in years. He also finally worked on getting that driver’s license he wanted. Sans even gave it a go as well, saying he’d fancy himself a motorbike to have some fun. You don’t know why but the image was somewhat right for him. Of course they’d both have to work for a while to get those vehicles, and you certainly were more than willing to help out.

You and Sans did spend more time with Frisk like you intended. Toriel got her teaching license and was now a teacher at their school which they were thrilled about. Some days she stayed later to do some things around the school and prepare classes, grade works and other such things which meant Sans would pick them up and more often than not stop by Grillby’s. They had their fair share of sleepovers with Papyrus too, which was always a pleasure for you. You loved the kid to death.

Their birthday was also an event. You finally met Muffet who made Frisk’s cake. Now that, was something you’d never forget. You spent the first half of the party cowering in a corner before your soulmate finally managed to half drag you over to her so you’d actually meet her. She was really nice and a great baker for sure, if not a little greedy… But try as you might you’d probably never get over the fact that she was a giant spider and that terrified you. The sheer thought sent shivers down your spine but you were always respectful. From a slight distance…

But that wasn’t even the strangest thing you saw. Mettaton… He sure was… Something… Flashy outbursts of overly expressive enthusiasm and a _lot_ of… Fabulousness would probably be the best word. He had been some sort of celebrity in the underground (of which Papyrus was apparently really fond of, who knew) and as soon as he found himself on the surface, he used all of his resources to become one there as well. He travelled a lot, mostly to places such as Japan where his grandeur seemed to be most appreciated. Go figure.

Sans didn’t seem to like him much though, you could kind of see why. When the day was supposed to be all about Frisk he kind of managed to draw a lot of the attention to himself. The now 10 year old ambassador didn’t seem to mind though, so neither did you. Mettaton could actually be fun, you know, when he wasn’t trying to make everything into a game show he could use (most of which included bombs for whatever reason), or pestering you with countless questions about your relationship with Sans. You couldn’t be sure but you thought you even spied a tiny camera following him around. You sure hoped you wouldn’t see yourself in any videos floating around the web, which until today hadn’t happen, thank goodness. He did, however, persuade (not to use the word force) you into singing karaoke with him. That actually bought him some points with Sans.

Right now you were bent over the bed trying to get one of Sans’ stray socks from behind it but you just couldn’t quite reach. Meanwhile said skeleton was lazing around at the end of that same bed watching you struggle.

You grunt in mild annoyance and turn to him. “Can’t you help me out here?” He hums before dragging himself over and just lying on top of your back and pretending to reach.

“Can’t get to it.” He mumbled against your hair before going completely limp. “Why don’t you just use your magic, you’ve been there for like five minutes.” Your body shakes slightly with his laughter.

“Aren’t soulmates supposed to help each other in times of need?” You ask in a huff to which you feel him shrug on top of you. “I’m trying not to rely on magic so much.” You explain succinctly continuing to stretch your arm as far as it goes, determined to do this without moving the sock with your magic.

“So you rely on me instead? Darling I hate to say this but that’s a terrible idea, heh.” You groan into the mattress. He really should be doing this himself, it’s his sock after all.

“You’re exhausting…” You say in a monotone, but you can’t really stop the smile dancing on your lips and you’re positive he can feel that little warmth that surrounds your soul with happiness from being close to him.

“Good, all the more reason for us to nap together.” The small skeleton nuzzles his face into your neck and you shake him off to the side.

“Someone has to clean up after you around here.” You scold him with a less than stern tone.

“Why are you trying not to use magic anyways? You would’ve been done with that ages ago.” He asks genuinely curious, propping himself up on one elbow.

You shrug and look away slightly embarrassed, going back to uselessly reaching for the stray sock in an attempt to hide your face. You mumble the response but it’s muffled by the pillow you’ve squished your face into, forcing him to ask again.

“I’m just trying to be a normal human…” You say quietly.

“You’re already dating a magic skeleton that can teleport, what’s more normal than that?”

“Geez, you make a really fair point, how could I not see that?” You say sarcastically, giggling the tiniest bit.

At that, Sans sits up against the wall and pulls you up. You see the glow of his blue magic behind the bed and the most likely used sock floats up to fall on top of your face. You glare at him and he grins lazily.

“Look, I don’t really know what your quote on quote ‘normal’” It should be noted that he uses air quotes to say that. “Means, but if it counts for anything I love you. And I mean all of you. Your human-ness and your magic. It’s all part of you and it makes you who you are. And I will love you no matter what. So if you wanna be ‘normal’” Air quotes again. “Go ahead, but to me, you’re perfect just the way you are…”

You look down at the bed, the sock falling down to your crossed legs, a pinkish blush rising up to your cheeks. You feel skeletal fingers on your neck and Sans leans down to kiss your lips. You take his face in your hands and return it with just as much passion. He’s grinning widely when he pulls back.

“Come on, we don’t wanna make Pap wait on dinner.” You nod and take his hand as you follow him out of the room and down the hallway.

You stop dead in your tracks when you see the living room filled with the monsters you call your friends and family, along with Frisk too. You blink at the scene a few times, not expecting to see them there. You didn’t have the slightest idea that they’d be coming… Actually why are they here?

“W-what’s all this?” You ask your soulmate quietly. You feel a hint of nervousness, both your own and his.

“Welp…” He starts, rubbing the back of his skull, shifting from one foot to another. Everyone is looking at you with beaming smiles. Papyrus seems to even be shaking with excitement and Frisk isn’t that far behind. “I know that you don’t like to think about your past and such so I kind of looked through your papers myself to find out cause I wanted to know so I could do something special…”

Your breath gets caught in your throat. You look at him and see him sporting a light cerulean hue dusting over his cheekbones.

“Sans…” Your voice cracks when you try to say something but you feel a knot forming that won’t let you speak. You cover your mouth with your hands.

“I hope you don’t mind… H-happy 22nd birthday…” His voice is nothing but a whisper. You want to say something, you really do, but all that leaves you is a tiny sob.

As soon as he hears it Sans’ head snaps up to look at your face, a moment of shock and horrified regret flashing through his features.

“THAT’S NOT RIGHT, YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPY! WHY ARE YOU LEAKING FROM YOUR EYES?” Papyrus says when the first tears fall down your cheeks.

The shorter brother has already caught on however, the corners of your mouth pulled up in a genuine smile filled with overwhelming joy as you bring your hands up to your watery eyes. A few more sobs cause you to shake and you feel Sans’ arms around you lovingly.

“Oh my child, you’ll make me cry too…” Toriel says softly stealing you from Sans’ embrace to give you the warmest motherly hug you remember ever having.

You return it just as tightly, your body wracking with an odd mix of sobs and tearful chuckles. Words can’t even begin to describe what you’re feeling. Papyrus still seems awfully confused until Frisk explains it to him.

You pull back from Toriel, wiping the salty tears from your face before crushing Sans in such a tight squeeze you’d drive the air out of his lungs if he had any. Which he actually tells you, causing to cry-laugh yet again.

“T-thank you… No one’s ever done anything like this for me…” You manage to choke out. You didn’t even know it was your birthday. For years and years, all you ever did was count the days you were still alive. Birthdays were as meaningless as a single grain of sand in a never-ending desert.

“THEN WE’LL HAVE TO MAKE UP FOR LOST TIME BY OUTDOING OURSELVES EVERY YEAR FROM NOW ON! THE GREAT PAPYRUS SHALL MAKE YOUR BIRTHDAYS THE MOST WONDERFUL OF ALL!”

“Yeah punk, don’t think you’re gonna grow old without us all making a fuss about it!” Undyne chimes in.

“Not to mention you never pass down an excuse for a party, isn’t that right Undyne?” Asgore says with a hearty laugh.

Out of the corner of your eyes you think you actually see her scales stain a bit red.

“U-Undyne really likes to d-dance at parties… E-especially when she’s had one too m-many drinks…” Alphys giggles.

“T-t-t-that’s not true! I’LL SUE YOU ALL FOR SLANDER! SLANDER I TELL YOU! NGAAAAAHHHH!” When she materialises a spear everyone loses it, you included, despite the few sobs that are still leaving you.

“We sure have interesting friends, huh?” You say leaning your head on Sans’ shoulder. He strokes your face tenderly, leaving a kiss on your forehead.

“At least we’re never bored.” You chuckle lightly, he’s certainly right on that account. “Now stop those tears and let’s have some fun with these weirdos, what do you say?”

You place your lips on his teeth for a moment. “I’d love that.”

You feel a tug on your shirt and you look to see Frisk standing there timidly holding something behind their back. They bring it forward and your heart nearly stops in your chest. In a small pot there’s a golden flower. You reach for it, the petals are soft like silk. With their hands now free, the child signs for you.

I remember Chara loved these. I hope you like it too.

“It’s beautiful Frisk, thank you… ” You set the little flower pot on a table and can’t help the way you hover your hand over it, trembling ever so slightly.

These golden flowers meant so much. You feel your heart clenching as you think of your little brother playing among them. For a moment when you look at Frisk you can almost see his face, smiling at you sadly… The small child walks up to you and takes your hand that’s still drifting near the yellow petals.

They drag you back towards everyone else and you feel so loved and appreciated amongst them. You eat, you talk, you laugh… Grillby stops by later too which is simply amazing. Everything is absolutely perfect and you couldn’t possibly ask for anything more. Slowly, as the night goes on, everyone leaves and it’s just you and the skeleton brothers.

You hug them both tightly, thanking them for such a wonderful time. You both put Papyrus to bed and you both sit down on the couch for a moment. You feel the tears coming once again, emotion taking over your heart and soul.

“Would it be too bad if I said that’s not all?” Sans asks in a whisper, softly rubbing circles on your back as you lean against his chest. You stare up at his face and he excuses himself, disappearing into the bedroom before coming back with a rectangular box. It looks quite bulky. “I’m not gonna lie, I kind of wanted this for myself too…” He grins sheepishly, handing it over to you.

You carefully open it to see what’s inside. A small gasp leaves your lips when your eyes fall on a sleek looking telescope. You touch it gently, almost afraid that you might break it.

“This is…” You can’t find the words to tell him what you think. You can’t help the cheeky smile on your face when you see Sans nearly bouncing with excitement.

“You like it? Can we test it out? Please…” You quickly nod in response and he doesn’t waste another second.

One moment you’re in the living room, the next you’re standing on the side of Mt. Ebott, under a star filled sky, crystal clear, just right. The small skeleton sets up the gift and tests it out, looking over and around, before pulling you over with a big smirk on his face, his pupils outshining some of the tiny yellow dots in the sky.

“Come on, come on. Look through it. What do you think?”

You look through the telescope and the sheer sight takes your breath away. You’ve never seen the stars like this… So close, so bright… It’s like you can almost touch them… If you just reach out… You feel Sans’ hands on you, moving you so that you can look in different directions, telling you what’s what, how many light years away it is, how big and how bright, what kind…

“And that one right over there is my favourite. Sirius… The brightest star in the night sky. It’s like it was made just for you.” You feel your soul swelling with love and affection, his arms circling your waist as he holds you close to him.

You pull back slightly, looking him in the eyes. “They’re so beautiful… Do you want to look again?”

He shakes his head. “You’re the only Star I really want to look at tonight…”

Putting your arms around his neck you pull him in for a kiss, his hands resting on your hips as he nuzzles his face against yours. He steps away slightly, looking into your bright eyes, his own filled with adoration.

“Come here, you said you wanted to learn all the constellations right?”

He motions for you to come closer and you both sit on the ground, Sans holding you against him pointing at the various constellations and telling you everything he knows about them. You listen in pure bliss to what he has to say, staring intently and making the pictures in your mind. Ursa major and minor, Orion, Cassiopeia… So many stars, so many stories. They’re everything you’ve ever thought and more. As he talks about each one you engrave them into your mind, one after another. You lightly joke about how some of them look nothing like what they’re supposed to, making him laugh in agreement. After a little while longer, looking at all the bright specks that illuminate the night sky you put the telescope away.

“Could we just stop somewhere before we go home?” You ask quietly biting down on your bottom lip.

“Of course.” He doesn’t even have to ask you where to.

You sit down on the swing and Sans takes the one next to you. You both look up yet again and you let out a sigh of contentment. This is where it all started… Where everything turned around for you. This is the first place to bring you hope. And it’s all because of the small skeleton who sat by your side. You reach out to him with your hand and he takes it without a moment’s hesitation. You can feel your souls resonating as one. You’ve never felt so right.

A falling star slashes across the sky. Neither of you wishes for anything. You’ve got everything you ever wanted.

But someone else, not so far away sees it too. And they wish for revenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the idea I've had for the past months will probably be in the next chapter! I needed some time to go by and this seemed like a good way to do it, hope you enjoyed it!  
> Thank you so much for taking the time to read and please leave any feedback you may have, as always it's greatly appreciated!


	33. So close yet so far

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was in such a rush to post this I didn't check it nearly as much as I usually do so if you see any glaring mistakes be sure to tell me :)

It’s been a couple of uneventful weeks since the amazing night Sans provided you under the stars. You’re frantically pulling clothes on, even getting the wrong shoes in the wrong feet. You sigh in exasperation looking at the small skeleton lying on the bed with an apologetic grin. You overslept because he turned your alarm off in a sleepy haze before you even had a chance to hear it and now you’re running late. Grillby’s probably already wondering where you are.

You finally manage to get yourself decently dressed, after putting your shirt on three times, once it was inside out and the second time it was backwards. You threw the shirt you wore to bed at Sans’ face when he started laughing at your struggles, which granted only made it worse but you didn’t have the time for any further retribution. You’d get him later, surely.

“This really needs to stop happening!” You mutter, coming back from the kitchen with a slice of bread in your mouth.

“Sorry, you know I can’t help it… Alarms are the devil.” You roll your eyes at him with a crooked smile.

“Yeah, yeah, now you gotta get me to work because I can’t afford to be any later than I already am! Chop chop, lazybones, I don’t have all day!”

Sans chuckles quietly before forcing his legs off the side of the bed and inserting his feet into his slippers. You actually got him some actual shoes but he rarely wears them. According to him shoelaces are just too complicated to put in the effort. With a yawn he puts one arm around your waist and you watch as the world around you reforms and you’re suddenly at Grillby’s. You plant a quick kiss on the top of your soulmate’s skull.

“Thank you, I’ll see you soon.” You rush to the fire elemental who’s looking your way with what you assume to be a stern expression before stopping dead in your tracks.

You twist on your heels and run back to Sans, taking his face between your hands and crashing your lips to his teeth eliciting a few whistles from the morning’s patrons. Blushing a light pink, you smile at the small skeleton before going back to Grillby and apologising profusely for being late and immediately getting yourself ready to start working.

You always do your absolute best to please. You’re so hardworking and determined to do things right and without mistakes. Sans shakes his head slightly before turning his back to you and going back home. Today is one of his days off. He has more than what would be considered normal, to his delight. That’s probably the only upside of working odd jobs here and there instead of a regular one.

For whatever reason, maybe just to wake himself up some more, he decides to walk instead of teleporting. Perhaps he’s taking a page from your book and trying not to rely so much on his magic. Or he just feels like contemplating on how great his life is and how he never thought this would happen to him.

In the midst of his musings he gets this strange feeling. He stops walking and looks around him. Nothing’s out of the ordinary. People walking to go about their lives, some odd stares, nothing he isn’t already more than used to. Shaking the sensation away he keeps walking. The more he distances himself from you the worse the feeling gets and for a moment he thinks maybe it’s just being away from you. But that doesn’t seem right because it’s never been like this. It was never pleasant, sure, but it was never this… bothersome. Without a second thought he teleports himself back to right outside of Grillby’s. He looks inside and sees you talking to the costumers with a big smile on your face, going about your business as usual and he lets out a sigh of relief.

It’s been a while since Sans has felt this paranoid. Maybe his mind’s just still in awe that nothing’s wrong for once and has to see things that just aren’t there. A small part of him still thinks this is too good to be true, that sooner or later he’s just going to wake up one morning to Papyrus yelling at him for being lazy, that they need to get to their sentry posts and look out for humans. Trapped back underground, surrounded by snow and alone… Without you.

He shakes those thoughts away yet again and walks further from the diner, leaning against a wall not so far away. He rubs his face with his hands before continuing on his way back home, still deciding against just blinking into his room. He needs to work through these stupid feelings before he looks himself in the darkness of his room, giving in to these depressing feelings he hasn’t felt in so long.

He finally reaches the building and turns the key to get into it, a feeling of uneasiness still keeping his soul hostage. He takes the stairs up to the apartment. The lights in his sockets have all but faded, leaving nothing but the pitch black he pits. He can’t shake this restlessness. He feels eyes on the back of his skull. He feels watched. His left eye flares up with magic and as soon as he turns around it all goes away, sucked out of him, he feels powerless. He sinks to his knees, something’s choking him, his vision blurs. Sans hasn’t felt like this since before the determination, so weak… There are hands on him but he’s already dead to the world around him…

\---

As you clean out a now empty booth you feel a deathly grip on your soul that takes the breath right out of your lungs and makes your legs lose all strength. You stumble forwards, throwing a cup crashing onto the floor and shattering to a million pieces. You feel like the whole world is spinning and there are spots in your vision as your soul gets tighter and tighter into a vice that you can’t comprehend. Your legs finally give in and you fall to the ground, some of the shards of glass digging into the skin of your palms and tearing it open.

You take a hand to your aching chest, taking in ragged breaths that come out as sobs, your body beginning to tremble. There are tears stinging your eyes but you don’t know why. You just know that something’s not right. Something is very, _very_ wrong.

Grillby comes to you as soon as he comes out of the kitchen and sees you on the floor, a mess of a person, shaking like a leaf, eyes wide and breathless. He helps you to your feet and sits you down at the booth you were cleaning just before this all happened. It’s a slow hour right now, so there’s no one else in the room, just the two of you. The monster looks at your hands and sees the trickles of blood coming out. He quickly cleans your hands, careful to see if there aren’t any bits of glass left in them before putting a few band aids over the little cuts.

You thank him and move to get up to finish what you were doing before he stops you, keeping you seated.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, concern seeping through his whispered words.

“I don’t know. I just felt this awful pain in my chest…” It was still there, just duller, less overwhelming. You grip at your shirt above your heart so tightly your knuckles turn white.

Why is your soul in aching so badly? Your thoughts immediately go to Sans and you can’t help the anguish that rises up inside you. The pain in your chest gets masked by the sudden fear and anxiety. The thought of something having happened to him… It’s too much for you to bear.

Grillby brings you a glass of water and you take it in your shaking hands, bringing it up to your lips and taking one small sip. You set it down and run your hands through your hair, closing your eyes for a moment. You manage to take a deep breath, the hopelessness subsiding slowly. You can’t let yourself think about what could possibly have happened. Your mind immediately goes to the worst possible scenarios. You had to be overreacting, overthinking. This was just something that happened to you. You’re probably tired. Nothing is wrong…

“Are you feeling any better?” Grillby asks you quietly. You shake your head honestly. The way your soul keeps clenching is making you feel so weak, so helpless… “Maybe you should go home for today.” He suggests.

You don’t want to do that to him, leave him here by himself. You’re about to tell him just that when the sound of a phone ringing echoes throughout the room. You’re startled by the shrilling noise and it makes you jump in your seat. It’s Grillby’s phone as you don’t have one of your own. He looks at the caller ID and looks at you before picking up the call.

“Sans.” He mumbles into it. At the sound of his name your soul jumps, he’s calling, he’s okay… He’s fine… You sigh as relief washes over your entire being. “Okay.” Grillby takes the phone away from his face and hands it over to you. “He says he wants to talk to you.”

You don’t wait another second before snatching the device from the fiery hands that are holding it next to your face. You put it up to your ear and nearly break down before you can say anything.

“Oh Sans, I’m so glad it’s you, I was so worried-” You’re cut off by a voice coming from the other end of the line. And it’s not your soulmate’s low voice that you’ve grown so used to.

“Shut it right now.” The voice is gruff and angry, commanding and unknown. It’s not him… There’s a knot in your throat. Your mind’s racing and you don’t know what to think. It’s like your entire world is crumbling to pieces like the cup beneath your feet. “If you want to see your bone buddy alive again, you’re going to come over to the roof of your building, right now. And I swear if you call the police or anyone else, I’ll blow the back of his hideous skull off.”

“Star don’t, he’s gon- argh!” Sans’ voice sounds choked, his groans of pain send waves of agony through your being, your eyes wide with shock. The call ends and your mouth hangs open, a tear falling down your cheek as everything around you blurs away.

He’s alive. And he’s in danger. Serious danger. You can’t even think straight. You hand the phone back to Grillby.

“I’m so sorry, I have to go, something came up, don’t worry though, everything will be fine.” You’re not sure if you’re just trying to make him not follow you or if you’re trying to convince yourself that what you’re saying is true. That somehow things are going to be okay, that maybe this is all just a bad dream.

You run out of the diner, leaving a stunned Grillby behind, speechless. You go as fast as your legs will take you. The last time you remember running like this was when you escaped. But this is so much worse. It’s not your life on the line, it’s his. It’s Sans. Your soulmate. The person you love most in this entire world. The reason you’re alive today.

You flash past people on the streets, bumping into some without stopping for an apology. You couldn’t care less what other people thought right now. Nothing matters right now. All you can think about is him. All you want is for him to be okay. All you need is for him to be safe. You don’t care about anything else.

Your field of vision is completely hindered by the tears falling out of your eyes, but you push forward, you’ve taken this path so many times before you know it by heart. You don’t need to see it to know you’re at the building’s door. You don’t need to look as you take stairs three at a time up to the roof. You burst through the door and nearly fall to your knees from the force and speed with which you went out of it.

You manage to regain your balance and stare wordlessly at Sans, a chain around his neck, ankles and wrists. A chain you know all too well. A chain that held a monster who was killed to give you your powers. A chain that held you and kept them suppressed. And behind your soulmate is a man, whose face is so familiar, holding him hostage, an arm over his neck, a gun to his head, cocked and ready to go, his finger on the trigger prepared to shoot.

Your first instinct is to use your magic to take that gun away from Sans’ pained and exhausted face. But as soon as you lift your arm the man steps back slightly shouting at you to stop.

“You try using your freakish powers and this thing right here…” You notice that he’s got something strapped to his chest, something you’ve never seen before. “Will turn your little friend to dust. If it sense any spikes in magic. Boom.”

You let your arm fall limply to your side. You’re useless. You can’t possibly do anything without using your magic before he pulls that trigger and Sans is dead. And you can’t use your magic without him dying either. He could be bluffing on that of course, but you can’t take that chance. You could never take that chance with him. You stare helplessly at the man. You notice that his face is young. He couldn’t be that much older than you. And his face is so familiar… Why is it so familiar?

You recognize him as the man you bumped into the day you got the job at Grillby’s. And as you look closely, like a dam’s gates that have been opened, images flood your brain as you recall seeing his face over and over, on your way to work, back home, just walking around with Sans, Papyrus or Frisk, so many places, so many times. How could you not notice? How didn’t you see that he was always there?

“You remember me?” He asks slowly, taking in your expression.

“Why have you been following me…?” You manage to ask, your voice low and weak.

“Star, please, go a-” Sans gets cut off by the man pulling on the chains restraining him, choking him out and effectively shutting him up. You don’t think you’ve ever seen him look so feeble and it just makes your aching soul hurt even more. You never wanted to see another monster suffer in those chains… Much less him…

“Of course you don’t.” The man nearly spits the words out venomously. “Your father made you all powerful. Why the hell would you remember his assistant’s son, right?” He cackles humourlessly and the weight of realisation hitting you almost breaks you apart.

He only came over a couple of times with his dad. He kept to himself. Chara scared him and you were always close to Chara. He looked so much like his father… That’s why he seemed so familiar… You mentally hit yourself over and over. You should’ve seen it. You should’ve realised it. You should’ve put an end to it before it even began.

You briefly wonder why he went for Sans instead of you. His quarrel was clearly with you. But you don’t even have to think about it long. You were always with someone. Mostly with Sans. But even when you weren’t with him, you were either at Grillby’s, with Frisk and Toriel, or Papyrus. You were never alone. Sans was. And Sans was clearly important to you, you couldn’t possibly make it more obvious. So the quickest way to get to you, was through him. You never felt so much guilt as you did in this moment. This was all your fault.

“My dad was all I had. He was amazing. He was brilliant.” The man, whose name you never really learned, held the chains binding Sans tighter as he spoke, putting the gun closer to his head. “He had the potential to be better than your father and he damn well knew it. That’s why he got rid of him isn’t it?!” He shouts at you and you cringe. You don’t answer him but you know his words to be true. Your father was proud. “You see these chains?” He tugs at them and you flinch when Sans cries out for a second. “He’s the one who came with the concept. This harness around my chest too.”

“What do you want?” You bring yourself to ask.

“When my dad disappeared I had nowhere to go. Do you know what it’s like to be 14 in the foster system? Nobody wants you. When I finally managed to do anything with myself my life was already a mess. I scrape to get by even today. I went back to the village to see if there was still anything for me there and lo and behold if I didn’t see you and your father fighting with power beyond measure. I was scared out of my wits, went to hide in the first place I found which led me to these.” He motions to the chains with the gun.

“I took them as well as a few things I recognised as my dad’s. As soon as I stopped hearing ruckus and deemed it safe I got out. He was dead. Which was fine by me. He deserved it for what he did.” You weren’t about to argue with that. He was right. “I was willing to leave all that behind I really was. But then I bumped into you with this monster. You were alive and well, all smiles and happiness. You’re a freak of nature and your father was a terrible person. I can only imagine what you are. How do you get to be happy and I’m miserable? Your father took everything from me and gave everything to you!”

You try not to look away in shame. Everyone keeps saying that. That your father gave you everything. If that’s the case then why did you feel so empty during all those years? Why didn’t you ever feel good, happy and safe? Why were you always afraid?

“You enjoyed it too. Don’t think I didn’t see the smile on your face when you were fighting him. You like that power. You’re just as bad as he is. You don’t deserve any of this. It’s so unfair! Why do you get to be happy?!” He continues. Each word stings worse than the last. He’s right. Everything he’s saying it’s all true…

“Stop. That’s not true!” Sans yells, which grants him another violent tug at the chains, driving him to his knees.

“What do you want?” You ask again, trying your best not to let the fear show in your voice.

“I…” He falters.

And when he does, that’s when you really look at him. You were so focused on Sans and what could happen to him you didn’t notice. The man’s eyes are glistening with the threat of tears, the arm holding the gun to your soulmate’s head is shaking ever so slightly, just enough for you to be able to see it. His voice is shaky and his demeanour defeated. He’s scared and in pain. He’s not a man, not really. He’s just a scared boy who misses his father. He’s missed his father ever since he was taken from him.

“I want revenge.” He says quietly. “I want you to die. You don’t deserve to be alive when he isn’t…”

You swallow the knot in your throat. “Okay.” Sans’ eye sockets widen and he’s at a loss for words. “You can have me. But let him go. Sans has nothing to do with this, he never did. Just please, don’t hurt him.”

“No.” Sans says.

You take a step forward, closer to them and the man backs away slightly. “Okay.” He agrees and it’s like a weight is lifted off your soul.

He’s going to be safe and that’s all that matters. But you don’t intend to die. You can talk to this person. He’s just scared and confused. He doesn’t really want to do this, you can see that now. It’s so painfully clear. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone, not really. He just wants the pain to go away and this seems like it’s what he needs. You know that feeling so well. You can’t possibly ignore a soul who’s suffering as much as you did. You can’t let this person keep hurting when your father’s the cause. If it’s the last thing you do you’re going to right this wrong.

You continue to walk closer, slowly, along the edge of the building to where he’s standing, still holding Sans with the firearm pointed at his temple. “Just let him go then. We can go somewhere else and you can have what you need. I promise.” You tell him truthfully. You’ll give him what he needs. You’ll give him closure.

As you get closer and closer he starts shaking more. Sans’ expression is filled with agony as he watches your face, thinking about what’s to come. He can’t bear the thought. You can’t do this, he won’t let you. But he can’t do anything to stop you. He hates feeling this helpless. He hates it with every fibre of his being.

You take the last step to them. “Please, just let him go…” You beg once more.

His grip loosens on the chains and your soul is at ease for that brief second until something in his eyes changes. He’s so afraid. He holds the chains tighter than ever, tugging at them. “I’ve seen what you can do. I can’t trust you.”

As soon as those words leave his lips it’s like everything slows down to a near stop even though it’s all happening so fast you can barely register it. Sans realises it before you do. The gun is no longer pointed at him, but at you. He gathers all the strength he can muster to twist in this man’s grip and push his arm away. The gunshot sounds and the gun goes skidding across the rooftop far enough away that he can’t get to it but it was too little too late.

When Sans’ eyes fall back on you he sees your shirt staining red, you were hit on your left shoulder. The man’s eyes are wide with shock of what he's done and he stumbles backwards in a mirror image of what you do. But behind him is a wall and behind you is nothing but empty space. Your feet have nothing to land on and you feel yourself falling backwards. Sans reaches out with his left hand and you do the same with your right. The tips of your fingers brush against his and it’s the most agonizing feeling he’s ever had, to be so close yet so far, when the chains bite against his neck and limbs and he falls back against his captor and you keep falling too, slowly disappearing from view.

In a moment of apathy the man lets go of the chain and lets himself slide against the wall. Sans falls to his hands and knees an overwhelming emptiness taking over his soul. He’s never felt anything like this before. It’s so terribly painful, like he’s completely devoid of any substance. It’s like the skies turned grey, like you took all colour with you, all joy. He feels like there’s a void where his soul once stood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> KYAA, I couldn't wait, I couldn't wait!!!!! I had to write and post it! I've been waiting for SO LONG to write this you have NO FREAKING IDEA!!!!  
> Okay, freakout over, hope you enjoyed reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it!  
> Please leave any feedback you have, I'd REALLY love to hear it and thank you so much for reading!! Now if you'll excuse me I'm going back to writing cause I'm super excited! :D


	34. Nowhere

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I would've posted this a couple of days ago but my mom has this strange disease and she can't do much with her hands so I've been a bit busy doing stuff for her and such :/ Anyways, here's the chapter now :)

The man is still leaning against the wall in a daze, feeling guilt and shame take him over slowly. Meanwhile, just a few feet in front of him, the small skeleton’s bones start to rattle.

As soon as that emptiness set in Sans’ chest, it was quickly replaced. As he stared at the ground beneath him, he balls his hands to fists and clenches his jaw. A blinding rage rises up inside him, his eye sockets are dark as black holes, devoid of any light whatsoever. And all of a sudden sparks start flashing all around him. The chains are supposed to suppress his magic. He’s supposed to be weak and powerless. But as anger surrounds his soul, the thought of what just happened only helps fuel it and it’s too much to contain. The chains jolt as streams of Sans’ magic pulse through them and electrify them and the air around him. Pure energy is pouring out of him. He can only think of one thing. You’re dead. And it’s this guy’s fault.

His left eye socket suddenly comes to life with a blue iris, like a flame flickering from inside the darkness. The power surging out of his soul is so immense that the chains that are supposed to keep it controlled and silenced start cracking.

A low growl sounds from the small skeleton on the floor and it snaps the captor, no, the killer, out of his stupor. The raw magic leaking from Sans has such might that it seems to bend the space around him. He’s nearly frozen in fear of the scene in front of him when the sight of the chains all but snapping and dissolving in a haze of electric lightning pouring from the skeleton makes him start crawling towards the gun that’s fallen somewhere to the side.

But finding himself no longer restrained, his magic leaking out, his anger and his hatred blurring his vision, without even looking the harness is torn away from the man’s chest, a flash of red exploding out of it from the reaction to the magic. That would’ve killed any monster near it, no doubt. But Sans threw it far, to fall to the floor completely depleted of its power, and he doesn’t let the man move even halfway to where he meant to go. Even if he could there’s nothing he could have done. Not anymore. His soul has been turned blue. The skeleton snaps his head towards the murderer the blue iris on the corner of his left eye socket glowing with the intent to kill.

Slowly, he gets to his feet, his breathing is ragged and uneven, his bones rattling from how hard he’s trembling, his clothes as if blowing in a non-existent wind from the force of the magic around him. The guy can’t move, with a flick of Sans’ wrist he gets dragged back to where he previously sat against the wall, screams getting choked in his throat as he tries to fight the fear in his gut.

“How could you?” Your soulmate’s voice is barely recognisable, cold as ice, hard as steel. It’s low, like a growl coming from a feral beast just before it pounces on its prey. “She was innocent.” The pitch of his tone rises along with the volume with each thing he says. “She was kind!” He raises his arm and the man’s tossed up against the wall with a cry of pain as his head hits it. “How could you take her away from me?!” Sans shouts.

His left eye socket is still afire with the power that’s coursing through him, the pain and anguish he feels only making his desire to kill this man all the more enticing.

“I’m sorry.” The excuse for a man whimpers, a mess of tears falling down his pathetic cheeks. This is what he wanted, right? And yet here he is, crying with regret. It only makes Sans angrier. He nearly explodes with the pure fury that’s got his mind warped into nothing but how much he wants him to die.

“I’m going to kill you.” He says lowly. “No, I’m going to rip you apart piece by tiny piece, until you _beg_ me for death. Because killing you quickly would be a mercy. And you don’t deserve mercy.”

The man cries once again and as Sans steps towards him he feels something stopping him. His leg shakes slightly and fails under him, bringing him down to one knee, however still keeping his hold on the soul he so wanted to crush. Tears form in the corner of his right socket and along with the anger he feels sorrow. A deep rooted sadness he hadn’t allowed himself to feel until just then. And he closes his eyes and it’s like he can feel your arms around him, holding him from behind, your body pressed against his in a merciful embrace that for the briefest of moments takes away his pain. And as he thinks about you, your face before you fell, the determination in your eyes, he almost hears you whispering to him.

_“Please don’t kill him. There’s so much blood on our hands… Show mercy like I would. Please, for me…”_

Your voice is so sweet. So gentle. So kind.

Sans feels his resolve cracking. His soul trembles when he imagines your hands on his face. He opens his eyes and for a second it’s like he can see you. He reaches out but you’re not there. He breaks down and his body wracks with sobs. He can’t believe it. You can’t be gone. You can’t have died. The blue droplets fall from his sockets and to the ground he’s staring at, unwilling to turn his gaze to the face of the weeping man that drove you to your death. The man you would want him to forgive.

But how can he? How can he let him go unscathed after he tore the most beautiful thing this cruel world had to offer from him?

He raises his eyes to the man and stands, each movement a chore, each breath a torture. Nothing has meaning anymore. Not without you.

Sans drags his feet to the man and eases his magic. He grabs his collar and pushes him against the wall, faces mere inches from each other. Both crying. Both broken. The man is looking away, so scared for his life, just waiting for whatever Sans has in store for him.

But the small skeleton doesn’t do anything. Because you wouldn’t want him to. And even though you’re not here anymore he can’t help but listen to you. He can’t bear the thought of disappointing you anymore, of failing you yet again. His forehead falls and touches the man’s chin, Sans standing that much shorter.

“She wouldn’t want me to kill you. And that’s the only reason I’m not painting the walls with your blood.” Sans whispers, feeling utterly defeated. “Go. Get the hell away from me. If my eyes ever fall on your sorry face again, you can be damn well sure that mine’s the last thing you’re going to see before you take your last miserable breath.” He lets go of the man’s shirt and he just stands there, stained cheeks and mouth hanging open, awe stricken. “GO!” Sans shouts in his face.

He scrambles to get his feet to move and runs back into the building, only stopping to grab the harness before bolting out of there, hoping never to be seen again.

When he’s left all alone at the rooftop there’s nothing but silence for what feels like forever. And then he screams. He screams as loud as he can. He lets his magic run wild, tearing things apart, breaking whatever’s in his way. He throws things, he thrashes, kicks and punches the air and screams more into the emptiness that surrounds him before letting himself crumble onto the floor.

He curls in on himself, his forehead on the ground as he holds his face between his hands and cries miserably, trembling. Everything hurts down to his very core, his soul feeling so unbelievably empty. The thought of your body crashing to the pavement tears him apart. He can only hope you died quickly and painlessly. He knows he’s going to have to see it. Your mangled corpse on the sidewalk where you fell, most likely in a puddle of your own blood, surrounded by curiously horrified onlookers.

He knows he’s going to have to do it. Better get it over and done with. Like his body weighs a ton he struggles to his feet and transports himself to where you fell, preparing himself for the gruesome show he’s absolutely sure to witness.

But when he blinks into existence all he sees are the people walking like nothing’s wrong, only the few who noticed him appear out of nowhere staring with confusion. For a moment he’s angry that no one cares enough to even react but when he looks around…

He doesn’t see you.

Your body isn’t there. You’re not lying on the ground dead as he was certain you would be. Maybe he went to the wrong side. He runs around the building in a frenzy. Your body just isn’t there. Even if you were already taken by an ambulance there should be blood but there simply isn’t anything. It’s like you never even fell. He doesn’t know what to think. He walks around the building and searches once again wondering if maybe he somehow missed something. But there’s nothing there.

Teleporting into his bedroom the first thing he does is pull out his soul. It looks completely miserable, covered in fresh scars that almost look to be bleeding and dimmer than it’s been in ages. But in the midst of the pathetic mess that’s the culmination of his being, those pieces of you are still there. He collapses on the bed completely dumbfounded. If you had died those shards of your soul would’ve melded completely with his, almost like they were never even there, because you were gone so would they be. But they were still there, glowing white against his cyan. Intact. Whole. Alive.

You were alive.

Then why couldn’t he feel you? Why did it feel like a void where you’re supposed to be?

\---

You felt yourself falling. The tips of his fingers were the last thing you touched of him. You don’t want to die. You have so much left to live. You shut your eyes as tight as you can waiting for the inevitable but all the while wishing with all your soul that somehow this isn’t the end. You wish with all your might that you could be somewhere else instead of falling. Anywhere else. Just anywhere that isn’t right here, falling to your death.

You never felt your body hitting the ground but you felt the wind getting knocked out of you. You felt every particle of air leaving your lungs and choking you. And when you opened your eyes all you saw was black. There was nothing but darkness. You couldn’t see anything. You couldn’t hear anything, not even your heaving as you tried to breathe but nothing reached your lungs. You couldn’t feel anything but the pain in your shoulder and the burn of no oxygen getting into your bloodstream, to your brain, your organs.

You bring your hands to your throat and you can feel that at least. You can feel the pain that shoots through your left arm when you move it. And you’re sure you screamed from it but no sound reached your ears. You don’t know where you are. You don’t know what’s going on. You’re supposed to be dead. Maybe you are. But you don’t feel dead. You can feel your frantic heartbeat in your chest. You can feel panic surrounding your soul. You can feel your soul.

That last fact is every bit of confirmation that you need to know that you aren’t in hell. You feel an agony that is both your own and not. You know that some of that is Sans and you’re so happy that he’s alive despite not being able to breathe. You wish to comfort him. To hold him in your arms and whisper to him. To touch his face and take away his pain.

But you can’t.

Because you’re not with him. You don’t know where you are. You just know that you feel like you’re dying but somehow death doesn’t come. You feel like you’re lost somewhere, or nowhere at all.

_“Hmm…”_

A hum reverberates inside your skull. You know this sound isn’t reaching your ears because it feels like it’s echoing from inside your own brain. It’s almost painful. But with how much you’re already hurting you can’t really make out that ache as well.

_“When I felt Sans’ magic I surely didn’t expect this…”_ The voice is scratchy, like a broken record, glitched. The sound of your soulmate’s name is so familiar and comforting that for a moment you can focus on that and nothing else.

The feeling of breathlessness, choking endlessly but never fainting, never dying, is already driving you crazy. Maybe that’s the source of this voice inside your head. Just insanity already taking over as you die without dying. But somehow you know it’s something else despite not knowing exactly what it is.

_“You can stop trying to breathe. There’s no air in The Void. There’s nothing here. Time and space are meaningless. You can’t die.”_

You try to say something. Ask this disembodied voice what’s going on, where you are and how you got here. But nothing comes out. And nothing goes in still. This perpetual state of choking is overwhelming.

_“Speaking is useless too. No matter, no sound. It’s simple science really. I’m speaking directly into your brain through magic. Not that you’d understand that.”_

The condescendence seeping into the words is honestly quite irritating. This voice knows nothing about you, if it really lives outside of your head. Knowing that trying to speak again is useless, you move your hands in signs.

I know more about magic than any human out there.

_“Sign language. Clever. Maybe you’re not as stupid as you look.”_ You would’ve glared at the source of the words if it weren’t for the fact you saw nothing but never-ending blackness.

You can still feel your soul and the magic within it. So you summon it to your fingers and shoot blasts in every which direction, the effort draining you of the little energy you still have. You see the light of your magic fading in the not so far distance but nothing beyond it. It’s like the darkness is smothering, consuming anything that tries to exist here.

_“Magic? From a human?”_ The voice sounds confused.

You see a faint glow from your chest and see that it’s your soul shining through, a mix of cyan with the pure white of your being. You feel so tired but like you can’t go to sleep from the discomfort and pain of the constant choking. You can’t seem to fall unconscious either, which would be a blessing by now.

_“That glow… There’s no mistaking it… That’s Sans’ soul isn’t it?”_ The voice asks you. You can hear its curiosity inside your brain. It’s a familiar curiosity, the thirst for knowledge of a scientist, not unlike Alphys’, Sans’ or even your father’s.

You’re Gaster. You sign with a certainty that you can’t possibly deny. There’s no room for doubt. This is The Void. He’s been here this whole time. But like he said time is meaningless. To him it could feel like the events that brought him here just happened moments ago or like he’s been alone for literal millennia.

_“You’re not breathing but you’re not dying either. You’re in pain. You’ll either get used to it or you’ll go insane. Whichever comes first.”_ He completely ignores your observation to mock you instead. You clench your jaw and sign once again.

Which did you?

He laughs. You can feel it echoing in your mind, and it’s almost inviting. _“You’re feisty. I like you. I suppose I can see why Sans did as well. It’s good to know they got to the surface.”_

You can’t help the small smirk on your lips despite everything. You wished that meant you were finally getting used to constantly trying to suck in air that just isn’t there but to say that was the case would be a flat out lie. With each passing second that wasn’t really passing you could feel yourself crumbling.

How do we get out?

_“If I knew that I would’ve been out of here long ago. But even if I did I would’ve just disappeared. I no longer have a physical body. I’m just a soul drifting through the void. That’s all I managed to piece back together. So why are you asking how ‘we’ can get out?”_

Because Sans cares about you. And I love him. So if you’re still alive I’m getting us both back.

You explain with your hands. The energy you have to spend to move is exhausting. You hear Gaster humming into your thoughts. He doesn’t say it but you can tell he finds your attitude interesting to say the least. He stays silent after that. You decide that’s for the best, considering each time he talks to you it’s like someone’s screaming right next to your ear despite not being loud. It feels like something pounding at your skull from the inside. It’s awfully distracting when you’re trying to figure out how to get out of here.

You’re not as smart as Sans or your current ‘roommate’ but you’re definitely not stupid. If there’s a way in, there has to be a way out. You’re not dead yet. From what you’ve been told you can’t even die here. So if that’s the case you’re certainly not just going to stay here waiting to rot. To go insane.

It already feels like your mind is being torn. You’re starting to hear sounds that you know aren’t there because Gaster isn’t talking right now. Perhaps he’s also thinking. After all you coming here is something he didn’t expect would happen. It’s a new variable in the endless math he’s been doing in his consciousness ever since he managed to get himself back together. If something physical got into The Void without breaking apart, there had to be a doorway. And if there was a doorway, there was a way to leave.

_“Sans, he cares about me?”_ Gaster asks after what feels like an eternity of silent torture.

Very much. Everyone forgot you when you disappeared except him. He held on to the memory of you. So I’m getting you out for him.

_“You’re a strange human.”_ You would’ve laughed if you weren’t in such agonizing pain and it wasn’t a waste of precious energy.

After you don’t even know how long you are starting to hear voices, voices that aren’t supposed to be here, that you _know_ aren’t here. Whichever comes first, huh? You know that you can’t get used to this feeling. You’re positive that if those two are the only options… Well… You’re not getting out of here the same as you came in if you don’t figure out how to leave soon.

You think about Sans, hoping that will help tether your mind to something tangible. And when you picture his smiling face, his hand held out as he’s asking you if you want to take a shortcut something clicks inside your brain. A shortcut…

If you take a shortcut you have to go through somewhere to get to your destination. He pulls the two places together to get from one to the other. That’s what he told you. You must’ve tapped into his magic and teleported yourself out of harm’s way (sort of) in your desperation to get somewhere safe, to not die. But what happens if you only have a starting place and you don’t know where you want to end up… You’ll stay in between.

The Void is the shortcut. You sign to Gaster, squeezing your eyes shut as you feel the edges of your consciousness being stretched thin.

_“What?”_ He seems confused so you gather everything you have left to explain.

Sans takes a shortcut whenever he teleports. Through here. Each time he teleports there has to be a ripple. We have to find it and go through with him.

_“That’s… Genius… By Asgore, I think you may be right.”_ You can just about hear the astonishment in his words and you feel a hint of pride before your mind completely tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it for this one!! Hope you liked it, I had a lot of fun writing it so I can only hope you had as much fun reading!  
> Thank you for taking the time to read and please leave much appreciated feedback! I'll post more as soon as I can, cause I'm sure loving working on this lately :P


	35. Lost inside

Papyrus is holding several bags of groceries in his arms, some hanging by the handles hooked on them, others held up against his chest as he walks to the door to the house. When he finally reaches it he stares at the closed door for a long minute before looking at himself, realising that there’s no way he can reach the key without dropping everything.

“SANS!” He calls, leaning against the door for his voice to travel further into their home. His brother should be on his day off, and you wouldn’t be done with your shift for another hour or so, which meant he should be loafing around somewhere inside. “SANS ARE YOU IN THERE? COULD YOU OPEN THE DOOR? MY HANDS ARE A BIT OCCUPIED!” He shouts yet again.

Figuring his lazybones of a brother isn’t going to bother getting up if he is inside, Papyrus sighs heavily. Carefully, he drops the bags one by one until he can finally move enough to get the door open. He takes a deep breath before picking the bags up again and walking inside, kicking the door closed behind him and setting everything down in the kitchen.

As he’s putting everything away in its respective place, there’s a loud crash from the living room. Turning his head with a raised brow ridge, the lanky skeleton puts the eggs he was holding in the cupboard before slowly making his way to the source of the ruckus. The sight of a blue jacket is enough to let him know who the cause actually was.

“HONESTLY SANS, YOU COULDN’T GET OUT OF BED TO OPEN THE DOOR?” He huffs in feigned annoyance.

As he gets closer however, Papyrus notices that Sans’ posture isn’t right. He’s leaning against the wall, his legs trembling from the effort of holding himself up. His back is turned to him and his hood is pulled up so he can’t see his older brother’s face, but the way his shoulders are slumped as if they were too heavy for him to bear is concerning. Papyrus walks closer and puts a hand on the smaller skeleton’s back and when he curls in on himself, as if his touch had burned him, he can’t help the sense that something’s certainly not right from sinking in.

“Sans… what’s wrong?”

The wracking sob that leaves his brother is enough to wrap his soul in a painful vice. Sans slides against the wall, the energy to keep standing finally proving too much for him, and twists so that he’s finally facing Papyrus. His expression couldn’t be more pained, more miserably exhausted. It looked like his sockets were more sunken than they should be, the pupils inside so unbelievably dim they might as well not be there at all. His cheekbones seemed stained from what he could only assume had been tears and his usual grin was nowhere to be found, replaced by a strained grimace of pure torture.

“I can’t find her… I’ve looked everywhere Paps…” Sans’ voice sounds like he’s being choked, it’s weak and small, mirroring his body language as he attempts to hug himself, almost as if he fears he’ll fall apart if he doesn’t.

“What are you talking about? You’re not making any sense.” Papyrus tells him, reaching for his brother’s face only to have him flinch away, hiding behind his hood.

“Star, I can’t find her…”

“Shouldn’t she be at Grillby’s still?”

“Something happened. I lost her…” Sans brings his arms to his head, placing them behind his skull and resting his forehead on his knees. “She’s still here but I can’t feel her. I don’t know where she is. It’s like she’s right in front of me but just out of reach. Oh god, Pap, it hurts so much. I feel so empty. I feel so useless…”

“Brother… You’re… You’re not useless…” Papyrus whispers.

He doesn’t know what to do, which is baffling for him. He’s the great Papyrus after all. He should be able to make Sans feel better. But he’s never seen him like this. He was sad most of the time in the Underground, he could tell even behind all his bad jokes and his permanent grin, but it was never this bad. He supposed that was what a bond could do to someone. It could make a relationship so much more incredible and so much stronger. But whenever something happened to their soulmate it was so much worse, the pain was right in the centre of your being and it didn’t go away with time. It only festered.

And when Papyrus looked more closely at his brother, he could see how much he had exerted himself. It seemed like even breathing was taking a toll on him. He had spent all his magic looking for you. Keeping his eyes open was becoming more and more difficult.

“I… I have to find her… I need her…”

The small skeleton gathers strength that his younger brother doesn’t even know where he is getting it, with the alarmingly decrepit state he is in. He pushes himself to his feet, leaning against the wall for support, grunting with each movement that brought his energy closer and closer to being fully depleted. Papyrus steps away a little, mouth slightly ajar with a mix of admiration and worry.

“You can’t go out like this, Sans. At this rate you’ll get yourself killed!” The taller of the two warns, reaching out as the other’s bones rattle with the effort it takes to move, a whimper of perhaps pain, perhaps fatigue, escaping him.

Sans pushes his arm away, stepping forward and past him. “I have… I have to… She’s… I need to… I…” He mutters, unable to finish a single sentence, his thoughts clouded and broken. Dark spots start appearing in his vision and his feet begin to drag. “I need…”

Papyrus catches his brother just in time as he starts falling forward, his legs finally giving out and his body shutting down. Picking him up, he takes him to his bedroom, well now it’s your bedroom too, he figures. He looks around for a few moments, noticing how much it’s changed from your presence, how it’s less messy but still has some dirty socks strewn across it despite your best efforts to tidy it up. He smiles softly at the thought before gently laying Sans down on the bed and pulling the covers over him, the smile dying down to a stern line of concern. His brother’s face is scrunched up, tense from an agonizing ache that won’t leave his soul since you disappeared. It’s painful for him to see.

“Oh Sans… What happened?” He asks quietly. He said you were gone, that he couldn’t find you. If that was the case then he would do anything he could to help search.

With one last glance, Papyrus exits the room and closes the door, careful not to make a single noise that would wake Sans. He needed all the rest he could get right now. And he needed every bit of support as well. The first thing the younger skeleton did was call Grillby to get any clues as to what happened. When the fire elemental told him you left in a hurry after a call from Sans, he was left just as confused as before if not more.

The next step was call your friends, to check if any of them had maybe seen you. When that of course proved useless as well he sits down in the living room, musing. He couldn’t possibly leave his brother alone. Not when he’s like this. His gaze drifts to the bedroom door down the hall. Sans said he looked everywhere and with his teleportation that could only mean he got to places not even Papyrus cold get to as easily. Which meant going out to look for you himself would probably be futile too. He rubs his temples, closing his eyes and thinking hard about what could have possibly happened and where you could’ve gone to, why you would’ve gone in the first place. He couldn’t get any answers by himself. He sighs deeply, resigned. All he can do is wait.

\---

Sans finds himself surrounded by a heavy and smothering darkness. He can hear nothing and see nothing beyond where he is, there is no light but for that of his pupils. The little white pinpricks dart from one side to another, as something starts making itself heard. He starts walking towards the noise, arms stretched out into the darkness, afraid of what might be ahead.

It was like a plethora of whispers, jumbled together in a confusing mess that made it nearly impossible to understand anything. They were low in the beginning, almost like he could think he was just imagining things, but with each step he takes, they seem to get louder and louder still. At one point he can even make out a few words on their own.

_Freak._

_Abomination._

_Unnatural._

_Useless._

Each one sends a sickening feeling through him, piercing through his soul like a bullet as they feel directed at him. But the last one is the worst of them all. And not only because he thinks it to be true with how no matter how hard he tries, how hard he looks, he simply can’t find you, can’t feel you anywhere. No that wasn’t it. When everything else was spoken by an unknown voice, female, male, a child, what have it, that last one rang almost above all the others, clearer. It was your father’s cruel and cold voice. He clenches his fists, anger sparking inside him over the feeling of worthlessness and the emptiness where you were supposed to be.

The whispers get unbearably loud when he stops dead in his tracks, a glowing figure standing out in the middle of the darkness. He immediately recognises you, sitting on the ground with your knees hugged to your chest in that same position you always adopt when things seem to be too overwhelming. Without a second thought, ignoring the whispers as they ring ever louder in his head the closer to you he gets, he runs to you. Your voice sounds over the whispers, so broken it hurts.

“Stop… Please stop…” You cry.

“Star!” Sans calls out, wanting to comfort you, to hold you in his arms and never let you go again.

At the sound of your name your head snaps up to look at him, the whispers silenced all at once, and he halts, still not by your side, falling backwards on the ground, the lights of his pupils all but disappearing. Your features are twisted, your eyes are pits as black as your surroundings and your mouth is a dark slit open from ear to ear in an unsettling smile. It’s like the reflection from your nightmare from what seemed like so long ago, just before it sliced your neck open. Sans feels himself freeze up, his breath getting caught in his throat.

A shudder crawls down his spine when the whispers resume in unison. They’re all calling out the same thing now and he can’t seem to bring himself to move.

_Kill. Kill. Kill._

He feels like every bone in his body is glued in its place and he can’t move even if he wanted to. Like something out of a horror flick, he sees you ( _no, that’s not you, that can’t be you_ ) start to crawl towards him. Not even his thoughts screaming at him to run, to leave this place (to _wake up_ ) are enough to snap him out of it.

Your movements aren’t right. It’s like you’re a robot, your joints almost as if stuck, struggling to get from one position to another. It’s not natural.

The terrifying mantra keeps on, relentless, sounding akin to the hissing of venomous snakes, echoing in his head with an ever growing sense of dread.

_Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill._

You’re almost at him and he still can’t move a single inch. For a second he closes his eyes, trying not to look at the face that doesn’t belong on your body, and when he opens them again he nearly screams out when it’s right in front of his.

Out of the corner of his left eye he sees movement and, as if finally snapping to his senses, his arm instinctively moves to grab yours, which was reaching out to touch his face. His arm is trembling from something that he can only describe as horror, those lifeless pits of darkness staring straight at him. A little giggle sounds from this thing that isn’t you no matter how familiar the soul inside it feels. The noise sends chills through him, so distracting that he doesn’t notice your hand hovering above his chest. His left eye flares up when he feels a hand around his soul in a crushing grip. You squeeze it and he screams out in pain, sitting up in his bed, the choked cry still coming out of him in the real world.

He looks around at the darkness of his room, finding it empty but for himself, his bones rattling and his magic acting up, surrounding him in an angry blue aura, his arm stretched out to ward off threats that aren’t there.

Papyrus runs inside just in time to see his brother pull his jacket’s hood over his head, curling into a tiny ball, shaking with uncontrolled fear. He tells himself it was just a nightmare, over and over, trying to get the thoughts that are sparking in his head to settle. But that tug in his soul is something so real he can’t ignore it. It feels like despair is enveloping it, and it’s not just his. For a small moment he can feel you again. And you feel so lost and scared…

Sans didn’t think it was possible to hurt more than he did before. He was clearly wrong. The nightmare felt too real for comfort and the crushed hope of feeling you even for a second only to lose you again just as quickly was enough to send an unbearable ache through his entire being. He wants nothing more than to be able to hold you tight, to settle that terror he felt and is still feeling himself. He wants all of this pain to stop, he wants all the recent events to never have happened. He rocks back and forth on his bed trying to stop his quivering but failing miserably.

Papyrus walks slowly towards the bed and sits on the very edge. The slight movement of his weight on the bed is enough to send the smaller skeleton into a panic, holding out his hand, his still unstable magic surrounding it. When his gaze focuses on his brother’s face, Sans does his best to make it die down, the flame of his left eye still flickering when his thoughts go back to the feeling of your hand ( _no, not yours, you wouldn’t do that, that wasn’t you_ ) crushing his soul.

Without uttering a word, Papyrus moves closer and looks him in the eyes, as if asking for permission. Sans doesn’t say anything, only looks down at his hands, the hood sliding further down his head and leaving his expression completely shadowed. When he feels his younger brother’s arms around his shaking frame, however, he brings his hands up to hold on to them.

“I’m here for you.” Papyrus tells him quietly.

“I know.” He replies, still feeling as weak and small as before.

The tall skeleton wants to ask what happened but he knows that now isn’t the time. Right now all he can do is be the support that Sans needs. And how badly he needs it… He feels like he could crumble to dust if a breeze blew on him. He always felt better when he was near his brother and now was no exception, but his pain was so great it wasn’t nearly enough to relieve him. He felt so weary and tired. A chunk of him was literally missing and he desperately needed it back. He needed to be close to you, to know that you were safe.

That little spark he felt after he woke from his nightmare only made matters worse. He knew that you weren’t safe but he still didn’t know what to do about it. He’d looked everywhere he could imagine you to be and there was no sign of you. He didn’t know where else you could’ve gone. Hell, he still didn’t know how you had even disappeared. And he was so tired he couldn’t think straight.

No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t wrap his head around what happened. You fell. He saw you fall. You didn’t make a sound, it was heart wrenching to see the despair in your eyes, how his fingers brushed against yours and how it wasn’t anywhere near enough to save you. And yet you hadn’t fallen to the ground. You fell but he doesn’t know where to. At first he figured maybe you managed to use your magic to break the fall, but then where would you have gone? Why would you have gone anywhere at all but to him, to show him you were safe, that you weren’t gone? And then why would he immediately have felt your loss? Even though you were technically still in his soul, still part of him, you were just… gone. You just… blinked out of existence…

He stops at that last thought and raises his head, holding his breath for a moment. He closes his eyes trying to make sense of what that meant. He was just so exhausted his mind wouldn’t connect the pieces of the puzzle. He never felt so stupid…

_Blinked out of existence._ Why was that sticking with him? Why was it ringing so loud in his thoughts?

_Think Sans, think._ He tells himself. He can feel Papyrus’ hold on him tighten as he stiffens slightly from the strain of trying to get his thoughts in a somewhat organised sequence.

“Don’t go teleporting yourself out of here, brother.”

His eyes shoot open. “What did you say?” Sans asks.

“I told you not to try and run away like you always do.” Papyrus explains.

“No, no, no. What did you say? T-teleport myself? T-that’s what you said.” The small skeleton twists in his brother’s arms and grabs him by the shoulders. “God damn it I’m an idiot Papyrus! A freakishly giant idiot!”

The younger one just sits there with confusion plastered all over his features as Sans starts cursing himself under his breath, stepping away and pacing around the bedroom and rubbing his skull furiously. It’s obvious what happened now. He mentally hits himself over and again for not realising it right away. He’s such an _idiot_. It should’ve been his first assumption, you have his magic inside you, for goodness’ sake!

But as much as knowing that you teleported somewhere else was better than knowing nothing, it wasn’t by a lot. He still didn’t know where you went, just how you got there. He groans out of frustration. You were shot before you fell. Even if you didn’t splat to the ground you were still bleeding, without a doubt. And with all of that established, it still doesn’t explain why the hell he can’t feel you!

Sans wants to scream. It’s like with each step forward he takes three steps back. He hides his face in his hands and tries desperately to think, still walking back and forth in the room until his legs decide to fail him again and he falls to his knees. He holds on to the bedside table for support and accidentally opens the top drawer, causing it to crash to the floor scattering some of his belongings. He mutters some more curses before starting to pick everything up, coming across a piece of paper. Turning it over in his hands he sits down on the bed in a daze.

It’s a poorly drawn picture of three people with the words ‘don’t forget’ written on it. He rubs his neck apprehensively.

“I… There’s somewhere I need to go, Pap…” Sans mumbles quietly. He looks at his brother and forces a small apologetic smile before disappearing in front of his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't check this for mistakes so if there are any bad ones be sure to tell me. Welp, I hope you liked that one, thank you so much for reading :) As always, any and all feedback is appreciated, so feel free to leave it :P


	36. What will you choose?

Sans appears in a darkened room, the only light coming from underneath the door in a thin line that offers close to no illumination. But he knows the small space from one corner to the other by heart, he’d been there for such long sleepless nights trying to figure out what had gone wrong. The blizzard outside can be heard, blowing against what had been his and his brother’s house for years.

He leans against the wall for support, his breathing shallow. His magic hasn’t replenished fully, and the feeling of loss in his soul was in no way helping that fact. Rubbing his skull with his left hand he flicks a switch, the lights surprisingly coming to life still. He hadn’t been there in a long time.

He looks at the counter in front of him. The blueprints were still there, scribbled all over with Gaster’s symbols. Sans can’t help rolling his eyes, why he chose to use such a complicated dialect was beyond him. Sure, that was his natural font, and it was useful to keep his projects secret, but the small skeleton never liked going through the characters in his mind, taking copious amounts of time to decipher the notes.

He decides to sit down on the floor for a moment, catching his breath. He couldn’t do much in the state he was in. Turning his gaze towards the covered up machine he sighs heavily. It’s broken. He never figured out how to fix it and even if he had… He couldn’t risk turning it on and suffering its creator’s fate, he couldn’t leave Papyrus all by himself.

With a bit of effort, Sans leans forwards and grabs the end of the sheet that’s draped over the invention and tugs. It slides down the machine and onto the floor, leaving it uncovered. The memories it sparks in him are painful and he looks away for minutes that feel like long hours. The mostly metal casing looks as if it’s melted in some places and all the screens for the readings have shattered, along with a few lights here and there. The buttons are intact for the most part but the one Gaster pressed to turn off the machine before he got torn apart has a blackened circle around it, as if scorched by the intensity of his magic.

He could still recall the way his skull had started splintering, leaving two large tears that emerged from his eye sockets, one up, one down. Sans shudders at the memory, closing his eyes and leaning his head back. He doesn’t exactly know why he came here, but that picture, which he is still holding tightly in his hand, filled him with a sense that he needed to go back to this place. He couldn’t explain it if he wanted to.

In the back of his mind there’s this notion that your disappearance and Gaster’s are somehow related. The only logical conclusion he can reach is that the possible connection is where you both ended up. And this machine, that he could never fix and didn’t even know if he actually wanted to, was the only way he consciously knew to get there.

His shoulders slump in quiet defeat as he realises one crushingly obvious fact. There are no more human souls available to him. He has no determination with which to put this thing back online if he does figure out how to fix it. His soul has this constant dull ache, sharp pangs of pain shooting through him every so often, but becoming all the more frequent as time goes by. It’s as if somehow his soul knows that yours is struggling, despite not feeling it per se.

The skeleton finally feels some strength return to his bones and lifts himself up off the floor. He opens some drawers digging through them. Most were empty now, he took most of their contents when he and Papyrus moved to the surface. But the blueprints were still there. He had left those behind, thinking that maybe he could finally move on with everyone else. He looks through the sketches, reads all the symbols, just has he had done countless times before. And just like before, it gets him nowhere.

Sans had built this workshop so that he could disappear into his work without bothering Papyrus but still remaining fairly close in case he was needed. He had only brought the essentials in with him. The rest, all of Gaster’s research related and unrelated to souls and determination, was all back at his secret lab, back at the core that he himself had built. He grits his teeth and clenches his fists. He hadn’t gone there since he got the things in this very room after the accident. He didn’t plan on ever going back, he didn’t want to.

But right now, what he wants doesn’t matter. He needs to figure out how to get to you, and if this is what needs to be done, so be it. He gathers the notes he thinks might be somewhat useful and blips away into Gaster’s laboratory.

When Sans reappears with different surroundings something feels wrong. The magic that should’ve died as soon as he stepped through his shortcut lingers for agonizing seconds that tug at his soul, making him feel like he’s being choked from inside out, sucking more energy out of him than he was used to whenever he teleported. And when he feels that tension release, a loud thud sounds through the dark room.

The noise is closely followed by a gasp, a wheeze and a cough, which cause him to turn on his heels to find their source, left eye ablaze with the glow of his magic. In his chest, his souls feels whole again and swells with a short-lived relief. He sees you shaking, sucking in large breaths as if taking them for the first time in your life, coughing from the intensity of finally breathing, finally feeling the air fill your lungs in a wonderful sensation parallel to being born again. Sans would’ve cheered and celebrated and held you in his arms if it weren’t for the moment he looked at your soul.

He can see it dimly glowing, surrounded by a black haze that almost seems to encase it completely and not only that but your magic is also different, seemingly tainted by another. And that’s when he notices another soul inside you. He looks up at your eyes they are glowing purple and he stumbles backwards.

Your right hand moves up to your shoulder, where you’d been shot, and a violet aura surrounds it, a metallic sound echoing throughout the room as the bullet clinks to the floor and the hole it left behind closes slowly. That’s not your magic, he can tell. It’s someone else’s.

“You… You’re supposed to…” Sans mumbles, stumbling over his words.

“Be dead?” Your voice suggests through pants. It seems raspier than usual, familiarly so. The small skeleton feels lightheaded and like the room is starting to spin. “Now’s not the time for that Sans. I can’t hold on much longer. She’s fighting me out.”

Sans shakes his head in a failed attempt to clear his thoughts, trying to make sense of everything. “W-what happened?” He manages to ask.

“She appeared in The Void. My soul survived somehow, I got it back to one piece. She’s the one who figured out how to get out. We used the ripple you create in there when you step through it. Quite intelligent this one.” Your eyes squeeze shut from what he assumes to be pain. He can’t fight the urge to kneel beside your possessed body and stroke your back comfortingly, despite knowing very well that you’re not the one who’s feeling it. “But The Void isn’t a place for a human girl. Complete sensory deprivation coupled with the inability to breathe and the pain of a gunshot wound for what could’ve felt like days or months… Her mind couldn’t handle it.”

The explanation is enough to break his spirit. He can’t feel happy that Gaster’s not dead and that he’s actually back here in the physical world knowing that you’ve broken in the process. Sans can’t stop the notion that maybe his nightmare was more of a warning from swimming in his head.

“I’ll get her back.” He says quietly, more to himself than to Gaster’s consciousness, determined to do whatever it takes.

Your body lets out a strangled groan, muscles contracting and causing it to curl forwards, Gaster trying desperately to keep himself tethered to you.

“She… Ugh…” The heaving breaths interrupt Gaster’s speech. “She told me she would bring us both back. It’s strange but… I didn’t want to let her down.” Sans chuckles slightly.

“Yeah. She has that effect on people, heh.” His voice cracks the tiniest bit. “You said only your soul survived. That means you need a body for it to stay whole here. I can ask Alphys to build one like she did for Mettaton…” Sans reasons in a whisper.

“There- AH curses, she’s… There isn’t enough time… I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. Sans… I’m really glad that you’ve found a mate. I’m so sorry this had to happen, you didn’t deserve it. At least this time I can properly say goodbye.” Gaster stops, your face scrunched up in a tortured expression. “Tell Papyrus that despite everything, I cared about you both very much.”

“Stop saying such things.” Sans says, feeling blue tears starting to form at the corners of his eye sockets and blinking them away. “I’m not losing anyone again. I’m going to take a page from your book. Quite literally.”

With his magic he flicks all the switches, the room lighting up in a momentarily blinding flare. The large tube filled with a viscous, translucent liquid catches his eye. That’s what Sans needs right now. Leaving Gaster and your body, both struggling visibly to fight one another, he goes to the desk Gaster used, digging through his various papers and coming across the ones he was looking for. Thankfully, the scientist was awfully organised unlike him. He skims through them, slower than he would have if they weren’t written in Windings.

**~~It~~ ** **He’s alive. I made a life. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this much pride and joy.**

His soul clenches at those words and he rubs his aching chest through his shirt. He goes back a few neatly numbered pages until he finds the part that will tell him what to do.

**I’ll need a substantial amount of physical matter to make the body. I’ve decided to use my right hand as it has enough surface area.**

Sans opens and closes his right hand, pain ghosting through it as he pictures how much it’ll most likely hurt, how much it hurt the scientist when he did it himself. The other reason Gaster had chosen that one first was because his dominant hand was the left, as was his case. He guesses that will have to do.

“What did you use to cut it?” Sans asks.

“Cut what?” Your voice questions in return, eyes widening as Gaster realises what exactly he meant. “You’re not doing that.”

“Yes I am. If you won’t tell me I’ll find it myself.”

There’s a cough and a gasp from you. “I’ll let go right now if you do that.” Gaster threatens.

“No you won’t. You always had a knack to persevere.” A strained smile forms on Sans’ face. “Guess I got at least some of that from you, huh?”

Resigned, the scientist uses your hand, which is shaking from the effort of trying to control you when your altered consciousness was struggling so fiercely to take over again, pointing to a small cylindrical device inside a glass case.

Sans walks over to it and takes it from its place, turning it in his hands nervously. It seems simple enough, almost like one of those little punchers that cut little shapes on paper. But with insanely sharp rotating blades that cut through bone instead…

“That’s gonna hurt…” He mutters under his breath.

He sets his right hand on a counter, holding the device in his left and injecting his magic into it, making it roar to life with a loud sort of buzz. He lines it over the back of his hand and places it down holding his breath before pushing downward. The scream that comes out of the small skeleton’s mouth could chill the blood of anyone who was listening. His left eye glowed fiercely and the cyan droplets that he had held back before fell freely with the unbearable pain that shot through his hand and up his radius, ulna and humerus. His bones rattle as he pulls the device away, blood dripping bright red and fresh from the blades and pooling under his mangled hand.

Shakily, Sans lifts it and pokes the piece of bone through it, crying out once again, cursing over and over, his vision blurred from both tears and mind-numbing agony. He nearly passes out from the wound but somehow holds on. He would’ve looked at the notes on what to do next but he couldn’t see very well at the moment

“W-What…” He tries to ask Gaster for direction but the burn in his hand is so awfully distracting he can hardly focus.

“Put it into the incubator.” That’s what he called the large tube. “I’ll do the rest.” Sans nods absentmindedly and did as he was told.

He sees you half crawl towards him, and in his injured state he feels panic take over him, the nightmare from earlier appearing to come to life. The small skeleton manages to calm himself down, finding his reason and telling himself that’s just Gaster still straining to stay in control of your body. He drags his feet over to the incubator and pushes the bone inside it, collapsing to his knees beside it, sliding down to a sitting position.

The pinpricks of light in Sans’ sockets dart to the side as he sees you next to him. He feels your soul inside you and notices how the physical pain on his hand doesn’t even begin to compare to how much his soul is aching for you. The distress emanating from your being, the horror and the despair… He can tell you feel trapped in more ways than one. He can almost see you clawing your way out, and it’s evident with how much energy Gaster has to spend to keep you at bay. The thought that you might not be the same as when he last saw you is terrifying. Sans wants it to not be true. Maybe Gaster’s wrong. Maybe…

His inner rants get interrupted by the sight of your hand going up to the panel. The glow of Gaster’s purple magic leaks out of your fingers and he watches as the bone that was in his hand not moments ago starts reshaping, slowly but surely, into a semblance of a skull. Sans can’t help but notice how those cracks from his sockets remained. As Gaster’s magic continues to flow into the incubator the body keeps forming, the bones looking perhaps thinner, more brittle than they should, but that was to be expected. It was too little matter to form a fully adult body, despite the minerals and nutrients dissolved into the liquid inside to aid in the transformation. It might’ve worked perfectly for a little baby bones but this was different.

Once that was done, he looked at you, heaving from exhaustion, sweat beading at your forehead, the lilac in your eyes fading slightly.

“You’ll have to place my soul in it. I can’t do it myself because I’ll lose control of her body once it’s out.” Gaster instructs through you. Sans nods in response but doesn’t move right away, trying to gather the energy inside him.

There’s a fleeting thought in the back of his mind. If you really have lost control as Gaster claims… Neither of them will be in a state to protect themselves against you. A bitter chuckle escapes him and your eyes glance over to him, brows furrowed. He forces a grin onto his face and the thought to the depths of his subconscious.

Sans struggles to his feet and puts his good hand on your chest. His eyes drift closed at the tingling feeling he gets from your soul and tries his hardest to focus on the other one. Once he can fell Gaster’s soul over yours, he pulls back, the purple heart following right behind. Hearing the thud of your body falling to the floor temporarily unconscious, he quickly takes it and inserts into its respective place. It swims up to the skeleton floating in the tube, settling in its chest and phasing through the ribcage before fading out. The skeleton inside opens its eyes suddenly, glowing the same hue as the soul that just fused with it and Sans presses the button to clear out the liquid, an anxious fear taking hold of his soul as he watches you from his peripheral vision.

You have moved to a different position, curled up on the ground, hands on the back of your head, shaking it from side to side and knees tucked underneath your stomach, trembling ever so slightly, a low, humming growl sounding out of you. Sans tries not to make any sudden movements as he steps away from the incubator and closer to you. Your body twitches and he freezes in place. The glass casing finally lifts up, letting the ‘newly born’ Gaster step out carefully, bare bones with nothing to cover himself up. Sans can’t enjoy having him back yet, or revel in the fact that this actually worked. Not when the atmosphere feels this tense.

Trying to get adjusted to being in a physical body once more, Gaster summons his magic to get himself one of his many lab coats that he kept around. He spent most of his time in this lab anyway, it was only natural. He’s cautious, making only small and slow movements at a time in an attempt not to illicit any unwanted reactions from you. Both skeletons are vulnerable right now. At least now he feels less exposed.

With each action calculated and wary, step by tiny step, Sans gets closer to you, until he quietly kneels just a few inches away, his injured hand held up against his chest, still quavering. The low noises that are coming from your body seem almost animalistic. It hurts to watch, but there’s still a spark of hope that maybe you’re just shaken, and rightfully so. He can’t even fathom how tortuous it all felt for you. He reaches for you but stops himself, uncertain. He doesn’t know whether he should touch you, no matter how badly he really wants to, or speak or anything at all. Your ribs are rising and falling quickly as your body shakes viciously. He wants so badly to comfort you and to make everything alright, his soul as if screaming in his chest to reach out and touch you.

Gaster wants to tell Sans to step back but he doesn’t dare utter a word. The air feels heavy with uneasiness. Your soulmate gives in to his soul’s pleas and gently lays a hand on your back.

And in that fraction of a second when he makes contact, everything goes to hell.

Magic erupts out of you and Sans gets thrown across the room, sliding on the floor with a cry of pain as your head snaps in his direction, seeing nothing but him. You get to your feet, bent forwards, ready to pounce, and advance so fast that Gaster just barely grips your arm to hold you back. Without missing a beat your foot comes up to kick him at his side, and he manages to materialise a disembodied hand just in time to block it before it hits him and breaks his bones. But when your eyes flash red and blue, a strawberry aura on your leg sends him flying backwards as well. A purple haze surrounds the rather tall skeleton and he stops advancing towards the wall, inches before crashing into it.

This all happened way too fast for Sans to even attempt to get a hold of himself and you’re already on him when he starts trying to get back up. You’re crouched over him, straddling his legs, eyes wild, vision a literal red, blurred with a maddening instinct to protect yourself, to not die. But you can’t discern friend from foe. Everything and everyone is a threat in your eyes and your only option is to get rid of it. Your right fist is surrounded by your magic as you bring it down on Sans’ face, him getting out of its way just in the nick of time, eye sockets widening when the tiled floor underneath your punch cracks to pieces. His left eye flares and he throws you across the room, stopping you before you hit anything, not wanting to hurt you. Unfortunately, the pain that shoots through his arm causes his magic to falter and you’re back on your feet in a flash, running towards him yet again.

The sound of a ripple echoes through the lab and Sans’ soul feels as if it’s getting squeezed when he sees a blaster right behind you, eyes flooding with a violet flame, mouth open and ready to shoot. Instinctively he teleports to you, wrapping his arms around you teleporting you away with him just as the beam blasts past where you were, obliterating whatever was in its way. When you both reappear on another corner of the room, you both crash to the ground, rolling to opposite directions.

“What the hell are you doing?!” Sans shouts at Gaster.

“Trying to stop her!” He rasps back, his voice scratchy and strained from having not been used in forever.

“Don’t hurt her! She’ll never trust me ag-ARGH!” He gets cut off by you tackling him to the ground, a snarl coming from deep within you as you try to hit him.

Sans puts his feet on your stomach and pushes you off him, using his magic to aid him, your body getting somersaulted over him and against a wall. He gets up to his feet and tries to make his way to you. A choked gasp leaves him and he stops dead in his tracks when he feels his soul getting ripped out without warning, your arm outstretched towards him, eyes glazed over, teeth showing in a feral grimace filled with fear and anger.

Gaster looks on in horror as he tries to do what Sans practically begged of him and not hurt you, not kill you right then and there, protecting his offspring.

You scramble to your knees ready to act. In your head two words echo inside.

_Mercy. Fight._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooooo I had a lot of fun with this one! Like a LOT! I hope you enjoyed it just as much hehe  
> Thank you so so much for reading, please leave feedback, it motivates me so much and I appreciate every single comment you have :P


	37. The voices, they sing

You’re looking at the soul floating in front of you but not really seeing it. Your vision of the world has completely cracked with your mind, leaving it broken and warped. The only thing you can process is how scared you feel and how all you need is to get rid of what’s trying to hurt you, which in your unhinged state seems to be everything.

Your whole body is tense, head and arms twitching every other minute in a contraction of muscles you can’t quite control. You get to your feet and take a step closer to your soulmate, not exactly knowing that it’s him, but even if you did, would it matter? Sans has his doubts at the moment. He feels like he can’t move as you approach him, a pained expression on his face, fearful of what you will choose to do.

Those two words are still swimming in your mind, and you feel like it isn’t much of a choice. You’ve never been given a choice before.

_“Fight or die.”_ The words ring through your brain and you cringe ever so slightly, the tone harsh and demanding.

_“You can’t kill me. You don’t have it in you.”_ The voice taunts. You feel like you’ve heard all of this before, but you can’t really pinpoint the time or place, mistaking it as coming from the person whose soul you’re looking at. But the voice in your head, uttering them, is familiar. And it makes you feel angry and sad all at the same time, but mostly wrathful. You feel like you need to prove that voice wrong, show it what you’re actually capable of.

Sans gasps when you grab the soul in your hand, with every intent to crush it between your fingers, ready to squeeze it as hard as you possibly can. The tug in your chest of your own soul desperately reaching for his goes ignored behind all the voices whispering in your head.

From across the room, Gaster’s holed hands twitch, itching to summon a blaster and scorch you to hell. Sans stares straight into your eyes that are still fixed on the culmination of his being, which you are now holding. He’s fooling himself, most likely, but he thinks he sees you be almost careful with your movements. He knows that he will never hurt you, even if it’s his life on the line. But he doesn’t want to just accept his fate either and wait for you to kill him, he wants to show you how much he still cares. He puts his good hand to your cheek, the other still dripping red onto the floor, blood smeared all over his clothes. You flinch away from his touch, irate that he’d try anything when you could easily end him.

“I will always love you.” Is all he can think to say to you, before you undoubtedly crush the cyan heart as you had in his nightmare.

You stop yourself from tightening your grip at the sound of those words, loosening it only slightly instead. The voice seems to reverberate within you and the pitch and tone twists to a different one. You twitch once again, looking up at his face. The images in your brain are morphed from the ones in front of you. There’s so much blood still, but the person you’re seeing isn’t the same that you’re looking at. You see a smiling woman, dark circles under her eyes, sweat matted on her long hair. Your breathing gets faster as does your heartbeat and you step backwards, still not letting go of the heart in your hands, eyes wide with horrified shock.

The shrill cry of a new-born baby pierces into your ears and you try to cover them with your free hand in an effort to block it but to no avail, as the sound is coming from inside your memories. Tears prickle your eyes and you don’t know why.

_“Listen to me, you’re my little shining star okay? Don’t ever forget that. I hope you bring light to a lot of people’s lives.”_ That same person you saw and heard tell you that she loved you says. Her voice is sweet and caring and it’s tearing you apart. You shake your head vehemently. She’s lying, she can’t care about you, because no one does. You’re an abomination, a freak. You’re useless. Why would anyone want you? You’re only good for one thing and that is to destroy.

_“Stop being so useless.”_ Another voice sounds in your brain, like all the others, a child’s voice, cruel, you know it but you can’t remember where from. But it’s right, this one’s telling the truth, that’s what you deserve to hear. It’s joined by a merciless chorus of insults and harsh words.

A low growl forms at your throat as you step closer to Sans yet again, you want to finally crush the soul and end this madness but your muscles won’t budge, your hand trembling as you stare at the small skeleton still seeing that woman’s face. You scream in frustration, a sharp sound laced with anguish, fresh tears falling down your cheeks. A scar forms in Sans’ soul from how much the scene hurts and breaks him, despite you not actually having done anything to it, not yet.

_“Be good will you? Always show mercy to those who need it most. Take care of those in need. Be kind like I taught you to be.”_ The sweet voice sounds again and you squeeze your eyes shut, crying as loud as you can to try and stop the words. _“And never give up on your happiness, my star. I will always love you… I will always be with you…”_ It sounds almost as if she’s fading away with each thing she says.

You sob. In your chest it feels like your soul is breaking. It hurts so much. You feel like you’ve lost something, something important. Both monsters are staring at you with wary eyes, unsure of what’s happening inside your head, but certain that it’s painful. Sans is still aching to hold you in his arms but he can’t with how you’re clasping his soul in your hands, just tight enough to make it too hard to move, not quite enough to kill him.

You drop to your knees and glance up at your soulmate’s face, the woman’s no longer there, faded just like her voice. But his expression holds the same emotions, the same compassion and… love… You feel disgusted. Why would anyone love you? It can’t be true. It’s a cruel joke, only to make you feel safe just to hurt you more in the long run. You can’t be happy. You’re not meant to be happy. You don’t have a choice. The other voices in your head are sneering and hissing, telling you how worthless you are.

Those two words are back. _Fight_ , uttered by the cruel and cold man, _Mercy_ , begs the sweet and kind woman. You don’t have a choice. You don’t… But you choose mercy anyway.

You let go of the soul, weeping, wailing, the screams that leave you are those of someone who just watched their entire world burn. The cyan heart returns to Sans, he places it where it belongs. He goes to reach for you, but you want to go away and disappear. The other voices start screaming at you and you bend forwards, hiding your head between your legs and placing your arms over the back of it, still crying and hoping your howls will drown them out. But no matter how loud you bawl, they just ring higher in your brain.

You don’t feel safe, everything is still a threat, and so if you choose not to fight you’ll have to flee, despite the voices shouting at you to hurt, to maim, to kill and destroy. As Sans is getting closer an image forms in your mind of lying on the ground underneath a star-filled sky, a swing set close by. You feel magic envelop your soul until that image is no longer just in your head. Suddenly, you’re back at the park you collapsed on when you fled your torturer’s grasp.

Still at the lab Sans and Gaster watch you blink out of existence right in front of their eyes and the small skeleton cries out for you, shouting for you to come back, to not leave him again. The fact that he can still feel your presence in his soul is next to no comfort as he falls to his hand and knees an anguished yell coming out of him, eye sockets wide and void of light.

“I need to go after her.” Sans mutters, voice cracking.

“With what energy?” Gaster retorts, causing the other to sigh in defeat.

He puts his hand to his chest once more, his mind easing the slightest bit from the fact that he doesn’t feel like you’re in any immediate danger. Scared and disturbed, certainly, but not in harm’s way. At least not for now. And so Sans sits back on his ankles, against the desire in his bones to ignore his ever growing exhaustion and depleting health to find you and take you home.

Gaster approaches your soulmate and takes his injured hand, using some of his magic to heal the gaping wound. The hole will remain, as his did, but at least it’ll stop bleeding, and the pain will subside, if only a little. His right hand will be pretty much useless for the next couple of days minimum. He tries closing it and hisses from the sting that shoots up his arm.

“Careful with that.”

“Guess I won’t be able to _lend you a hand_ , heh.”

“I see your sense of humour is still mediocre at best.” The scientist comments shaking his cracked skull and he shrugs, a small but somewhat genuine smile forming for a few seconds before the misery returns.

“She likes it, or did anyway…” He murmurs quietly, curling slightly on himself. “How long did it take?” Sans asks after a long moment of nothing but silence hanging between them.

“I couldn’t tell. Given that time isn’t a concept in The Void, the perception of it that she had could’ve been as different from mine as the sun is from the moon.” Gaster explains. “But she held on for as long as she could, of that I’m certain.”

The smaller skeleton rubs his skull, his sockets closing as guilt ghosts through his features. “How did it happen?” The scientist merely hummed, unwilling to offer up the answer. “Please, tell me.” He nearly begs, a shiver going through him at the many scenarios swimming in his mind.

“She stood very still all of a sudden, her eyes wide with fear. Then she covered her ears, which I found strange in a place where there is no sound, until I saw her scream. Or rather, try to. She started shaking and tugging at her hair and clawing at her skin, to make whatever was torturing her stop. I took over her body then, so she wouldn’t hurt herself. Her mind was deeply perturbed.” Sans covers his face with his good hand, the other still aching far too much to be moved. Looking at his slightly shaking arm Gaster can’t help thinking his actions were irresponsible. “What were you thinking, Sans? She could have killed you…”

“I know.” The other replies sombrely, turning to face the scientist with a fire in his eyes. “But she didn’t.” Gaster goes to say something but falls short, words not coming to him as he looks at his offspring’s face. “She’s still in there. When I touched her face I could feel her. She’s in there Gaster, buried under layers upon layers of fear, pain and broken memories… But she’s there. She’s just lost and confused. And I’m going to get her back.”

He grits his teeth, ignoring the throb in his hand when he clenches both into fists. The taller skeleton hums in thought, eyes drifting around the lab he’d spent most of his life in, until his gaze returns to the one he considers to be one of his greatest achievements. “How are you feeling right now?”

The small skeleton laughs humourlessly at the question before giving him a proper answer. “Exhausted. Beaten and bloody. Downright dead to be quite honest.”

“I may be able to help.”

\---

It’s night already. A somewhat strong breeze blows straight through you and you wrap your arms around yourself, a shiver shaking your entire body. Your eyes are still watering and your vision blurred, the voices in your head settling down to an angry hiss of horrible whispers. They’re a constant reminder of your failures, your inadequacy and worthlessness. And not only that, they’re unsettling. Disembodied voices talking to you, not letting you have a single second of peace, a nagging noise that just can’t be silenced… Your head aches, your soul aches and your whole being feels as broken as your mind is.

Risking a look around you, the few lights flare you. No one’s around to bother you, at least that’s a blessing. No one will hurt you. At least not now. You half crawl, half drag yourself to a dark corner of the park, curling in on yourself and squeezing your eyes shut, ears covered by your hands, a desperate plea for the voices to let you have some quiet moments… Just a few minutes, that’s all you want. But they never stop. They keep seething at you, harsh words and cruel tones. Each time they speak it feels like a knife to your soul.

_Creep. Worthless. Die. Kill. Let it all burn. Burn with everyone. You don’t deserve anything. You’re going to die alone. Everyone hates you. You should be dead. You should kill them all._

When you open your eyes every shadow, every piece of paper blowing in the wind, every little noise around you sends you into a frenzy. Breaths hitched and uneven, heartbeat wild as the thoughts swimming in your brain, eyes betraying you. You whimper, cowering further into the darkness. The darkness is your only friend. It swallows you whole and hides you away, its cold embrace gripping at your skin like claws, so tight it would draw blood were it actually holding you. You feel like you can’t breathe and you welcome the panicky feeling it causes, having become so familiar to you.

But you can feel and hear now. So even hidden away in the darkness you feel like everyone’s watching. All those fingers pointing at you. Laughing bitterly, nails grazing on your skin, scarring it forever. Teeth digging into your flesh. Blood trickling down your legs and arms, coming up your throat and out of your mouth in heaving coughs. Claws at your back. Screams on your lips. Voices in your head.

You tremble. The inside of your consciousness is a jumbled mess of real and unreal, memories and nightmares, unidentified noises and clearly spoken threats and insults, growls and barks, screams and crying. Is that you crying? You don’t know anymore. You feel something hot and wet on your cheeks, but with how hard you’re holding your face you don’t know if you haven’t already clawed yourself open. You don’t bother checking. Even if you did, who’s to say it isn’t your mind tricking you. You feel your sins crawling on your back.

You feel a hand on your shoulder and your head snaps up quickly, neck twitching unnaturally, a hiss coming from you at the brightness that invades your field of vision. A frightened cry coming from the child that found you rings in your head and you cover your ears once more, somehow the loud weeping getting blocked. The night had come and gone without you even realising it. What’s time anyway? You don’t remember it passing.

The small child runs back to wherever it came from, the worried parent holding on to them for dear life. They’d just looked away for a few seconds, and then they heard them scream and cry. Their eyes fall on the direction from which the child had run and spot you, huddled up and shaking, eyes wide and red from crying, mistaken for drug abuse especially in your dishevelled state.

Your gaze darts around the park, some children had come by with their parents or siblings. The first one’s yelp had called everyone’s attention to you. They all stared intently. Your clothes were stained dark red with the blood that had seeped out of your bullet wound, your hair was in complete disarray from your constant tugging. You looked dangerous and… crazy… They continued to stare, whispering to each other, grabbing their children and standing in front of them protectively.

You couldn’t quite hear them. But in your head they spoke as clearly as if they were right there next to you.

_Freak. What’s wrong with her? She’s a monster. Don’t get near her. She only spells trouble. Dangerous. Unstable. Unbalanced. Crazy. Insane. Get away. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die._

You run your shaking hands through your hair, eyes wide open, lips twitching slightly, cracking into an unhinged smile. A laugh rumbles in your chest and slowly rises in pitch until you feel yourself howling with a cackle as the voices keep whispering into your brain.

_Kill them. They’re scared of you. They should be. Show them what they’re supposed to fear. Show them what you’re capable of. Slaughter them. Spill their guts before they have the chance to feast on yours._

You stumble onto your feet. Looking around you, that smirk still dancing on your lips, you see phones pointed at you but in your eyes they’re guns, cocked and ready to shoot. You feel your magic stirring inside your soul. You feel your eyes burning with the power that’s glowing through them coupled with the tears that are still spilling, the memory of a loss playing on the depths of your subconscious. A muffled voice tries to scream through all the others, a woman’s voice. It’s joined by another, they’re familiar, they’re telling you something important, begging you for something, but you don’t hear them over the ever louder commands. Your fingers spasm and your head jerks.

Everyone’s staring, afraid. They should be. You laugh again, low this time, and it slowly morphs into an animalistic rumble in your throat.

_Fight or die. Show me what you’re capable of. Use the power I gave you._ A man tells you. You feel his knife on your chest, his hands on your soul.

_Stop being so useless._ A child screams. You feel them kicking you over and over until you barely feel anything anymore.

Your legs move of their own accord, you hear crying, coming from both outside and inside your head. Magic flows to your hands.

_Kill them. Kill them all._

“Star!” You stop walking towards the people who are frozen with fear, cameras pointed at your twisted features. “Whatever you’re thinking, whatever you’re feeling, it’s not real.” You feel eyes on your back. “This is.” An arm is wrapped around your waist and everything suddenly disappears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay on this one, got hit with a bad bout of good ol' writer's block... I hope this reads well, I struggled a bit :/  
> Anyways, thank you so much for reading, feel free to leave your feedback, I always appreciate every single comment :) Hope you enjoyed


	38. To climb the wall you've built

What had been a children’s park full of people staring at you and judging your every action with fear plastered on their faces, was now a cold lab that hadn’t been used for many years until that day. You thrashed and kicked the air in the hold of whoever had got you at the park. Their pleading for you to calm down and stop moving went completely ignored as you attempted to twist in their grasp and wring free.

“Gaster!” Sans’ voice rang with alarm when you finally managed to turn around and face the small skeleton that was struggling to hold you in place, his left eye ablaze with the surging magic that held you down and made your body feel heavier than it should. But even with that, you still tried to push him away, your own eyes still glowing with the rage that fuelled the voices in your head.

You felt someone else’s hands on you and something sting the spot where your shoulder and neck connected, a yelp of pain coming out of you as you continued to kick. Something flowed into your bloodstream and with each passing second your movements became more sluggish, your eyelids starting to droop closed. You struggled to keep your eyes open and yourself awake. Sans held you tight as you kept using your hands to push against his chest, grabbing one arm that was slowly going for his face, your head dropping limply to the side and your eyes finally closing.

“That’s it… Go to sleep…” He whispers, painfully reaching for your face with his newly cut hand, brushing his fingers over your cheek gently. “You’re gonna be fine, I promise…”

Closing his eyes for a moment his grip on you tightens, basking in the slowing pace of your beating heart and the thrum of your soul inside your chest, his own trembling slightly from the desperate need to be close. When he opens his eyes again, his gaze falls on the scientist’s cracked face, mouth a stern straight line.

“We don’t know how long the effects will be in place.” Gaster warns.

“I know. Just please… give me a couple of seconds.” The small skeleton returns, brow ridges pulling closer together as his agonised expression softens slightly when he nuzzles his face to your chest, listening to the steadying heartbeat.

He pulls back and lifts you completely off the ground, holding you close against his body as he steps closer to the taller skeleton patiently awaiting what comes next. He had gotten himself clothed before Sans left to get you, and now he adjusted his black suit jacket methodically, straightening out any wrinkles from years of being folded in some drawer at the back of the lab.

“We’re taking her to Alphys, the more heads on this matter the better.” Sans repeats what he’d said after getting the magic enhancer injected into his energy depleted soul.

“Understood.” The other nods solemnly, placing a hand on his shoulder and preparing for the jump in reality, straight to the lizard monster’s workplace.

When they suddenly appear in the middle of her lab she nearly drops a test tube she was holding. Alphys squeaks from surprise and carefully, although with shaking hands, sets her things safely down on a counter before turning to the invaders. Her eyes widen to an almost comical size as she takes in the two skeletons, the smaller of which is holding your unconscious body bridal style. The fact that Sans’ shirt and jacket were almost completely covered in reddened stains and the shoulder area of yours wasn’t faring much better definitely didn’t help with the unease that settled into her. It was a good thing today she was working alone because the scene in front of her would’ve been hard to explain to the humans that worked with her after she inevitably sent them away.

“W-what is- Who’s that- Why is she- What h-happened?!” The small yellow monster finally settles on the last question.

“Long story short, Star’s not doing so great. Need help.” Sans says, his eye flaring up.

The door to the lab slams shut and locks, blinds going over the windows. Several things on one of the counters are suddenly surrounded by a cyan glow and lifted up in the air, which causes Alphys to squeal in horror, begging all the deities she’s ever heard of for nothing to break.

The short skeleton sets your body on the newly cleared counter and the things that were previously on it get scattered around the various others, but despite that, still intact. The short scientist silently thanks the stars that she had everything correctly labelled and that nothing would get mixed up by Sans’ rearrangement. But even so it would still be a pain to get everything back in order. Without time to wallow over it, she shyly glances at the other presence in the room, dressed in a sharp black suit and a white lab coat similar to her own, but undoubtedly longer. She can’t help but notice the large cracks on his skull that creep out of his sockets, finding them somewhat creepy and unsettling especially when the right socket droops slightly beneath it. For some reason she feels like she’s seen this skeleton somewhere before, but for the life of her she can’t remember where at.

Alphys is brought out of her musings by Sans’ voice. “I’m not sure if what’s going on is just in her head. I think it’s affecting her soul as well. You think you can take a look and maybe figure something out?”

“I-I can try…” The tiny scientist stutters, waddling closer and past the tall skeleton watching her closely. It makes her slightly uncomfortable and very nervous.

She adjusts the glasses on her face over her snout and narrows her eyes at you. She tries to look into your soul but there’s something blocking her. She almost can’t see the glow of your white heart underneath what looks almost like a fog of black smoke. She blinks a few times and shakes her head, taking off her glasses to clean them before attempting to gaze into your being yet again. And once more she can’t see much past the dark haze that surrounds your soul completely.

Behind Alphys, Sans is fidgeting like never before, waiting to hear anything, hoping for it to be something good. But when she keeps squinting at you for what feels like an eternity he can’t hold it anymore.

“Anything?” He asks, his voice impatient, a hand going up to rub the back of his skull as he shifts from one foot to another.

“I c-can’t see… It looks like it’s… C-could you please pull out her soul so I can t-take a better look?” Her request doesn’t exactly come as a shock, he can see the darkness encasing your soul just as clearly and he doesn’t doubt Gaster has spotted it too.

Sans nods and approaches your body, stroking your cheek gently before moving his good hand to hover over your chest. He pulls out your soul… Wait, no… He tries to pull out your soul… He’s calling for it but it’s not coming.

“What?” He mumbles in shock, unintentionally pressing harder against your chest, perhaps a little too hard.

He calls out your soul and feels it tug but not budge. His eye sockets are wide and darker than the mist that is engulfing the culmination of your being. There’s no sign of the pinpricks of light of his pupils, his eyes as hollow as he suddenly feels.

“What’s wrong?” Gaster finally speaks for the first time since the teleportation.

“I can’t…” The other mutters, his voice failing him before he can get the rest out.

“You c-can’t reach her?” Alphys speaks, her words dipped in pure disbelief.

She figured that would be the case if she tried to pull out your soul herself which is why she asked Sans to do it for her. She never thought that he wouldn’t be able to do it either. He’s your soulmate, you’re connected on a very intimate level. He of all people should be able to reach you under any circumstances.

“No. This can’t be happening. Star, you can’t shut me out.” The skeleton speaks through gritted teeth, trying over and over again to reach for your soul and feeling his attempts bounce back as if you were actually repelling him.

He takes your face between his hands, wincing from the contact to his right hand. The lizard monster gasps loudly at the sight, finally noticing the gaping hole that wasn’t there the last time she saw him.

“W-w-what happened to you?!” She asks loudly, her voice going a couple of octaves higher than her already high-pitched voice.

“Long story.” Gaster answers for him, his low and scratchy tone diverting her attention to himself. “This is most unfortunate.” He says, bringing a hand up over his mouth as he hums in thought.

This action causes Alphys’ eyes to focus right on the suspiciously similar hole in this new person’s hands. Her eyes dart from one skeleton to the other in quick succession, a few cogs starting to turn in her brain. Deciding that there are more pressing matters at hand she returns her attention to your soul.

“It a-almost looks as if she’s blocking everyone out. She’s h-hiding within herself to protect herself.” Pausing for a moment, she opens her mouth to ask Sans why you’d do something like this but is stopped by Gaster raising a hand to signal her to wait, his gaze turning to your body and seeing your fingers twitching.

“Sans.”

The small skeleton turns in the caller’s direction to find out what he wants but he’s choked before he can get the words out. He doesn’t exactly need to breathe what with the lack of organs that would require the oxygen. But the habit was something he was used to and the grip around his neck caught him off guard, causing a similar reaction to actually having his air supply cut off. His iris came to life instinctively, darting to your face, your eyes open and glowing with a burning rage, as if restarting where you left off before passing out. Your tight hold on him only gets stronger until you throw him across the room, snapping up and out of the counter. Several dark spots plague your field of vision and you stumble forwards, grabbing onto the first thing you come across. It just so happens to be a microscope that quickly skids off and comes crashing to the ground.

Alphys shrieks in horror only to have Gaster catching the equipment with his magic before it breaks, immediately directing it somewhere safer. Without the leverage to regain your balance, however, you fall down to your hands and knees, feeling disoriented and like your head’s being drilled into mercilessly. The whispers in your head return in full throttle, hissing and spewing hatred filled words at you that you can’t focus on but at the same time can’t ignore either.

Both you and Sans struggle back up to your feet as the scientists fumble with the priceless research scattered around the lab. You stare at each other as you start heading towards him. Being the last person you’d seen before falling unconscious, all your anger and fear are directed at him exactly. He realises that if you start fighting here it won’t end well for anyone and with no time to think things through as soon as you crash into him he teleports to the first place that comes to mind.

The impulse of the magical transportation sends you both rolling across the tiled floor in opposite directions. The yellows of the room surround you and your soulmate, a heavy weight coming down on his soul as he takes in the new environment. Why of all places did he have to think of here?

He crawls onto his knees, cursing under his breath from the pain of putting weight onto his right hand, his breath catching from the memories that come rushing in, like a dam’s flood gates have been opened. At the end of the judgement hall he sees you trying to get over the dizziness of the sedative that hasn’t completely worn off, somehow your sluggish movements mimicking Frisk’s possessed state as Chara attempted to stand back up after a thorough beating. His bones start rattling from the feelings the image resurfaces, magic flaring up in his eye and pouring out of him. His whole body is standing to attention, ready to fight, his soul aching.

In what he can only assume to be a cruel joke that fate has decided to play on him, a magic knife materializes in your right hand. Sans could almost swear that the ire filled red glow of your one eye overpowers the blue in the other. And when you finally get somewhat over the numbing effects of the tranquilizer Gaster had injected you with, you charge at him. Your posture, your unhinged expression of a half-mad smirk, the setting you’ve found yourselves in… All of a sudden he doesn’t know what’s real and what isn’t. One second he’s trying to keep you off while trying to figure out how to help you, and the next he’s dodging Chara’s relentless attacks, from a timeline long erased. Everyone he loves is dead, turned to dust in the wind by the child in front of him, and they’re going to erase his world. He has no choice but to stop them.

You slash at him and he side-steps out of the way, a low growl forming in your throat as you keep attacking and he keeps dodging. Not entirely out of the sedative’s grasp you stumble quite a bit, swinging wildly and falling to your knees only to get back up and try to strike again. You don’t leave an opening for him to fight back but you can’t land a hit either. You slash at your front and suddenly he’s at your back, you try to land a kick on his side and out of nowhere he’s several feet away.

You grunt with each attempt at his life until you’re downright screaming with a mix frustration, anger and resignation to listen to what the voices are telling you. That it’s you or him. They’re contradicting, constantly telling you that you deserve death but that you should kill anyone who tries to bring it upon you. Telling you to be cruel to those who hurt you and yet that you’re worthless and no one really cares so why should you? They’re confusing but you can’t help but listen when they’re so loud and demanding. Logic and reason left you when the suffocating emptiness of The Void finally broke you. And so you keep going.

The flashes of Sans’ past are blinding him to the situation in front of him. He dodges each attack effortlessly, Chara’s knife taking the place of your own. A particular slash comes dangerously close to his chest and he jumps over you, the child’s giggle ringing in the depths of his thoughts. He lands back on his feet, sliding slightly behind you, your hand coming back to try and hit him again and he grabs it with little to no effort, the permanent grin plastered on his face the same way it had been back then. The touch of your skin momentarily brings him back to the present and he pushes you back, disappearing further into the hall with a blip.

You’re already getting out of breath, sweat beading at your forehead as you look around for your opponent, your threat, your target. Sans takes a hand to his skull, the memories hitting him like a ton of bricks.

He’s tired, slower and predictable. He knows that it’ll be the end soon if things continue on this way. Just like before. You finally spot him and he stares into your eyes, seeing Chara’s once again. He sees you charge for him once more and the image flips back and forth between past and present as you get closer and closer. He can’t fight, he’s tired of fighting. Magic running low he doesn’t know how much longer he’ll be able to hold on.

 _Chara’s_ _getting closer. The knife is raised high, ready to strike the ending blow and he’s just ready for it, eyes drooping closed with exhaustion, but at the last second a voice calls him back to his senses. The kid was talking. Frisk had called him and he couldn’t ignore their pleas to kill them for the hundredth time that day, swearing this would be the last._

He grabs your arm again before you land the attack and, in a knee jerk reaction much like the one from long before he’d made it to the surface, a bone sprouts from the ground, sharpened edge going straight for the kill at your heart. He stops himself just before it pierces through your chest and out your back, realising that it’s you and not Chara or Frisk, that if you die, you’re gone forever. Without any hesitation of your own you hit him square in the ribs and he goes rolling off across the floor and against one of the many pillars that decorate the room. A loud crunching noise echoes through the empty hallway followed by a sharp cry of pain. Some of his ribs are broken, there’s no doubt about it. The small skeleton doubles over, expecting you to come at him and finish it off.

But when the blow doesn’t come, with some effort he opens his eyes and cranks his neck to look in your direction, spotting you at the spot he’d been just a few seconds ago, gasping for air and struggling to stay on your feet. From your face you’re in pain too, but he can’t tell if it’s physical or emotional. Perhaps both. But in your eyes there’s something other than rage and terror. There’s doubt.

That sweet and merciful voice is back under the others, begging you to stop fighting.

Sans groans as he pulls himself back up with the help of the pillar he was thrown into. At the sight of movement you snap back to fight mode and start for him again with an angry cry and tears forming at the corners of your eyes. He waits until you’re nearly on top of him to teleport straight behind you and wrapping his arms around your waist, letting out a yelp of agony from his cracked ribs pressing against your back. He uses his magic to hold you in place, not having the physical strength to actually do it himself. Mostly he’s just leaning against you, almost as if for support, his left hand coming up to hover over your chest. He still can’t call out your soul.

So instead, he pulls his own out of his chest and into yours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya, sorry for the recent delays, been stuck on some parts of this for some reason and also currently on holiday and internet isn't exactly great lol  
> Even so, I hope that despite that you still enjoyed this chapter, thank you so much for taking the time to read and every piece of feedback is greatly appreciated so as always feel free to leave it ^.^  
> Once again, sorry for taking so long between updates I really try my best but I've had so many blocks lately :/


	39. Emersion

The small skeleton’s soul is now inside you and it tries to connect but is stopped by a seemingly unbreakable barrier. Even so, your eyes gloss over and your chest feels heavy with both your burdens. Your knees go weak, the weight of Sans’ magic pulling you down finally becoming too much to resist. You fall forwards to the floor, him following right behind you, still holding on and unable to stand up on his own.

The magic that bursts from his soul at a steady pace surrounds yours, over the black fog that encases it and his consciousness is transferred to you.

\---

Suddenly, when Sans opens his eyes, he’s no longer in the judgement hall but in an entirely different plane altogether. His surroundings feel familiar despite being nothing but a strange darkness with no end in sight. It feels familiar because this space belongs to you and the depths of your being and his soul knows yours better than his own.

He brings his hands up in front of his face and turns them over, inspecting them carefully and noting how it seems like they have a faint cyan glow about them. And when he looks down at his chest the intensity of that glow is increased tenfold, almost blinding in the dark environment. Putting the self-inspection aside he tries to focus on what he’s supposed to do.

His mind feels hazy and he’s not sure if it’s because of his physical injuries or the fact that this is your subconscious and that’s exactly how your soul feels. With a violent shake of his head, Sans listens closely to his surroundings, the faint hiss of whispered voices invading his conscience. His head twists in the direction it felt like the noise came from and without a second thought he starts walking towards it. It isn’t long until he sees something.

In the distance there’s a weak glow that immediately makes his soul leap with recognition. He steps closer and the glimmering light takes shape, turning into a person lying on the ground in foetal position. He can tell that it’s you without a shadow of a doubt and starts running towards you. But when he’s a few meters away from you, arms outstretched towards you, he runs into what looked like an invisible barrier, stumbling backwards from the impact. He looked in awe at the black ripples that spread around you like a bubble, like someone had thrown a rock into a previously still and undisturbed lake.

Sans’ sockets widen slightly as it sinks in how massive this wall seems to be. Like a two-way mirror he can see inside but when you open your eyes, filled with glistening tears and fear, all you see is darkness looming over you, the voices ringing and echoing all around filling you with dread and sorrow.

You squeeze your eyes shut yet again and curl back further into yourself. Sans gasps when he feels himself being pushed further away, the barrier growing larger and thicker. The glow from inside dims as if you’re being smothered by your own darkness and it nearly breaks him. All of a sudden he starts feeling exhausted and heavy, like the suffocating black that’s taking you hostage is slowly creeping into him too.

Your soulmate puts his hands against the barrier and pushes against it. It doesn’t budge just as he expected. He can hear the terrible things that are shouted at you inside your head. A chant of ‘freak’, ‘useless’ and ‘no one would ever love you’. He sees you tremble with each word and when he hears the heart wrenching sob that wracks through your body he feels angry.

Hands ball to fists and he punches the prison you’ve built for yourself. “Don’t listen to them! They’re all lies! Star, please! I’m here!” He shouts at you as the dark ripples form growing circles from where he hit the walls.

You can’t hear him under the voices and you just try to make yourself smaller still. For a moment all other voices go quiet for the worst of all to speak loud and clear, a fragment of a memory passed.

_“All this time wasted on you. You’re nothing but a failed experiment.”_

The words are like a knife cutting deep into your heart and fuel for the rage that rises in Sans. His whole body quivers, bones rattling and he hits the barrier with all the strength he can muster.

“Stop! That’s not true!” With each sentence he punches the wall harder, his eye spilling blue magic, like a flame fed by the hatred in those words that are quickly followed by countless others like it. “Stop saying that! She’s wonderful and I love her!” His voice is closer to a growl than anything else, and with one more forceful blow, the tiniest crack appears.

A shy beam of light trickles out of it and in a second of shock Sans brushes his hand over the newly formed fissure. Your head snaps up and you stare right at him, seeing the light that bleeds in through the line of brightness, shining in the suffocating dark.

He looks straight at you, feeling your eyes burn holes into his skull despite the fact that you’re not actually seeing him. He starts calling for you, screaming for you, hitting the invisible wall with all his might, wishing for it to break down.

Inside, you hear something faintly underneath all the voices. But it sounds muffled, as if you were underwater and they were just outside. You slowly and painfully get to your feet, and Sans freezes. Your eyes are glistening with tears, the glow of your aura dim. You can’t stop staring at the crack of light in front of you, like a bright beacon in the never-ending darkness. Your lips are slightly parted and he just wants to take your face in his hands and kiss them.

 _“Darkness is where you belong.”_ A voice sneers and you close your eyes with a sob, hugging yourself and collapsing down to your knees.

The briefness of hope you felt was all but gone. You were here for a reason. You had no right to hope for what was beyond.

Fury rises in Sans once more and he’s back to trying desperately to break down your walls, feeling himself getting pushed further away. The tiny crack he managed to create closes slightly. He looks at you in absolute despair, watching as your own dark thoughts surround you, the walls growing thicker. The voices loom over you like shadowy figures, holding you hostage and slowly snuffing out your light, sucking the life out of you.

What hurts him the most is that you could stop this if you just let your walls down. If you just let him in, he could help you. He punches the barrier again, pushing against it in an effort to stop it from pushing him away in turn. His soul is aching terribly as he sees the crack glue back shut, inch by agonizing inch.

“Listen to me! Let me in! Please!” He begs, shouting as loud as he can to no avail.

He feels the remnants of his energy start to dwindle. Placing his closed fists on each side of his head, leaned against the barrier. He lets himself slide down to his knees, bones rattling from the unbearable guilt of not being able to do anything. When he’s supposed to be the one closest to you, he can’t reach you for the life of him.

He places his hand over the fissure that’s now almost gone, nothing but a scratch on the surface. Blue beads of magic start forming at the corners of his eye sockets.

“Please…” He whispers miserably. You don’t even budge from your hunched position, hands covering your ears uselessly.

He slumps his shoulders, head and limbs falling limply. He feels defeated.

 _“Don’t give up…”_ Another voice echoes around him. You seem to hear it too because you lift your head ever so slightly, a flash of hopefulness ghosting over your features.

Sans clenches his jaw and takes a hand to his chest, a sudden burst of newfound resolve igniting his spirit. He summons every ounce of strength still left inside him and assaults the bubble of darkness that’s surrounding you.

“I’m not going to give up.” He mutters through gritted teeth. The crack slowly grows back to its beginning size. “I made you a promise that I’d always bring you back into the light.” His fists connect with the wall and bounce back, but he keeps going. His left eye has come to life with a burning flame that sparked in his soul. “I’m not giving up on you, on us!”

You tremble, looking around you and seeing the darkness shift, not knowing how that’s even possible. But in front of you, somewhere in the distance light keeps leaking in. It almost looks as if it’s growing stronger. It has a warm glow, inviting. You feel heavy, burdened. It’s like someone’s holding you down with the weight of your own sins, the weight of your tortured memories.

You ignore the unbearable load on your shoulders. With everything you’ve got you drag yourself towards the light. You can’t do more than crawl at first.

Sans is on the other side, calling you, encouraging you, telling you how much he wants you, needs you and loves you. Your soulmate is fighting to bring those walls crashing down, spent but still going. When he sees you coming towards him it feeds the flame in his being.

With each tortuous inch, you feel yourself getting stronger. You finally manage to get yourself to stand, but it’s as if hands are clawing at your ankles, making it extremely hard to move. You start to wonder why you’re here, and why you didn’t want to leave.

“Come on! Just a little closer! I’m right here!” Sans shouts through the barrier that’s got you prisoner.

You think you can almost hear someone calling for you, urging you forward. There’s something there, beyond that light, you’re certain of it. And with every fibre of your being you want to get to it. You reach out in front of you, you’re so close you can almost taste it. Your arm is shaking weakly as you take another painfully arduous step.

“S…” A word starts forming on your lips that you’re not entirely sure where it came from.

With a screech of pain you fall, short for breath. It feels like the whole world is weighing down on you. You’re so close. You stretch your arm as far as it goes, the darkness beneath you rising like cold fingers and wrapping around your body. You let out a choked cry as you feel it grip your legs and start pulling you back down, the angry voices raining down on you like a storm of misery.

“NO!” Sans screams on the other side, hitting the invisible wall harder than he thought possible. “Let her go! Star! Please! FIGHT BACK! You’re almost there!”

The crack grows larger still and the light bleeds in. You notice that it has a cyan tinge to it. It feels so familiar.

The darkness inside you keeps trying to pull you down further but you dig your nails into the ground and let out a grunt as you pull yourself forward. You shout as if ready to go to war, when really that’s exactly what you’re doing. You’re at war with yourself. You push yourself off the ground, springing free from the pull of the darkness, tears streaming down your cheeks.

 _“You have nothing. This is what you are. You can’t leave.”_ The voices chant. _“You’re useless, no one loves you. You don’t deserve anything but despair!”_

The words pierce through you like sharp swords but you keep going, determined to reach the light. The closer you get to it, the louder the voices spew hatred at you. But at the same time they’re easier to ignore because all you can focus on is that beacon of hope. You latch onto it with everything you’ve got.

You’re almost there. You can almost touch it. Sans is right there even though you don’t consciously know it. He rests his hand over the crack, not quite wide enough to get it through. You’re so close he could reach out and touch you if only that wall wasn’t still between you.

Your hand reaches for the fault in the barrier but you stop yourself at the last second, doubt flashing across your face. And in that split second of hesitation, the crack grew longer and spread to the ground beneath you.

Both of you followed it with your eyes and from it, right behind you, a dark figure rose and formed. It looked just like you but darker, with blood red eyes and a sickeningly twisted smile spreading over the lips. It grabbed you by the waist, another hand coming up to pull your head to the side, whispering into your ear in a voice that once belonged to your torturer.

 _“You don’t have to worry about your future anymore. You no longer have one.”_ It laughed and the whole fortress you’d built cracks like a broken mirror.

Your eyes widen as you look straight at Sans, the ground breaking beneath you and leading you down further into the darkness, the dark creature enveloping you and starting to swallow you whole. Sans' soul sinks in the split second that he sees you falling again. He’s momentarily frozen in shock until he feels like a hand is on his back and pushing him forward to fall down with you.

The words ‘save her’ echo in his head as he plummets into the darkness after you. Your arm is still reaching towards him and the wicked cackles of the darkness is all he can hear as he stares at your terrified expression. You weren’t trying to keep him out. You were trying to keep _that thing_ from getting to you, and you left only fear and basic survival instinct behind in the process.

“I promised you.” He says bringing his arm down to you. There’s a literal fire in his eyes. “I’ll keep that promise if it’s the last thing I do.”

You’re both falling endlessly, down into the depths of your being, the depths of your darkness. He dives towards you, fingertips brushing against each other in a reminiscence of the beginning of this whole mess. But this time he can save you. He _will_ save you. He stretches as much as he can muster and his phalanges wind around your hand, gripping so tightly it almost hurt.

As soon as you connected you explode in a blinding light that spreads all around. The dark figure that was holding on to you suddenly lets go with a screech, acting as if burned. The brilliant brightness spreads until there’s nothing else but the two of you. It feels like you’re being surrounded by raw emotion and the dark fog around your soul has finally lifted. You feel his soul envelop yours and bathe you in his love. Finally, you’re together again.

\---

Just as it had begun, it ended. You find yourself on a cold tiled floor, surrounded by the vastness of the judgement hall. The horrible images Chara showed you flash before your eyes until your gaze falls on your soulmate, lying behind you somewhere between consciousness and fainting.

You crawl over to him, sobs already wracking your body. You can’t see much over the blur of tears that flood your field of vision. All you can see is a stain of red where Sans should be. The salty droplets fall from your eyes onto your hands hovering over his blood-covered shirt. To add to that pain, you realise that the voices aren’t gone, despite now knowing they’re not real.

But real or not, what they’re saying doesn’t ring any less true. _You did this to him. This is your fault._ Your hands are shaking violently, all of you is. Nothing but a string of unintelligible noises of despair and horror leave your lips as you choke on the sobs, not knowing what to do.

“S-S-Sans…” You stutter out, voice cracking so badly it would’ve been enough to break anyone’s heart.

He groans slightly and you fully break down crying. He’s still alive. He’s not dead yet. But you don’t dare to touch him, bring his soul out, or yours for that matter. You did this to him. You hurt him. You can’t trust yourself anywhere near him anymore. Especially not with those people inside your head. Even knowing that they’re a figment of your imagination, you might still listen to them. You can’t risk that happening. You can’t hurt him ever again. You can’t hurt anyone ever again.

However, you can’t just leave him here to die either. One thing you know for certain. You’ve teleported like him before. It was out of instinct, fuelled by fear and a need to get away, but that didn’t matter. It is your only option. Through your desperate weeping, you focus hard on where you are and where you want to be, praying that who you need will be there. You bring your trembling hands down to rest on both of the small skeleton’s arms and call forth all of the magic you can muster, bending and ripping the fabric of reality.

As soon as you find yourself in the living room you let go of Sans and crawl backwards away from him. “Papyrus!” You scream in high-pitched hysterics. “Papyrus, please! Papyrus!” You call frantically.

Much to your relief, the lanky skeleton comes running out of his room, eye sockets wide. When he sees his brother sprawled on the floor, clothes completely stained with blood he immediately leaps to his side.

“What happened?! Sans! BROTHER!” He yells.

“P-please, you have to help him.” You manage to say between the uncontrollable sobs, not even noticing that he’s already enveloping Sans in healing magic. “Y-y-you have to save him. I-I can’t. I c-c-can’t.” Bringing your hands up to cover your mouth, you dissolve into a wailing mess. “I’m so sorry.”

You choke the words out before getting to your feet and stumbling to the bathroom, locking yourself in there. You feel unwilling to actually leave before knowing Sans will be fine.

Papyrus doesn’t have the time to make sense of what’s going on, his brother being the top priority at the moment. Not knowing where exactly his injuries sit, Papyrus just surrounds his whole body focusing on the points that seem to be sucking out most of his energy. It seems like it’s concentrated on his ribs so he gathers all his efforts on that particular area. He lets out an immense sigh of relief when the other starts squirming slightly, eyes opening slowly.

“Paps?” Sans mumbles, feeling awfully disoriented.

When he finally realises where he is, he shoots up, wincing from the pain in his ribs. His younger brother puts an arm behind his back to steady him.

“Don’t move! I’m trying to heal you!” He scolds.

But despite the pain he tries to worm out of Papyrus’ hold. “I gotta… Where is-” He cuts himself off when the room starts spinning and dark spots appear in his vision.

“Like I said…” The taller of the two starts, forcefully picking Sans up from the floor and placing him on the couch. “Stay still, I’m taking care of you!”

With his dizziness there wasn’t actually much he could do, so he just sat back and waited for his brother to be done. When he seemed sufficiently satisfied with the results, Papyrus eased his magic to a halt, raising the elder’s stained shirt over his chest. His features twist in concern seeing the ribs still cracked and splintered in several spots. Despite anyone’s best efforts that would take at least a few days to heal.

“You should rest now, Sans.” He murmurs, letting the shirt fall back down.

Your soulmate grabs Papyrus’ arm and looks him straight in the eyes. “Where is she, Paps? I’m worried about her.”

The younger’s mouth turns into a straight line of apprehension. When you arrived you looked guilt-ridden, filled with regret and scared… Possibly of yourself. And now his clearly weakened brother wanted to go see you. He isn’t at all sure that is the best idea. Even so, the look on Sans’ face didn’t leave a shadow of a doubt that this wasn’t a request but a demand.

“I saw her going towards the bathroom, I think.” Papyrus whispers resigned.

“Thank you.” Is all the other says before getting up with great effort. “Oh, and call Alphys. Someone’s with her, he’ll talk to you. Tell her to bring him over.” Sans says, remembering that he had left Gaster with the tiny scientist.

He then proceeds to drag his feet across the hall, leaning against the walls for support before nearly collapsing by the bathroom door, knocking on it weakly. The only response he gets is a heart-wrenching sob, but he feels relieved. At least you haven’t left. He tries to twist the knob but you’ve locked the door, obviously.

Sans grunts quietly from the effort of gathering enough magic to teleport to the other side of the door. You yelp at the sight of him, crawling away and curling into a tiny ball at the farthest corner of the small space.

“Y-y-you need to stay a-away from me.” You sob. You could actually make yourself disappear now, you could clearly tell he was fine, under the circumstances. Despite that, you find yourself unable to leave.

Sans simply laughs through his pain, looking straight at you and leaning an arm against the toilet to hold up his head. “You know I can’t do that, sweetheart.” He merely states.

He tries to inch closer to you but you flinch away, raising your arm in front of you in some sort of warning. “Please, Sans. D-don’t come any closer.” You beg. He completely ignores your request and scoots closer still. “I don’t want to hurt you again!” You shout as he’s still crawling forward. “I c-can still hear them Sans, please…” You cry, voice lowering to a pained whisper.

The small skeleton drags himself until he’s right in front of you, your arm shaking as you keep it held up to ward him off. You breathe out another plea for him to leave and he takes your outstretched hand in his, tugging at your arm. You’re pulled forwards into his arms, causing him to groan faintly from the light impact to his sore ribs. His silent complaint sends a wave of guilt through you and you sob harder into his shoulder.

“I’m so sorry…” Your voice is stretched thin from the effort of speaking through your ceaseless tears. “You ne-eed to stay away from me s-so I don’t hurt you anymore.” You whisper in hiccups.

His fingers run through your hair gingerly. “Then why are you holding on to me so tightly?” He asks softly, the question holding no mirth or even curiosity, more of an acknowledgement than anything else.

You realise that you’re clasping his jacket in such a vice that your knuckles are surely turning white. The voices call you a hypocrite. Once again, they’re not wrong. You let yourself melt into Sans’ embrace, letting your anguish out in the resounding howls of a tortured soul.

Slowly and gently, he rocks you from side to side, not saying anything due to exhaustion but also to respect your needs. He knows he has to let you cry. Holding you and being there for you is the only thing he can do right now.

Staining his clothes even further than they already are, you keep weeping into him. You cry until there are no more tears and no more feelings. You cry until you’ve grown blissfully numb and the voices are nothing but a distant whisper in the depths of your subconscious. You slip under the soft blanket of much needed sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BACK TOGETHER YAY! But there's still that problem with the voices, huh? :/  
> I enjoyed writing this one out, hope that translates to you enjoying reading it as well and that it reads okay :)  
> Thank you so much for taking the time to read, and as always, feel free to leave any feedback, it really keeps me going ^.^  
> Until next time...


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